


among diamonds and dust (live the rest of us)

by tinybox



Series: Side Effects May Vary [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Papyrus (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Handplates (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Babybones (Undertale), Bad Parenting, Bad Puns, Baking, Blogging, Brotherly Love, Canonical Character Death, Child Abandonment, Childhood Memories, Cooking Lessons, Families of Choice, Friendship, Gardens & Gardening, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Ice Cream, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Language of Flowers, Magic and Science, Memories, Memory Loss, Papyrus' Gardening Club, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Repressed Memories, Sans (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Swapfell Papyrus (Undertale), Swapfell Sans (Undertale), Time Loop, Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Undertale Reset Issues, Undertale Saves and Resets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2020-04-12 02:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 156
Words: 92,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19122940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinybox/pseuds/tinybox
Summary: You saved everyone.You made the right choices.(You've made some wrong choices.)And you've made choices that you're still not sure about.Welcome...to the second part of diamonds and dust (gold and rust), which I now unofficially dub, "the squeakquel," of my series.





	1. i'm not lost on the road of life (i'm just taking a shortcut, honest)

It started with a simple question.

"hey kiddo? i'm just curious, but what did your school teach you about the war?" 

Both of you were at New Grillby's, sitting side by side on counter stools that can spin around in a full circle.

You like spinning.

You like those stools.

You remember looking up at him with a startled expression, and how he patted you on the head. "no worries either way."

Gathering your courage you signed, _"It happened a long time ago....and it was between humans and monsters."_

Sans snorted into one hand. "really?" 

His expression can be a bit hard to read sometimes, but underneath his smile was what looked like confusion mixed with a hint of sadness. Hurriedly, you'd corrected him.

_"I wasn't really good at paying attention in school."_

"yeah?"

He looked at you, and you looked back at him. He ruffled your hair, chuckling when you attempted to duck away. "i can relate." 

 

You and your human mother moved a lot from apartment to apartment, and sometimes she would forget to sign you up for school. If the two of you stayed at one place long enough, she would remember, but then you would leave and she'd forget all over again.

You figure that comes with being a scientist, being so smart that everyday things are unimportant and not worth remembering. 

(It was your fault just as much as hers, because you never once reminded her.)


	2. love is all you knead

"You do not have to eat if you are not hungry, my child," your mom says, and you stare up at her in confusion for a moment. Then you take another forkful of snail pie, and shove it in your mouth. 

You feel a little sick. 

But mom _made_ this pie just for you and her to share. 

 _"I'm sorry,"_ you sign, guilt pooling in your stomach. 

Now Toriel looks surprised. "Sorry? You do not need to be sorry, you have done nothing wrong." She ruffles your hair fondly. 

_"But-"_

"It's okay to say no," she says, her voice gentle as a feather in the breeze. "Do not worry, Frisk. If you are not hungry, I can always save this for later."

You want to protest, because food is important, and if you hadn't eaten all that Monster Candy...

"Besides," mom says, eyes twinkling, "although I would prefer you not to eat too much sweets before dinner, it's always nice to have a special treat once in a while."

 

 

The next time Sans comes over, you hold out a well-worn recipe book in front of him, titled, "How to Cook (Almost) Anything."

Sans looks a bit nervous. "uh...kiddo, as much as i liked your last pie, i think toriel would appreciate it more if she was around to supervise rather than me."

_"But it's a surprise! Besides, you ate all of the last pie I made. Plus, this time I'll be more careful. Pinky-promise."_

He still looks a bit doubtful. "uh...well..."

"WOWIE! FRISK, ARE YOU MAKING ANOTHER PIE WITH SANS?" Papyrus is standing at the kitchen entrance, eyelights sparkling. "CAN I HELP?"

 _"Sure!"_ you quickly sign, knowing that Sans will have a much harder saying no with Papyrus on your side.

The smaller skeleton sighs, clearly aware that he's now outnumbered.

"okay. but this time, everyone needs to  _dial_ it back a little. wouldn't want all our hard work to go up  _in flames_."

"I'M GOING TO PRETEND I DIDN'T HEAR THAT."

"heh."

 

"alright, it says here to preheat the oven to 350 degrees," Sans reads, brow furrowing in concentration. "then...wait, we need to get out the ingredients first."

Papyrus beams, tapping Sans on the shoulder. ''TAKEN CARE OF!" He gestures proudly towards the kitchen island, where all the ingredients are placed. 

"how did you...nevermind." Looking back down at the book, Sans turns to you. "lot of this stuff involves using the stove, but you can make the pie crust by yourself if paps supervises." 

"OKAY!" Papyrus beams. You nod eagerly.

Sans gets a small saucepan, placing it over the stovetop. He looks back at the recipe. "huh...it says to "brown the butter," first. anyone know what that is?"

You shrug.

Papyrus hmmm's to himself, before brightening up. "I THINK I REMEMBER! YOU HAVE TO COOK UNSALTED BUTTER UNTIL IT TURNS BROWN." The taller skeleton beams, clearly happy to share his newfound baking knowledge. "I LEARNED THIS WHEN I MADE MY SOON TO BE WORLD FAMOUS SPAGHETTI PIE!"

"alright, i'll try that." Sans drops the correct amount of butter into the pan. "so far, so good." He turns to Papyrus. "do you know how long the butter's supposed to be in here before it browns?"

"UMMMM...I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE. MAYBE A FEW MINUTES?" Papyrus sounds a bit less confident than he had been before.

You pat him on the arm, and when Papyrus turns to look at you, you sign,  _"Don't worry about it."_

"the recipe calls for heavy cream. not sure what that means, so i guess we can use regular cream. also it says something about boiling it with milk...."

 

Between the three of you, you manage to cobble together a decent looking butterscotch-cinnamon pie.


	3. extra credit

"Assigned reading," Monster Kid sighs. "Blegh. I wish Ms. Toriel could teach her own stuff instead of the boring stuff other schools send us."

You sigh, staring at the book in front of you. Although short and simple to read,  _Pride and Prejudice: For Kids!_ is duller than watching paint dry, and getting through the entire thing is about half as _useful_ as watching grass grow. 

Before the Underground, you've had experience with adults giving you boring stuff because they think kids are too dumb to tell the difference, and you're used to it. 

This, however, is completely new to Monster Kid. 

"You know what?" MK says, a gleam in his eyes. "I bet we could write our own book, one way better than this dumb one. Then we would have save the world by giving other kids actually something good to read."

 _"Great idea!"_ you sign, excitement flowing through your veins.

***The thought of making a really good book with one of your best friends fills you with determination.**

 

Turns out, writing a book is way harder than either of you thought it would be. "C'mon, brain..." MK mutters, "make words..." 

The both of you are sitting underneath the large tree in mom's backyard, crayons strewn across the grass. At your feet lies an empty notebook, and you feel like the inanimate object is taunting your combined lack of creativity. 

It's hot out, and your brain feels like mush. MK sighs. "People keep stealing my ideas before I even have them!'

You lie fully back on the grass, staring up at the leaves above you. From your position, you can't see MK's face, but you know he must look a little annoyed. 

"Frrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssk, I'm super serious. You should be, too. The fate of the entire world rests on our shoulders!"

So you sit back up, and pick up the notebook carefully.

Before you can do anything else, MK suddenly cries out, "I've got it! Hand me the book!" You hold out the notebook, and Monster Kid grasps it in his tail. Grabbing a pink crayon (Sunset Cherry Blossom in Spring), he begins to furiously scribble.

You wait patiently. 

"Almost there...and done!" MK proudly cries out. He turns the notebook towards you. "What do you think?" 

The entire page is completely filled. In large, capital letters, is a single word.

                                                                                  **THE**

 When you fail to react, MK insists, "Get it? If we write one word per page, it'll be a lot easier to finish!"

The logic makes sense.

You nod. 

MK passes you the notebook. "Your turn!"

You flip to the next page. 

Think for a moment. Then you carefully print out your word.

 **MOON**  

MK grins. "I've got the next word! Put down 'IS', okay?"

You comply.  

"This is going to be the best story ever!" 

 

**Frisk and Monster Kid's Story**

The moon is made of cheese and there are mice living on the moon. During the day the mice sleep in their nests but at night they wake up and start nibbling on the moon. Eventually the moon is completely gone and the mice have to go get a new one. This is why the moon gets smaller.

The End

 _"Let's show mom!"_ You sign excitedly, and MK leaps to his feet.

"I bet she'll think it's the greatest!" MK says, a hint of nervousness underneath his bravado. 

The two of you enter through the back door, and MK immediately shouts, "Ms. Toriel!" 

Mom calls from the back. "I'm over here in the living room. Would you like me to make you both a snack?"

"We wanna show you something!" MK shouts, running to the living room, with you close at his heels. 

Mom is sitting on the sofa, knitting needles on her lap. Beside her is a basket filled with various balls of yarn. She smiles at you both. 

"What would you like to show me?" she asks, and you brandish the notebook.

"Me and Frisk wrote a story!" MK explains, and you nod eagerly. "We want you to read it!"

Toriel smiles. "That would be wonderful."

You hand her the notebook. When she opens the first page, she looks confused, so you explain,  _"We took turns writing one word per page,"_ and she smiles.

"What a creative idea," mom says, while MK and you are on pins and needles waiting to see what she will think of the story.

After what feels like an eternity, she's done. Closing the book, she smiles at you both. "A very enjoyable read."

"I told you we could do it!" MK shouts, hopping back and forth in glee. 

***Knowing that the book you and MK wrote made your mom happy fills you with determination.**


	4. the origin story

 

WRITE YOUR NAME BELOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN JOINING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this may seem a bit random- Papyrus has a garden club?  
> It's actually all connected to [diamonds and dust (gold and rust)]  
> Basically, in one chapter, Papyrus starts a club because he wants Sans to get outside and be inspired to do things. Why a garden club? Well, it was the first thing he could think of.  
> Sans, however, does not join said club.  
> Still!  
> One day, Sans will be persuaded to join.  
> In the meantime, Papyrus will meet some human buddies and generally have a good time.  
> EDIT: made this on deviantart, could not find papyrus font.


	5. with or without you

Sans tells bad puns that make you laugh, ruffles your hair, and calls you kiddo.

He takes you to Grillby's with an exaggerated finger to his mouth saying "don't tell papyrus, he already thinks i'm corrupting you as it is," and helps you with math homework when you just want to throw the pencil across the room and cry. 

Sans plays pranks, tells jokes, and, according to him, is attempting to win the award for doing absolutely nothing for the longest period of time. 

You're pretty sure that isn't a thing, but even if it isn't, Sans would find a way to win anyway. 

 

But sometimes Sans looks at you with a distant expression, like he's seeing through you into your soul, and he's seeing something he doesn't particularly like or know how to deal with.

**_Keep a close eye on him, Frisk._ **


	6. to you, i may be very small (or think i know not much at all)

The closest Asgore's ever come to dying wasn't during the War. 

_"I'm not afraid of you. Not anymore."_

It was at the hands of a child. 

_Brown eyes glare up at him, face set in a scowl. "I'm not going down without a fight," the boy named Louis proclaims, and his voice is steady and strong. Unyielding, seemingly unafraid._

_(He stands with his fists at the ready, one covered in a boxing glove, the other empty, and both of them are shaking.)_

_"I'm not scared of you," he says again, and this time he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than Asgore. "And I don't want to fight, but I know you're not going to let me go."_

_"I'm sorry," Asgore whispers, and the words taste like ashes in his mouth. "Please, do not make this more difficult than it already is. I promise I won't hurt you."_

_Dark eyes study him, and Louis replies, "You're still gonna try and kill me."_

_Asgore bows his head, wishing he was a better liar. Wishing he was better with words, so that he could convince himself that this is truly the right thing to do._

_Louis briefly touches the bandana tied around his forehead with his free hand._

_"I'm not gonna be like all the others," he proclaims, "because I'm not afraid of getting hurt."_

Asgore dreams of ghost children leading him through the hallways, talking together in whispers so quiet that he cannot hear what they are saying.

He dreams of a line of coffins, watching as each child carefully clambers into their own coffin as though they are merely getting into bed for a good night's sleep. 

_From the start, Asgore knows this will not be an easy fight. Unlike the other children before him, Louis clearly has had training of some kind, and it shows in every movement._

_Seemingly without any thought, Louis rushes forward, much faster than Asgore assumed a child of his age would be, striking a swift punch against his gut, ducking and dodging out of the way as Asgore begins to attack._

_Unlike the other children, Louis is fighting close up, weaving his way out of most attacks with precise timing._

_Eventually Louis begins to tire, but not without draining Asgore's HP a great deal._

 

The closest Asgore's ever come to dying was at the hands of a child named Louis.

_Both of them have lost almost all of their HP, and Asgore doesn't know what to feel anymore. He does not want to kill this child, but he cannot break the promise he made to his people._

_"If you yield now," Louis whispers, "neither of us have to die."_

_The boy drops his glove, eyes wide in a too pale face. "I want to go home. Please, mister. I don't want to fight anyone, not like this. It's not...please let me go."_

 

 

 

(Out of all the children, Louis is the only one who died with his eyes wide open, unyielding even in death.)


	7. a skeleton of skelepuns

hey. 

the name's sans.

sans the skeleton.

so...

yeah.

that's who i am.

 

so...

basically, there's not much else to say about me. i like puns- consider myself to be a  _punny_ guy.

heh.

if you want to see a really interesting skeleton, go talk to my brother. he's the best. 

no joke. 

he's just...he's the kind of person that makes you think the world isn't such a bad place, the kind of person that makes you happy to be alive.

makes you feel that life is worth living after all.

makes you believe that, no matter what, it isn't too late for people to change, to become their best self. 

 

there are a lot of reasons why my bro is so cool. 

he's motivated, knows what he wants to do. he doesn't doubt himself or anyone else. 

me?

i can't even imagine what i'll do in the next five minutes. take a nap, probably. 

i like sleeping. 

what else...

 

let's be serious for a little while. 

actually, let's not. 

life's too short to be serious.

besides, it's not like i have anything serious to say. 

...

i guess that's it then, cause


	8. bring on the flower power

"LET'S SEE..." Papyrus says, running his gloved hand down the list of items as he reads each one. "SEEDS?"

_"Check!"_

"SMALL SHOVELS?"

_"Check!"_

"WATERING CANS?"

_"Check!"_

"OKAY, I THINK WE'RE READY," Papyrus says, packing everything away. 

Papyrus gestures to his backpack, which is near to bursting with all of his supplies. "DON'T FORGET TO BRING YOUR HAT! "

You head to your room, where your mom has left your new straw hat on your neatly made bed.

You put on the hat.

When you return to the kitchen, Papyrus gives you a thumbs up. "WOWIE! YOU LOOK SUPER SNAZZY!"

_"Thanks!"_

"YOU'RE WELCOME!"

 _"So, who else is going to be there?"_ you sign, and Papyrus beams excitedly.

"MORE PEOPLE THAN I THOUGHT! WE ACTUALLY ARE GOING TO HAVE A FEW HUMAN MEMBERS JOIN! WITHOUT A DOUBT, OUR MEMBERSHIP WILL SURELY GROW!"

You giggle.

Papyrus looks confused, then he facepalms. "DON'T TELL SANS ABOUT THAT AWFUL PUN."

"too late," sans cheerfully calls from the living room. 

"SANS..." Papyrus groans, "WE'RE LEAVING NOW." Then he pauses, a hopeful expression on his face. "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO COME? YOU DON'T HAVE TO JOIN, BUT IT MIGHT BE NICE FOR YOU TO MEET SOME NEW PEOPLE."

"nah, i'm good."

"ALRIGHTY THEN!" Papyrus says, quickly adding, "MAKE SURE TO FEED THE PET ROCK."

"will do."

The two of you leave the house into the warm sunlight. As Papyrus locks the door, he sighs, slumping slightly. "LET'S GO, FRISK!" he says loudly, obviously wanting Sans to hear that he's not upset. 

But as you both walk to Dad's place, Papyrus says, in a much lower volume, "Frisk? I don't want to bring the mood down, but I wish Sans had come with us. Not that you're not enough! It's just...it's just...nevermind."

You pat him on the arm again.

"NEVERMIND! IT'S TIME TO FOCUS ON THE MEETING! EVERYTHING WILL HAVE TO BE PERFECT, AND I KNOW WITH YOU BY MY SIDE, IT WILL BE THE BEST SOCIAL GATHERING OF BUDDIES DOING COOL STUFF TOGETHER! OR, AS THE COOL KIDS WOULD CALL IT: TBSOGBDCST!"

_"That's a long acronym."_

 

 

At Asgore's place, there are two human, about in their late teens, chatting together with dad. 

"ARE YOU THE HUMANS?" Papyrus calls, and both of them startle a little. 

The girl nods. "I'm Scout, and this is my cousin, Gabe. You must be Papyrus."

"EXACTLY! IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU BOTH!"

Gabe smiles, revealing dimples on both cheeks. "Yeah. You too." He holds out a hand in a lazy fist bump, which Papyrus happily reciprocates. 

"Howdy, Frisk. Howdy, Papyrus," dad says, his smile gentle and calm. 

_"We brought gardening tools!"_

"That's great, because we didn't bring anything," Scout admits. When you look at her in surprise, she says, "A friend of ours knows ASL. He's not deaf or mute or anything, he just learned it for kicks. Then he taught me and Gabe."

"What did you bring, Papyrus?" Asgore asks curiously, and Papyrus carefully dumps everything onto the ground. 

"I MADE SURE TO LOOK UP EVERY SINGLE WEBSITE RELATED TO GARDENING AND READ THEM ALL. TURNS OUT THERE'S A LOT OF WEBPAGES ON THE INTERNET- MUCH MORE THAN THE UNDERNET. WHO KNEW? SO I COULD ONLY READ ABOUT TWO HUNDRED OR SO. BUT I HOPE MY KNOWLEDGE WILL BE HELPFUL!"


	9. scientific studies

***It's a page torn out of a book. Read it?**

***Yes    *No**

***Yes**

Understanding the Fundamental Differences Between Human and Monster Souls

by Dr. Jean Stevenson and Professor Elephert Beige

        Three hundred years ago, a scientist named Hugo Grant published a dissertation about human souls titled "The Nature of Souls", where he theorized that  _"...the particular shade and hue of an individual soul may correspond with a trait that identifies them the most."_   In this article, he explained that although the common theory was that the color of a human soul was meaningless, he had evidence that suggested otherwise.

_"There are certain behaviors that are linked with each soul type. Those with light blue souls as a whole were very calm and composed, while orange and yellow souls were far more energetic. One difference between yellow and orange souls, however, is that those with orange souls tended to take more risks, while those with yellow souls seemed to have an inherent conception of various forms of justice. Individuals with green souls exhibited compassionate behavior, dark blue souls tended to also have a sense of strong justice- but theirs seemed to be more focused on their own behavior, rather than others'. As for purple and red souls, they seem to be so similar that I have yet to find a difference between the two."_

The response to the article was highly critical at the time, many stating that it lacked actual evidence and contained heavy amounts of bias from the researcher. The most vocal of complaints was from Professor Walters phD, who argued that,  _"...human beings are complex creatures, anyone who thinks that an individual's behavior is based on their soul is idiotic."_

He also went on to write,  _"Even if this so called scientist's theories had any shred of_ _believably, his studies failed to address the fact that monster souls do not have a dominant color trait- completely ignoring that his theory would imply that monsters have superior souls than humans."_

By this time, the tension between humans and monsters was already growing, leading to a short period where each side tried to find "evidence" that one type of soul was superior to the other. While there are plenty articles by humans still remaining, there are very few written by monsters- and all of them are seen as mere propaganda, ignoring the fact that the human studies written at the time were very much the same.

Any article that attempted to be fair and balanced was either mocked by both sides, or simply swept underneath the rug. 

* **The rest of the paper is torn off.**     


	10. listen to me, i know what's up

_ Lies I Told Asriel: An Experiment by Chara _

_1.) Whenever you pick a flower or any kind of vegetable, it really hurts them and they die a painful, slow death._

_Result: Cried whenever he stepped on a flower and refused to eat any vegetables._

_Duration: About a week._

_2.) Monster Candy is made from real monsters._

_Result: Made him eye the candy suspiciously until he saw me eating one._

_Duration: Thirty minutes._

_3.) There's a worm living in your nose that will bit off your finger if you stick it in._

_Result: Aside from an "Ewwwww...", Asriel didn't react at all._

_Duration: N/A._

_4.) On the Surface, people perform daily rituals that involve eating underwear._

_Result: Hid his underwear under the bed, so I "wouldn't be tempted."_

_Side Effect: He also hid my underwear as well._

_> :(_

_Duration: Two days._

_5.) If you eat a seed, a plant might grow in your stomach._

_Result: I think he believes me, enough so that he won't try and test it out. I'll have to wait and see._

_Duration: Still ongoing._

 

_6.) The moon is made of green cheese._

_Result: Asriel told me the idea sounded cool, but he wasn't sure if I was actually telling the truth about the moon existing at all._

_Duration: ???_

 

 

 

** When I Grow Up  **

**by Asriel Dreemurr**

**When I grow up I will be very tall and strong. My horns will be the biggest. I will drink milkshakes for breakfast and put a trampoline in the throne room. If anyone gets sad I will give them a hug and tell them it's going to be okay.**

**When I grow up, I won't be afraid of anything, not even scary stories or the dark. Maybe I'll even be ready to be king. I don't think I'd be very good at it, but Chara says I'm going to be the best king ever, and I know they were actually being serious and telling the truth, because Chara isn't the kind of person who gives fake compliments. When I become king, bedtime will be never and vegetables will be outlawed!**

**When I grow up I will be taller than Chara. A lot taller. I can't wait until I'm finally tall, but I worried it might take _forever_.**

**I can't imagine being old. I bet future me is going to be really cool, even though Chara says I'll probably still be a crybaby dork.**

**Chara can be a butthead sometimes.**

**But I think I'm going to be really cool and super strong. I won't be afraid of anything, and I'll always know what to do. And I'll be strong and smart enough to make sure that everyone is safe and happy!**

 


	11. lost in translation

✋︎ RE☜︎❍︎M👌︎ER SOMETHING LIKE THIS HA◻︎◻︎♏︎NING BEF⚐︎❒︎♏︎📬︎ ✋︎ REMEMBER YOU. BUT ✋︎🕯︎❍︎ NOT ❄︎HE SAME AS I ONCE 🕈︎♋︎⬧︎. 

✋︎ ♋︎❍︎ ●︎□︎⬧︎⧫︎

✡︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ❒︎♏︎❍︎♏︎❍︎♌︎♏︎❒︎ ❍︎♏︎📪︎ ♎︎□︎ YOU?

✋︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎🙵📬︎📬︎📬︎📬︎

**🕈︎♒︎□︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎📪︎ ❑︎✍︎**

**🕈︎♒︎□︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎✍︎**

✋︎ REMEM👌︎♏︎❒︎...

**🕈︎♒︎□︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎📪︎ ♑︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎✍︎**

**🕈︎♒︎□︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎✍︎**

**✌︎❒︎♏︎ ⬥︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⬧︎♋︎❍︎♏︎**?

 

 

 

 

 

☟︎♏︎❒︎♏︎ ♓︎⬧︎ ♋︎ ⬧︎◻︎□︎♓︎●︎♏︎❒︎📬︎📬︎📬︎

❄︎♒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎ ♓︎⧫︎ ♎︎□︎♏︎⬧︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ❍︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ⬧︎♏︎■︎⬧︎♏︎📬︎📬︎📬︎

 

 

 

 

 

 

✈︎ ⬥︎♋︎⬧︎ □︎■︎♍︎♏︎ ♑︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎📪︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♑︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ♓︎⬧︎ ■︎□︎⬥︎ ❑︎📬︎


	12. this little light of mine

Your lower jaw aches; you've been clenching your teeth again. Yawning or opening your mouth too wide makes it worse. 

When your human mother took you to the dentist, both of you were told that it may be a sign of stress. 

"Frisk is a kid! What do they have to worry about?"

She hadn't said it a mean way, instead she just sounded confused.

She still got you a plastic mouthguard to wear at night that tasted a bit weird, but actually seemed to help. But you left it behind with all your stuff when your mom woke you up in the middle of the night without warning to move to another apartment.

 

"You know," she says once while you're both watching television together, "I was about fourteen or so when my best friend suddenly stopped talking to me. We both had a crush on the same boy in our class, and Mary Louis-that's her name, by the way- didn't like having competition, and neither did I. So we stopped being friends. And since she was the most popular, she got all the other girls to stop talking to me as well."

You look over at your mom, but she's staring blankly at the screen, her gaze distant and uncaring. "I told my mom about this- not Nana, my other mom- and she said something I'll never forget. She told me that whenever I feel sad or upset, that when I have a problem and my life is full of doubt, all I need to do is remember that in the scheme of things, my life is just a tiny blip in the infinity of the cosmos, and nothing really counts." 

You curl up against a couch cushion.

It's very late, and all the lights are out. The only brightness in the room comes from the flickering static of the television.

Your stomach hurts.

She tilts her head to one side. "Everyone in our family has some sort of saying. My grandpa, your great-grandfather, used to warn me to never eat anything bigger than my own ass. He was a very wise man, indeed."

Your mom pauses, picking up a glass and taking a sip of what you assume is grownup fruit punch. "Then again, he also was a deadbeat who lay around all day asking for charity."

You take a moment to wonder about your mysterious great-grandfather. 

 

The closest thing you've had to a best friend was a girl named Gracie, who was about a year younger than you. She didn't have a dad, either, but hers was dead. 

"When my dad was little," she explained one day at the park, "he had his fortune told at the carnival on the pier, and the fortune lady told him that he would die when he was forty." 

Gracie scratched her nose. "The fortune lady was wrong, though. He died when he was thirty-eight."

You remember how matter-of-fact she told you this, like it was something she had said over and over again, so that by the time she got to you the wound had already scabbed over. 

"I'm going home," she announced after you had swung together for a bit, leaving you alone at the park before you remembered to ask her what it was like having a dad in the first place.

 

You carefully consider the piece of paper in front of you. 

**Assignment: Write a poem in the form of a haiku.**

You tap the eraser end of your pencil against your teeth. 

_I want a small dog._

_I will take him on long walks,_

_and name him Toby._


	13. ???

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	14. where the green grass grows

"Flowers have different meanings," your dad explains during a garden club meeting. "In a way, you can use them to communicate, I suppose."

All of the members are sitting on the porch steps, each with a full glass of spaghetti lemonade in hand. Scout takes a sip and smiles. "Pretty good, Paps," she compliments, and the tall skeleton blushes a bright blue hue.

Then a look of realization crosses his face.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU CAN'T TASTE ANYTHING?" Papyrus accuses, barely holding back a grin. Scout laughs.

"True, but I like the texture."

_"How can you talk with flowers?"_

"Well," Asgore explains, scratching behind his ear, "every flower has a symbolic meaning. So a whole vase of flowers can be put together to send a message of some sort. A sort of...silent dialogue. Does that make sense?"

Scout nods, and Papyrus furrows his browbone, clearly deep in thought. 

 

"SANS? I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING FROM THE GARDEN CLUB!"

"really? thanks bro, you really didn't have to. nice flowers, by the way."

"I PICKED THEM OUT MYSELF! OH, I ALMOST FORGOT! ASGORE TOLD US THAT FLOWERS HAVE DIFFERENT MEANINGS! DID YOU KNOW THAT? BECAUSE I...DID NOT!"

"neat. so...uh...i see there's what looks like...um...some yellow flowers..."

"GOLDENROD! AND THE GREEN PLANT OVER THERE IS ALOE, AND THOSE ARE WALLFLOWERS!"

"nice. so...uh...do you know what they mean?"

"...I HAVE NO IDEA! I'LL ASK ASGORE NEXT TIME."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloe: Healing, protection, affection.  
> Goldenrod: Encouragement, good fortune.  
> Wallflower: Faithfulness in adversity


	15. the emperor of (n)ice cream

_Call the roller of big cigars,_

 

_The muscular one, and bid him whip_

_In kitchen cups concupiscent curds._

_Let the wenches dawdle in such dress_

_As they are used to wear, and let the boys_

_Bring flowers in last month's newspapers._

_ Let be be finale of seem. _

_ The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream. _

 

"It's Mr. Skeleton Sans! Hi! It's me! Lee! Remember?" 

i activate my eyelights, and see a young kid standing across from me, arms leaning on my ice cream cart. i vaguely remember meeting him at a park with frisk, but i can't recall anything else about the little dude. 

"hey, kiddo," i say, frisk's nickname slipping out without me even thinking about it. 

huh. 

"My mom let me play outside and so I came to the park which is okay because I live over there," lee points to a small house two doors away, "which means I don't have to cross the road which is good because I'm still not allowed to do that by myself cause my mom says I need to be more aware of my surroundings so I don't get run over by a truck and end up a pancake." Lee slaps his hands together as he says 'pancake,' his face now serious. 

"pancake?" i ask, browbone raised.

lee nods furiously. "That's when you get run over and become flat," he claps his hands together again, "and become a road pancake."

i shrug. "sounds kind of..." morbid, i want to say. instead, i continue with, "sounds like they should have known  _batter._ "

to my disappointment, lee doesn't seem to get my joke, or even realize i made a pun in the first place. "Yeah," he says seriously, further cementing the fact that he didn't understand my joke, "you gotta be careful when it comes to road safety."

heh.

lee looks about frisk's age, give or take a year or so. he's a pretty pale kid, with a tangled mess of dark green hair, with freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks.

lee's smile turns sly. "Can I get some ice cream? My mom said it's okay." from the way he's fidgeting, and the slightly guilty look on his face, i know he's trying to pull a fast one.

"really?" i ask, and lee looks down at his shoes.

"I asked her an' she didn't say no...but she was on the phone at the time...does that count?" lee shuffles his feet from side to side.

at this moment, i have a choice.

should i be the cool sans, or the responsible sans? 

luckily, the choice is taken out of my hands when i hear a woman calling out lee's name. 

"Lee, it's time for dinner!" she shouts, and lee sighs.

"OKAY!" then he turns to me. "I'll see you later, Mr. Sans!"

 

_Take from the dresser of deal,_

 

_Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet_

_On which she embroidered fantails once_

_And spread it so as to cover her face._

_If her horny feet protrude, they come_

_To show how cold she is, and dumb._

_Let the lamp affix its beam._

_The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream._

 

so i was walking by this ice cream place by myself, and  _yes_ , i do walk places, i'm not that lazy...wait, i actually am. anyway, point being, i was out for a walk. can't remember why i was walking, but i know i was just wandering. thinking about...things.

and stuff.

mostly about whether or not i should start telling knock knock jokes, or if that would make me a sellout of some kind. 

the usual. 

so i pass the ice cream place, and i see a help wanted sign. i remember that sign. it was purple, and in the shape of an ice cream cone with a scoop of ice cream. 

so i went in.

the place's called ebott creamery, by the way. 

so i walk in, and there's a woman working at the counter, and she says hi and i say hi. polite talk and all that. i then ordered an ice cream. 

doesn't matter what the flavor was. the important thing was, it tasted good. really good.

she tells me it's homemade.

we get talking about other stuff. 

when i leave thirty minutes later, i've somehow gotten a job there.

paps was really happy when i told him.

looked like he would start crying, almost, and i felt guilty. because he shouldn't have to be this happy over something so mundane, but since i barely do anything, this looks like a big accomplishment.

it's not.

i just sit around in the park and sell ice cream.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem's by a guy named Wallace Stevens, titled 'The Emperor of Ice Cream,' and I've always had the idea of writing something with that title in it.  
> So...now I have.


	16. nature vs nurture

**True Facts About the ~~Shameleon~~ Chameleon**

**by Frisk**

**The ~~chamelien~~ is a unique species of lizard. They live in lots of places all over the world, but they like to live in warm climates the best. You can find them in rainforests and ~~desserts~~ deserts. Almost half of their species is from ~~Madegascar~~ Madagascar.**

**Chameleon's can change their skin pigment and turn different colors. But they don't change colors just to hide. They also change colors based on temperature or their mood.**

**They have really long tongues as well, and can catch their prey in 0.07 seconds. They eat mostly insects, but there are some bigger species of chameleon that are big enough to eat birds.**

 


	17. taking a detour downtown

**Scout**

The first thing people usually notice about me is the eyepatch. It's a pretty cool eyepatch- it's pink and there's a smiling strawberry stitched onto it. Other than that, I'm pretty ordinary looking. I keep my brown hair about chin length because I can't be bothered to do anything more than brush it. I'm not tall for my age, but I'm not short, either. (I'm sixteen, by the way.) 

So, about the eyepatch. 

I don't have a cool story about my missing eye, because truth to be told, it's actually quite boring. Long story short, I was born with a wonky eye. I was brought to a lot of doctors, and eventually they decided that the best course of action was to remove said eye. I was about three years old at the time, and I don't remember any of it.

 

**Q**

My parents kicked me out of the house two years ago, told me to come back only when I "came to my senses." 

"Neither of want you to leave," my mom said, eyes watering, "you understand that, right?" She'd placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, but then retracted it quickly, like she was afraid of catching some infectious disease. "Once you're well, you can come home and everything will go back to the way it used to be."

I wasn't sick. 

No one else believed me, though. 

 

**Gabe**

The computer screen is flickering, infrared blue light reflecting on my dad's face as he stares vacantly ahead. 

"Dad? Mom ordered Chinese, it just came." I say, and even though my dad doesn't react in any way, I know he heard me. I peek over his shoulder at the screen. He's on a news site, looking at the obituaries page, slowly scrolling down to make sure he's read every single one.

"Dad?"

"Tell her I'm busy." His voice is clipped, already annoyed with me. So I leave the room, and relay the message to mom.

She isn't pleased.

"Of course," she sighs, "I knew he'd be too lazy to get up and actually bother eating with all of us. Well, I'm not bringing him a plate, he'll have to find his own food."

I stare at my shoes. 

She always says this, but I know that she's going to set his plate out anyway. I know she's going to place four plates down at the table, along with four sets of cutlery, each plate given the same amount of food. I know that my dad will eventually come in at some point during the night and eat his share, before scraping the food from the fourth plate into the trash. 

 


	18. historical friction

***Looks like a torn page from a book. Would you like to read it?**

***Yes          *No**

***Yes**

Seven Souls to Construct a Barrier

by Professor Wilford McLoughlin 

Forty years after his death, Hugo Grant's theory on the nature of souls was gaining traction, and the idea that each soul color corresponded with a different trait was becoming widely accepted among the scientific community. The next logical step, it seemed, was to test to see if soul magic could be combined with one another to create something even more powerful. 

Easier said than done. It was soon found that the more types of soul magic combined meant a more unstable reaction. At best, the only stable type of magic was when only two people with different soul types cast a spell together. Any more, and the reaction tended to be explosive. 

Professor Brian Harding, however, believed that there was potential in the idea. He proposed the theory that in order for different soul magic to combine, they needed to be in equal amounts, "a perfect balance," as he coined it.

Years later, Brian Harding and his team were credited for the discovery that the combination power from all seven souls was indeed the most powerful type of human soul magic. 

Harding was also interested in the power of monster souls, and was a strong advocator of working with monsters as equals, an opinion that made him very unpopular with his peers in the scientific community. Eventually, even the four members of his team each made the decision to turn their backs on him, claiming he was a traitor to humanity. 

Though his reputation was torn to shreds, Harding insisted on visiting the King and Queen of monsters, with the plan of offering them his entire research on human souls as a sign of trust and goodwill. But his plan never came to fruition, as he was arrested and charged with treason, and sentenced to fifty years in prison. To this day, his book has never been found, but the information passed on by his assistants was enough to create the Barrier itself.

Harding was released after spending two years in prison, but went missing a mere week later. As with the location of the book, the man himself was never seen again.  

***The page ends here.**


	19. here is a secret that nobody knows

A year after Papyrus' garden club was formed, he finally manages to weedle Sans into joining...as a part-part time member. Which, to be honest, is both exciting and disappointing at the same time. And he shouldn't be feeling disappointed, but he does, and feels guilty for feeling that way in the first place. 

He should be glad that Sans has found something productive to do, and he is, but at the same time, he can't help but feel...something he can't quite name. A sour twist in his non-existent gut, knowing that Sans probably wouldn't even be doing the bare minimum if Papyrus hadn't kept weedling him to join. 

Or should he say,  _weed_ ling to join? 

No. He should not. 

(What an awful thought, to realize even in the sanctuary of his own mind, he can't escape from Sans' terrible puns.)

 

It's just...Sans has so much potential, but he just doesn't believe in himself, doesn't seem to care about his own future. 

Was Sans always like this? 

His brother's always been a laid back skeleton who'd rather crack a joke than say something serious...but sometimes it feels like Sans isn't as honest with his smiles anymore. And it hurts knowing that Sans may be hurting on the inside and too afraid to share his honest feelings. 

It hurts knowing that Sans doesn't trust him enough. 

But! 

One day, Sans will realize how important he is, and he'll believe Papyrus when he tells him how the world is brighter just because he exists. 

So Papyrus will wake up with a smile, make sure to hug his brother and try and tolerate the short skeleton's awful puns as long as he can handle. He will use brotherly guilt to get Sans to bake spaghetti pie with him and Frisk, and above all, he will make sure his brother knows he is loved.

And maybe that will be enough.


	20. piece by piece by piece

He's lying at the foot of Mount Ebott, slowly freezing to death, when he hears the voice for the first time. 

"🕈︎♒︎♏︎❒︎♏︎ ♋︎❍︎ ♓︎✍︎"

His limbs are numb and heavy, and he barely has enough energy to lift his head up and scan the surrounding area for someone else. 

But he's still alone, static crackling louder and louder inside his mind.

"✌︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ □︎🙵♋︎⍓︎✍︎"

His breathing is shallow.

"✋︎ ♎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ 🙵■︎□︎⬥︎ ⬥︎♒︎□︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎📪︎ ♌︎◆︎⧫︎ ♓︎ ⬥︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ●︎♏︎⧫︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎♓︎♏︎📬︎"


	21. we are not the kind of heroes (who fight in any war)

Frisk is the coolest person Lee knows, and he knows a lot of really cool people. Like Ms. Maggie, who lost her leg when she was fighting in a war, or Mr. Skeleton Sans, who can go  _whoosh!_ from one place to another and always seems to know when Lee is telling a fib, even when it's only a teeny tiny one. There's also his second-best friend, Sammy, who can talk in a secret language, and his best friend, Kenny, who knows a ton of swear words that get him sent to the corner if Lee says them at home.

(Kenny's mom doesn't mind if he or Kenny say bad words, and sometimes it's hard to remember that it's not okay at home, 'specially right after he hangs out at Kenny's house.)

But Frisk is cooler than all of them, because Frisk freed all the monsters and broke the barrier, which everyone thought was impossible, and that basically means Frisk is a superhero, because superheroes rescue people and Frisk saved an entire species.

He's not sure whether or not Frisk is a boy or a girl, so when his mom asked the first time he started talking about Frisk, he'd just shrugged. But it doesn't really matter, anyway. Frisk is Frisk. That's all there is to it.

 

"Frisk and me and Monster Kid were at the park-", Lee's mom interrupts him midstory.

"Monster Kid? Is that really his name?" Lee's mom asks, her attention somewhat split between listening to Lee and making dinner. 

Lee sighs loudly. "Uh huh. Anyway, me and Frisk and Monster Kid were at the park and we saw a dog but it was GIANT." Stretching his arms out as far as he can, he explains, "About thiiiiiiiiiiis big. Even bigger! And it was made out of goo! When I pet it, it felt soft and kind of slimy, but they played fetch with us! Except the stick went into them when I threw the stick too close."

"Into them?" his mother asks, now beginning to chop up some vegetables.

(Lee makes a face when he sees what the vegetable is. Onions,  _bleh._ )

"Uh huh! It sunk right into them!" Lee continues, "Like it went all  _swoop shush swoop_ and then the stick was gone! I think they ate it." Lee's brows furrow in concentration. "I wondered what it tasted like, so I tried licking a stick, but it tasted gross and I almost got a splinter in my tongue."

"Lee..." his mom sighs, "don't eat sticks."

"But I DIDN'T eat it, I just licked it! Only babies eat stuff they find on the ground! I was doing a 'seriment. A science 'speriment." 

"And what exactly did you learn from this experiment?"

Lee brightens up. "Sticks still taste bad," he informs her. "Don't lick them, 'cause you might get a splinter in your tongue."

 

(Frisk goes to Lee's school but they're not in the same grade- he's a whole two years older than them- and he doesn't see them at all during the day 'cause their schedules are too different.)

"Can I move back a grade?" he asks, and his mom laughs before shaking her head.

"I thought you didn't like school, and now you're saying you want to stay another year? This Frisk of yours must be really special. But, no, you can't go back a grade."

"Well, can Frisk skip a grade?" 

"Well...I think Frisk is happy right where they are."

"But they'd be even happier in my class!"

"Lee, no. Frisk needs to learn at their own pace, just like you need to learn at yours. Besides, don't you see them enough already?"

Seeing his defeat, Lee lets out an " _awwwwwwww"_ , but doesn't say anything else. 

"Mom? Can I get a dog?"

"No." Lee's mom says, ignoring the pleading gaze Lee sends her. "If I got a dog, it would be me who has to take care of it, and I have way too much to do as it is."

"What about a hamster?" Lee asks, switching tactics.

"I'll think about it," his mom says, and Lee sighs, because when she says, " _I'll think about it,"_ she basically means "no."

Life is so unfair. 

 

(When Lee first met Frisk, he thought their name was Fish. He felt really bad about that, but Frisk had told him that they didn't mind at all.) 

 

Frisk is definitely the coolest person Lee has ever met. Probably the coolest person in the entire world, no, the entire  _universe_. But there are some people who don't get this. They keep asking Frisk dumb questions, like,  _"Are you a boy or a girl?", "Why don't you talk?",_ and telling Frisk that they  _have_ to be a boy or a girl, and that Frisk is just confused. 

But Frisk isn't the confused one. It's everyone else, cause they don't seem to get that Frisk isn't a boy or a girl. Frisk is Frisk. 

And Frisk talks lots and lots. They talk with their hands all the time! They talk to Lee when he gets one of the signs wrong when no one is around to translate, and that's really brave of Frisk, because talking with their voice seems like something that Frisk doesn't like doing.

But Frisk doesn't need to talk out loud, cause Lee can do that for them. Lee's very good at talking, and that's not him bragging or showing off, 'cause everyone tells Lee this. 

Lee is also very good at kicking jerks in the shins. Like when a grown up stopped the two of them in the street to tell Frisk that the monsters were "corrupting her." 

And the lady was super mean about this, so Lee kicked her in the shins as hard as he could.

(He got in a lot of trouble for this, and even had to apologise to the lady a few days later. But Lee had crossed his fingers behind his back when he apologized, which meant that even though he  _said_ sorry, it didn't really count.)

And even though Lee didn't get dessert for an entire week, he'd do it again, over and over. He'd kick a bajillion people if he had to, because even though though Frisk is tough and strong, they keep saying they don't want to hurt anyone, even in self-defense.

 _Frisk is worth fighting for._  

And maybe Lee isn't super strong, but he knows there are other people who want to protect Frisk too. And maybe he'll be able to help them protect Frisk, too.

 

"This is the part where Max has to get out of the cage surrounded by sharks with chainsaws for fins," Lee explains, pointing at the comic panel. 

"Whoa..." MK marvels. Frisk also looks impressed as well.

"So he swims out, but he doesn't know that the sharks also can breathe _fire_!"

"Wait," MK says, "I thought they were underwater." Lee shushes him.

"It's  _magic_ fire."

"Oh. That makes sense. Are the sharks monsters?"

"Dunno. Prob'ly."

Frisk points to another panel.

_"Who's that?"_

"That's Max's half-sister but also his sworn enemy. Her name is Douna, and she has a magic sword that can talk. And shoot lasers."

"I can't read it," MK says, frowning at the word bubbles. Lee shrugs.

"Me neither. It's in a weird language, and no one I know can understand it either. So I have to guess most of the time." 

"What about the other times?"

"I just make things up. But I'm pretty sure I got this part right. I think."

 

(Years later, Lee will discover that the comic is written in  _Ancient Greek_ , of all things.)


	22. sincerely (miss you dearly), me

***Several old letters are lying on the floor. Read them?**

***Yes     *No**

***Yes**

_May 9th_

_My dearest Segoe,_

_I am glad to hear you are doing well, and I hope and pray for you continued good health. Since your last visit, Calisto has grown almost half an inch- I swear that every time I turn around she's a little bit taller than she had been earlier. Honestly, I can now sympathise with my mother when she complained that we grew like weeds, none of Calisto's summer clothes fit and I bought them barely nine months ago. I suppose she's truly inherited the genes from my side of the family when it comes to height!_

_As for myself, I am doing well. I've started up knitting again, and I am proud to say that I've made a fairly decent looking pair of gloves. I would have sent them to you, but I unfortunately just discovered that they're both right-handed. When I finish making a left-handed glove to match, I'll send the correct pair to you. Hopefully they'll still be useful by the time it arrives._

_Mary Estely is as insufferable as always. During the town meeting she suggested dividing up the town into two districts- one for monsters, the other for humans. Of course, most of the town were against the idea, but there were a few that seemed to think Mary was on the right track._ _When I brought up the logistics of breaking up families that are a combination of humans and monsters, she dodged the question entirely, and I swear, if looks could kill, I would be dead ten times over. I know you would have stayed silent, and I agree that speaking rashly can be a bad idea. In this case, however, I believe I was in the right to question Estely's ideas._

_Calisto has a new friend, by the way, a skeleton about a year older than her. She brought him home one day, and I am embarrassed to admit I could not understand a single thing he said. Apparently his font is "Wingdings," and is difficult for anyone who isn't a skeleton to understand. Still, I'll try my best to learn as much as I can- I want to make the lad feel welcome here._

_What was it like meeting Queen Toriel? I've heard rumors that she enjoys telling jokes, did she say any while you were there? If so, please send as many as you can remember back- I need new material to work with. No one reacts to my puns anymore, which, as you know, is one of the funniest parts about telling them._

_In other news, Calisto and Chloe are now "archenemies," as Calisto put it, although I'm sure this might not be true by the time you get this letter! It seems all in good fun, so I'm not too worried, but I'm still keeping an eye out in case it goes a bit too far._

_Calisto tried explaining why she and Chloe are archenemies, but even after her (quite complicated) explanation, I'm still confused._

_The two of them have quite a complicated friendship, that's for sure!_

_Anyway, there's nothing really else I have to report, so I'll end the letter here._

_Love,_

_Aria_

_P.S Calisto wanted to send you a message herself, so I left some space at the bottom for her to write._

 

**Hello dad, this is Calisto. I hope you are okay. I am good. I miss you lots and lots and lots. Me and mom are going to make a cake for your birthday in two weeks. It's going to be chocolate, your favorite. In class we are learning how to do magic attacks, and teacher said I might be able to do bone attacks. When you come home can you teach me?**

**Lots of love,**

**Calisto xxOxx**

 

 

_**May 15th** _

_**Dear Aria and Callisto,** _

_**Sorry for the late response. Paper is becoming scarce around these parts, which is why this letter is written on the blank end of a piece taken from an old telephone manual. Hopefully, no one will needs this, but my commander assures me that, "no one reads manuals, anyways."** _

_**(Just to be safe, I took out what I thought was the least useful looking page.)** _

****

**_I was very happy to see your message, Callisto. I hope you don't mind, but I showed off your neat handwriting to a few of my friends, and they all thought it was the best they've ever seen. (Don't worry, I made sure they just looked at the part where you wrote my name.)_ **

_**As for teaching you how to use magical attacks, I would be proud to show you a few things. Whether you can use bone attacks or not, I'll always be proud of you.** _

_**I** _ _**ve also heard that you've become arch enemies with Chloe, although this might be old news by the time my letter gets back to you. Remember to keep your nose clean (ask your mom what this means,) and don't hit anyone unless they hit you first.** _

 

_**I've only seen the queen from a distance, so unfortunately I have no good puns or jokes from her to share, although I have heard that she is very good at telling them. However, I have done my best to come up with some clever wordplay that I hope you will enjoy.** _

_**Q: Why are chefs hard to like?** _

_**A: Because they beat eggs, whip cream, and mash potatoes.** _

_**Love (from the funniest skeleton in the world),** _

_**Segoe  :)** _

 

 

 

_May 21st_

_Dearest Segoe,_

_I've finally finished the other glove! It will be arriving by package a few days after you get this letter, and I hope you enjoy them. (If not, just write a letter pretending to like them.)_

_I don't want to bring bad news, but it seems like that horrid Estely is gathering followers. She's even gotten old Mrs. Lucy on her side! Yes, you read that right. You would think being a babysitter for monster and children would have made her argue for equality, but apparently that isn't so._

_But not all is gloomy! The weather's finally gotten a bit better, neither too warm or too cool, and Callisto and her friends even started up their lemonade stand again. They've gotten a lot better than last time- this time they didn't even put any hot sauce in it! Remember when you drank a whole jug before I could warn you last year? By now, I hope the memory is more funny rather than painful._

_Love,_

_Aria_

**Callisto**

 

_May 22nd_

_Here are the gloves, as promised!_

_Love,_

_Aria_

 

**_May 30th_ **

**_Dear Aria,_ **

_**Thank you for the gloves, I think they are comfy and warm, perfect to wear now that the weather's started to get a bit bad over here. I've gotten a few compliments about them, and Aharoni keeps begging me to ask you to knit him a pair.** _

_**I actually met Queen Toriel a few days ago, but I only said a few words before she had to leave. So, I still don't have any puns or jokes of hers to share. But I asked around, and here are some of the jokes/puns I was told.** _

 

_**Wife: Doctor, is my husband going to be okay?** _

_**Doctor: Looks like he'll be alright.** _

_**Wife: So he wasn't injured? That's wonderful!** _

_**Doctor: Well, we had to amputate both of his left hands.** _

_**Wife: Then why did you tell me my husband was fine?** _

_**Doctor: Well, since he doesn't have any of his left hands anymore, that makes him all-right.** _

_**;)** _

 

_**Love,** _

_**Segoe** _

 

***You've reached the end of the letters. Read them again?**

***Yes    *No**

***No**


	23. patching things up

For a while, you used to collect band aids. Not the boring beige ones, but the colorful, cool ones that made a scraped knee or a bruised elbow easier to deal with. 

You had band aids the glowed in the dark, ones shaped like dinosaurs, and even one that smelled like oranges. But your favorite kind was the ones with smiley faces on them, because they made you feel more cheerful whenever you looked at them. 

You bought a cheap notebook with your allowance money, and stuck band aids on each page. You got almost halfway through the book before you lost it at a school you went to. A teacher had taken it away, and before you could get it back, mom and you moved to a different town.

And that was the end of the band aid collecting phase.

 


	24. tea for two (and two for tea)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As children, Asgore and Toriel would have tea parties together.

The first invitation had been hand delivered by Asgore. Shifting nervously from one foot to the other, he gave Toriel a piece of pink paper (originally white, but he had colored it in as carefully as he could with his favorite crayon,) watching her face intently as she read what he had written there.

_You are cordeallly invited to my tea party_

_Where: the garden_

_When: today at noon_

_Feel free to wear what you want_

_I hope you can come._

_Love, Asgore_

"Alright," she said with a smile, and Asgore practically _shone_. 

"Great! Don't worry, I'll get everything set up. All you need to do is show up." Asgore said, and Toriel shook her head.

"I would like to help out, too!" Toriel said, and Asgore's eyes had widened even further.

"Really?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't serious." 

 

The first tea party ends up being sort of a hit and miss- both of them enjoy their "tea" (really just lemonade in paper cups), but then the sky opens up and starts raining, and the two of them are soaked within seconds. The tea party ends with a mud fight, and them coming home completely covered in mud and grass. 

 

"Would you care for some more tea, Prince Asgore?" Toriel asks, pushing her flower crown further up her head. Asgore nods.

"Yes, please." Asgore reaches for the teapot, but Toriel swats his hand away.

"I can serve it," she explains with a smile. "After all, I  _did_ ask." Concentrating deeply, she lifts the teapot using her magic, floats it over to Asgore's cup. The teapot tilts, and tea begins to pour into the mug. 

"Thank you," Asgore says, before shyly commenting, "that was a really good...you were...that was really cool what you just did."

Toriel flushes. "It's not a big deal, I just practiced it a lot, that's all."

"Well, I think it's amazing anyway- look out!"

The mug overflows, and a sloosh of tea splashes onto the pristine white tablecloth that Toriel had "borrowed" from her mother.

Quickly, Asgore grabs the teapot, and places it on the table. "Ummmm..."

"Maybe she won't notice?" Toriel suggests.

Then the tablecloth bursts into flames. 

"I think she's going to notice," Asgore says weakly as she drags him away from the fire.

 


	25. same as it never was (remix and remustard)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In another reality, this was a serious situation. In this one, it only sort of is.

_After a hundred or so runs, it's easy to get careless. Which is why when Sans starts to deliver his spiel, you stop paying attention, and when he mentions his brother, you forget yourself and say, "My brother's dead, too."_

_Sans stops, looks at you like you're some kind of experiment waiting to be dissected on a chrome colored lab table, and for a moment, stops talking._

_An unwelcome break in the routine. Your hand clenches tighter around your knife._

_"yeah?"_

_You can never really tell how Sans' is feeling most of the time. Right now, he's probably still pissed off, but there's a worrying note of curiosity in his voice._

_**Troublesome.**  You shouldn't have said anything. _

_Time for a distraction._

You drop your knife, search through your inventory. "Yeah," you say to him. It doesn't take long to pull out what you'd been looking for. "Want some Nice Cream?"

Sans' smile is straining at the edges. "buddy," he whispers, "what are you trying to pull this time?"

You unwrap one of the Nice Cream bars. 

Chocolate, your favorite. 

Yum.

You take a bite.

"uh..."

You sit down on the tiled floor. 

"you do realize i'm going to kill you, right?"

You take another bite of your Nice Cream. 

"This is my special attack," you tell him. You toss him the unopened bar, and he catches it with blue magic. 

 

_So you grin, hold up your knife, and tell him, "You know, I only used this particular knife once. Guess who I used it on?"_

_You don't even see the attack coming until it hits._

 

"They've killed me lots of times," you say, finishing off the ice cream. "Just because it didn't stick, doesn't mean it never happened."

You take a look at the message on the wrapper, which reads,  **Kindness is a form of courage** **.**

 

_The next attempt, you don't say anything, and Sans doesn't seem to remember the conversation. You manage to dodge most of his attacks, until one of them manages to get past your defense, piercing straight through your chest._

 


	26. ☼︎♏︎⧫︎◆︎❒︎■︎ ⧫︎□︎ ⬧︎♏︎■︎♎︎♏︎❒︎

❄︎♒︎♋︎■︎🙵 ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ ♒︎□︎●︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎ □︎■︎ ⧫︎□︎ ❍︎⍓︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎●︎📬︎   
                                        📫︎♑︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎


	27. but i still have promises to keep

***It's a VHS tape with a label reading 'FOR FRISK.' Play it?**

***Yes          *No**

***Yes**

 

 

_There's a few seconds of static, but then it clears to show a young woman sitting on a soft chair in what looks to be a living room. She's wearing a maternity dress, and looks about seven months pregnant. Her brown hair is tied back in a messy ponytail, and there is a pair of purple eyeglasses perched on her nose._

_A man's voice begins talking offscreen. "Okay, it's rolling!"_

_The woman's gaze focuses on the camera. She suddenly looks nervous. "Ummm...wait..." Then her voice drops into a whisper. "I forgot what I was going to say."_

_"IWell, why don't you talk about yourself?" the man says, and the woman smiles._

_"Okay...my name's Julie...and I'm your mom! Well, I'm going to be your mom. I mean, technically I already am, but...wait, I'm rambling again." Julie pushes her glasses up. "Can we start over?"_

_"No, you're good! Keep going." The man sounds encouraging, and Julie's smile grows stronger, and she looks a bit more confident._

_"Hello, Frisk!" Julie says. "I don't know when you'll be watching this...but this is a message to you! From the past!"  She pauses again. "Ummm...."_

_The screen goes dark for a moment. When it comes back on, the scene is of what looks like an almost finished baby's room. The walls are painted a soft green, and the floor's carpeting is of dancing dinosaurs. In the corner, a half assembled crib is waiting to be put together._

_"We got your room almost ready, Frisk," Julie says from off camera. The perspective shifts to show Julie's face- clearly she's filming this by herself. "Neither of us are good at assembling things, so it may have been a bad idea to buy a crib that you have to put together yourself. So, your dad's gone out to get a regular one. But I still think I can do this. I mean, I_ am  _a scientist. What could go wrong?"_

_The screen goes dark. When it comes back, it's in the same area. The only difference is that the crib is now in several broken pieces on the ground, clearly in a worse condition._

_"Okay, turns out my idea was umm...not successful," Julie says from off camera, her voice sheepish. "Hopefully I can hide the evidence before your dad gets back. Wish me luck."_

_From a distance, there's the distinct sound of a door being opened. "Hey, Jules? I got the crib!"_

_"Crud."_

_The scene cuts to the living room again, the focus on Julie sleeping on her back on the couch, snoring softly. "Your mom swears she doesn't snore," comes a whisper from offscreen. "But it's one of the many things that I love about her." He quietly chuckles. "Then again, apparently I talk in my sleep, so...there's that."_

_The camera cuts to the chair once more. This time, there is a man sitting on it. He's wearing a t-shirt that has a picture of two cartoon bees, the word 'or', and then the same two cartoon bees, but these ones are in a circle with a single line crossing them out._

_Julie's voice comes from offscreen. "Alright, it's your turn. Tell me about yourself."_

_The man smiles brightly. "Well, my name's Dave. I'm an middle school english teacher. I like summer, the color blue, and mustaches." In a stage whisper, he says, "I had a mustache for a while, but your mom eventually convinced me to shave it."_

_"It was terrible."_

_"Yeah, looking back, I admit it was a bad idea all around. So if you have any difficulty growing a mustache, I am so sorry."_

_"We don't even know if they're going to be a boy or a girl!" Julie laughs, and Dave raises his eyebrows._

_"Girls can have facial hair."_

_Julie sighs. "Well, we'll love you either way, kiddo, even if you get a mullet."_

_Dave smiles at the camera, but then his face turns concerned. "Wait...do you smell something burning?"_

_"The casserole!" Julie shouts, and the camera is dropped onto a coffee table._

_The screen goes black._

_There's some static, and then everything focuses. This time, the scene is of a small bathroom. There's some muttering, and then the sound of the camera being placed down._

_Then Dave comes into view. He smiles at the camera._

_"I know this is probably a weird place to talk, but..." he scratches his chin thoughtfully. "Frisk, it's likely that, well..." Dave's smile wavers. "This is harder than I thought it would be. I love you so much, and I haven't even met you yet. And..." he wipes at his eyes, "Frisk, I...I've been sick for a long time. But...last week I went to the doctor's, and well..."_

_Dave swallows. "The medication isn't working anymore. At this point, it's not **if** I'm going to die, but  **when** I'm going to die. And...well, your mom...I haven't told her this yet. How can I possibly break this news to her?"_

_Dave's smile is soft. "I might not live long enough to meet you, kiddo. Hopefully I will. But there's a chance that I might not make it. And...I want you to know that I love you. So very much. And if I never get the chance to say it to you in person, I want to make sure that you know that you are loved. That I believe in you. That, no matter what, I'll always be watching over you. You're going to grow up to become an amazing person, someone who loves and will be loved in return.  
_

_I can't say that life isn't going to be tricky. There will be times when everything seems lost, when you feel like the world is against you. Don't be ashamed of your feelings, but know that what you feel in the moment won't last forever. Don't be afraid to ask for help._

_I love you, Frisk. I know you're going to do great. Stay determined."_

***The tape ends here. Play again?**

***Yes   *No**

***No**


	28. the rest of us just live here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate universe in which Papyrus, Monster Kid, and Grillby are the only ones to survive a brutal Genocide Run.

"WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE WATCHING TODAY? A METTATON GAME SHOW? OR ONE OF METTATON'S MOVIES?" Papyrus asks, presenting two VHS tapes at Monster Kid as he stands in front of the television. Monster Kid, slumped sideways on the couch, shrugs.

"Dunno." Monster Kid's voice is barely louder than a whisper on the wind, and if Papyrus hadn't been listening carefully, he would have missed the word entirely.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY PREFERENCES?" Papyrus asks, and Monster Kid shakes his head, but doesn't say anything else. This behavior isn't anything new, so Papyrus continues.

"ALRIGHT, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WATCHING THE GAME SHOW? THIS EPISODE IS REALLY FUNNY- IT'S THE ONE WHERE THE WINNER GETS A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF EXOTIC BUTTERS!"

Monster Kid shrugs again.

"ALRIGHTY!"

Turning around to face the TV, Papyrus slots the VHS into the player, before sitting down on the couch next to Monster Kid. As soon as he sits down, Monster Kid scoots all the way next to him, curling up close.

On the screen, Mettaton struts across the stage, lights flashing all around him as he poses for his audience, all of them loudly cheering his name. 

This is the second-to-last episode that Mettaton aired. 

(None of them ever want to see the last episode ever again.)

The quiz begins, and the four nervous-looking monsters answer question after question all whilst performing various tasks, like juggling knives, eating disgusting food, and washing an old person's back. 

"Sorry about that, DAH-ling! But your answer is incorrect! Looks like you won't be going home with the prize!"

There's an _awwwwwwww_ of disappointment from the crowd; contestant Bil bursts into tears and runs off the stage, leaving a trail of said tears behind him.

Monster Kid snickers quietly, and Papyrus pats him gently on the head. 

 

Grillby still keeps his bar open, even though all his regular customers are long  ~~dead~~ gone.

Papyrus remembers that he used to hate even the _idea_ of spending time in such a grease trap, how he thought that anyone who willingly ate food from that place was insane. 

That was the old Papyrus. 

The new Papyrus eats french fries with enough ketchup to drown them in, drinks soda without a care in the world. The new Papyrus lives at Grillby's Bar with his two friends, and by now is so used to the smell of grease that it doesn't even register anymore. 

Right now all three of them are in the bar; Grillby is carefully polishing a glass, Monster Kid is drawing on the walls with  crayons, and Papyrus is busy working on fixing the jukebox. 

Grillby sets the glass down gently.  ** _"Monster Kid? Would you like a snack?"_**

MK nods, dropping the crayon unceremoniously on the ground. 

**_"The usual?"_ **

Another nod.

Papyrus turns his focus back to the still broken jukebox, which apparently had been busted even on the first day the bar opened. 

(Papyrus had once asked Grillby why he would put a broken jukebox in his bar, and Grillby had just shrugged, saying it added to the atmosphere.)

**_"Papyrus?"_ **

"I'M GOOD, THANK YOU!" 

Grillby sighs.  _" **I'll make you a sandwich just in case you get hungry."**  
_

Monster Kid picks a crayon up with his tail and continues drawing. 

 

Monster Kid doesn't talk much anymore. Instead, he silently trails behind Papyrus and/or Grillby like a lost duckling, panicking whenever he's left alone for too long. 

None of them like to be alone, nowadays.

 

 _ **"Here you go,"**_ Grillby says, holding the plate out.  ** _"Why don't you come over here, Monster Kid? It's your favorite, a grilled cheese sandwich with the crusts cut off."_**

Monster Kid looks anxiously at the wall, then at Grillby, clearly worried that if he leaves his drawing behind, it might disappear. 

_**"Papyrus? Do you mind standing guard in front of MK's drawing?"** _

"NO PROBLEM!" Papyrus assures, getting up from his crouched position in front of the jukebox. "DON'T WORRY, MK, YOUR DRAWING WILL COME TO NO HARM!"

MK finally drops the crayon, before walking over to the counter. Grillby places the food down, and MK hops onto the closest stool. 

Papyrus walks over to the area where Monster Kid had been drawing, careful not to step on any of the crayons. Then, he glances at the wall. 

Monster Kid's drawn two figures. One of them is clearly Monster Kid himself, wearing a red cape and a cheerful smile. The on The other figure is wearing a blue and purple striped sweater. The two of them are holding hands-well, holding one hand and one tail- underneath a cheerfully smiling sun and some happy little clouds. 

Below the drawing, in shaking print, is a single word-

**FRIENDS**

 

Papyrus reads The Adventures of Fluffy Bunny to Monster Kid every night, doing all the characters' voices just like Sans once did for him. 

They sit next to each other on the small bed that had once belonged to Grillby's niece for whenever she stayed over the night, Monster Kid underneath a mound of blankets and surrounded by an army of pillows.

The bed used to be in a different room, but Grillby moved it into his bedroom because Monster Kid often has nightmares. There's not enough room for another bed, but Papyrus rarely sleeps these days. 

(He naps on the couch in short bursts, just long enough to get some rest but not long enough to have any dreams.)


	29. ice is rather nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans teaches Papyrus and Frisk how to make ice cream.

You knock on the door to the skelebros' house, and without waiting for a response, open said door and invite yourself in. 

"hey, kiddo, wanna learn how to make ice cream?" Sans calls from the kitchen. "paps is out getting the stuff to make it, but he'll be back soon."

You head into the kitchen, where you see a small machine sitting on the kitchen counter. "that's an ice cream maker," Sans explains. "boss said i could have it."

Sans works at the nearby ice cream place, which is the  _coolest_ (pun intended.) His boss is a middle-aged woman named Ell, who has biceps bigger than your head.

 _"Did she teach you how to make ice cream?"_ You ask, even though you already know the answer.

"yep."

You hear the front door slam open.

"BROTHER! I HAVE RETURNED!"

Papyrus bounds into the kitchen, carrying several shopping bags, all them full of food. "HELLO, FRISK!" he says cheerfully, placing the bags on the counter alongside the ice cream maker. 

You help him get everything out of the bags.

"THANKS, FRISK!"

"alright," Sans says, pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of his hoodie pocket, "first step. we need...three-fourths white sugar, a cup of heavy whipping cream, two teaspoons of vanilla extract, and two and a fourth cups of milk. says here we put them in a saucepan over low heat."

"ALRIGHT! FRISK, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADD THE CREAM?" Papyrus holds up the small container of cream. You nod eagerly, hopping on the step stool that Papyrus had gotten for you a while back.

Carefully, you pour the cream into a measuring cup, while Sans does the same thing with the sugar. Papyrus measures out two and a fourth cups of milk, and each of you take turns to pour the ingredient into a saucepan. 

Sans turns the stove on. 

"HOW LONG WILL IT NEED TO BE ON THE STOVE?"

Sans consults the paper. "says we gotta wait until the sugar dissolves."

The three of you stand guard over the mix until a small ring of foam appears around the edge. 

"alright, it's done." Sans turns off the stove. "paps, can you get a container? we need to add the vanilla."

Papyrus pulls out the container from behind his back. "ALREADY A STEP AHEAD!"

Sans turns to you. "wanna pour in the vanilla extract?" he asks, offering the measuring spoons to you. 

You take them.

Carefully pour the vanilla extract into the measuring spoon.

Dump the liquid into the mixture. 

Sans hands you a spoon, and you start mixing.

And mixing.

Eventually your arms get tired. You don't want to stop, but Papyrus asks to take a turn, so you hand the spoon over to him. 

Sans peers into the container. "looks good, bro. now we put it in the freezer."

"ALRIGHT!" Papyrus screws the top onto the container, and places the mixture in the freezer. 

"now, we wait." 

 

The waiting period turns out to be two hours, so the three of you watch TV together until the timer goes off.

By then, you've already watched an entire season of  _Cupcake Warriors_ on Websnaps.

 

Sans gets the container out from the freezer. "okay, now we can put it in the ice cream maker."

The ice cream maker turns out to be pretty tricky, but the three of you manage to make something that, while still a little bit hard and a bit freezer burnt, still tastes pretty good. 


	30. all i need is you by my side

"YOU KNOW, SANS, I THINK YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH GREASY FOOD," Papyrus chides, looking at Sans in disappointment. 

Sans, lying on the couch surrounded by burger wrappers, grins. "heh, you got me," he says with a wry laugh. 

Papyrus huffs, stomping his right foot. "STOP AGREEING WITH ME!"

Sans looks at him in confusion. "uh...okay? listen, why don't you come with me to grillby's? you don't have to eat anything, but maybe you'll realize that grillby's place isn't the death trap you make it out to be."

Papyrus scratches his chin, thinking deeply out loud to himself. "HMMMM....I DOUBT THAT I'LL CHANGE MY MIND. BUT IF I MIGHT AS WELL GO; AT LEAST THEN I CAN KEEP AN EYE SOCKET ON YOUR TERRIBLE EATING HABITS."

sans snorts. "good one, bro."

"SIGH."

"you know, you don't need to say the word-"

"SIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHH."

"your pun earlier was pretty great, by the way."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? WHAT PUN?"

"well, you did say i have an  _unhealthy_ obsession with greasy food."

"HOW IS THIS MY LIFE."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random thought of the day: When Monster Kid grows up will his name still be Monster Kid, or will he change his name to Monster Adult?  
> The world may never know...


	31. the pros and cons of science

✋︎ ♒︎♋︎♎︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ◻︎●︎♋︎■︎■︎♏︎♎︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎❍︎ ⧫︎□︎ ♌︎♏︎ ⧫︎❒︎◆︎●︎⍓︎ ♋︎●︎♓︎❖︎♏︎📬︎  
  
⧫︎□︎ ♒︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ ◻︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎□︎■︎♋︎●︎♓︎⧫︎♓︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ⧫︎□︎ ♒︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ ♒︎□︎◻︎♏︎⬧︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♎︎❒︎♏︎♋︎❍︎⬧︎📬︎   
  
●︎□︎□︎🙵♓︎■︎♑︎ ♋︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎❍︎📪︎ ♓︎ ⬧︎♏︎♏︎ ⧫︎⬥︎□︎ ♍︎♒︎♓︎●︎♎︎❒︎♏︎■︎📬︎   
  
⧫︎♒︎♏︎⍓︎ ♎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♎︎♏︎⬧︎♏︎❒︎❖︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎⬧︎📬︎  
  
♌︎◆︎⧫︎ ♓︎ ♍︎♋︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ⧫︎◆︎❒︎■︎ ♌︎♋︎♍︎🙵 ■︎□︎⬥︎📬︎ 


	32. and (s)miles to go before i sleep

Papyrus wakes up early, as he always does, but this time it's to the sound of birds chirping outside his window. Activating his eyelights, Papyrus leaps out of bed.

"LOOK OUT WORLD, HERE COMES PAPYRUS!" he shouts, automatically shifting into heroic pose number four- one arm outstretched, the other one on his hip bone. Dropping his pose, he raps on the wall separating his and Sans' rooms. "SANS? I WILL BE OUT ON MY DAILY JOG-I MEAN WALK. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN JOINING ME?"

As usual, there's no response. If he listens closely, Papyrus thinks he hears Sans snoring softly.

Lately, Papyrus has been trying to get Sans to join him by turning the morning jogs into morning walks, with the idea that the lazy skeleton would be more likely to walk than jog. 

So far, the attempt hasn't worked, but Papyrus has found that it's actually nice to take the time to walk instead of run. 

 

Near the park is a small forested area, which has a long winding path that Papyrus usually takes when he goes walking and/or jogging. 

Usually at this hour, he doesn't run into anyone, but as he turns a corner, he sees a young man standing underneath a tree just by the path. The man sort of resembles a scarecrow- long, thin gangly limbs and a head full of straw-like blond hair underneath a brown cap.

As Papyrus approaches, he asks the man, "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" before stopping and waiting for the man to answer. 

"I'm fine," the man says, but he doesn't look too sure. "I just...I've lost something important around here, and I don't know how to get it back." 

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HELP?" 

"I wouldn't want to trouble you," the man says, but Papyrus shakes his head.

"NO TROUBLE AT ALL! BY THE WAY, MY NAME IS PAPYRUS, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME..." (at this moment, Papyrus realizes he doesn't really have a cool nickname, at least, not yet,) "PAPYRUS!" he finally says, hoping the pause isn't too awkward. 

"Nice to meet you, Papyrus. My name's Brian."

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?"

"Well, it's a metal box," Brian says. "About the size of a shoebox. I know it's around here somewhere, I just can't remember exactly where I buried it."

"WELL, FEAR NOT, BRIAN! I WILL DO MY BEST TO FIND YOUR LOST ITEM!"

Brian smiles. "Thanks! I really appreciate it."

 

Hours pass. Eventually, Brian sighs. "Sorry for wasting your time. Maybe-"

"I THINK I SEE SOMETHING!" Sure enough, he had spotted a raised mound of dirt right underneath a rather large cherry tree. Summoning a bone attack, Papyrus carefully digs through until his gloves touch something box-shaped. "IS THIS IT?" he asks, brandishing the metallic box as turns back to face Brian.

"HUH?"

But Brian is gone, vanished into thin air. If Papyrus wasn't holding the metallic shoebox, he almost would have thought he had imagined the whole thing. 


	33. sugar and spice (and everything nice)

When it comes to candy, you're not picky at all. As long as there's a ton of sugar involved, it doesn't really matter what it looks like or how it tastes. For you, all candy is created equal.

When it comes to actual food, however...well, there's a long list of things you do not like eating. Scrambled eggs, for instance. They're either too runny or too dry, and the texture is uncomfortable in your mouth.

(Eggs in general make you uncomfortable, because even though you  _know_ there aren't any baby chickens inside, you still worry that one day you might pick one that actually does have a baby chick inside it, and you're not willing to risk it.)

There's a lot of foods that you don't particularly enjoy, but some you dislike more than others. 

Carrots are tolerable, and you might be persuaded to try some zucchini on an especially good day, but you point blank refuse to eat anything with mayonnaise. 

You've never actually tried mayonnaise, but you already know you don't like it.

And this was your attitude on trying new foods for a very long time.

Then, you fell down into the Underground, and everything changed.

 

"My child, while I won't force you to eat, perhaps you would like to take a small sample?" mom suggests, giving you a small spoon. 

 _"Alright,"_ you sign, because even though you're not really excited about this, at least the spoon is small enough that you'll just have a single bite.

You take the utensil, then look at the meat pie. 

So you scoop up a bit of pie crust and meat, and put it in your mouth.

By now, the pie is no longer steaming, but it's still warm, and it tastes better than you thought it would. 

So you take another spoonful. 

Meanwhile, your mom has begun eating, and you know she's trying to avoid pressuring you by staring as you tried the pie.

You mostly eat the pie crust, which turns out to be your favorite part, but you make an effort to eat some of the meat as well. 

To your surprise, you end up eating half of the pie. 

 

 

...Maybe trying new food isn't so bad after all. 


	34. the rest of us just live here (interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la tra la la...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, River Person also survived the Genocide Run in Chapter 28.

**"Tra la la...you and me...tra la la...sail through the sea...tra la la."**

"ARE YOU...OKAY? YOU'VE BEEN STANDING BY THE RIVER FOR A WHILE NOW..."

**"...The past is far behind us; the future doesn't exist."**

"RIVER PERSON? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BOAT?"

**"...No longer adrift...abandon ship....time stole it away."**

"DO YOU NEED MY HELP?"

**"..."**

"..."

**"I need you to remember."**

"REMEMBER WHAT?"

**"Tra la la."**

"REMEMBER WHAT?"

**"Where the river ends...or so they've said...tra la....la....la..."**


	35. fill in those empty spaces (and leave no traces)

It's funny how memory works. How is it, that when a life shattering event happens, you always remember mundane details afterwards?

The feeling of too-tight shoes, of having just burned some toast, of listening to a certain song on the radio. None of these are connected in any way, but your brain still lumps them together.

...

~~When we were seven years old, our mom took us to the park on a spring afternoon.~~

When I was seven years old, my mom took me to the park on a spring afternoon. I wore my favorite blue sundress, and my hair was braided into two long pigtails with purple bows at the end of each one. 

~~When we got there, the park was empty, so me and **** played on the swings together. When another kid arrived, I was a bit nervous, but **** went up and said hi for both of us.~~

When we got there, the park was empty, so my mom went with me on the swings. When another kid arrived, my mom went to sit on the bench, but I begged her to stay with me. She smiled, and told me it was going to be okay, that she was right there, and I didn't have to worry.

The other kid was about my age. A boy, with dark brown hair and a sunny smile.   
Turned out, he also liked the same cartoons I did, and we both had the same favorite color- orange. We had a swinging contest for a while, then his mom said it was time for them to go. 

Before he left, Joshua told me that I was alright, for a girl. I told him that he was alright, for a boy. Both of our moms laughed. I remember us both looking at them in confusion, not quite getting what they found so funny. 

Then it was just-

Then it was just me, and my mom. I thought she was going to play with me now that Joshua was gone, but she said she was too tired. I went on the monkeybars, trying my best to cross over and back without falling. I was so focused on this task, that I barely noticed that it was getting darker and darker. 

I only realized how late it was when my stomach started gurgling. 

When I looked back to the bench, my mom was just sitting there, staring at the horizon. I went over and tugged her hand.

She turned to face me, and I remember how blank her expression was. Then she smiled. "How are you doing, Julie?"

I told her I was hungry, and asked if we could go home.

She looked disappointed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. 

"Alright, let's go home."

But she kept sitting there. I sat on the bench next to her, and tugged her hand. "Mom?"

Finally, my mom stood up, slipping my hand out of hers. "Why don't I go get you ~~both~~ a sandwich?" she said. "It's only a block away. Stay where you are, and don't move. I'll be back before you know it."

 

I remember watching her leave.

I remember sitting on the bench, swinging my legs back and forth, waiting patiently for her to come back.

I don't know how long I sat on that bench, but eventually my other mom (I called her Nana), came to pick me up. She was so worried, said that she'd expected me and mom to be back hours ago. When Nana tried to take me home, I screamed and threw a tantrum, yelling that mom wouldn't be able to find me if I left. I told Nana that I had promised to wait. 

Nana reassured me that we would leave a message on mom's phone telling her where I was, and she even let me leave the message myself.

I don't remember what I said, but it was probably along the lines of,  _I'm at home with nana, can I have a tuna sandwich, please?_

The two of us went home, and Nana made me a tuna fish sandwich that I didn't eat, because I thought mom would be sad if she came home only to find that I'd already eaten.

At this point, I thought maybe she'd gotten lost.

(Mom never had a good sense of direction.)

But the sandwich place was only a block away, so it didn't really make sense. 

Eventually, I got really hungry, so I ate the sandwich. 

 

I don't really remember in detail what happened the next day. I know that there was a nice police officer who asked me a few questions, but I can't remember what anyone actually said. 

A few days later, the police came back with mom's purse. There was a note inside, saying she was sorry, but she couldn't stay anymore.

I knew it had to be a lie. 

"Someone made her write it," I insisted over and over again.

No one listened. 

Not even Nana.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~Not even ****~~


	36. hope (is a thing with feathers) [underswap edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undertale Papyrus has a dog.  
> Underfell Papyrus has a cat.  
> But what about Underswap Papyrus? Shouldn't he have a pet as well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underswap was created by PopcornPr1nce.

  _i was just a babybones when i met mouse for the first time._ _me and sans had only been living on our own for about a month, and the excitement of having our very own place was starting to wear off for me._

_it hadn't taken sans long to make friends of his own, and even though he always invited me to come with, i always felt out of place._

_like i didn't really belong._

_..._

_so...._

_i spent a lot of time in the woods when i was little. it started off as an excuse to not go with sans, i would tell him i was going to the forest to play with my friends, because i didn't want him to feel guilty about leaving me behind._

_half of it was true._

_nowadays, i spend my free time at muffet's, but i hadn't even taken a single step into the place back then._

_dunno why._

_(but that's not important right now.)_

_so i was walking through the woods, jumping into snow piles, making little snow people, practicing my comedy act- just regular stuff- when i heard a strange sound._

**_peep!_ **

_it came from a little bit off the path, so i trudged through the snow, following the sound. it didn't take too long before i saw it._

_there was a tiny creature lying in the snow. i had no idea what it was at the time, all i knew was that it needed help. so i scooped up the little animal, and placed them in my front pocket._

_then i ran home._

 

_i made them a bed using a shoebox and a baby blanket, placing the box right next to the heater to keep them warm. for an hour, i watched them closely, afraid that if i took my eye socket off them for even a second, i would turn back to find them dead._

  _i_ _t was small, wrinkled, and naked. kind of creepy looking, with its bulging eyes and tiny body, but it was so helpless, and i knew from the moment i saw them that i would do everything i could to keep them alive._  

_"you're going to be okay," i whispered. "you're going to be okay."_

 

and they were. 

alright, i mean. 

and that's the story.

the end.

...

kiddo?

what are you looking at me like that for?

...

fine, i get it. you don't want just a monologue, you want to actually see something. well, i happen to have an old video of me and mouse.

why didn't i show you it earlier?

cause it's a bit embarrassing. but i figure i can trust you with knowing this part of my life. 

here's the tape.

ummmm....i'm going to be gone for a bit...i kind of...don't really want to watch it.

anyway, i'll see you later. 

***Play the VHS tape?**

***Yes    *No**

***Yes**

It looks like the living room that you're currently in right now, except the couch looks like its been pushed several feet over to the side. In the place of said couch, is a much younger Papyrus, his back to the camera. His sweatshirt has been replaced by a knitted sweater. Said sweater, although orange, is more pastel than the one Papyrus usually sports. 

There's a small bird resting on his shoulder.

Then, you hear a voice come from off-screen. "BROTHER! IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER DOCUMENTATION! SAY HI TO THE CAMERA!"

Papyrus startles, leaping up and whirling around, his movements causing the bird to squawk indignantly before flying offscreen. When he sees the camera, he looks annoyed. "sans. seriously? you know, you could just _ask_ to film me like a regular monster would." 

"BUT THEN YOU WOULD SAY NO! AND IT'S MY DUTY AS AN OLDER BROTHER TO DOCUMENT EVERY SINGLE IMPORTANT MOMENT IN OUR LIVES!"

"how is this important, exactly?" Papyrus raises a brow bone. The camera turns around, and you see that, not surprisingly, it's Sans who's holding the camera. 

Sans is beaming, eyes sparkling as he shouts, "BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO INTRODUCE THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE FAMILY!"

The camera swivels around back to Papyrus, who's now smiling a little. "mouse has been living here for over six weeks, why didn't you just film them then?"

"BECAUSE I LOST MY CAMERA. BUT NOW I FINALLY FOUND IT, WHICH MEANS I CAN GO BACK TO BEING A VIDEOGRAPHER ONCE MORE! SO, WHERE'S MOUSE, ANYWAY?"

Papyrus points at the ceiling. The camera shifts up, and focuses on said bird fluttering around the top of the room. When the bird swoops downward, the camera follows its movement, catching the moment it lands on Papyrus' head. 

The bird coos. 

"SO," Sans says, in the tone of someone giving an interview, "WHAT KIND OF BIRD IS THIS?"

"'sa pigeon, but you know that already. and her name's mouse."

Mouse begins to preen a wing. 

"SO, WHY IS HER NAME MOUSE?"

Papyrus shrugs. "can't tell you. the name just came to me in a dream."

"UMMMM...OKAY." Sans sounds a little bit resigned, as though he's asked the question before and received the same vague answer again. 

"anyway, mouse can do a lot of cool stuff." Papyrus says, pointing up at the bird. Mouse coos, settling down on Papyrus' head. "mouse,  _stay._ "

Mouse doesn't do anything.

"see? she already knows one command."

**LOW BATTERY**

"WAIT...THE LIGHT'S FLASHING RED...I THINK I MUST HAVE-"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking at trying my hand at writing some AU stories...maybe in another fic?  
> I'll put the idea on the backburner for now. If I do end up writing it, I'll probably just go down the list of popular alternate universes, and maybe try writing ones that are more obscure?  
> Definitely will make sure to credit whoever came up with the idea.  
> Anyway, if anyone has any opinions or ideas...I'd love to hear them.  
> :D


	37. the value of something or other

Sans is really good at math, but you wouldn't have known this if you hadn't needed help with homework.

You'd been sitting at the dining room table for almost thirty minutes, and the only marking you'd made on the paper was when you wrote your name, when Sans came by with an enormous, ten-layered sandwich. When he saw you, he put the sandwich down, asking, "hey, kiddo, you alright?" 

You nodded, signing,  _"I'm fine, it's just...I can't figure these problems out yet."_

Sans looked over your shoulder. "huh. i think i can help you out with this one."

_"Really?"_

"yeah. heck, i won't even charge you this time," he said with a wink.

At that point, you realized the sandwich was no longer on the table, and Sans' sweatshirt was covered in crumbs.


	38. with a little help from my friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ell teaches Sans how to make ice cream.

"Hmmmmm...." Ell says, regarding the ice cream that Sans had made the night before. "Well, it's cold, I'll give you that. In fact," Ell says, tapping the side of said treat, "it's basically an iceberg. Frozen solid and all that. Did you try and freeze it in the machine?"

Sans scratches the back of his skull, clearly unsure what the answer he's supposed to give is. "uhhhhhh....yes? no? yes?"

When Ell gives him a side eye glance, he relents. "yeah i tried to do that. guessing it was a bad idea, huh?"

"It's good for a first attempt," Ell assures him. "Practice makes-"

"perfect?" Sans interjects, and Ell rolls her eyes.

"Nope. Practice makes you get  _better_." Ell clasps him on the shoulder. "That's my advice of the day. Perfection is an impossible goal. If you keep trying to be perfect, you'll get tired and eventually burn out."

"sounds legit. though i have to ask, what was your advice yesterday?"

Ell thinks to herself for a moment. "Don't eat anything bigger than your own ass. Also, don't swear in front of customers with kids, but that's more of a reminder for me than anyone else." 

 

Just before Ebott Creamery closes for the day, Ell calls back from the kitchen, "Can you stay a few minutes after your shift ends, Sans? I was thinking that I could show you how to use the ice cream machine." 

"you got it boss," Sans says, before turning back to the last customer. "so, do you want rainbow sprinkles or chocolate sprinkles? cause i recommend both, to be honest."

"That sounds pretty good," the bunny monster says with a smile. "I'll have it!" 

"great. that'll be...5g."

"Thanks!"

"have a nice night."

"You too!" the rabbit monster says, calling back over his shoulder as he leaves the store. The bell jingles as he pushes the door open, and when the door closes behind him. 

 

After Sans locks up, he heads into the kitchen, where Ell is wiping off the counters with a damp towelette. She grins. "Alright, you ready to learn?"

"ready as i'll ever be."

"Firstly, in order to make quality ice cream, you need quality ingredients. Got it? Fresh ingredients make a whole world of difference. This most important thing to know is that when it comes to anything in life, there are no shortcuts. Not if you value quality over quantity, that is."

Ell points to the large, steel refrigerator in the kitchen. "That's where I keep everything. Well, everything perishable, that is. Take a look inside."

Opening the fridge, Sans sees it's full of the usual stuff one would expect needed to make ice cream- large bottles of milk, smaller bottles of cream, and tubs of butter. 

"Farm fresh, the whole lot of them. I get them from a place called The Apple Family. They give me pretty good discounts because I occasionally help out with chores and stuff. Like lifting hale bales and goats. Alright, can you close the fridge?"

Sans closes the fridge, then raises a browbone in confusion once the last part of the sentence registers with him. "goats?"

Ell laughs. "Yeah, sometimes during rainy seasons the goats get stuck neck-deep in mud. When that happens, they usually call me down to pick them up out of the mud. The only really tricky part is avoiding being kicked in the head once I get the goat free."

"so you can say, you  _goat_ them out of trouble then, huh?" Sans says with a sly grin. Ell sighs.

"Put a quarter in the pun jar, Sans. You've gone over your limit."

(In an attempt to curb Sans' punning, Ell had issued a pun jar. The idea was that Sans would have a maximum of three puns before he had to start paying for "disturbing the sanity of everyone around him.")

The pun jar is really only there for appearances- Sans has never once put a quarter in the pun jar, and Ell can't be bothered to make him- but it's the principle of the matter that really counts.

 


	39. nom de plume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I make up a reason for Monster Kid's name.

Yo! It's me, Monster Kid! 

You may be wondering how I'm writing this when I don't have any arms. 

Ummmmm....that's none of your business!

Just kidding. I'm using a machine that translates whatever I say into written stuff! Then I tell Frisk where to put the exclamation points and stuff.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like that!

Anyway, lots of people wanna know about my name for some reason. Well, my name makes perfect sense! I'm a kid, and I'm a monster! Monster Kid!

But there's another reason too. What's the reason? Well...it's a secret!

Nah, not really. It's just that there's this tradition in my family where you have a fake name when you're a kid, and then when you grow up you choose a real name. It's a sign of being grown up and mature and stuff. 

I can't wait until I'm old enough. I'll pick the best name. Like...Monster Adult! Or... Lazerfoot! Maybe even...Renaldo the Mighty! 

Anyway, that's pretty much it.

Hey Frisk, can you put a smiley face here? 

:D 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I made this more confusing, but idk.  
> Also, I accidently posted an unfinished chapter too early. Oops. Well, stay tuned for some swapfell adventures.


	40. a name which has been erased

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, Papyrus looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize his reflection.

PAPYRUS' TOP SECRET JOURNAL

DO NOT READ!!!!!!!!!!!

THURSDAY

ONCE IN A WHILE, I'LL SEE SOMEONE OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE, AND I TURN TO GREET THEM. WHEN I DO, HOWEVER, IT'S JUST MY REFLECTION. 

WHICH IS ODD! I KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE, AFTER ALL. I'VE SEEN MY REFLECTION DOZENS OF TIMES- NOT JUST IN THE MIRROR, BUT IN OTHER SHINY SURFACES AS WELL!

LIKE ICE!

BUT...

SOMETIMES I FEEL...

WELL...

UMMM....

ERRR...

IT'S JUST...

SOMETIMES I FEEL...STRANGE. LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT.

BUT I HAVEN'T LOST ANYTHING IMPORTANT. I THINK I WOULD KNOW IF SOMEONE-NO, _SOMETHING_ WAS MISSING. 

ANYWAY, I HAVEN'T TOLD SANS ABOUT WHATEVER IT IS. I'VE PROBABLY JUST LOST SOMETHING UNIMPORTANT.

LIKE A FORK, FOR EXAMPLE!

...I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S NOT A FORK.

ANYWAY, I DON'T WANT TO TELL SANS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL. ALSO...I DON'T WANT SANS TO WORRY OVER SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL. 

SANS CAN BE A BIT OF A WORRIER, SOMETIMES, AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT ADDING TO HIS PROBLEMS. 

I JUST...

NEVERMIND.

 

WRITING DOWN MY THOUGHTS AND IDEAS IS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE??? BECAUSE I CAN BE HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS, BUT I'M JUST NOT SURE HOW I'M FEELING???

HMMMMMM....

MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT'S HAPPENING, INSTEAD...

 

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO TRAINING WITH UNDYNE TOMORROW! SHE SAYS I'M IMPROVING IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS! PLUS, SHE SAID SHE'D SHOW ME A NEW TECHNIQUE! 

AND I EVEN HEARD RUMOURS THAT METTATON IS FILMING A NEW MOVIE! I WONDER WHAT IT WILL BE ABOUT... 

HIS LAST ONE WITH THE LASER SHARKS WHO WERE IN LOVE BUT WERE TORN APART BY THEIR RIVAL FAMILIES WAS GENIUS! EVEN THOUGH I'VE SEEN IT THOUSANDS OF TIMES, THE ACTING IS JUST... THE BEST! AND THE STORY! AND THE CHARACTERS!

MAYBE THE MOVIE WILL BE A SEQUEL!


	41. *insert laugh track here*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans tells Frisk a joke.
> 
> (In which I write my first reaction to Sans' comment, which was basically to get the heck out of there. Too bad there wasn't an option to run off in a fit of panic.)

At first, the words don't register properly in your head.

You look up at Sans, hoping you misheard, but the hope quickly dies when you see his expression.

You haven't known Sans that long, but you know this isn't the face he makes when he tells a joke.

You can't see any light in his eyes. 

There's nothing there but darkness. 

Then, the light returns to his eye sockets, but you can't unsee what you just saw. Can't unhear the words that keep echoing in your head.

You can barely hear Sans say something about a joke when all you can focus on is the roaring in your ears and the pounding of your heart.

Sans is looking at you. 

He's stopped talking.

Is he waiting for a response? 

Should you laugh? You don't want to laugh. But maybe if you laugh, Sans won't kill you. 

You can't laugh.

Underneath the counter, your hands are shaking. 

"you okay, kiddo?" Sans asks, and you see sweat beading on his brow.

You don't know what the right thing to do is.

You nod furiously, hoping it's the right response. 

Sans relaxs a little bit. 

Somehow, your mouth forms words. 

**"I have to go to the bathroom."**

Your voice is surprisingly clear. 

Sans looks a bit relieved. 

"i think there's one around here," he says. 

You get up. 

Sans points to the bathroom. You turn to face it.

Keep turning.

"uh...kiddo?"

You bolt. 

_**"Run! Just keep running, don't look back!"** _

But you can't breathe, and your vision keeps blurring. 

_**"You can do it, Frisk!"** _

But you can't. 

You drop to your knees, gasping.

"kiddo?"

Sans is standing a few feet in front of you, and you want to scream but your throat might as well be filled with broken glass, because even breathing hurts. 

"i'm sorry," Sans whispers, holding up his hands. "guess my jokes can't all be winners. but i really didn't mean it." 

He sounds sorry.

But anyone can  _sound_ sorry, and now you can't really tell if his expression means he's telling the truth or if it's just another lie. 

"kiddo?"

_**"I've got this, Frisk."** _

***LOAD**

**_"Whatever you do, don't react to what he says. Pretend you believe him when he says he's joking. He's not going to hurt you, and he'll go away quicker if he thinks you're okay. Remember the plan. You can do this, Frisk. Stay determined."_ **


	42. puppy dog tales [swapfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swapfell Papyrus gets a pet of his very own. He's pretty sure it's a puppy.  
> 99% percent certain.

Out of the two of them, Sans is the more practical one, a fact that would surprise any outsider. Sans is loud, with a short temper- and the height to match as well, though no one dares to say it to his face- obnoxiously arrogant, someone with little to no self-control. And Sans  _is_ loud, and he  _is_ arrogant, but he also plans ahead and is the one who keeps their family of two together.

For one thing, Sans is the one who got the two of them jobs as sentries. Of course, Sans was quickly promoted to become an official member of the Royal Guard, while Papyrus only retains his position because of Sans' influence. (Honestly, Papyrus is kind of a wreck.) 

If Sans wasn't around, Papyrus would probably just stay in bed all day, only _occasionally_ getting up to drink frosting straight from the package. If Sans wasn't around, Papyrus would probably be dead a million and one times over, because that fool does dumb stuff like falling asleep  _in public_. It's like he's begging for anyone to come up and off him- and with Papyrus' measly HP, they wouldn't even break a sweat doing so. 

So Sans spends half his energy trying to keep his brother alive, because even though Papyrus is under Sans' protection, there are still monsters out there who are so desperate for LV that they'll do anything, even if it means bringing down the wrath of the Royal Guard themselves. 

But does Papyrus appreciate all his hard work?

Of course not.

Why else would he do something as boneheaded as bringing home a small animal claiming that it needed to be taken care of for the night?

 

"i found 'im outside. didn't want them to freeze to death, cause then we'd have a rotting body on our porch. so i brought 'im in, it'll just be for the night, don't worry about it-" Papyrus babbles, his arms full of a small, fuzzy animal. 

"PAPYRUS," Sans says with a scowl, already knowing where this is going.

"yes, m'lord?" Papyrus' eye lights dart back and forth, carefully avoiding looking Sans in the eye sockets, all the while tapping his finger bones together nervously.

"SHUT UP. YOU ONLY TALK THIS MUCH WHEN YOU'RE LYING ABOUT SOMETHING. LET ME GUESS, YOU DIDN'T FIND THIS ANIMAL ON OUR PORCH. I'M WILLING TO BET YOU FOUND IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. I'M ALSO WILLING TO BET THAT YOU DON'T INTEND ON LETTING THIS FUZZY ANIMAL GO."

"..."

"AM I CORRECT?" 

"yes, m'lord. but think of all the benefits that comes with having a guard dog."

"THAT LITTLE THING?" Sans sneers, "IT COULDN'T SCARE OFF A MESELEY FROGGIT!"

"don't worry, taco will pull his weight." Papyrus assures, but Sans' scowl only grows deeper. 

"PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU NAMED IT," Sans sighs, pinching the area right above his nasal cavity. 

"okay. i didn't name it."

"PAPYRUS. YOU DON'T JUST NAME AN ANIMAL YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KEEP. AND IT'S NOT STAYING HERE ANY LONGER. JUST THROW IT OUTSIDE, OR, BETTER YET, PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT IN THE FIRST PLACE."

Papyrus just looks at him. 

"NO. I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR ANTICS."

The animal yawns, showing off tiny, sharp teeth. Sans' soul does not melt at the sight of it, nor does he feel the sudden urge to pet them.

"JUST ONE NIGHT," Sans finally says. "JUST _ONE_ NIGHT. THEN I'M KICKING THAT THING OUT. I ALREADY HAVE TWO FREELOADERS ON MY HANDS, AND I WON'T STAND FOR ANY MORE IN THIS HOUSE." 

As he mentions the second "freeloader," Sans points to the pet button on the table. "YOU REALLY NEED TO TRAIN THAT THING."

"yes, m'lord," Papyrus assures him, but Sans has heard this promise too many times to be fooled by it. Still, he's tired, and just wants to sit down and watch some television, so he plunks himself on the couch, choosing to ignore his brother. 

Luckily, Papyrus seems to get the hint. As the taller skeleton ascends the stairs, Sans calls out, "AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LETTING THAT CREATURE IN MY ROOM!"

"i won't," Papyrus says, because even he hasn't been inside Sans' room, not since they were small. 

(He can't help but wonder if Sans still has his action figure collection set up, or if he's thrown them out by now.)

 

"welp, here we are, taco."

Despite Sans' complaints that his room is "BASICALLY A GARBAGE HEAP," Papyrus actually keeps his room fairly tidy, save for the far side corner of his room, which is where he dumps all his stuff. Aside from the trash pile, there isn't really anything else in his room besides a sleeping bag and a weirdly shaped lamp that he once kept near his station. It doesn't actually work, seeing as there isn't a bulb, but Papyrus has been far too busy doing nothing at all to have enough time to get a new one. 

He places Taco on the sleeping bag, and the puppy curls up with a soft sigh. 

"don't worry," Papyrus assures the now asleep puppy, "my bro is very easy to persuade, as long as you know how his mind works."

 

The next day, Papyrus makes sure to wake up earlier than Sans to make breakfast for the both of them. When it's time for them to go to work, Papyrus actually patrols the area on foot, and even resets a few puzzles all on his own. By the end of the day, Sans is in such a good mood that he forgets about Taco completely. 

The third day, Papyrus, in full view of Sans, begins trying to teach Taco how to follow some basic commands. Before long, Sans is stomping up to him, complaining that he's doing a terrible job, stating, "I MIGHT AS WELL UNDO ALL THE DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE SO FAR."

A week later, Sans refers to the puppy by their name instead of calling them "it," or "that annoying creature."

 

Two months after Papyrus brought Taco home, the puppy starts shedding his brown fur all over the house. Sans begins following them around the house, sweeping up every piece with a dustpan. 

(Oddly enough, the fur underneath is a much lighter color, almost yellowish brown. Not only that, but there are spots forming on said fur as well.) 

Three months pass, and Taco stops growing. He's pretty big, and now takes up the entirety of their couch whenever he lies down on it. On the plus side, he isn't shedding as much.

(Oddly enough, the Guard Dogs seem almost uneasy around him.)

 

Now that he's an adult, Taco has taken to roaming around Waterfall as well as Snowdin. At first, Papyrus worried for Taco's safety, but after seeing the dog crack open one of his bone attacks with his teeth, Papyrus is reassured that his friend can take care of himself.

Funnily enough, Taco will occasionally patrol with Sans. Though his brother occasionally complains about his newfound companion, Papyrus can tell Sans likes the company. 

 

"BROTHER! I'M BEGINNING TO HAVE DOUBTS TACO IS ACTUALLY A DOG."

"what do you mean?"

"THE GUARD DOGS COMPLAIN THAT HE SMELLS WEIRD. AND HE DOESN'T BARK RIGHT."

Papyrus turns to look at Taco, who's curled up in front of the television. "i've never really heard him bark. what does he sound like?"

Sans scowls. "ANNOYING."

Papyrus raises a brow bone. "that...doesn't really help, m'lord."

"HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S LAUGHING AT ME!" Sans bursts out, and Papyrus struggles to hold in a laugh of his own.

"really? are you sure it's him and not one of the ghost monsters?"

"I KNOW IT WAS HIM."

The two skeleton brothers look at Taco, who yawns widely but remains silent. 

 

A week later, Papyrus is dozing at his station when he hears someone laughing. Jerking upright, he sees that instead of a monster, it's Taco. Sure enough, his dog is laughing as he romps through the snow, clearly hunting something. 

Huh.

Maybe Taco isn't a dog.

... 

But what could he be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know who came up with Swapfell?


	43. the truth revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The true identity of Swap!fell Papyrus' so called "dog."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you can't see the photograph for whatever reason, Taco is a spotted hyena.  
> (I'm really stretching the boundaries when it comes to random animals falling into the Underground.)


	44. the fortunate ones

 There are precious few monsters who remember life on the Surface; most of the monsters that make up the Underground are either born and raised underneath the mountain, or were too young at the time to recall anything beyond half-formed memories, fuzzy and blurred at the edges, without any real details at all.

And while it may seem tragic that so many monsters live without the experience of living on the Surface, perhaps they're the lucky ones. Because, even though they know that they are trapped, they have never experienced life outside, and you cannot truly miss what you have never had in the first place.  

Then again, it could be the other way around. Maybe it's the ones who remember that are the fortunate ones. 

Either way, it doesn't really matter in the end. 

Not when we're all trapped down here, regardless of who remembers the Surface and who doesn't. 

~  _Anonymous_


	45. don't trust atoms- they make up everything

"hey papyrus."

"YES, BROTHER?"

"wanna hear a joke about potassium?"

"NO, NOT PARTICULARLY."

"K."

"THANK YOU."

"i used to know a lot of chemistry jokes, but now they argon."

"THAT'S A RELIEF!"

"yeah, it's too bad. i used to tell elemental jokes periodically."

"...SANS."

"you know, someone once asked me if i knew any jokes about sodium. i told them, Na."

"SANS."

"alright, alright. i'm done."

"AUDIBLE SIGH."

"hey, i actually found a new book about helium. it's pretty good. in fact, i haven't been able to put it down."

"bro?"

"I'M LEAVING NOW. GOODBYE!"

"okay. remember not to get into any fights with pi."

"WHY NOT?"

"because they're irrational."

"I DON'T EVEN GET THAT ONE, BUT I'M STILL ANNOYED."

"you're still smiling, though."

"...I KNOW."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: This doesn't really fit with the chapter, but I want to thank everyone who's commented on this fic, I really appreciate it, and seeing any type of feedback is always rewarding.  
> I really appreciate it :D


	46. the little prince

There are loads and loads of things Flowey detests about the Surface. 

"Everyone's so...happy!" he complains to Frisk, who is currently chewing the eraser end of their pencil as they stare down at their math homework. "It's fifteen, by the way."

Frisk looks up at him with a frown.  _"I'm not happy right now. And you're not supposed to give me the answers."_

"That's just 'cause you're doing that dumb math. Plus, how do you even know if I'm giving you the right answers?"

(He is.)

Frisk considers the question for a moment.  _"Are you happy?"_

Flowey scowls. "Don't mock me."

_"I'm not."_

"Well, don't ask dumb questions!" Flowey grumbles, turning his body away from Frisk so he can't see them sign. "He's dead, you know. He's not coming back." 

For a moment, there is nothing but blissful silence. Then-

"I don't...not him. You." Frisk stutters out. "I'm...asking Flowey. Not...him."

 

 Another annoying thing about the Surface is having to live in that stupid flowerpot. Because now he's stuck on the dining room table, with nothing better to do than watch Toriel bake some stupid pie. 

Toriel's humming to herself as she bakes, the smell of butterscotch and cinnamon slowly filling the room- and Flowey has never wanted to destroy anything as much as he does now. He wants to tear this world apart, bit by bit. He wants to set everything on fire. He wants...

Flowey slumps forward in his pot, pressing his face against the cool soil. 

He doesn't know what he wants, not really, and he doubts he can in the first place, because he doesn't have a Soul capable of wanting something deep and meaningful-he doesn't even have a Soul ~~anymore~~ to begin with.

"I hate that song," Flowey mumbles to himself, and Toriel's ears prick up but she doesn't say anything at all. "It's stupid."

Toriel finally stops humming, but when she looks at Flowey, her expression isn't one of annoyance or hatred. "You know this song?" she asks, voice gentle. 

"No," Flowey lies, "I just think it sounds dumb."

"Well," Toriel says with a smile, "perhaps it sounds silly because I am not the best singer."

Before Flowey can think twice, he blurts out, "You sound fine." 

Something shifts behind Toriel's expression. "Thank you," she says, her smile soft.

Flowey wants to gag at the sugary sweet emotion. He wants to throw a fit. 

(But he doesn't.)

"Yeah, well, whatever," he eventually says, hoping that Toriel will be distracted by his rudeness. 

But the smile never wavers as she continues baking her stupid pie. 

 

Being in a flowerpot all day is such a  _bore_ , especially when Frisk is at school, which is why every morning he demands that his pot be placed on the couch in front of the TV so he can watch his shows.

Honestly, the one thing those idiotic humans got right is their entertainment system, which, unlike in the Underground, actually has more than one station and much less Mettaton. Sure, the bucket of bolts has already begun to make his mark, but he's a lot easier to ignore, nowadays. What's a lot less easy to ignore, however, is that smiley trashbag.

"you a horror movie fan?" Sans asks from the doorway, and Flowey scowls. He knows the stupid skeleton can't actually see his expression from this angle, but it's the principle of the matter.

"None of your business, bonehead."

"ouch," Sans says, his voice still maddenly cheerful. 

Then, Sans is sitting on the couch across from him, Flowey can't stop himself from flinching slightly. "Leave me alone," he spits out, and the stupid skeleton actually  _chuckles._

"What?!"

"good one," Sans says with a wink. "i didn't know you had it in you."

Flowey pauses, thinking back to what he just said, and coming up with nothing. Wait...

_leave me alone_

_**leaf** me alone_

"I hate you."

"me too,  _bud_ dy," Sans quips back, still grinning like a idiot. 

(While the two of them were talking, the movie had switched to commercial break, so now Flowey can't even pretend to ignore him in favor of  _Knifeman Massacre._ )

"so...uh...what's the movie about, anyway?"

Flowey shrugs as best he can. "Some stupid humans go into a creepy cave and end up getting attacked by this shadowy creature made of knives who kills them off one by one."

 

The  ~~terrifying~~ annoying thing about living on the Surface is that he's now powerless. Whatever he says or does can't be erased, and suddenly his actions have actual weight. 

He can't just turn back time and start anew. Not anymore. 

Which is super annoying, because having control over time and space meant that he could mess with everyone and then undo it all just to do the whole thing over again. Or not. 

Back then, he hadn't appreciated this power enough, not when he had felt like he had done everything there was to do. He'd killed everyone multiple times, then went around getting to know every single monster living in the Underground. He'd read every single book cover to cover, then burned the entire Librarby down to the ground.

(No one Dusted, but it made him feel better, anyway.)

Then he turned back time and read every single book again, all without committing any form of arson. 

Really, Flowey deserves a medal for all the times he didn't commit any form of criminal offense. 

 

"One day," Flowey whispers to a sleeping Frisk, "you'll reset, and everything will be okay again." 

(But he knows Frisk never will.) 

 

"If I might be so bold to ask, was Asgore the one who named you Flowey?"

"No. Sheesh, you think I'd actually let him name me? That guy's awful with names!"

Toriel's eyes crinkle up at the sides.

"What are you smiling at?!"

"Nothing in particular," she assures him.

Flowey does not feel assured, especially since he can hear Frisk stifling a laugh behind him. 

"I hate everyone," he grumbles.

(For some reason, only a part of him actually means this.)

Gross. 


	47. cooperation (and other stuff)

***There are two glasses in front of you. One of them contains chocolate milk, the other one strawberry. Obviously, you pick the chocolate milk.**

***Why are you hesitating?**

***Wait-**

***What are you doing? I said _chocolate_ milk. Put the glass down.**

***You're not putting the glass down...**

***What do you mean, "You don't like chocolate milk?" How is that even possible?**

***You like chocolate! What's wrong with chocolate milk?!**

***...That's an awful reason, and you know it.**

***Yes, I know this is your body and all, but I can taste what you do! And I'm allergic to strawberries, so if you drink it, I'll DIE.**

***Okay, I know I'm already dead. And okay, I'm not actually allergic to strawberries.**

***If you're going to drink the strawberry milk, can you at least take a sip of chocolate milk afterwards to wash the taste out?**

***You tip out half of the chocolate milk onto the ground, then pour strawberry milk into it.**

***Drink the chocolate-strawberry milk?**

***Yes** ***No**

***Yes**

***You take a sip of the milk, and immediately regret all of your life choices.**

***...**

***You should have just listened to me and picked the chocolate.**

***You pick up the strawberry milk, and down it in one gulp.**

***Well, at least it washes that other taste out.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @~ <\---- look! a snail! :D


	48. follow the trails (fun facts about snails)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a chapter about snails. May be important later. Or not.

Ten Interesting Facts About Snails

by Gary Franklin

1.) The term 'snail' is a common name for  _gastropod molluscs,_ which can be split into three groups: land snails, sea snails, and freshwater snails.

2.) Your average garden snail can move at a speed of 0.029 miles per hour, making it one of the slowest creatures on Earth. But don't judge- try crawling around while carrying your house on your back, and you'll understand how amazing it is that they can even move at all.

3.) The average clutch size of a snail can be 80, which means that family get-togethers can be a bit confusing, especially when everyone has the same name. 

4.) In captivity, snails can live upwards to twenty five years.

5.) As they move along, snails leave behind a trail of mucus, which acts as a lubricant and helps reduce friction. 

6.) A snail's butt is directly above and to the left of their head. Luckily for them, an actual scientific study proved that snails, in fact, do not fart. So that's one good piece of news for the snail.

7.) The majority of snails are herbivores, eating vegetation such as leaves, stems, and flowers. 

8.) A slug is a homeless snail. 

9.) Snails have bizarre sleeping habits. They can, in fact, sleep for three years!

10.) The biggest land snail ever recorded was twelve inches long, weighing in about two pounds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really a chapter, but I thought it was funny. 
> 
> (As a side note, my search engine now has the phrase, "do snails fart?" in it, so there's that.)


	49. when i'm too tired to fall asleep

"SANS?"

"yeah, bro?"

"HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE YOU WERE AWAKE WHEN IN ACTUALITY YOU WERE ACTUALLY ASLEEP?"

"occasionally. i think they call it lucid dreaming. don't worry, it's harmless."

"WELL, I FOR ONE FOUND IT VERY CONFUSING!"

"dreams usually are, paps. actually, the fact you can lucid dream at all shows you're a _nap_ tual at sleeping."

"THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, SANS."

"so, if you don't mind me asking, what kind of things do you dream about?"

"WELL, I THINK I REMEMBER BEING ON A BOAT. AND YOU WERE THERE, AND FRISK AS WELL! BUT YOU TWO WEREN'T GETTING ALONG FOR SOME REASON. SO WE WENT TO THE MOON."

"guess you could say the dream was... _out of this world_."

"I'M IGNORING THAT COMMENT. ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE GOING TO FIGHT, SO I STEPPED IN TO HELP! ALSO, WE WERE IN THAT JUDGEMENT HALL PLACE, AND I THINK I SAW A DOLPHIN. MAYBE TWO DOLPHINS. THEN THE DREAM FINISHED."

"don't you mean,  _fin_ ished?"

"SANS, I AM DISOWNING YOU AS MY BROTHER."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone remember this?


	50. the loop

Has anyone felt like time keeps repeating? 

posted by  **Grimwood**

 **xTREME:** like, in a litral sense? cause i think i've experienced something like that but i thought i was crazy or somethin

 **Guest404:** it was monday then it was monday again. super scary :o

 **Grimwood: E** xactly! i was doing chores in the afternoon then i was back in bed and it was morning. really freaked me out.

 **hatman22:**  lol you guys are weird are you on drugs or something? cause i want some of that now

 **Grimwood:** we're stuck in a time loop or something

 **Finney49:** if we make it to tuesday, the monsters will break the barrier on ebbot 

 **johnnyboi:** This must be some kind of joke. Everyone knows that those myths aren't true,and even if they are, you're all just making up predictions.

 **KitKat:**  no, i remember there was a kid named frisk or something like that. 

 **hatman22:** wut kind of name is frisk, lol XD

 **Grimwood:** I remember Frisk! They had a striped sweater. 

 **Guest404:** i think it was blue or purple or maybe pink.

 **Finney49:** i think it was blue. 

 **johnnyboi:** You guys are really bad at coming up with lies. 

 **machoman:** hey guys what's up?

 **hatman22:** it's crazytown over here lol

 **machoman:** are you guys talking about predicting the future? that's cool

 **Grimwood:** time keeps repeating, macho

 **KitKat:** do you think it might start again?

 **Guest404:**  does any1 remember anything about wednesday?

 **Grimwood:** no

 **Finney49:** did wednesday even happen? or is it going to happem

 **Finney49:** i dont remember much myself.

 **Grimwood:** if u write something on ur arm, it stays there

 **machoman:** you were right hat, this is crazytown. 

 **ihatetuesdays:** dunno if this is relevant but i had a dream that monsters were on tv and i saw a skeleton.

 **hatman22:** spooky scary skeletons! ooooOOOOOOOooooo

 **johnnyboi:** Was there a werewolf or zombie there as well?

 **ihatetuesdays:** don't think so. 

 **hatman22:** awwww too bad

 **machoman:** erdhkujflow94tu788w4oeur

 **Finney49:**????

 **machoman:** my cat was on keyboard ;D

 **KitKat:** if this happens what do we do

 **Grimwood:** I don't think we CAN do anything

 **Guest404:** maybe this is like that movie about groundhogs. one of us needs 2 learn a lesson or sumthing

 **Grimwood:** But only that one groundhog remembered.

 **Guest404:** maybe we all need to redeem ourselves? 

 **KitKat:** worth a shot

 **Grimwood:** guess we have nothing left to lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is something that all the people who remember have in common.


	51. a tale of two brothers (meeting sans)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A universe in which Papyrus wears a blue scarf, Sans is Royal Scientist, and you're still you.  
> 

**Meeting Sans**

"human. don't you know how to greet a new pal? turn around and shake my hand."

You turn around to face the shadowy being right behind you, extending your hand out without a second thought. You and the stranger clasp hands.

_pfffffffffffffffffffffftttbbbrttt_

You snatch your hand back quickly. 

The other person chuckles. "heh. the old whoopee cushion in your hand trick. it's always funny. the name's sans. sans the skeleton."

Sure enough, Sans is indeed, a skeleton.

He only looks vaguely like a human skeleton, though. You're small for your age, but Sans isn't that much taller than you, with wide-set bones and a permanent smile.

Sans is wearing a blue sweatshirt and a pair of basketball shorts underneath a white lab coat, and his feet are clad in fuzzy pink slippers. 

 

Now that you feel less threatened, you giggle at the whoopee cushion gag.

(Sans looks pleased at your reaction.)

"this probably won't mean anything to you, but i'm the royal scientist at the lab in hotland," Sans says, lazily pointing to the lab coat he's wearing.

"but today? i'm helping my bro patrol the area for humans. you don't have to worry about me, but my bro? he's a human hunting fanatic. in fact, i think i hear him coming right now. so, uh...follow me across the bridge. i have an idea."

You follow the skeleton across the bridge, and spot a station with a rather large lamp next to it.

"quick, behind that conveniently shaped lamp." 

You get behind the lamp, which is, in fact, the perfect height and width for you to hide behind. 

You hear the crunching of footprints on the snow. 

Then, the footsteps stop.

"sup, bro?" 

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP, BROTHER. I KNOW THIS IS TECHNICALLY YOUR DAY OFF FROM DOING SCIENCE-Y STUFF, BUT YOU DID PROMISE THAT YOU WOULD PUT A LITTLE EFFORT INTO PATROLLING! AFTER ALL, THIS MIGHT BE THE DAY WHEN I FINALLY CAPTURE A HUMAN!"

You peer around the lamp and catch a glimpse of another skeleton wearing what looks like a homemade blue and white uniform. Around his neck is a blue scarf, which is fluttering dramatically even though there isn't any wind to blow it. 

Despite the fact that he is apparently the brother of Sans, the two don't look alike. In fact, the only thing they have in common is that they're both skeletons.

"i've done a ton of work, paps. a _skele_ -ton."

Somehow, despite only seeing the back of Sans' head, you get the impression that he's winking at Papyrus with a cheesy grin on his face.

Papyrus stomps his foot. "BROTHER! WHY MUST A COOL SKELETON SUCH AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS, BE CONSTANTLY TESTED WITH SUCH TERRIBLE PUNS?"

"i dunno. but, hey, why don't you take a look at this lamp? i think it might en _light_ en you."

"AUDIBLE SIGH."

"you know, i'm right here. you don't need to-"

"ANOTHER AUDIBLE SIGH!"

"alright. well, i've been staring at this lamp _fir_ a bit. wanna join me?"

"NO, I DO NOT WISH TO JOIN YOU! ALSO, THAT PUN MADE NO SENSE IN THE CONTEXT OF YOUR SENTENCE!"

Sans shrugs. "yeah, i really wasn't thinking on that one. guess i'm not very  _bright._ "

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAANS."

"yeah, paps?"

The tall skeleton sighs deeply, before quickly perking up. "WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL GET BACK TO PATROLLING. AS FOR YOU, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT A LITTLE MORE  _BACKBONE_ INTO IT!"

 

After Papyrus is gone, Sans says, "alright, you can come out, kiddo." 

You come out from behind the lamp. 

"that's my brother, papyrus. isn't he cool?" Sans' voice turns a bit more serious. "actually, he's been kind of down lately. i was wondering...maybe you could let him see you? don't worry, he's harmless, even though when he tries not to be."

You shrug, signing a single word. 

 _"Okay."_  


	52. animarumology (the man, the myth, the legend)

_"It isn't right," Harding argues, and the rest of his team advert their eyes away from him, clearly trying to indicate that they're not on board with whatever the scientist is about to say. "I won't let my research be used in this manner. What you're proposing...it's inhumane."_

_"They're our enemies! And besides, they're **monsters**." _

_"Okay, bad choice of words. But you know what I mean!"_

_"You will hand over your book and notes by the end of the day. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. If you hand everything over without a fight, we won't have to take...drastic measures. Am I clear?"_

_"Nelson, I-"_

_"I said, do you UNDERSTAND?"_

_"...I understand perfectly."_

_"Good. Meeting adjourned."_

 

If one were to describe Brian Harding's appearance, it would be that he somewhat resembles a scarecrow- tall and skinny, with hair like dandelion fluff, and wide green eyes underneath a somewhat large forehead. 

His hands are always covered in ink stains, and his clothes are always rumpled, and the only time he bothers with his appearance is when he has to give a lecture or present his latest findings, because for some reason people tend to take him more seriously when he actually pays attention to things like personal hygiene. 

Wherever he goes, he always carries a notebook and something to write with, because his mind is always whirling a thousand miles a second and he has to get his ideas down before he forgets them. 

(If he doesn't have any paper, he'll write on both of his arms- one of the many benefits of being ambidextrous.)

 

_"Harding? You've been sitting in the same spot for three hours. Go home."_

_Without turning around, Brian sleepily mumbles, "I'm doing a science right now. A science, Nelson. Gonna save the world."_

_"Brian. You honestly look like you've died in that chair. Get up, and go home."_

_"I can't. I have...an idea. Lots of them. With my brain."_

_"That's good. C'mon, this has to be bad for your back."_

_"Souls...we've tried mixing 'em and it wasn't working, but maybe it needs to...match? Like...maybe harmonize? I should write that down."_

_"If I promise to write it down, will you go to bed like a reasonable person who hasn't been awake for nearly two days?"_

_"...'kay."_

 

Harding makes others around him uneasy. No matter how many times they try to explain the seriousness of the war, the importance of making devices that can be used against monsters, Brian doesn't seem to get it at all. 

 _"He's **naive** ,"_ some say. 

But as time goes on, more and more people whisper to each other, _"He's a **traitor**."_

 

_"The act of harmonizing each type of soul," Brian excitedly says, "can be used to create a shield that no magic attack can break! The only way to break the shield, would be to use the same amount of magic used to create the shield in the first place! Just imagine how many lives will be saved! Of course, it would take a lot of magic, and the mages casting the spell would have to be very precise with their usage of magic..."_

_Trailing off, Harding shuffles through his stack of papers, before finding the correct one and holding it up for inspection. "The first step will require finding mages who aren't necessarily the strongest or most powerful, but rather, the ones who have the most control over their magic."_

_Harding passes the page over to Nelson, who scans it carefully. "Do you even think that's possible?" the scientist asks, and the other man shrugs._

_"I'm pretty sure it'll work." Seeing Nelson's expression, Harding quickly adds, "I mean, there's no chance of failure!"_  

_"So, you've got a name for this project? Or am I going to have to come up with something?"_

_"Well, the end result is a shield, but more of a bubble shield that encircles the caster completely, blocking all magical and non-magical attacks. I'll call it...ummm...well, wait! I know! I 'll call it...the **Barrier.** "_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what is animarumology? Well, the word animarum is apparently a Latin word meaning "souls," and -ology basically translates to "the study of."  
> So, it's the study of souls.


	53. make way for another day

**Grimwood:** guys it's wednesday!!!!!!!

 **ihatetuesdays:** yes, and?

 **Grimwood:** WEDNESDAY. I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD COME BUT IT DID

 **Guest404:** i feel like i'm missing something here. 

 **Guest404:** and yet

 **Guest404:** i kinda feel relieved? dunno why

 **KitKat** has joined the chat

 **machoman** joined the chat

 **machoman:** omg i can't believe this. monsters are real. like, for real real.

 **KitKat:** yeah, it's crazy. 

 **Grimwood:** Forget about that, it's WEDNESDAY!

 **KitKat:** yes, we know 

 **machoman:** um thanks for sharing that its wednesday i guess. don't really get what this has to do with anything

 **KitKat:** wait

 **KitKat:** i

 **KitKat:** i thought i remembered something but then had a brain fart :(

 **Grimwood:** guys?

 **machoman:** apparently a kid freed them all and stuff! like, what was i even doing when i was a kid???? def not doing anything important as that!

 **Guest404:** actually, I think Grim's onto something. i think i remember talking to you guys on monday even tho i didnt have internet service then

 **Grimwood:** we did talk on monday

 **KitKat:** well, if you did, I sure wasn't there. you guys having a secret party or something?

 **machoman:** what were you guys doing when you heard the news? i was on my phone in the bathroom tbh

 **Grimwood:**  you were there! and finney! we had a whole discussion and everything!

 **Finney49** has joined the chat

 **Finney49:** hey guys! 

 **machoman:** i was so freaked out when i read the news that i peed myself. 

 **Finney49:**...i'll come back later

 **Guest404:** wait! do you remember anything about talking to us or somthin on monday? Grim says we did and i kind of maybe think we did?

 **Finney49:** not according to my chat history

 **Finney49:** there's nothing there. 

 **Grimwood:**...that's because we didn't talk this time around! don't you remember?

 **KitKat:** now i'm even more confused, what do you mean Roman?

 **machoman:** but i was on the toilet so i technically didn't pee myself 

 **Grimwood:** guys?

 **Grimwood:**  ...nevermind

 **Grimwood**  has left the chat

 **Finney49:**  that was weird


	54. a tale of two brothers (meeting papyrus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You now get to officially meet Papyrus!  
> Most of this will be familiar, but there are a few changes...

**Meeting Papyrus**

You round the corner of the snowy path, enjoying the sound of your feet crunching through the snow. So far, you've had a pretty good time encountering the other monsters, but you feel a bit bad for ignoring Snow Cap's  _cool_ hat.

(And for ditching Jerry like that, even if he did kind of creep you out.) 

Then, you hear Papyrus' voice from ahead. "SO, AS I WAS SAYING ABOUT UNDYNE-"

His voice cuts off as he spots you. For a for a moment, all you can hear is the wind rustling the trees and the sound of your own breathing. 

You watch in bewilderment as the two skeletons alternate between spinning to face you and then themselves, feeling a little bit dizzy.

Then the two stop. 

"SANS!!! OH MY GOD!! IS THAT...A HUMAN?!" 

Sans looks straight at you with a sly grin. "uhhhhhh....actually, i think it's a rock."

Confused, you turn behind you, and see the rock Sans had been referring to. Papyrus looks a bit dejected.

"OH."

"hey bro?"

"YES, SANS?"

"what's the that in _front_ of the rock?"

Papyrus turns to face his brother. "SANS...IS THAT A HUMAN?"

"yes."

Turning back to face you, his eye lights sparkling, Papyrus shouts, "SANS! I FINALLY DID IT! UNDYNE WILL...I'M GONNA...I'LL BE...POPULAR! HOPEFULLY!"

Papyrus clears his throat. "AHEM. HUMAN! YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL STOP YOU! I WILL THEN CAPTURE YOU! YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL! AND THEN..." Papyrus' voice trails off for a second. "UMM...WELL, I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT'LL HAPPEN NEXT. HUMAN! CONTINUE...ONLY IF YOU DARE!"

With that, Papyrus runs off, laughing. "NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"

(Sans' smile seems a lot more fond.)

"well, that went well. don't sweat it kid," Sans says with a wink, "i'll keep an eyesocket out for ya." With that, Sans heads off in the same direction as Papyrus.

 

**Several puzzles later...**

"HEY! IT'S THE HUMAN! YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS PUZZLE! IT WAS MADE BY THE GREAT DR. ALPHYS! ALSO, SANS WAS ALSO THERE WHEN SHE BUILT IT, SO I GUESS HE TECHNICALLY HELPED?"

"i provided moral support. also, i wrote our names on the back in permanent marker when she wasn't looking."

"I SUPPOSE THAT COUNTS? ANYWAY! YOU SEE THESE TILES? ONCE I THROW THIS SWITCH...THEY WILL BEGIN TO CHANGE COLOR! EACH COLOR HAS A DIFFERENT FUNCTION!"

Papyrus begins to explain the function of each colored tile. 

You struggle to follow along.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Papyrus asks.

Not wanting to be a bother, you nod.

Papyrus beams. "GREAT! NOW, IT'S TIME...TO PULL THE SWITCH!" He then pauses. "THERE'S ONE MORE THING I FORGOT TO MENTION...AND THAT IS THAT THIS PUZZLE IS COMPLETELY RANDOMIZED, SO WHEN I PULL THIS SWITCH...IT WILL CREATE A PUZZLE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!"

Papyrus pulls the switch.

All the tiles begin flashing random colors, before they eventually settle into place. There's a pink path in front of you, which you remember Papyrus saying they do nothing.

You feel relieved.

Papyrus doesn't say anything, and just spins out of sight. 

You cross the path with ease.

Sans looks a bit contrite. "welp, that sure wasn't expected. guess you got lucky. anyway, thanks for doing this with my bro. i feel like i don't get to spend enough time with him as is, and it's great to be here and have him so excited about the whole capturing a human thing." 

He winks. "by the way, i hope you don't mind that i ate the rest of my bro's spaghetti."

Sans pauses for a second. "then again, pap's cooking is sort of an...acquired taste. he's been taking cooking classes for a while, and he's gotten a lot better. i bet by next year, he'll be on his way to becoming master chef, or, at the very least, be able to make something edible."

 

**Exploring Snowdin**

Snowdin turns out to be a very festive and inviting town, and the pun in the name made you giggle when you saw it. 

(You love puns.)

First thing you do, is head into the shop, where you buy a Cinnamon Bun shaped like a bunny and a Bisicle. The shop keeper is very friendly, and she tells you all about the town. Then, she mentions Sans and Papyrus. 

When you ask about them, she chuckles. "Most people around here know about Sans and his brother. It sure was a surprise that one of the Royal Scientists chose to live down here...but then again, the River Person does make back and forth travels convenient. Anyway, the two of them just showed up one day and...asserted themselves. The town has sure gotten more exciting since the two of them showed up, that's for sure."

You thank the shop keeper for all the help and she smiles. "No problem, deary!"

The next thing you do is spend a couple minutes asleep in the Inn. Despite the fact that you only slept a little bit, you wake up feeling refreshed. 

Outside the Inn, you put the piece of the Snowman in the box, along with the toy knife and Butterscotch-Cinnamon pie. 

(You don't think you'll ever be able to eat the pie, not when it's the only thing you have that reminds you of Toriel's warmth and love.)

 

You explore the rest of the town.

You learn about the tradition of putting wrapped gifts underneath a decorated tree, and you add to the decorations by carefully tying the hair ribbon to one of the pine needles. 

"That looks pretty good!" says a bear monster as he places a carefully wrapped present underneath the tree.

(You feel proud of your addition.)

You talk to a couple of Snowdin residents hanging around outside, including a kid about your age named Monster Kid, who you split your Bisicle with. He doesn't have arms or anything, so he just takes the half with his mouth, instead. 

(You leave the now single 'sicle in your inventory for later.)

Eventually, you come across what has to be Sans and Papyrus' house, but the door is locked and no one answers when you knock on the door. 

Though you already know Toriel won't answer, you call her again.

...

There's no response.

 

You remember what Sans said about Papyrus' attacks, and you figure they must be like the other blue ones. All you have to do is think of blue stop signs...which is kind of a weird idea. 

Blue stop signs...

You decide it's time to leave, hoping to avoid getting into a fight with Papyrus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm...I wonder how Sans being Royal Scientist affects his relationship with Papyrus...


	55. a tale of two brothers (battling papyrus)

**Battling Papyrus**

As soon as you step out of the boundaries of Snowdin, you are immediately surrounded in a thick layer of fog, enough that you can barely see a foot or two ahead of you. 

Despite the fact that it's probably be a bad idea to wander off in this kind of weather, you decide to keep moving forward and just hope you won't trip over anything.   
You haven't taken more than a couple steps, however, when a familiar voice cuts through the fog.

"HUMAN."

You freeze in place. 

"ALLOW ME TO TALK ABOUT SOME COMPLEX FEELINGS. FEELINGS LIKE...THE JOY OF FINDING ANOTHER PASTA LOVER. THE ADMIRATION OF ANOTHER'S PUZZLE SOLVING SKILLS. THE DESIRE TO HAVE A COOL, SMART PERSON THINK YOU ARE COOL. THESE FEELINGS...THEY MUST BE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW!"

Mostly, you're just feeling confused and a little nervous. 

"I CAN HARDLY IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO FEEL THAT WAY. AFTER ALL, I AM VERY GREAT. I DON'T EVER WONDER WHAT HAVING LOTS OF FRIENDS IS LIKE. OR WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE VERY LONELY, DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT PHYSICALLY ALONE."

You want to give Papyrus a hug.

"I PITY YOU...LONELY HUMAN..." Papyrus' voice trails off, before it brightens up. "WORRY NOT!" he says cheerfully, "YOU WILL BE LONELY NO LONGER! I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE YOUR..." The taller skeletons voice trails off again.

"NO." 

Now he sounds uncertain.

"NO! THIS IS ALL WRONG! I CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND! YOU ARE A HUMAN! I MUST CAPTURE YOU! THEN, I WILL FULFILL MY LIFELONG DREAM!" Papyrus hesitates for a second, before plowing on. "POWERFUL! POPULAR! PRESTIGIOUS! THAT'S PAPYRUS! THE NEWEST MEMBER...OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"

Before you can do anything, the battle begins.

***Papyrus blocks the way!**

You carefully consider the options in front of you. 

You think about pressing **MERCY** , but you remember how it didn't work in other situations. 

So you press **ACT** , instead.

There are three options in front of you.

You decide to **CHECK** him.

***Papyrus  8 ATK   2 DEF**

***He likes to say: "Nyeh heh heh!"**

Unsurprisingly, Papyrus says, "NYEH HEH HEH!"

He summons some bone attacks, but you don't even need to dodge them.

Now it's your turn. 

This time, you press  **FLIRT.**

_"I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art."_

Papyrus looks a bit flustered. "WHAT?! FLIRTING?! SO...ARE YOU FINALLY REVEALING YOUR ULTIMATE FEELINGS?"

He sounds a bit hesitant, so you nod. 

"W-WELL...I'M A SKELETON WITH VERY HIGH STANDARDS!"

You think to yourself for a moment, then sign decisively-

_"I can make spaghetti."_

"NO!" Papyrus wails, "YOU'RE MEETING ALL OF MY STANDARDS! I GUESS THIS MEANS...MAYBE WE SHOULD GO ON A DATE LATER? IF YOU WANT? ANYWAY! WE CAN FIGURE THAT OUT LATER! FOR NOW, I MUST CAPTURE YOU!"

Papyrus sends another volley of bone attacks your way.

Just like before, you don't even need to move.

You decide to press **MERCY**. 

Papyrus looks even more flustered. "SO YOU WON'T FIGHT...WELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO USE MY FABLED BLUE ATTACK!"

Papyrus summons a wave of blue bones, these ones unavoidable. 

Remembering Sans' advice, you stay perfectly still. 

Once the attack ends, however, your entire body starts to feel incredibly heavy. 

"YOU'RE BLUE NOW! THAT'S MY ATTACK!"

Sure enough, your soul has turned a dark blue. 

Not knowing what else to do, you press **FLIRT** again.

_"I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you."_

Papyrus seems to be blushing bright blue. 

"WHAT?" he squawks, "I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT DATE THING!"

He sends some more bone attacks at you. Unlike earlier, your soul now seems to weigh you down, making jumping difficult. One of the attacks nicks you, and you lose a couple HP.

**Several attacks and bad pick up lines later...**

"I CAN ALMOST TASTE MY FUTURE POPULARITY!"

You dodge another round of bone attacks.

"THE KING WILL TRIM A HEDGE IN THE SHAPE OF MY SMILE!"

The next bone attacks are a bit slower, but just as difficult to dodge.

"MY BROTHER...WELL, HE WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME AS MUCH! HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE EVEN  _MORE_ TIME TO DO HIS SCIENCE STUFF!"

**Some regular attacks and a failed special attack later...**

"HUMAN...I AM GIVING YOU A CHANCE...TO ACCEPT MY **MERCY**. I CAN'T...NEVER-MIND. IT'S UP TO YOU."

You decide to **SPARE** him.

 

The fog has cleared. 

"NYOO HOO HOO..." Papyrus cries. "I CAN'T EVEN STOP SOMEONE AS WEAK AS YOU...I'M A FAILURE. UNDYNE'S GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME...SANS WILL NEVER BE PROUD OF ME, EITHER. I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD...AND SANS WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME AND NOT BE ABLE TO FULLY FOCUS ON BEING ROYAL SCIENTIST." 

Papyrus sniffles. "MY FRIEND QUALITY...WILL REMAIN STAGNANT..."

_"I want to be your friend."_

"REALLY? YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?"

You nod.

"WOWIE! WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD OUR FIRST DATE...AND I'VE ALREADY MANAGED TO HIT THE FRIEND ZONE!"

(You're not entirely sure what that is, but Papyrus seems happy enough.)

"WHO KNEW THAT THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE PALS...WAS TO GIVE PEOPLE AWFUL PUZZLES AND FIGHT THEM?"

Papyrus looks at you with a bright smile. "WOWIE! YOU'VE TAUGHT ME A LOT! I HEREBY GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO PASS."

**A brief explanation later...**

"ANYWAY, THAT'S ENOUGH TALKING FOR NOW. I'LL BE AT MY HOUSE, SO IF YOU WANT TO...HAVE OUR DATE, YOU CAN COME OVER AT ANY TIME!"

With that Papyrus...jumps up and walks away on the air with a couple "NYEH HEH HEH!"'s added for good measure, and is soon out of your line of sight. 


	56. tale as old as time

_The first time Segoe ever spoke to Aria was not particularly an memorable experience._

_She'd been on her way home from work, and her handkerchief fell out of her pockets onto the sidewalk below._

_Segoe had picked it up, calling, "Excuse me, miss, I think you dropped this."_

_And she had thanked him, and he had told her that really, it was no trouble at all, and the two of them went their separate ways._

_That was it._

_Years later, Segoe will spin it into something more romantic, claiming that it had been love at first sight, and Aria will swat him on the arm playfully, laughing that it really wasn't like that at all._

_Afterwards, the two would pass each other by occasionally, but aside from a brief smile and a nod, the two didn't interact beyond that. In fact, the two wouldn't properly meet for another six months._

 

Before he'd left for work, Segoe's roommate had attempted to push an umbrella into his hands, claiming it was going to rain later. Like an idiot, Segoe had refused to take said umbrella, because he'd been under the impression that, as a skeleton monster, a light shower wouldn't be that much of a big deal.

Turns out, the "light shower," was instead a full on downpour. And now he's stuck under a store awning, waiting for the rain to pass, his bones rattling from cold. Then, the store bell chimes.

"Excuse me, um...sir? Would you like to come in? I heard the storm's going to last awhile." He jumps, startled, and the voice immediately starts apologizing. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

He turns around, and in that moment, he swears time stands still. It's her. The woman with the handkerchief. 

"You'd really let me stay?" he asks.

(Unbeknownst to him, his eyelights are sparkling in hopefulness.)

"Well, I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it," she says with a smile. "Come on in. Oh, by the way, my name's Aria."

 She holds out a gloved hand, and Segoe takes it with a nervous smile.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Aria leads him into the building. Once he's inside, he sees that it's a flower shop. 

The place is pretty small, but there are rows and rows of potted plants filling most of the space. 

"Welcome to the Plant Palace," she says, gesturing towards the plants. "I can get you some towels." She heads behind the counter, disappearing into what looks like a closet door. She comes out with a few small towels. "Sorry, they're a bit small."She hands them to Segoe with a smile. He smiles back.

"Thank you," he says, drying his skull with one of the towels. He hesitates, not sure if she'll be alright with taking the now damp towel, but she takes it back easily, placing them both on the counter. 

"By the way," she says, "it would be nice to get your name."

"Oh! My name's Segoe. Nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too."

"So...you work here?" Segoe asks, trying to find a way to continue the conversation. As soon as he asks the question, he inwardly cringes, because  _no duh she works here._  
  
"What gave it away?" Aria jokes, and Segoe blushes pale pink. "Well, I've got a secret to tell you." Leaning forward, she stage whispers with a conspiratorial grin, "I'm actually here to rob the place, and I thought you would be a great accomplice." 

Segoe giggles, quickly clamping a hand over his mouth to conceal the noise. 

"You have a nice laugh," Aria tells him, her own face turning bright red.

Segoe looks down at the counter, twiddling his fingers together. "Ummm...thanks?"

Gathering his courage, he blurts out, "But I'm not sure that I be _leaf_ you."

Aria snorts, then groans into one hand. "This is a no pun zone, bone boy," she says sternly, but the way her mouth is twitching at the corners gives him enough bravery to continue.

"Really?  _Bud_ I was just getting started!"

This time, Aria bursts out laughing. Through her giggles, she responds, "Seriously? I think it's  _thyme_ for you to stop punning before I regret my decision to let you in!"

 

_They spent the afternoon together, laughing and telling bad puns until the rain finally stopped._

_When he left, Segoe promised to come back the very next day._

_And he did._


	57. communication is key

it's been six months since the barrier has been shattered, and humans and monsters are slowly but surely learning how to co-exist together.

honestly, i hadn't thought it would be possible.

sure, there had always been the hope that one day we would be able to reach the surface, but i'd always been a cynical skeleton.

it's the price i have to pay for being so hilarious. in order to be a good comedian, i think, you have to also be a cynic. 

probably.

anyway- the fact that we made it, and somehow finding our own place in a vastly different society? 

welp. 

that's something no one could have imagined. 

 

"SANS! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"huh?" 

(my bro is really good at sneaking up on people, especially when it comes to skeletons who are taking a nap on the living room couch.)

"SANS! DON'T YOU REMEMBER? YOU AGREED TO VISIT THE GARDENING CLUB I STARTED WITH FRISK AND ASGORE!"

"seems like i forgot. sorry, paps, guess my memory needs improving."

"SANS, I HAVE NO TIME FOR CLEVER WORDPLAY! THE CLUB WILL BE STARTING SOON, AND I WANT YOU TO MEET OUR NEW MEMBERS!"

"alright. why don't we  _leaf_ right now?"

"SAAAAANNNNSSS!"

 

the club is held at asgore's place, cause he has this little garden in the front with lots of room for new plants. the cottage itself is pretty nice, too, painted a cheerful yellow with a blue tiled roof.

all and all, i find the paint work very a _peel_ ing. 

When we get there, asgore isn't there, but frisk is...as well as three other humans. 

huh.

all three of them are taller than frisk, although one is about half a head shorter than the others. they look a bit older. it's hard to tell with humans, but i think they almost look like adults, but not quite.

one seems kind of startled, but she nervously waves at us. one of the other humans, a guy, is reading a book.

the other human, the shorter one, is slightly scuffing the grass with their sneaker. 

"You're Sans?" the girl questions, and i nod. now that i look closer, i can see her left arm is bandaged tightly with some kind of stiff white bandages.

"yep."

"I'm Scout." poking the guy on the shoulder, who doesn't react, she grins, saying "This is my cousin, Gabe. He doesn't do much."

Gabe lazily waves at me and papyrus. 

"And that's Q," scout says, gesturing towards the guy with his nose is a book. "He's a friend of me and Gabe."

papyrus turns to me, and excitedly says, "THESE ARE THE NEW CLUB MEMBERS I WAS TALKING ABOUT! APPARENTLY ASGORE MET THEM AT A PLACE THAT SELLS PLANTS!"

scout and gabe both nod. the third human gives us all a slight thumbs up. 

suddenly, gabe grins. "Hey, you wanna  _see_ something cool?"

the girl groans. "Say no," she begs. 

"sure."

gabe's grin stretches even wider. "Do the thing!"

"Alright,"scout sighs. she turns away for a brief moment, and then she turns back, hair now obscuring one side of her face.

"Hey, catch!"

she tosses something small and round; i grab it with blue magic.

i bring it closer.

"is it a marble, or-"

it's not a marble. it's an eye, like an actual human eye, made of glass.

what.

"what."

"Yeah, that's my eye. _**I can't actually see anything while wearing it**_ , but people kind of get wigged out if I didn't have anything at all."

"huh."

"WOWIE! YOU MUST BE AN INCREDIBLE WARRIOR!"

"Not really, but I like to pretend I am."

i hand the eye back to her, she turns and puts the eye back in her face.

asgore steps outside, smiling. "Howdy, Sans."

"heya."

frisk, while everyone was talking, had started to dig in the dirt with their small shovel. i walk over to the kid. 

"what'ya planting there, kiddo?"

they pull out a couple seed packets and hand them to me.

there are four in total: clover, orchid, rain lily, and evening primrose.

scout walks over and gently pats frisk on the head. 

"Hey, buddy. Thanks for helping me get started."

she turns to me. "I've never had much of a green thumb, but I thought I might as well give it a try."

her friend, asgore, and papyrus have started up a conversation about future club plans. gabe seems to contribute the least to the discussion. meanwhile, the third person is heading inside.

"It's weird though," she says. "Unless..." she trails off.

"unless..."

"Nah, forget about it. You want to help out?"

"i might as well help out, this seems like it might be fun  _thyme_."

i grin, giving both of them the double finger gun.

frisk giggles, and scout snorts into their free hand.

nailed it.


	58. a tale of two brothers (a date with papyrus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk goes on a date with Papyrus, and learns a bit about him.

You and Papyrus are standing in his room. 

The tall skeleton looks a little nervous. "SO, UM...IF YOU'VE SEEN EVERYTHING...DO YOU WANT TO START THE DATE?"

Papyrus looks to you, and you nod decidedly. 

_"Yes."_

Papyrus brightens up. "GREAT! OKAY...DATING START! I GUESS?"

Immediately, you're pulled into what looks like an  **Encounter** , save for the fact that you don't have any options to choose from.

Papyrus' smile is still as bright, even in black and white. "HERE WE ARE!" he announces proudly. "ON OUR DATE!!"

He pauses. "I, UH...ACTUALLY NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. BUT DON'T WORRY!" he reassures, "AFTER ALL, YOU CAN'T SPELL "PREPARED," WITHOUT SEVERAL LETTERS FROM MY NAME!"

You can't help but giggle.

Papyrus gives you a thumbs up. "I SNAGGED AN OFFICIAL DATING BOOK FROM THE LIBRARY! WITH THIS GUIDE, WE'LL NO DOUBT HAVE A GREAT TIME!" 

Papyrus pulls a book out from...somewhere.

"LET'S SEE..." Papyrus scans through the first few pages, muttering under his breath to himself. 

"AHA! GOT IT! LET'S SEE...' **PRESS THE [ C ] KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD FOR THE DATING HUB.'** DO YOU HAVE AN APP OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON YOUR PHONE?"

You shrug, and press the letter 'c' on your cellular phone, having nothing else to do. To your surprise, a bunch of science looking graphs and figures, as well as the current date, appear above and around Papyrus.

The one that confuses you the most, is a small egg near Papyrus' foot, which is unhelpfully labeled 'egg,' with nothing else to explain its presence.

(You decide to just go with the flow.) 

"WOWIE!" Papyrus says, taking a moment to look around, his expression full of awe and wonder. "I FEEL SO INFORMED!"

Papyrus then begins to leaf through the book. "ALRIGHT, I THINK WE'RE READY FOR STEP TWO. LET'S SEE..."

You wait patiently for Papyrus to finish reading.

"IT SAYS... **'STEP TWO: ASK THEM ON A DATE.'** "

Papyrus clears his throat unnecessarily. "AHEM! HUMAN! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!"

You smile, and give him a thumbs up.

"R-REALLY? I GUESS THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR PART THREE!!!"

 

**A series of revelations later, in which Papyrus learns you've been wearing clothes to impress him AND that you like his style...**

 

Blushing, Papyrus tells you that your compliment doesn't mean as much, "NOT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE HIDDEN POWER OF MY OUTFIT! THEREFORE..." Papyrus pauses dramatically, "WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS INVALID! THIS DATE WON'T ESCALATE ANY FURTHER...UNLESS YOU FIND MY SECRET...AND YOU NEVER WILL!"

You can't tell if Papyrus is proud of himself. 

In fact, he looks a little dejected, like he expects you to just give up.

(Despite his words, you think he really wants you to take the time to look for the secret.)

You tap your finger against your chin, examining Papyrus from head to toe. 

He fidgets a little bit, but doesn't say anything else. 

(He looks a bit more hopeful.)

Since he said the secret was about his clothes, you look at every single article of clothing. 

First, you point at his shoes. Papyrus shakes his head, looking a bit more cheerful now that you seem interested in said secret.

"HUMAN SOULS ARE STRONGER THAN MONSTER SOULS," he informs you. "BUT THE SOLES OF OUR SHOES ON OUR FEET...ARE PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY THE SAME." 

You continue to look at his outfit. 

The next thing you point at is his t-shirt. Papyrus shakes his head once more, before he gestures to said shirt, explaining, "THIS SHIRT DIDN'T ORIGINALLY SAY ' **COOL'** ON IT, BUT I THINK THE ADDITION IMPROVED IT! WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

You nod, giving him a double thumbs up.

"EXPERT TIP: ALL CLOTHING ARTICLES CAN BE IMPROVED THIS WAY."

(You make sure to remember this important tip for later.)

**A few moments later, in which Papyrus presents you with a gift of spaghetti and then turns you down with an apologetic smile...**

 

The encounter ends, and the two of you are returned to Papyrus' bedroom.

He looks a little abashed. "I'M SORRY I LEAD YOU ALONG LIKE THIS. I HOPE...WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS?"

You smile at him.  _"Friends."_

Papyrus beams. "HUMAN! I'LL HELP YOU THROUGH THESE TRYING TIMES! I'LL DO MY BEST TO BE A COOL FRIEND, AND I'LL HELP YOU FIND SOMEONE ALMOST AS GOOD AS ME! MAYBE EVEN BETTER!"

_"Not sure if anyone can be greater than you. But, thank you, Papyrus."_

Papyrus scratches the back of his skull with a gloved hand, looking a bit unsure of himself. "THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY THAT, HUMAN!"

_"It's true."_

Papyrus looks a bit embarrassed, but also happy at the same time. "WELL...YOU ARE TOO! I GUESS...WE HAVE THAT IN COMMON?" 

(He sounded a little unsure about the last part.)

You nod, giving him another double thumbs up. 

"YOU KNOW, YOU ACTUALLY REMIND ME OF SOMEONE I KNOW, KIND OF. I MEAN...I DON'T KNOW THEM THAT WELL, AND I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, BUT I'VE TALKED TO THEM A COUPLE TIMES, AND THEY ALSO SAID SOMETHING SIMILAR!" 

_"What did they say?"_

"THEY TOLD ME I COULD DO ANYTHING I PUT MY SOUL INTO, AND THAT I WAS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING. THEIR WORDS INSPIRED ME SO MUCH...AND THANKS TO THEM, I WAS ABLE TO GATHER UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO ASK UNDYNE IF I COULD JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD!

YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME ANYONE OTHER THAN SANS TOLD ME THAT I HAD POTENTIAL."

He pauses for a moment. "NOT THAT I DON'T VALUE SANS' OPINION!" he hurriedly says. "IT'S JUST, SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE...HE FEELS OBLIGATED TO TELL ME I'M COOL, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH... FEELINGS ARE WEIRD SOMETIMES, AREN'T THEY?" 

 _"Yep,"_ you sign in agreement.

Feelings  _are_ weird, sometimes.

"I'M GLAD YOU AGREE! WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY FOR NOW!"

Papyrus then poses heroically, blue scarf fluttering in a non-existing breeze. "SORRY TO LEAVE YOU LIKE THIS, BUT I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. REMIND ME LATER TO INTRODUCE YOU TWO! YOU WON'T ACTUALLY GET TO SEE EACH OTHER FACE TO FACE OR ANYTHING, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'LL LIKE EACH OTHER."

Papyrus starts to leave, then pauses, turning back. "OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! HERE'S MY NUMBER. YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTIME! PLATONICALLY, THAT IS. FEEL FREE TO STAY HERE AS LONG AS YOU'D LIKE!"

With those parting words, Papyrus leaves the room with a parting, "NYEH HEH HEH!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this is pretty much how it went down in the game, but...it seems like Papyrus is a lot less confident this time around.  
> Huh.  
> I wonder why...
> 
> Some food for thought:  
> Who is his mysterious friend?  
> Isn't it strange how such a small change can have such a large impact?  
> Why am I asking all of these questions?  
> Find out...sometime in the future.


	59. despite everything, it's still you [crossover time!]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter what, he's still your brother, even if he's from an alternate universe where everyone is evil.

i remember the first time i saw the alternate version of my brother, and how just looking at him made me feel helpless and afraid. because he was wearing papyrus' face, but it was all  _wrong,_ sharp edges and scowls instead of sunny smiles and cheerful laughter. 

my bro, of course, immediately tried making friends with the other skeleton, but that attempt didn't go so well. if it hadn't been for his quick reflexes, he would have been skewered multiple times on the spot. 

of course, that stuff isn't going to fly when i'm around.

so i suggested that maybe paps could make some of his friendship spaghetti, and when my bro was in the kitchen, i made sure to inform the other skeleton that if he even  _tried_ attacking my bro, he was going to  **h a v e  a  b a d  t i m e**.

he'd scoffed. 

"VERY WELL, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T TRY ANY FUNNY BUSINESS, EITHER."

 

anyway, now we have papyrus' evil twin from another dimension living in our house. or, more specifically, he's living in our bathroom. and no, i didn't make him stay there. in fact, i offered the couch, and my bro even offered his own bed. but for some reason, the guy chose the bathroom. 

go figure. 

he hasn't let anyone step foot in the place, either. or should i say, he doesn't want _toilet_ us in?

heh.

 

a day after the whole mess happened, i wake up to the sound of pans clattering in the kitchen. sitting up on the sofa, i peer blearily into the other room, expecting to see my brother making his usual breakfast spaghetti. instead, i see the edgy version of my bro, making something that smells like...lasagna? 

"morning edgy," i call out, and he...flinches. it's a quick motion, but it definitely happened.

then, his posture stiffens. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" he snaps. 

"just here to get some ketchup," i say, and edgelord turns to face me with a disgusted face.

"I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THAT YOU WOULD ALSO HAVE NO TASTE. ALTHOUGH," he says with a considering frown, "AT LEAST IT ISN'T MUSTARD."

the oven dings, and he turns around and gets the pan out of the oven, placing it on the counter-top with ease. 

"did you see my bro?"

not-papyrus scoffs. "OF COURSE I DID. HE WENT OUT FOR HIS MORNING JOG, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HE EVEN HAD TO NERVE TO ASK ME IF I WANTED TO COME ALONG." 

a thought occurs to me. "you know, if you're going to be staying here, we probably need to think of a nickname for you."

crossing his arms over his chest, edgy scowls. "I WILL NOT ANSWER TO ANY SORT OF...NICKNAME. I AM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, AFTER ALL. THAT OTHER SKELETON WILL JUST HAVE TO GO AND GET HIS NAME CHANGED."

"uhhhh...no can do. though, if it makes you feel any better, you can pick your own nickname."

"FINE." he taps his chin thoughtfully. "FROM NOW ON, YOU MUST CALL ME...SUPREME LORD OF DARKNESS. OR BOSS. EITHER ONE WORKS."

"not happening." 

"THEN YOU MUST REFER TO ME AS PAPYRUS, SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE THE BRAINS TO APPRECIATE MY CLEVER WORDPLAY."

"what about...edgelord?"

he stomps his foot. "I WILL NOT BE CALLED SUCH A CHILDISH NAME!" 

i decide not to mention that he's kind of acting like a kid right now.

 

unlike my bro's battle body, edgelord's armor seems to actually be made of metal. you can always hear him coming, because it clanks when he walks. plus, he stomps around a lot. 

the armor itself is jet black, and the shoulder pads have sharp points attached to them. funnily enough, he also wears the exact same scarf my bro has. i would have thought he'd change it to something more...edgy looking. 

paps keeps trying to make friends with him, no matter how many tells i tell him that the guy isn't capable of having friends. 

but my bro's always seen the bright side of things, always believed in the best of people. honestly, in this case, i dunno how he does it.

i mean, it's a version of himself with no morals, who's clearly killed before and who will probably keep killing without anyone to keep an eye, or should i say, an eye  _socket_ , on him.

 

there's a strange sound coming from the bathroom.

kind of like a squeak.

or a sniffle. 

i knock on the door. "everything okay in there, edgelord?"

"FINE! NOTHING IS GOING ON! NOTHING THAT YOU WOULD CARE ABOUT, BECAUSE NOTHING IS HAPPENING. AT ALL."

"you sure?"

"I _SAID_ NOTHING'S GOING ON!" he snaps furiously. 

"ummm...alright." 

"FINE!"

his voice doesn't sound right. 

i pause. "look, i don't mean to pry or anything, but if you need to talk about..."

"NO!" 

the tone of his voice seems familiar, but i can't figure out how. 

wait. 

he sounds like papyrus-  _my_ papyrus- when he's trying to hold back tears. 

when he doesn't want me to know he's upset.

i pull out a book from my inventory. "well, you mind if i read something out here?"

"DO WHATEVER YOU WANT."

"great. actually, you mind if i read it out loud? helps me concentrate better."

"WHATEVER. JUST STOP TALKING TO ME."

i settle down on the carpet next to the door, placing the book carefully across my lap. once i'm comfortable, i read out the title, just like i do for papyrus every night when i tell him his bedtime story.

"peek-a-boo with fluffy bunny, by allen jones."

when i finish, there's a scoffing sound from behind the door. "DON'T TELL ME  _THAT'S_ WHAT YOU'RE READING."

"what's the matter with fluffy bunny?" i ask, trying to stifle a laugh.

"ONLY _BABYBONES_ READ STUFF LIKE THAT."

"hey now, fluffy bunny is a classic. besides, i'm just reading it to myself. you don't have to listen if you don't want to."

edgelord huffs loudly. "I'M NOT. IT JUST SEEMS SO...CHILDISH. MY SANS WOULD NEVER READ SUCH A BOOK LIKE THAT, AND HE WOULDN'T DARE READ SUCH DRIVEL OUT LOUD." 

"guess he's not into the whole bedtime story thing, huh?" i ask, somewhat sarcastically.

there's no response, so i flip open to the first page. "down in the meadow, past the old oak tree, lived a little bunny..."

edge is quiet the entire time i read it. 

at the end of the book, he asks grumpily, "IS THAT IT? THAT'S FAR TOO SHORT!"

"i thought you said you weren't listening," i tease, and there's an outraged scoff from behind the door.

"I WASN'T! I JUST THINK THAT IT SEEMS RATHER...POINTLESS TO HAVE A BOOK SO SHORT."

"well, that's the magic of fluffy bunny."

"NYEH?"

for a second i freeze in place, because even though i've known all this time that this skeleton is another version of my brother, it never really registered until now that, yes, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is _papyrus_. 

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? SANS? SANS!"

"sorry, paps. guess i got distracted."

"OF COURSE YOU DID."

he doesn't sound angry, though. 

"alright. anyway, the magic of fluffy bunny is that, no matter how many times you read it, it'll always have something new to surprise you with."

"I DON'T GET IT. HOWEVER! I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, WILL MAKE AN EFFORT TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND YOUR PERSPECTIVE. OF COURSE, THAT WOULD MEAN YOU HAVING TO GO OVER IT AGAIN, BUT THAT'S A SACRIFICE I'M WILLING TO MAKE."

"well, i'll do my best to convince you." so i turn the pages back to beginning, and start reading all over again.

 

when i finish the book, i ask him, "have you come to a decision?"

"...NOT YET."

"alright. i'll go through it again, and maybe you'll make up your mind by then."

"FINE."

 

by the fifth time, he's still not quite sure. "PERHAPS YOU CAN RUN IT BY ME JUST ONE MORE TIME, I SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THE MIDDLE PART. "

so i read it again.

when i reach the end, he doesn't say anything at all.

instead, i hear soft breathing and shuffling snores, the same sounds my bro makes when i finally manage to get him to fall asleep.

huh.


	60. a tale of two brothers (papyrus meets someone new)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place before the events of the game.

Papyrus has always known about the door leading into the Ruins, but he's never really thought much about what was on the other side. Then again, he doesn't really spend that much time in that part of the woods, only going there once a day to check if there are any humans stuck at his fence trap. 

One afternoon, however, he finds himself a bit bored. He's checked and double-checked and triple-checked all of his puzzles, and when he came to the entrance of the Ruins, there still weren't any humans to be found.  

But!

That doesn't mean it won't happen! 

Squaring his shoulders, he decides to give himself a pep talk, something which usually helps Sans when his brother feels a little bit down. 

"MAYBE THERE AREN'T ANY HUMANS HERE TODAY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THERE WON'T BE! ALL I HAVE TO DO IS BE PATIENT, AND THEN ONCE I CAPTURE A HUMAN, I'LL FINALLY BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO GO TALK TO UNDYNE AND ASK TO BECOME A ROYAL GUARD!"

He poses heroically, even though there's no one around to see him. "AFTER ALL...I'M THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"

He feels a little silly calling himself "great," but he needs to get over his doubts if he ever wants to become a member of the royal guard! 

"WELL, HOPEFULLY A HUMAN WILL COME SOON...WAIT! I HAVE AN IDEA! MAYBE IF I PRACTICE WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY, THEN I'LL BE LESS NERVOUS ABOUT TALKING TO UNDYNE."

He pauses for a moment. "WELL, I'LL KNOCK ON HER DOOR FIRST. BUT HOW SHOULD I KNOCK? MAYBE LIKE..."

Papyrus lightly raps on the door two times, pauses, then gives one final rap on the door.

He frowns. "MAYBE THAT'S TOO HESITANT. WHAT IF..."

He then pounds on the door several times. "HMMMM...SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT TOO DESPERATE."

Papyrus sighs. "I HAVEN'T EVEN FIGURED OUT HOW TO KNOCK ON THE DOOR, HOW AM I EVER GOING TO ACTUALLY TALK TO UNDYNE AT THIS RATE?"

Maybe he can skip this step and move onto what he'll need to say?

"HELLO, UNDYNE! MY NAME IS PAPYRUS, AND I...WELL, YOU SEE, I HAVE JUST CAPTURED A HUMAN! CAN I JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD?"

There's no response.

"I SHOULD PRACTICE JUST IN CASE SHE SAYS NO. MAYBE I CAN ASK HER IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO CAN TRAIN ME? MAYBE?"

Again, the only response is the wind rustling the trees.

"I'LL COME BACK TOMORROW AND MAYBE I'LL BE A BIT BETTER."

 

The next day, he shows up at the same time. He knocks on the door once more, this time making sure the knock is neither too loud nor too quiet. "ALRIGHT, SO I'LL KNOCK ON THE DOOR...AND WAIT FOR HER TO ANSWER..."

He waits for a couple of seconds. "SO THEN SHE'LL OPEN THE DOOR...I PROBABLY SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF FIRST AFTER SHE DOES THAT." He clears his throat. "GREETINGS, CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD! SORRY TO BOTHER YOU...MY NAME IS PAPYRUS!"

Papyrus frowns to himself. "WAIT, THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE I'M APOLOGIZING ABOUT MY OWN NAME..."

_SHOULD I WAIT FOR UNDYNE TO INTRODUCE HERSELF FIRST? BUT...I ALREADY KNOW WHO SHE IS! EVERYONE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!_

"Hello?"

"NYEH?! IS SOMEONE THERE?!" Papyrus shrieks, whirling around and searching in every direction in a blind panic. To his surprise, there's no one around.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I did not mean to startle you!"

"IT'S FINE! I JUST NEVER EXPECTED A DOOR TO START TALKING TO ME!"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am not a talking door. I am merely standing behind the door."

"...OH. THAT ACTUALLY MAKES MUCH MORE SENSE!" Papyrus says, feeling a bit foolish. "ANYWAY, MY NAME IS PAPYRUS! BUT...UM, YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNEW THAT, SINCE I WAS SORT OF SHOUTING MY NAME AT THE DOOR AND STUFF."

"It's very nice to meet you, Papyrus," the voice says, and she actually sounds like she means it!

Even though he was shouting at her door and probably being annoying! 

"IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO!"

He waits a bit for her to introduce herself. 

"UMMM...DO YOU...HAVE A NAME? I MEAN- OBVIOUSLY YOU DO, IT'S JUST-"

The woman's voice sounds amused, yet still kind, when she responds with, "Yes, I do indeed have a name, but..."

"OH! I DIDN'T MEAN TO PRY OR ANYTHING!"

"No, no, it's all right. I'm just...rather private, that's all."

"I UNDERSTAND!"

_I TOTALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND!_

"If you would like, you may refer to me using a nickname. Is that what they call it these days? I must admit, I'm a little out of the loop when it comes to the latest trends." She sounds a bit abashed. _  
_

"NO PROBLEM! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM EXCELLENT WHEN IT COMES TO NAMING THINGS! LET'S SEE...WHAT ABOUT...DOOR BUDDY? IS THAT OKAY?"

"That sounds quite a _door_ able!"

"WAIT, WAS THAT A PUN? OH NO! HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO SANS, LATELY?"

"I can't say I've heard of that name. Does he also enjoy telling puns?"

"HE'S MY BROTHER, AND HE TOO, ALSO PARTAKES IN BAD WORDPLAY...NO OFFENSE!"

"None taken."

"WELL, I SHOULD GO. I'M SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU!"

"You're not bothering me at all! Actually, it's quite nice to have someone to talk to. Do you...would it be possible for us to talk again?"

"REALLY? YOU MEAN IT? OKAY! I'LL BE HERE TOMORROW, THEN!"

 

When he gets home, Sans is already asleep on the couch, so Papyrus reads his bedtime story to himself. 

The next morning, Papyrus almost decides to tell Sans about his new friend.

_THEN AGAIN, MAYBE THAT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA. TWO PEOPLE TELLING AWFUL PUNS...THAT WOULD BE UNBEARABLE!_

 So, he doesn't.

 

"Door Buddy" turns out to be an excellent listener!

"...AND HE WON'T MOVE HIS SOCK! HE JUST KEEPS PUTTING STICKY NOTES ON IT!"

There's a chuckle from the other side. "I've dealt with a similar sort of situation, myself. Children are very good at evading their chores."

"IN FACT, I'VE GIVEN UP ON CLEANING SANS' ROOM BY NOW."

"What about your own room?"

"I KEEP IT VERY NEAT AND TIDY! CLEANING CAN BE QUITE RELAXING, AFTER ALL. I JUST WISH THAT ANNOYING DOG WOULD STOP LEAVING HIS FUR ALL OVER EVERY SURFACE!"

"Annoying dog?"

"HE'S THE ONE WHO KEEPS STEALING MY ATTACKS, THAT PESKY MUTT! BUT HE ALSO IS REALLY ADORABLE, SO IT'S HARD TO STAY MAD AT HIM."

"That sounds  _paw_ _s_ itively annoying!"

"UGH."

"Alright, I'll stop  _hounding_ you."

"HOW IS THIS MY LIFE."

He can hear her giggling, and, to his utter annoyance, he finds himself smiling as well. 


	61. for sunlight on the garden

It's a lovely day outside, perfect for an afternoon of gardening. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the flowers Asgore planted early in spring are just starting to bloom. 

The sun-warmed dirt feels nice against his feet, the wind cool against his fur. 

The gardening club is not meeting up today, but both of the skeleton brothers came over to visit. Right now, Sans is lying fast asleep among some of the earlier blooming yellow flowers, snoring softly. There's a flower petal right above his nasal cavity, and with every breath he takes, the petal rises and falls with them. 

Papyrus is trimming the hedges, cheerfully humming as he works. Today, he's not wearing his ( _...what did he call it again? His battle body?_ ) usual attire. Instead, Papyrus is wearing a pair of light blue overalls over a pale pink shirt. 

Asgore, himself, has shed his formal robes for a much more casual attire, as well. Actually, he's wearing a shirt Sans had gifted to him a few months earlier- a rainbow of swirls and colors that Sans had informed him was called "tie-dye." 

(The shirt has become one of his favorites, partly because it's comfortable, but also because it seems to make people happy whenever they see it.)

Neither of them are wearing shoes, and each have a straw hat perched jauntily on top of their heads. 

Sans, on the other hand, is wearing his usual outfit-although, on a second glance, Asgore sees that the fuzzy slippers have been replaced with a pair of lime-green flip flops.

Asgore gently sets down his watering can on the backyard porch. Papyrus, having finished trimming the hedge, heads into the little garden shed to place the tool away. When he comes out, he must have caught a glimpse of his sleeping brother, because he sighs fondly. 

Papyrus walks over to Sans, then stops with a mischievous grin. Holding one finger against his non-existing lips, Papyrus tiptoes over to the porch, then picks up the half-full watering can. 

_I think I see where this is going._

Creeping over to where Sans is sleeping, Papyrus begins to water the flowers- and by extension, Sans as well. 

Despite this, Sans doesn't react at all. 

Asgore can't help but laugh, which he feels bad about, until the taller skeleton also begins giggling as well. 

Sans, meanwhile, remains fast asleep.

 

Already, the season has begun to change; in a couple days, it will be officially summer. The nights have grown warmer; the days are much longer, with the sun lingering in the sky for a precious few more hours. 

(Ever since the Barrier was broken, he's always woken up early enough to watch the sunrise.)

 

Inside, Asgore pours them all a glass of lemonade. 

"thanks, king fluffybuns," Sans says lazily.

Papyrus takes a sip, then furrows his non-existent brows. "I WONDER...DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD GO WELL WITH SPAGHETTI?"


	62. you forgot your floaties

Your mom's fire magic is _amazing_ and _perfect_ in many ways. It's good for making butterscotch-cinnamon pies that are always baked perfectly, for keeping the house warm in the winter. She can even infuse some of that magic into clothing, so that you don't catch a cold when playing outside in the snow. 

Sadly, fire magic isn't very helpful when the weather is even hotter than it was in July, when you and Monster Kid actually managed to fry an egg on the sidewalk. What's worse, is that there's a city wide power outage, so going inside isn't much better than being outside. The official people on TV said that outage was temporary, and it should be back on in a couple hours. 

For now, you're all miserable. 

The only one happy about all of this is the Nice Cream Vendor, but that's because he's getting a ton of customers out of the whole ordeal. 

Obviously, there is only one way to deal with this awful heat.

 

The pool in Undyne and Alphys' backyard is ginormous, practically the size of the ones you see on television for the Olympics. There's a diving board, and even a twisty slide!

 You don't know how to swim that good, so you're wearing pink and purple arm floaties with little dinosaurs. Monster Kid can't swim either, but he's outfitted in an lime-green inner tube instead, since he doesn't have arms.   

Undyne gives you and Monster Kid both a (separate) welcome noogie. "Hey punks! Glad you could make it!"

_"Hi Undyne!"_

"Yeah!" Monster Kid squeals, wriggling around in excitement. 

"You ready to begin your training?" Undyne asks with a grin. 

Both of you nod enthusiastically. 

(You have the feeling that she wouldn't have taken no for an answer.)

"Uh-huh!" Monster Kid crows. "I'm ready for ANYTHING!"

"Fuh-huh-huh! That's a warrior's attitude right there!" Turning to her house, she calls, "PAPYRUS! Get over here, it's time for resistance training with these two punks!" 

There's the sound of shattering glass, and suddenly, Papyrus is standing in front of all of you. He poses.

"WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?"

Papyrus is wearing a pair of blue swimming trunks underneath a bright pink and orange bikini top. You think there's a layer of sunscreen smeared on his skull, which is odd, because he doesn't have skin to burn in the first place.

_"You look cool."_

Papyrus beams. "THANK YOU!"

"Hey," Monster Kid says to Undyne, "where's Alphys?"

"I'm here!" 

Sure enough, there's Alphys, standing shyly by the backdoor. She's wearing a modest one-piece swimsuit with a cute skirt attached to it. 

Undyne squeaks, then flushes bright blue. 

"Is-is th-this too much?" Alphys asks, stuttering even more than usual as her gaze darts quickly between the four of you. 

"NOT AT ALL! IT LOOKS RATHER NICE," Papyrus says with a reassuring smile, before quickly adding, "DOESN'T IT, UNDYNE?", the tone of his voice now sly.

"Gnerk...I mean, yeah! Looks badass, babe!"

"Al-alright, if you guys say so..." Alphys says, nervously twisting her hands together. 

"Heck yeah!" Undyne says, scooping Alphys up and twirling her around.

"Gah!" Alphys yelps, and Undyne sets her gently down back onto the ground with a much softer smile.

"I've gotcha, babe." Then, her grin turns predatory. "Alright, it's time for some extreme training!"

With that, she runs towards the pool and dives right into the deep end. When she comes back up, however, she's carrying something...or, rather, someone. It's Sans. 

"Nyagghh! What were you doing down there?" Undyne shouts, plopping the small skeleton down on the edge of the pool. 

For once, Sans isn't wearing his usual hoodie/basketball shorts combo. Instead, he has on a pair of swimming trunks, and a t-shirt with the words "Beach Bum" printed on it. 

"SANS! STOP TAKING NAPS IN SUCH WEIRD PLACES!"

Sans winks. " _water_ you mean? everything was going along _swimmingly_."

Both Papyrus and Undyne groan in frustration.

"YOU WEREN'T SWIMMING, YOU WERE SINKING!"

"eh, sometimes you got to exaggerate in order to tell a good joke," Sans says with another, more exaggerated, wink. 

 

The extreme training, after a bit, turned into Undyne and Papyrus just full-on competing against one another. Doing handstands underwater, sliding down the slide backwards and upside down, you name it.  

You and MK just watch from the shallow end, occasionally splashing each other. 

Sans has acquired a swimming tube of his own, as well as a pair of arm floaties, and he's drifting lazily around the pool, seemingly unaffected by the chaos surrounding him. 

Alphys has been roped into keeping score, but from the wide smile on her face, you don't think she minds one bit.


	63. i sing the body electric

_"Did you hear? Mettaton's releasing his own book!"_

_"Omigosh, yes!"_

_"I already pre-pre-ordered it!"_

_"Me too!"_

_"I'm so excited!"_

_"I can't wait!"_

 

Mettaton had never once imagined that he would _ever_ actually write a book- after all, isn't it the job of other people to write about him? But his producers had suggested that it would go over well with his fans, and he's never been one to disappoint his lovelies. 

 

_"What do you think the book's going to be about?"_

_"Maybe it'll be an autobiography!"_

_"Whatever it is, I know it's going to be, like, the greatest book in the entire universe."_

_"I know, right?"_

 

The only teeniest, _tiniest_ problem, is that writing a book is just a _tad_ more difficult than he had assumed it would be. After all, he wants to sound sincere, but not _too_ sincere- it would no doubt tarnish his reputation if anyone found out he has any sort of flaws, or even worse, _doubts_ about himself. 

(There's simply no time for worries or doubts when you're too busy being fabulous 24/7.)

He could write about all the struggles he went through to become the superstar he is today, but he would have to...edit out some of the minor details. Make sure he isn't anything but glamorous and beautiful in the eyes of his readers. 

Perhaps he shouldn't have made the news of his upcoming book public, especially since he...hasn't technically written a single word, let alone an entire  _chapter._

(Well, the ratings will make it all worth it in the end.)

 

Mettaton is perfection incarnate. He struts (or, to be more precise, rolls) everywhere with confidence, knowing that all eyes are on him, and him alone. He is the one and only celebrity of the Underground, a star shining so brightly that no one even dares to try and challenge him. Figuratively speaking, he's on the top of the world.

And yet...it's never quite been enough. 

~~Nothing ever is.~~

 

Mettaton hasn't spoken to Alphys in months, and when he does, she's always a bit...clingy. Desperate, even, for his approval. Of course, he's used to everyone acting like that in his presence, nowadays, but...

For some strange reason, it actually  _bothers_ him that Alphys acts this way as well. 

She also keeps sending mixed messages as well, because even though she clearly is  _dying_ for his approval, she still hasn't made any progress with his upgrades.

 

There's a funny term humans use on the Surface, "ghost writing," which apparently means that a celebrities' book was not actually written by themselves, and not that a ghost actually wrote the book. 

Technically, he's ghost writing this- because underneath his fabulous metallic body is a ghost, and he's writing a book!

(It's such a shame that he can't share this witty remark with anyone else.)

 

Perhaps a fictional story would do much better with his audience. Or, better yet, he could write a screenplay, and claim it as an unreleased script for a movie he never made! 

Now, what will this story be about? There should certainly be romance, drama, star-crossed lovers, friendship, sharks, and plenty of explosions. 

And it will be absolutely  _perfect._  


	64. the world's gonna know your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans starts his very own online blog.

**March 14th, 3:31 AM**

so. my name's sans. sans the skeleton. and this is my blog, i guess. 

welp, that's about it for now.

**Comments**

 

 **CoolSkeleton49:** SANS! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO START A BLOG! I'M SO PROUD!

 **snas:** yeah, but this really tired me out. i think i'm going to need at least ten naps before i can recover from this ordeal

 **CoolSkeleton49:** SANS...

 **FriskyBusiness:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **CoolSkeleton49:** FRISK! DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!

 **hatman22:** lololololololololol

 

**June 5th, 2:10 AM**

hey. it's me again.

you ever wonder what hot dogs are made of?

you probably shouldn't.

**Comments**

**hatman22:** now i REALLY want to know. 

 **snas:**  don't say i didn't warn you

 **CoolSkeleton49:** SANS, ARE YOU SAYING THERE'S SOMETHING NEFARIOUS ABOUT THESE TUBES OF MEAT? 

 **snas:** not as far as i know.

 **CoolSkeleton49:** GOOD.

 **FriskyBusiness:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **hatman22:** oh god i regert everything  why just why

 

**June 6th, 7:45 PM**

found out why pizza boxes are square

also i accidentally swallowed a bee

don't tell papyrus, but i drank his energy drink cause there wasn't anything left in the fridge

  **Comments**

 **CoolSkeleton49:** SANS YOU DO KNOW I READ YOUR BLOG, RIGHT?

 **snas:**...oops

 **snas:** sorry bout that

 **CoolSkeleton49:** YOU SHOULD BE! NOT ONLY DID YOU DEPRIVE YOUR BELOVED BROTHER OF HIS NEW FAVORITE DRINK, BUT YOU ALSO KILLED A BEE. WHEN I GET HOME, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A FUNERAL.

 **snas:** the bee's not dead

 **CoolSkeleton49:** BUT DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED IT?

 **snas:** yeah but i coughed it up a few seconds later

 **ihatetuesdays:** once time i accidentally swallowed a fly :(

 **johnnyboi:** lol how can a skeleton swallow anything?

 **snas:** thats a bit personal but yeah we can swallow stuff. how else would i be able to drink my ketchup?

 **johnnyboi:** i gotta try some of that

 **hatman22:** ewwwwwwwww XD

 

**June 6th, 10:15 PM (DELETED)**

my skull hurts 

i dont know what to do

im tired of it all

not knowing when everything's going to be undone

 

**July 3rd, 12:01 AM**

i can't find any toast there's only bread lol

how is this my life

** Comments **

**CoolSkeleton49:** SANS, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO TELL IF YOU ARE JOKING OR NOT BUT I AM GOING TO ASSUME THE BEST OF YOU

**FriskyBusiness: ~(˘▾˘~)**

**CoolSkeleton49:** AWWW...THANK YOU FOR THE DIGITAL HUG, FRISK!

 **Grimwood:** honestly, i can relate

 **FriskyBusiness:**  ﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?

 **Grimwood:** no 

 **snas:** awww i thought i found a kindred spirit in some random stranger on the internet

 **Grimwood:** guess not

 **johnnyboi:** hey grim it's wednesday! you still obseessed with that?

 **snas:**?

 **Grimwood:** I already explained why. I'm not going over it again.

 **johnnyboi:** fine fine

 **johnnyboi:** u have to admit u were bein weird tho

 **Grimwood:** Sure, I guess. 

 **snas:** lol


	65. and they were never stars at heart

It's seven-thirty p.m, and you and your mom are sitting on the back porch, each of you eating a slice of butterscotch cinnamon pie. 

The backyard is full of fireflies, tiny stars bobbing and drifting and weaving above the grass; so far you've caught and released at least five. 

The forecast had predicted rain, but aside from a few drifting clouds, the sky is clear. The air smells of rain, though, and the air feels a bit static-y, so it's probably going to rain at some point during the night. 

Putting down her plate, your mom ruffles your hair softly. "What a wonderful night it is," she comments with a gentle smile. 

You and mom aren't alone- in a pot next to you is a uncharacteristically quiet Flowey. From the moment you've placed him on the porch, he's done nothing but stare blankly at the horizon. 

A thought occurs to you, and you poke your mom's shoulder to get her attention.

 _"Fireflies have lights in their **butts** ," _you sign with a grin. 

Your mom giggles into one paw. "I never thought of it that way, my child." She pauses. "In fact, I know very little about fireflies, aside from that they are flies and that they light up at night."

"They're not flies," Flowey interjects in a haughty tone, "they're beetles. And not all of them light up." 

_"Really?"_

He was probably trying to annoy your mom, but Toriel actually seems more interested than annoyed at Flowey's rudeness.

"That's quite interesting," she says. "Do you happen to know any other facts about these beetles?"

Flowey slumps over in his pot. "No."

"Oh, that is a shame," Toriel says, "I was hoping to hear more about them."

"...They light up due to a chemical reaction," Flowey spits out. "Happy?"

Your mom smiles at Flowey, her expression nothing like the one she made when you had brought Flowey home for the first time.

Flowey looks away. 

A firefly lands on on a petal, and he shrieks, windmilling his leaves around in panic. "Auuuggghhh!"

You and your mom giggle. 

Flowey shakes the firefly off with a fierce scowl.

"It's not funny," he whines. 

_"It's a little funny."_

"I hate you all," Flowey says, and this time he only sounds like he means it even less than the last time he'd said it.

You take another bite of pie, then offer a forkful to Flowey. 

"I'm not hungry."

You put some of the pie in the dirt next to him.

 _"For later,"_ you sign.

"Sure, whatever. Go ahead and waste as much food as you want."


	66. a tale of two brothers (in which sans is kidnapped by a killer robot)

As soon as you step foot in the lab, a wave of cool air rushes over you.

(Seems like the building has air conditioning.)

You breathe a sigh of relief, because traveling through Hotland so far has been...unpleasant, to put it mildly.

There's not a single square inch of you that isn't sweating, and the only reason you're not dying of thirst is because of the convenient location of the water cooler. 

The second thing you notice is that the room is shrouded in darkness. Your first thought is that the power is out, but you quickly realize that since the air conditioner is working, it's more likely that the lights are just turned off.

Luckily, it's not dark enough that you can't see where you're going.

You head down a short hallway which leads to a bigger room. Inside, you spot a large monitor showing...yourself? 

Not only that, but it seems to be live footage of you watching said footage. 

You remember seeing various cameras around the Underground, and suddenly their presence makes a bit more sense. 

The only question is, who's been watching you? 

Next to the large monitor is a rather cluttered work desk, stacked with piles of bowls and empty noodle packets surrounding a rather old computer. Next to the desk is a fridge, presumably full of said noodle packets. 

On the other side of the fridge is another desk.

As you head further into the room, you see that aside from an empty Tupperware, the desk is completely empty. 

You hear a strange noise come from underneath the desk. It sounds like...snoring?

When you look underneath, you see Sans curled up, clearly fast asleep.

You decide to leave him be for now. 

Then, a door on the left wall ahead of you slides open with a futuristic sound. 

_swoosh_

You seem someone exiting the door, and then the lights turn on, temporary blinding you. 

"Oh, I'm sorry!" A female voice apologizes in a worried tone, "I sho-should have re-realized that the, the um...lights would..." 

When you adjust to the lights, you see a yellow lizard monster wearing a lab coat and a pair of glasses. 

You take a moment to admire the glasses.

"Wait...Oh my god, I didn't expect you to show up so soon!" Now she looks a lot more frazzled, looking wildly in every direction as if she's hoping for someone to swoop in and save her from this situation. "I haven't showered, I'm barely dressed, it's all messy, and-"

"it's not messy," Sans calls from underneath the desk, "and i'm pretty sure you're dressed better than i am. don't worry about it, doc, the human won't care either way."

The other monster startles with a squeak, jumping a little in surprise. Turning to the desk, she says, "S-Sans! I-I told you n-not to do that anymore!"

"sorry 'bout that, i guess i haven't learned to  _scale_ back yet."

The lizard monster makes a noise that reminds you of a squeaky toy being trodden on. 

Then she looks back at you, and smiles nervously. "Ummm...hiya! I'm Doctor Alphys! I'm one of the Royal Scientists for King Asgore. You've already, um...met Sans. W-we both share the same position b-because t-there's a lot of stuff that needs to be done, a-and each of us split up the work."

Before you can sign anything, Alphys hurriedly says, "B-b-but, don't worry, I'm not one of the "bad guys"! Actually, ever since you've left the Ruins...I've been watching- I mean, observing you with my console...and um...Sans told me some stuff as well...but mostly I've been observing you, since secondhand accounts are..." Alphys stops short. "I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Not wanting to hurt her feelings, you shake your head.

She doesn't look too convinced. "Anyway, I was originally going to stop you, but...after watching you for so long onscreen, I've started to root for you. S-so, ah, now I want to help you! Using my knowledge, I can easily guide you through Hotland!"

Sans crawls out from underneath the desk with a yawn and a lazy wink. "and if you really need help from me, i might have enough energy to provide moral support. maybe. i'll have to take a break first. maybe even two." 

Alphys ignores him. "In fact, I know a way straight through to Asgore's castle, no problem." She pauses. "Well, actually, um, there's just one tiny issue. A long time ago, I made a robot named Mettaton."

Sans winks a second time. "i wanted to call 'im "lord minionxxd49", but i was outvoted by the doc and mettaton after he was activated."

Alphys sighs. "Anyway, originally I built him to be an entertainment robot. Uhh...you know, like a robotic TV star or something." 

Sans takes at seat at his desk. "yep. turned out pretty good. my bro loves his shows."

Alphys wrings her hands together nervously. "Umm...well, recently, I decided it was time to make him a bit more useful. You know, just some small practical adjustments."

"like a ketchup dispenser."

"N-no, not a ketchup dispenser. D-did you put one in anyway?" 

"nah. decided it was too much work."

"Anyway," Alphys continues, "I added stuff like...um, anti...anti-human combat features? Of c-course, when I saw you coming, I immediately decided...I have to remove those features!"

Sans, slouching back on his chair, gives you a thumbs-up. "so," he says to Alphys, "that solves everything, right?"

Alphys shakes her head quickly. "Unfortunately, I may have made a teensy mistake while doing so. And...um, now he's an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for human blood?"

Sans gets up, and lazily heads towards the fridge. 

"that doesn't sound too good," he comments, pulling out a Tupperware filled with what looks like spaghetti noodles, only without any sauce. He walks back to his desk, and sits back down, opening the Tupperware. "have you seen a fork anywhere?"

"N-not now, Sans!" Alphys snaps. Turning back to you, she lets out a nervous chuckle. "Ehehehe...heh. But, um, hopefully we won't run into him!"

Just then, there's a rumbling sound, and the entire room shakes for a moment. The opened Tupperware drops out of Sans' hands, and lands on the floor, noodles spilling everywhere.

Then, another clanging noise. 

"Did you hear something?" Alphys nervously asks. Sans, too busy putting every noodle back in the container, doesn't respond. 

The clanging gets louder.

"Oh no," Alphys whispers. 

The room is filled with an even brighter light, and there's a loud crash. 

You hear a metallic voice call out, "OH, YES! WELCOME BEAUTIES..." 

The bright lights die down to a more manageable level. 

"TO TODAY'S QUIZ SHOW!"

There's a rectangular robot right where some of the wall used to be. 

Balancing on a single wheel, Mettaton reminds you of a very large calculator with arms.

As he said those last words, a neon sign reading "GAME SHOW" lowers down right above him from...somewhere, as well as two disco balls on either side.

A shower of confetti rains down on you.

"hey mettaton," Sans says with a lazy wave, before noisily slurping up a single noodle. 

"WHY, HELLO SANS!" Mettaton says in a cheesy announcer voice. "SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO WITNESS THE FIRST SHOW TO FEATURE A HUMAN!"

Mettaton waves. "EVERYONE GIVE A HAND FOR OUR LOVELY CONTESTANT!" Mettaton applauds for a moment, and in the background you can faintly hear what must be a recording of people clapping. 

"ANYWAY, SINCE YOU'RE NEW, I'LL EXPLAIN THE RULE. THERE'S ONLY ONE, DEAR, AND IT'S VERY SIMPLE. ANSWER THE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY...OR DIE!"

(You feel dread pooling in your stomach.)

With that, you're pulled into an **Encounter**.

***Metatton Attacks!**

 

To your surprise, Mettaton isn't alone; behind him is Doctor Alphys. She smiles nervously at you.

You consider your options, and decide to  **SPARE** him, preparing yourself for an attack. To your surprise, Mettaton simply moves to the side, reading out from a cue card. 

" **What's the prize for answering correctly?"**

There are four options in front of you. Doctor Alphys' hands form the letter "D", so you select that answer, which is "more questions."

She gives you a thumbs up.

"RIGHT!" Mettaton says, moving back to the center of the screen.

Despite knowing it won't do anything, you  **SPARE** him again.

"HERE'S YOUR TERRIFIC PRIZE!" 

Mettaton then moves back to the side, reading from what you assume is another cue card. You now notice that he's sassily waving one finger with his free hand.

**"What's the king's full name?"**

This time, you don't need Alphys' help. You press "C", "Asgore Dreemurr."

Before Mettaton can respond, Sans slides in. "you got it wrong, kiddo. his real name's king fluffybuns."

"PLEASE IGNORE THIS INTRUDER," Mettaton tells you. "YOU ANSWERED IT CORRECTLY!"

"oh," Sans says in fake surprise. "my whole world has been turned upside down. whatever shall i do, metts?"

"GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I BLAST YOU WITH THE DEATH RAY THAT YOU INSTALLED ME WITH."

"okay, okay."

Sans leaves the  **Encounter**. 

**A few more questions later, in which Alphys provides all the answers to...**

"BUT CAN YOU GUESS THIS ONE?" Mettaton asks.

**"Would you smooch a ghost???"**

All the answers are "Heck Yeah." 

You decide, after much deliberation, to go with option "D".

"GREAT ANSWER! I LOVE IT!!!!"

**Three more questions later, in which Mettaton discovers that Alphys is helping you cheat...as well as you correctly guessing that said scientist has a crush on Undyne...**

"WELL WELL WELL. WITH DOCTOR ALPHYS HELPING YOU...THE SHOW HAS NO DRAMATIC TENSION! WE CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS!! BUT... BUT!! THIS WAS JUST THE PILOT EPISODE!" 

Mettaton waves a hand in a dramatic flourish. "MORE DRAMA!!! MORE ROMANCE!!! MORE BLOODSHED! IN FACT...SANS, CAN YOU COME OVER HERE FOR A MOMENT?"

For the second time, Sans appears. "sure. you need something?"

"ACTUALLY, I DO." Mettaton's robotic arm reaches out and wraps around Sans, trapping him in place. "LOOKS LIKE I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR FIRST FRIEND!"

"Wa-wait, wha-" Alphys stutters out.

"oh no," Sans intones, "i've been captured. guess that's it for me. whatever shall i do?"

"WHAT A DRAMATIC TWIST! NOW, THE SHOW HAS MUCH MORE TENSION ALREADY! I BET YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! UNTIL THEN...SEE YOU NEXT TIME, DARLINGS!"


	67. a tale of two brothers (cooking with a killer robot)

You and Alphys stare at the spot on the ceiling where Mettaton blasted himself (along with Sans) out of the building using a really cool looking rocket.

Then the two of you look at each other for a moment. Alphys is sweating nervously, wringing her hands together.

She looks flustered. 

"Can you...just um...pretend that last part never happened?" she asks.

You nod, and her expression relaxes a little bit. Not by much, though.

"Well, um...before you leave...let me give you my phone number!" Alphys hurries over to you, and you hold up the celluar device. "T-then, maybe if you need my help..." 

Alphys stops mid-sentence, clearly in shock. "Wh-where did you get that phone?" she asks in an appalled tone. "It's  _ancient!_ "

Alphys gives the phone another once-over. "It doesn't even have texting....Wait a second!" 

Alphys hurries off to her desk with your cell phone. She fiddles around with it for a moment, then comes back. "Here, I upgraded it for you! It can do texting, items, it's got a key chain...I've even signed you up for the underground's No. 1 social network! Now we're officially friends!"

She gives you back your phone, and you take a moment to admire the changes.

Alphys doesn't say anything else, fidgeting nervously and tugging the collar of her lab coat.

"I have to go...to the bathroom!" she squeaks, and hurries back to the door she previously came from, closing it behind her. 

**sans updated status**

***hey bro im gonna be late cus i got kidnapped by mettaton.**

***don't worry tho cause he forgot to take away my phone so i can still talk to u and stuff**

**CoolSkeleton95: SANS! ARE YOU OKAY????? I SAW WHAT HAPPENED ON TV!**

**sans: dont worry bro. im good.**

**CoolSkeleton95: THANK GOODNESS.**

You take a few moments to explore.

First, you take the escalator up to the next floor. 

It looks like the room has been divided in half using a red marker. On the closest side to you, is a sentry station just like the one in Snowdin, complete with a layer of snow on the roof and the conveniently shaped lamp.

Out of nostalgia, you hide behind the lamp for a couple of seconds.

Then, you take a look behind the station. There's some empty ketchup bottles, and several joke books.

Tons of loose papers covered in equations are scattered everywhere. 

(Just looking at some of the numbers makes your brain hurt.)

On the other side of the divider, there's a work table with a chainsaw and screwdriver lying atop some blueprints. Other similar types of tools hang on the wall. 

Next to the desk are several bookshelves filled to the brim with books. One of them is filled with very scientific looking books, while the rest of the bookshelves are labeled, "Human History."

You flip through the history books, and find that most of them are comics drawn in an anime style. There are even some VHS tapes of what you presume is also anime.

**sans updated status**

***metts won't let me have my union regulated break**

***this is outrageous i should sue or sumthing**

**CoolSkeleton95: SANS, YOU HAVE LITERALLY BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YET YOU'RE STILL AS LAZY AS EVER.**

**sans: yeah but i'm technically still working. plus, being kidnapped takes a lot out of a skeleton.**

**0/10 experience, would not recommend.**

**CoolSkeleton95: I DON'T THINK ANYONE DOWN HERE IS A LAWYER UNLESS YOU COUNT THE ROYAL JUDGE**

**CoolSkeleton95: BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST**

**CoolSkeleton95: LIKE HORSES**

**sans: bro, horses are real**

**CoolSkeleton95: SURE THEY ARE. "AUDIBLE WINK."**

 

There's also a strange machine dripping pink goop, which you decide to give a wide berth. 

Next to that is a wardrobe, full of dirty lab coats and a single clean dress, along with a pink slipper.

(Looks like it's the left foot slipper.)

Deeper inside the wardrobe, is a stack of unopened letters from various monsters. 

 

Before you leave the lab, you take a packet of Instant Noodles with you.

(From the picture on the wrapper, they look a bit bland, but having little to no flavor, in your experience, is better than having too much flavor or spices.)

Once outside, you decide to call Papyrus. 

He picks up on the second ring.

"HELLO FRISK! IT'S ME, PAPYRUS!" 

There's a pause.

"WELL, YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNEW THAT. ANYWAY! I SAW YOU ON TV, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE GREAT! I JUST...DO YOU THINK SANS IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT? I MEAN, IT WAS PROBABLY PART OF THE SHOW...BUT I STILL WORRY ABOUT HIM. A LOT. LIKE, IN GENERAL."

Another pause.

You ask him about Hotland.

"HOTLAND...I KNOW THE PLACE LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND. WHICH...SEEING AS I ALWAYS WEAR GLOVES, I KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT! I ONLY GO AS FAR AS THE LAB WHERE SANS AND ALPHYS DO THEIR SCIENCE STUFF. EVER SINCE I FOUND OUT THAT ALPHYS ALSO HAS THE SAME TERRIBLE DIET AS MY BROTHER, I MADE IT MY DUTY TO MAKE THEM BOTH PACKED LUNCHES EVERY SINGLE DAY!"

Yet another pause.

"DON'T TELL SANS THIS, BUT IF HE DIDN'T WORK THERE...I PROBABLY WOULD AVOID HOTLAND AT ALL COSTS."

 

After the call with Papyrus, you continue along the path, glad that there's only one direction you can go in. 

(You already miss the air conditioned sanctuary of the lab.)

As you walk, Alphys begins posting messages on the networking site.

When she posts one about calling you, you wonder if she's forgotten that you can see everything she's written so far.

 

**ALPHYS updated status**

***gonna call them in a minute!!!  =^.^=**

**sans: tell them i said hi**

**sans: also ask them if they can bring me a 'dog.**

**sans: or a 'cat**

**sans: im not picky**

**Alphys: i can't do that! it's already stressful enough calling them in the first place!**

**sans: nvm then**

**sans: seriously tho, metts wont let me eat anything here**

 

 

As you travel deeper into Hotland, you begin to think that, with every step you take, the temperature increases slightly. 

Other than the overwhelming heat, it isn't too bad. The steam jumps are fun, and it's nice to spin around in the moving walkways. 

At one point someone calls you, but they hang up before you can answer. 

**Several puzzles and a phone call later...**

 

After Alphys explains how the lasers work, she hangs up quickly. 

**ALPHYS updated status**

***OMG I DID IT!!!**

***claws haven't shook this much since undyne called me to ask about the weather...  v.v**

You head through the first two orange lasers.

Your phone vibrates.

**ALPHYS updated status**

***WAIT THERE'S NO WEATHER DOWN HERE WHY DID SHE CALL ME**

**sans: hey alphs**

**sans: do you know _weather_ or not metts will let me go?**

**Even more puzzles later...**

You'd only taken a few steps onto the tiled floor, when suddenly-

Darkness. 

Your phone begins ringing. You answer it, hands slightly shaking.

(You've always been a little afraid of the dark.)

"H-hey," Alphys says, "it's kind of dark in there, isn't it? Don't worry! I'll hack into the light system and brighten everything up! Just hang tight, and everything will be fine."

All the lights turn back on.

You're standing in...a kitchen?

There's a long counter in front of you with various cooking-related items on it. There's a cutting board and two different knives, a large mixing bowl, and something which looks and smells like cheese.

Behind you is a fridge, another counter with various ingredients laid out, and an oven. 

"Oh no..." Alphys whispers. 

"OH YES!"

Suddenly, Mettaton rises up from a hidden panel in the floor, only a couple feet away from where you're standing. 

He's wearing a chef's hat. 

"WELCOME, BEAUTIES, TO THE UNDERGROUND'S PREMIER COOKING SHOW!!! PREHEAT YOUR OVENS, BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A VERY SPECIAL RECIPE FOR YOU TODAY!"

"is it cake?" a voice asks from...the fridge?

Is Sans inside the fridge? Wait...it looks like there's an intercom right above the fridge.

Mettaton gives an electronic sigh. "SANS, DARLING, I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT YOU WOULD STAY SILENT UNTIL I REVEALED YOU TO THE HUMAN. ALSO, DON'T GIVE AWAY THE SURPRISE RECIPE!"

"woops. sorry 'bout that."

Sans doesn't sound very sorry. 

In fact, he sounds the opposite of sorry.

"WELL," Mettaton continues, "WE ARE, IN FACT, MAKING A CAKE. FIRST, THOUGH, MY LOVELY ASSISTANT WILL GATHER ALL THE INGREDIENTS. EVERYONE GIVE THEM A BIG HAND!"

Mettaton claps, and a shower of steamers rain on you. 

"WE'LL NEED SUGAR, FLOUR, AND EGGS. GO FOR IT SWEETHEART!"

You head to the back counter and gather the three ingredients. 

You come back and place them all on the cutting board.

"PERFECT! GOOD JOB, BEAUTIFUL! WE'VE GOT ALL THE INGREDIENTS WE NEED TO BAKE A CAKE!"

Even though you've never actually baked a cake, you're pretty sure there are more ingredients required.

(Like butter or salt.)

"OH MY!" Mettaton says in shock. "WAIT A MAGNIFICENT MOMENT! HOW COULD I FORGET!!! WE'RE MISSING THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT!"

You look at Mettaton in confusion.

Then, you see that Mettaton's holding a chainsaw. 

You gulp.

"A HUMAN SOUL!" Mettaton starts to inch closer to you, the chainsaw blades whirring. 

Before he gets close to you however, the sound of a phone ringing stops Mettaton in his tracks.

"HELLO?" Mettaton says, his synthetic voice sounding a bit irritated. "I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING."

"Wait a second!" Alphys says hurriedly. "C-couldn't you make a...couldn't you make a substitution in the recipe?!"

"A SUBSTITUTION? YOU MEAN, USE A DIFFERENT NON-HUMAN INGREDIENT? WHY?"

"Uhhhh....what if....someone's....vegan?"

(You're not entirely sure what a vegan is.)

"VEGAN..." Mettaton says slowly. 

"Uh, well, I mean-"

"THAT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA!"

"yeah, now the people at home can make the recipe as well." Sans chimes in.

"ANOTHER BRILLIANT SUGGESTION! IN FACT, I ACTUALLY HAVE AN OPTION RIGHT HERE, WHICH I WILL BE MAKING AVAILABLE FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC! INTRODUCING..."

Mettaton pauses for dramatic effect. 

"MTT BRAND ALWAYS-CONVENIENT HUMAN- SOUL-FLAVOR-SUBSTITUTE! A CAN OF WHICH...IS JUST OVER ON THAT COUNTER!" 

He gestures to the left.

You turn, and, sure enough, there's a can atop a small counter. You head over to grab it.

Before you get within grabbing distance, the counter lowers down...then shoots up, an endless amount of other counters stacked beneath it to form a tower.

Mettaton rolls in. "BY THE WAY, OUR SHOW IS ON A STRICT SCHEDULE. IF YOU CAN'T GET THE CAN IN AN MINUTE...WE'LL HAVE TO GO BACK TO USING OUR ORIGINAL INGREDIENT. SO, BETTER START CLIMBING, BEAUTIFUL!!!"

Your phone rings once, and you hurriedly answer it.

"Oh no! There's not enough time to climb up! Ff-ortunately, I might have a plan! When I was upgrading your phone, I added a few...features. You see that huge button that says..."JETPACK"? Watch this!"

Without warning, your phone flies up and out of your hand, transforming into a _jetpack_. 

Woah.

(If you weren't so terrified, you might have been even more impressed.)

 

Thanks to the jetpack, you manage to survive that encounter, and Mettaton actually leaves. 

Then, after a brief conversation with Alphys, you decide to keep going further into Hotland.


	68. it's still funny, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another way Frisk could have reacted to Sans telling them he basically would have killed them right on the spot if he hadn't promised Toriel not to.

Sans leaves you behind at the table with a wink and a grin, telling you that someone out there cares for you. You stare at the tablecloth.

 _It's a nice tablecloth_ , you think to yourself.

(Your mom hadn't liked tablecloths because they were too hard to clean. Maybe it's easier down here because monsters have magic to help them do chores.)

Purple is one of your favorite colors.

...

You feel like someone grabbed your intestines and twisted them into a knot of tangled worms, and for a moment you think you might throw up. 

But you don't, and soon, the sick feeling subsides. 

 _Just a joke, just a joke_ , you repeat over and over in your head. 

_He wasn't being serious._

Chara, for once, is silent in the back of your head, but you can almost feel the phantom touch of someone patting you on the shoulder. 

Why did Sans take you to this restaurant? 

Neither of you ordered food.

Did he not want anyone else to hear him? 

You already know this isn't like Sans. He likes people hearing his jokes.

Which means...

Which means...

...

_Don't think about it._

_Don't think about anything at all._

_Just keep moving forward._

You get up and leave the restaurant. 

You find yourself in a hotel lobby.

Everything in it is polished and shiny.

There's a fountain in the middle featuring the robot star Mettaton. 

You consider tossing a coin into the fountain and making a wish. 

You can't think of anything to wish for.

You head outside the hotel lobby, briefly stopping to smile at the monster who tells you they hope you have a good day.

You're outside the hotel now, and you head to the side of the building where Sans and you walked before he took a shortcut. 

You lean your back against the wall, and slide all the way down to the dirty ground, hugging your knees tightly. 

_**"Frisk? It's going to be okay. All you have to do is get up."** _

_Can't._

You rest your head against your knees. 

"Golly! Did you forget how to walk or something?" 

You lift your head up,  even though you know who's in front of you. 

You shake your head.

"Sheesh! Didn't anyone tell you not to sit on the dirty ground?" Flowey asks. 

You shrug. "Dunno," you mumble, "Doesn't matter now."

"Golly, you're sure being boring! I thought you wanted to get out of this place as fast as you can!"

You shrug again. "Tired."

"You know, this _is_ a hotel, right?"

"Booked."

"Then head back to Snowdin, I'm sure those stupid skeletons will let you stay at their house."

You flinch. "No."

_**"Frisk, just stop talking to him. He'll get bored eventually."** _

Flowey says something else, but you miss it.

Sill, you nod.

Flowey scowls. "I  _said_ , I thought you were all buddy-buddy with those idiots."

You carefully sign,  _"I don't know anymore."_

Flowey laughs. "Oh, did they show their true colors? I knew it! Let me guess, that smiley trashbag made a few too many awful puns, right?"

You shake your head. 

"Well?" Flowey demands. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

You consider not telling him, and Chara encourages you to stay silent.

_**"He's just going to make things worse."** _

You decide to tell him part of the story. 

_"You and Sans have a lot in common."_

When you don't elaborate any further, Flowey huffs. "Fine! I guess I'll have to ask smiley himself!"

Before you can say anything to make him stop, he burrows underneath the ground, leaving you behind.

...

You take your phone out, and consider the contacts list. There's one for Papyrus (and Undyne), and one for Toriel.

You try calling Toriel. 

As usual, there's no response.

So you try again.

And again.

And again.

You keep trying until your finger gets tired from all that tapping.

You get up, brush the dirt and gravel off your knees. 

Time to get going.


	69. basically, it's just like drinking leaves

"Brewing a good pot of tea is quite simple," Asgore explains. "All you need is water and warmth."

"and tea bags," Sans adds with a wink.

"Exactly."

"so, uh...do you put the milk and sugar in first or...?"

"Well, I usually put them in before I've poured the hot water, but there is no correct way to do it."

"might as well do what the expert does," Sans says, before adding with an even wider grin, "i guess this means it's time to get this par _tea_ started."

"I suppose so, although I would no-" He stops short. "Was that meant to be a pun?"

"yep."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"don't be. you're not in any  _hot water_."

This time, Asgore chuckles.

"how much milk and sugar do you want?"

"Usually I have just a splash of milk and a spoonful of sugar."

"sounds good. guess i'll have the same."

Sans adds the milk and sugar to each mug. 

Agore fills the kettle with water.

"Now, it's time to brew the tea. But before that, I must ask, would you prefer loose tea or bagged tea?"

"uh...is one better than the other?"

"According to many people, loose tea is superior."

"Not to you?"

"Tea is tea is tea."

"ah." Sans says, giving him a cheerful wink. "well, i'm a lazy guy. if i'm going to make this at home, i'll probably stick with the bag kind."

"Very well."

 The water has finished boiling.

"Would you care for some golden flower tea?"

"sure. knock yourself out."

Asgore drops the tea bags in, then pours an equal amount of water in each mug. "Now, we wait for it to seep."

 

 "you know, i didn't want to bring this up but...gabe mentioned something to me earlier that i thought you should know. umm....he told me had a sister who went missing while his family went camping."

"...When...did she go missing?" Asgore asks, though he looks like he can already guess the answer.

"about twelve years ago."

"..."

"he doesn't know anything," Sans says quietly. "you know, you don't have to tell 'im if you don't want to."

"..."

"fluffybuns?"

"...I think the tea has finished seeping."

 "right."

 

"it's pretty good tea, 'gore," Sans compliments, taking another sip. "course, i've never really been much of a tea drinker, but i'd say yours might make me become one."

"...Thank you, Sans."

"...i shouldn't have told you the stuff about...you know. i'm sorry."

"No, no. I think I needed to hear that."

"did you?"

"..."

"look, whatever happens, know that you've got all of us in your corner."

"I don't deserve any of this."

Sans takes another sip of his tea, then shakes his head with a wry smile. "if there's anything i've learned from my bro, is that you can't decide whether or not someone cares about you. sounds sappy, but...you've got friends who care about you."

"Thank you, Sans," Asgore says quietly.

"..."

"Oh, has your tea gotten cold?" Asgore's voice is returning back to normal once more.

Sans takes another sip. "a little."

"Do you want me to heat it up?"

"if you want to."

 

 

 

 

"BROTHER! WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?"

"tea. king fluffybuns taught me how when i last came over."

"YOU WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME?" Papyrus says in a faux hurt tone.

"you were busy last weekend, remember?"

"OH, SO YOU WENT ON SATURDAY? THAT WAS WHEN UNDYNE AND I HELPED OUT YOUR BOSS WITH GETTING COWS OUT OF DEEP MUD."

"you came home covered in mud, but you were still  _udder_ ly happy."

"SANS! YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!"

"right, that last one was a bit weak. guess i need to  _beef_ up my joke telling skills."

"UGH. ANYWAY, WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?"

"mostly about tea. and..."

"AND?"

"eh, can't remember."

"SANS, SOMETIMES I THINK YOU HAVE THE MEMORY OF A GOLDFISH."

"yep. in fact, what's your name again?"

"SANNNNNNSSSS...."

"okay, sannnnnnssss, nice to meet you."

"UGHHHH."

"welp, i'm going over to new grillby's. want me to pick you up anything?"

"SANS, YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP GOING THERE. EATING TOO MUCH GREASE IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH. BESIDES, I MADE SPAGHETTI!"

"alright, that sounds pretty good." 


	70. @~

**Understanding the Nature of Snails**

**by Gary Franklin**  

**Chapter 12: The Differences Between the Slug and the Snail**

On the surface level, a snail appears to simply be a slug who's found himself a nice little shell to live in. However, that is not the case. While both belong to the class  _Gastropoda,_ they are, in fact, not the same species. In fact, if you were to remove the shell of a snail, it would die, because most of the snail's internal organs are located in said shell.

To understand this, imagine having to wear a backpack that you can never take off, because if you do, your heart, along with your liver, lungs, and intestines, will fall out onto the ground and flop around like a dying fish. 

Then, imagine that said backpack is the height, length, and weight of an entire house. 

Knowing this, you may think that slugs have the better half of the deal, seeing as they don't have to lug around a heavy shell. But this benefit has its downsides; without a shell to protect themselves, a snails' soft tissue is more prone to desiccation, which is a fancy word that means "drying out."

Both species prefer to live in hot and humid climates that are similar to those steam rooms at your local spa, only these ones are outdoors and have decidedly less naked people. 

Because if you were naked in the jungle, you would...probably have the same survival chance of being fully clothed in the jungle. 

 

Snails and slugs also behave differently, but this is mostly in part due to the fact that snails have shells, while slugs do not. Without a shell, or even any bones, slugs can maneuver their bodies into places a snail would be unable to reach. Like underneath stone slabs and logs on the ground, or loose bark on trees, or even up a animal's butthole.

The snail trades its flexibility for the ability to retreat into their shell for protection, much like having a suit of armor.

And, if you were wearing heavy armor, you too, would be probably unable to do something as complex as a somersault, let alone a back flip.

Now, I'm not saying slugs can do back flips, but they have a much higher chance of being able to do so than a snail can. 

 **pg 705**   


	71. a tale of two brothers (entering waterfall)

Just one step into Waterfall, and it's like you're on an entirely different planet. 

Sort of.

The sudden rise in temperature is startling; even though the area you're in now is still cool and damp, it's nowhere near as chilly as Snowdin. 

You decide to chalk up the whole thing up to one of the many quirks of the Underground, and leave it at that. 

(Sometimes it's better not to question things too much, especially when you know you probably wouldn't get any answers.)

You walk along the river's edge, watching the large ice cubes drift and bob along lazily on the slow moving current. 

You wonder how cold the water is. 

Maybe it's magic water. 

Is magic water a thing?

You consider the question for a moment, and then decide that it seems like something that would exist down here.

Maybe you should ask Sans? 

(The sound of rushing water fills you with a sense of peace and tranquility.)

 

When you reach the spot where the river diverges, you spot two monsters. The one standing by the edge is familiar to you.

It's Monster Kid. When he sees you, he calls out a cheery, "Yo! It's you! Thanks for the 'sicle!" 

Then, his eyes light up. "Are you here to see her too?"

You shrug, not quite knowing who "she" is.

"You worried your parents are going to find that you've been sneaking out? Me too! But that doesn't stop me, and it shouldn't stop you, either!"

You nod, and he beams. "I'm keeping an eye out here," he informs you. "Usually Undyne will pass by...but she hasn't yet so far. If I don't see her in a bit, I'll keep going."

Monster Kid goes back to scanning the entire area.

The second monster is leaning against the cavern wall next to a luminous blue flower.

You stare at the flower for a while.

The other monster nods at you. "Hey, how's it going?"

You shrug.

"I see you're looking at this **echo flower** over here. Ever seen one of these before?"

You shake your head. 

"They're really cool!" Monster Kid pipes up, still focused on his self-appointed mission. "It repeats whatever it last hears!"

"Not only that, but it's said that if you whisper a wish into one of them, and you wish with all your heart...that wish will come true."

The other monster then ruefully grins. "Course, most see it as a legend, but it's become a tradition that we do down here." 

You get close to the flower, and put your ear against it.

_"Course, most see it as a legend, but it's become a tradition that we do down here."_

Next to the flower is another sentry stand. For some reason, there's snow on the roof. 

There's a napkin placed on the counter.

It looks like someone wrote a message on the napkin. 

You carefully pick it up.

(The napkin smells like grease and ketchup.)

**hey kiddo.**

**thanks for hanging out.**

**i wanted to tell that you in person, but duty calls i guess.**

**anyway, if you drop by hotland, i'll be at the lab.**

**(you'll know it when you see it.)**

**-snas**

 

You wonder whether or not Sans misspelled his name on purpose as a joke, or just made a mistake and then was just too lazy to fix it.

Both options seem possible. 

You flip over the napkin, just to make sure there isn't a message on the other side. When you see that there isn't one, you place the napkin back on the counter.

Time to get going.

Hopefully, you won't run into Undyne along the way.


	72. the bumblebee of the sea

**True Facts About the _Clea helena_**

**by Gary Franklin**

The  _Clea helena_ snail is a species of freshwater snail that lives throughout southeast Asia. Due to the coloration of their shell, which is often a pattern of yellow and dark brown stripes, this snail is often referred to as the "bumblebee of the sea." 

However, unlike the bumblebee, who feed upon nectar, the  _Clea helena_ feasts upon the flesh of its own brethren.

While it may seem silly that a snail can be deadly or dangerous, try asking the other snails, and they'll tell you otherwise. In fact, do you know the common name of the _Clea helena_? 

You guessed it:  **The Dark Lord of All Evil and Chaos.**

Okay, that was a joke.

They're actually known as the  **Assassin Snail.**

And that is not a joke.

 

Using a siphon on the top of their head, the assassin snail pinpoints the location of their prey. Once it gets close enough, the snail will capture the unknowing victim by using their muscular foot. The mucus coming from said foot sticks to the prey like glue, so they are unable to escape.

And that's when the the true horror begins.

They then-

***Looks like the rest of the page has been torn out.**

***Bummer.**

 


	73. don't let the bedbugs bite

"Asriel."

Someone's poking his arm. 

He pulls the blanket further over his head.

"Asriel."

Chara pokes him again, this time a lot harder.

"Get up."

They poke him a third time, and pull the blanket off his face. Asriel opens one eye, and sees Chara's face looming over his own.

"Agh!"

Chara sits back up on the bed, a smug grin on their face. Asriel pouts.

"Don't do that, Chara!"

Chara just giggles, clearly enjoying his pain and suffering. 

"C'mon, get up," they demand in their usual bossy tone. Asriel groans.

"Chaaaaara, it's the middle of the night! Lemme sleep."

"Nope." 

Chara pokes him on the forehead.

Asriel pushes their hand away. "'m tired."

Chara huffs. "Whatever then, Prince Poopyhead."

If Asriel were more awake, he'd be upset at being called a poopyhead. But he's just...so...tired.

Chara pokes him on the forehead. "Move over."

When Asriel doesn't react, they poke him again. "Move."

Asriel sleepily moves until he's against the wall. 

Chara clambers in next to him, pressing their bare feet against his leg. 

"Chaaaraa, your feet are really cold!" Asriel complains feebly.

"Not my problem." Their bony elbow pokes him in the back. 

"You're still a poopyhead," Chara says in a whisper. "That's your name from now on. Prince Poopyhead." 

 

(But Asriel has already fallen asleep.)


	74. a tale of two brothers (a pair of star-crossed lovers)

If it hadn't been for that telegram arriving when it did, you would have been devoured by Muffet's pet. And if you hadn't bought the spider doughnut in the **RUINS** , the spiders there probably wouldn't have sent the telegram in the first place.

(For the first time, your sweet tooth has come in handy.)

"Sorry for all the trouble," Muffet says, her five eyes staring deep into your soul. "I'll even make it up to you...fuhuhuh...you can come visit me at any time you wish."

Her laugh sends shivers down your spine.

"And for no extra charge," she adds cheerfully, "I'll wrap you up and let you play with my pet again!"

You must have made a frightened expression, because her smile is a little more gentle when she says, "Just kidding!"

You breathe a sigh of relief.

"Well," Muffet continues, taking a sip of tea, "that was fun! See you again, dearie!"

As she chuckles, she retreats back into the darkness. 

You can't help but shiver.

 

You decide to call Papyrus. 

"HELLO?"

You tell him about where you are.

"I'VE HEARD THERE ARE TWO GROUPS OF SPIDERS...DID MUFFET TELL YOU THIS ALREADY? OH."

He sounds a little disappointed.

You ask him to tell you more.

"WELL, YOU PROBABLY KNOW THAT THE ONE'S IN THE RUINS ARE UNABLE TO GET TO THE SPIDERS IN HOTLAND, AND THE SPIDERS IN HOTLAND ARE UNABLE TO GET TO THE RUINS. THEY WOULD NEED SOME KIND OF VEHICLE TO TRANSPORT THEM. LIKE A TANDEM MOTORCYCLE...WITH EIGHT WHEELS."

You leave Muffet's lair, and find yourself in a short hallway. On the wall, is a poster for one of Mettaton shows. 

"THAT MUST BE FOR THE SHOW THAT'S ABOUT TO START! IN FACT, I BET YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN IT! DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL DO GREAT!"

(Hearing Papyrus' words of encouragement fills you with  **Determination**.)

 

You find yourself on a set meant to look like it's outdoors at night. Looming in front of you, is a large cardboard castle, complete with a tower. 

You take another step further into the room, only to stop dead in your tracks when a metallic voice calls out, "OH? THAT HUMAN..."

You look up, and see the edge of Mettaton's frame peeking around the corner of a window. "COULD IT BE?"

He rolls out in front of the window, revealing that he is now wearing a fancy-looking blue dress. "...MY ONE TRUE LOVE?" 

You have no idea what to do in this situation.

Mettaton rolls past the window, and down a ramp, all the while holding up the hem of his skirt as to not trip over it. 

"MY LOVE, A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN US. THE KING HAS CAUGHT WIND OF OUR LOVE, AND TO PUNISH YOU, HAS ENSNARED AN INNOCENT MONSTER."

Sans pokes his head out of the other castle window. "uhhh...can i go home now?"

"NO, YOU CANNOT."

Mettaton's screen turns red.

Music begins playing, and Mettaton starts to sing.

**Oh my love**

**Please run away.**

**Monster King**

**Forbids your stay.**

Mettaton places a hand on his screen in what you assume is distress.

(You don't think you like this song very much.)

  **Humans must live far apart.**

**Even if**

**It breaks my heart**

Pink petals start blowing past you. Mettaton puts both hands on his screen, as though he's burying his face in his hands.

**They'll put you**

**In the dungeon.**

**It'll suck**

**And then you'll die a lot.**

**Really sad.**

**You're gonna die.**

**Cry**

**Cry**

**Cry**

**Cry**

The music stops, and the song ends.

"nice one, metts." You look up at Sans, and see he's clapping silently.

Mettaton ignores Sans, and pats you on the head. 

"SO SAD," he says dramatically, "SO SAD THAT YOU ARE GOING TO THE DUNGEON."

Mettaton rolls away from you, pulling out a remote control.

"uh, what dungeon?"

"THIS ONE!"

Mettaton presses the button.

"TOODLES!"

And

     then

           you

                      f

                      a

                      l

                      l

 

 

 

(This time, you land on your feet.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story: I was playing Undertale, and I barely managed to defeat Muffet. Sometime later, I died, and it turned out- I'd forgotten to save.  
> >:(  
> So I had to do the whole boss fight over again, and it was just as hard as it was the first time.  
> If anyone hasn't yet encountered Muffet, the key to surviving her (in my experience) is to stock up on health items, and basically hope to survive long enough for her to get the letter and stop attacking you.  
> Also, after you defeat Muffet, use the save point right behind you.


	75. all you need is LoVe [underfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus is eight years old when he dusts his first monster.

"good job, bro."

Sans reaches up to pat Papyrus on the skull, only to have the younger skeleton quickly step out of the way. 

"here, have a 'bun."

Sans tosses the cinnamon bun over to Papyrus, but he doesn't catch it. He's too busy staring at his hands.

(More specifically, at the dust coating them.)

"bro? you're going to need to get your hp up."

Slowly, Papyrus bends down and retrieves the treat, making sure to only touch it with the edges of his fingertips. 

At eight years old, Papyrus is already a couple inches taller than Sans is, but right now, he looks impossibly small. 

He still hasn't touched his 'bun. 

"you just gonna look at it? cause that won't help you feel any better."

Papyrus pops the pastry into his mouth silently, chewing methodically. 

Once he's finished, Sans takes his brother's hand, ignoring the flecks of dust that transfer into his own palm. "you did good," he tells his brother, but Papyrus doesn't seem to have heard him.

"c'mon, let's go home."

Sans takes his shortcut back to their house. Once they get there, Papyrus quickly lets go of Sans' hand. 

The two of them head inside. 

The first thing Papyrus does is head for the sink. Sans, meanwhile, slumps down on the sofa with a sigh.

"hey, you did good. i'm proud of you," Sans says over the sound of running water.

Papyrus keeps washing his hands.

Scrubbing at them frantically, trying to get the dust out from in between his finger bones.  

"paps? come here." 

Papyrus turns the sink off and heads slowly into the living room. Sans pats the space next to him. "sit down."

Papyrus sits.

Straightening, Sans makes sure to look Papyrus straight in the eye sockets. "you had to learn this eventually," Sans tells his brother. "down here, it's kill or be killed."

Finally, Papyrus speaks. "WHY?" he asks, voice quieter than Sans has ever heard him. 

Sans shrugs, leaning back against the sofa. "dunno. just the way things are."

He pauses, letting his words sink in. "anyway, it doesn't really matter."

"BUT..." Papyrus says, looking at his feet.

(At the dust clinging to his boots.)

"it's either you or them."

"SANS..."

"don't worry. next time will be a lot easier."

"WILL IT?"

"yep."

"I DON'T WANT IT TO BE EASIER."

"you need to be strong if you want to survive down here." 

"I KNOW." 

Sans gets up. "anyway, i bet you're pretty tired after all that excitement. i'll get your bedtime story an-"

"NO, I'M GOOD."

"huh?"

"I DON'T NEED A BEDTIME STORY ANYMORE."

"yeah? you sure 'bout that? there's no take-backs..."

"I'M NOT TIRED, ANYWAY."

"alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a cool fic by castleonthegreen, which I recommend checking out.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/6369136


	76. a tale of two brothers (undernet adventures)

  **ALPHYS posted a picture**

***dinner with the girlfriend ;)**

***(It's a picture of a catgirl figurine next to a bowl of instant noodles.)**

**CoolSkeleton95: GREAT PHOTO!**

 

**CoolSkeleton95 posted a picture**

***ARE WE POSTING HOT "PICS????"**

***BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING SUPER HOT!**

***(It's a picture taken of Papyrus standing in front of the stove in the skeleton brothers' house.)**

***(Papyrus is wearing sunglasses and an apron with flame patterns.)**

***(There's a single pan on the oven, and it is on fire.)**

 

**ALPHYS updated status**

***LOL, CoolSkeleton95!**

***...you put out the fire before posting this, right?**

**CoolSkeleton95: FIRE? WHAT FIRE?**

**ALPHYS: ...**

**CoolSkeleton95 posted a picture**

***JUST FINISHED COOKING MY SPAGHETTI!**

***ALSO, I NOW KNOW WHERE THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER IS**

***(Papyrus is holding a bowl filled with charred spaghetti in front of a stove.)**

***(The stove is covered in foam.)**


	77. a tale of two brothers (you get into flexing competition. also, undyne's there for a little bit.)

Turns out, the boxes really are connected. You're not really sure how that works, and you don't really care, either. What matters is that all the stuff you left in the box at Snowdin are right there. 

You don't really need any of the items right now, but you imagine there will be a time when you might need them, which makes this box system really handy. 

There's a note left behind by a proclaimed "box hater," and you take a moment to wonder who the mysterious writer is, and why they have such a hatred for boxes.

_**"Maybe a box killed their entire family."** _

You're pretty sure that couldn't happen.

**_"Don't you trust me?"_ **

Yes, but not in this case.

_**"Whatever."** _

 

Behind a waterfall, you find a dusty tutu in a small cavern. 

You put it on.

**_"Nice. Now you have something to protect you."_ **

You take a moment to twirl around, marveling at the way the tutu makes you feel like a professional ballerina. 

You get dizzy, and have to let the world adjust itself around you for a few seconds.

Then, you exit the waterfall.

The only downside is that your hair is now wet. And your shoes and socks.

(When you take a step, your shoes squeak and squelch uncomfortably.)

 

You're making your way through some tall grass, when you hear a voice from above. "UNDYNE?"

It's Papyrus, but he sounds a little nervous. More nervous than you've ever heard him before.

And he called the name Undyne...which means...

She must be here. 

What should you do?!

_**"Stay still."** _

You're already standing still.

_**"Then keep doing that!"** _

"I'M HERE WITH MY DAILY REPORT!" 

There's a pause.

"WELL, UH...REGARDING THE HUMAN I CALLED YOU ABOUT...UM...I'M SORRY, BUT...HUH? DID I FIGHT THEM? Y-YES, OF COURSE I DID! I FOUGHT VALIANTLY, I THINK! BUT...I DIDN'T CAPTURE THEM."

There's another pause.

(You now think that Undyne must be talking in a volume too low for you to hear.)

"SO YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME? REALLY? EVEN THOUGH I MESSED UP? BECAUSE, UNDYNE, THE TRUTH IS-"

Undyne must have interrupted him, because when Papyrus starts up again, his voice is noticeably shakier. "WAIT, YOU'RE GOING TO CAPTURE THE HUMAN YOURSELF? WELL...YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HURT THEM, ARE YOU?"

An even longer pause.

"...I UNDERSTAND. DON'T WORRY UNDYNE, I'LL HELP YOU IN WHATEVER WAY I CAN."

You hear someone walking away, so you look up.

For a moment, you see a blue glow shaped like...a spear. Then, the clanking of armor, which fades off into the distance. 

You shiver, both from the chill of Waterfall and from fear.

You haven't even seen Undyne, and yet you're already scared of her. 

Dread overwhelms you...but you still remain determined.

 

The next monster you encounter looks sort of like sea horse but with abs and two beefy arms. He introduces himself as Aaron, and doesn't bother asking for yours.

Instead, he immediately starts flexing.

He must be challenging you...to a flex off!

You flex back at him.

Aaron winks. 

Then... he attacks you with magic biceps.

A few of them clip you, but you manage to dodge most of them.

When it's your turn, you flex even harder.

Aaron flexes harder than you've ever seen anyone flex, so much so that he flexes himself out of the room, leaving behind 30g.

You feel a little guilty pocketing the money. 

_**"Don't worry, that still counts as a win."** _

You mentally shrug, and keep going. 

 

It took around three minutes, give or take to figure out the seedpod puzzle. Once you reach the other side, your phone begins ringing. 

"HELLO! THIS IS PAPYRUS! YOU MAY BE WONDERING HOW I GOT YOUR PHONE NUMBER. WELL, THAT'S VERY EASY! I DIALED EVERY SINGLE NUMBER SEQUENTIALLY UNTIL I GOT TO YOURS!...IN HINDSIGHT, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE ASKED YOU TO CALL ME FIRST...OR MAYBE ASK FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER...BUT...THAT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW."

Papyrus's voice is a bit nervous when he asks, "SO...UH...NOT TO BE RUDE, BUT ARE YOU WEARING AN DUSTY TUTU? I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND. SHE SAID SHE SAW YOU WEARING ONE."

You tell him that you are, in fact, wearing a dusty tutu.

"GOT IT!" Papyrus says cheerfully. "WINK WINK!!! HAVE A NICE DAY!"

**_"That was weird. Do you think he was trying to tell you something important?"_ **

Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does this count as a real AU? like, one worthy of a name?  
> hmmmmm....  
> i dunno  
> also, i may take out the chara dialogue, depending on whether it makes sense in the long run.  
> in any case, for now, the idea is that chara rarely talks to frisk (i might go into that later)


	78. the ties that bind

**The Truth Behind Monster-Human Children: Why We Tried for So Long to Cover-up Their Existence**

**by Judy Strathmore**

 

Scientifically speaking, members of a different species cannot reproduce with one another. Therefore, logic would dictate that it would be impossible for a human and monster couple to produce a child. However, this is not the case. Although many marriage and birth certificates of monster and human couples were destroyed after the war, enough remain to conclude that them having offspring cannot be considered an anomaly. 

Even if one were to argue that a child born of a monster and a human is merely an hybrid of the two, the fact that they exist proves, once and for all, that humans and monsters share a close genetic link. 

How close, though, is still yet to be determined.


	79. in a hundred billion galaxies (you will not find another) [swapfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans gives Papyrus an astronomy book in an attempt to get the other skeleton to, at the very least, find a hobby and stop annoying him as much.  
> (This attempt backfires in a way Sans could have never predicted.)

Sans hadn't given Papyrus a... _gift_ because he wanted to be nice or any other disgustingly sappy emotion like that. Sans is many things, but he is not at all nice. Or kind. Or generous. 

No, the reason for giving Papyrus the not-a-gift was quite simple- he wanted his lazy brother to do something productive with his time. Perhaps, he thought, instead of napping at his station, his brother would actually stay awake, even if it was just to read. Anything would be better than sleeping out in the open like the fool he is.

That doesn't mean Sans cares.

It's just practical to have his brother around, even with all the trouble Sans has to go through in order to keep that idiot alive. 

And Sans is a very practical skeleton. 

 

Turns out, his plan worked-of course it worked, he's The Malevolent Sans!™ 

Instead of napping at his station, Papyrus pours over the tattered book, seemingly never losing interest despite the fact that he must have read that thing cover-to-cover a thousand times over by now. 

There's just one catch.

Now that Papyrus is actually interested in something, he just won't stop talking about his new obsession. 

"you know, apparently there's no sound in space," Papyrus comments as they patrol the forest. 

Sans groans. "UGH. I WISH IT WAS LIKE THAT HERE," he complains with a fierce scowl. "THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU BLABBERING ON ABOUT THAT DUMB BOOK."

Any sane monster would have seen the expression on his face and know that they'd better leave him alone, or _else_.

But Papyrus, who has the survival instincts of a lemming, (Sans isn't entirely sure what that phrase means, but he knows it isn't something good,) just lazily grins. "but, m'lord, astronomy is  _out of this world_."

"ONE DAY," Sans warns his brother, "I WILL DESTROY THAT BOOK RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. DON'T THINK I WON'T."

 "well, as long as m'lord wants to, i can't say i'll complain either way," Papyrus says with a lazy shrug, his tone managing to be both placating and infuriating at the same time.

"STOP AGREEING WITH ME!"

 

A long time ago, Sans once slept in a bed shaped like a rocket ship, with a ceiling full of glow in the dark stars that he'd set in carefully arranged patterns meant to mimic the constellations on his well-loved constellation map.

Of course, he got rid of those childish things, and now sleeps in an ordinary bed, with absolutely no stars anywhere at all, because he isn't a _babybones_ , thank you very much.                                      

He rarely uses said bed anyway, because sleep is for the weak. 

 

Papyrus doesn't just subject Sans to his ramblings about  _neuron stars_ or  _asteroids_ , he also tortures their poor "dog"  Taco (who _probably_ isn't a dog, but neither of them have any idea what else he could be, so they just call him a dog for convenience.)

It's a common sight to see Papyrus at his work station, talking animatedly at Taco, all while the animal either grooms himself or cracks open his brother's bone attacks with nothing but his powerful jaw and teeth. 

"you know, what's weird is that maybe all this information might be out of date," Papyrus says, taking a moment to squeeze some frosting out of the packet and eat it, "seeing how space is so big and all that."

Taco yips softly, scratching his ear with a hind-leg. 

"BROTHER!" Sans calls, stomping up to the station. "WHILE IT IS IMPRESSIVE THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY AWAKE, YOU STILL HAVEN'T RE-CALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES!"

Sans stomps his lead-toed boot against the snow several times to show his dominance over nature itself. 

Papyrus squeezes out the final dregs of frosting, slurping it up noisily. "sorry 'bout that, m'lord. i guess i'm just... _bone tired_."

Taco whines, and Sans reaches down and gives the poor animal some head scratches. "WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO TACO IS TECHNICALLY ANIMAL ABUSE. NO ONE, ESPECIALLY NOT AN INNOCENT ANIMAL, SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO YOUR TERRIBLE PUNS."

"you know, we never did agree on what animal taco is," Papyrus points out.

"I STILL THINK HE'S A DALMATIAN."

Resting his strangely-shaped head on his paws, Taco snuffles. 

 

After a shift, while they're watching TV together, Papyrus casually mentions, "you know, according to my book, humans are made of stardust. do you think our dust is made out of the same stuff, as well?"

"I DON'T CARE."

"but, do you?" Papyrus insists, fingers tapping nervously on the couch.

"I SAID, I DON'T CARE. LET ME WATCH MY SHOW IN PEACE."

Onscreen, a monster contestant is dodging a flurry of throwing knives, all while answering complex riddles. 

"alright."

_STARS AREN'T MADE OF HATE AND ANGER, AND MONSTERS ARE, WHICH MEANS MONSTERS CAN'T POSSIBLY BE MADE OF STARDUST._

This is what Sans wants to say.

But he doesn't, and he isn't quite sure why.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taco, by the way, is their pet spotted hyena.


	80. a tale of two brothers (a dinner date(?) with sans)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans takes you to a fancy restaurant.

You didn't expect to see Sans standing outside the MTT hotel, not when the last time you'd last saw him was in the clutches of the robot superstar himself.

Seeing your confused expression, Sans winks. "hey. surprised to to see me? well, even kidnappers need to follow workplace regulations. so, i'm on my mandatory break." 

You tilt your head, and Sans reaches out to ruffle your hair. "nah, i'm just messin' with ya. i just gave that bucket o' bolts the slip. course, i'm gonna have to head back before he notices, but that might take a while. in fact, why don't we go get something to eat?"

_"Alright."_

"great. your treat." Sans winks. 

(You're not sure if he's joking or not.)

"follow me, i know a shortcut." Sans leads you around the side of the building toward a brick wall. 

Suddenly, you find yourself in a fancy looking restaurant, looking at Sans from across a table. 

"well, here we are," Sans says with a wink. "heard you were heading to the core. journey's almost over, huh?" 

Sans' gaze goes distant for a second.

"you must really want to go home, huh? well, i can't blame you. though..." Sans pauses. "you know, maybe it's better to take what's given to you. you've got food, drink, friends...is what you have to do worth it?"

You're not sure what to do.

Luckily, Sans moves the topic along. "actually, you mind if i talk a bit about something important?"

_"I don't mind."_

"great. because there's a _lot_ of exposition right here. like, a lot. so, you've been warned." 

You shrug.

(You're a very good listener.)

"so, the core's a pretty impressive feat of engineering. funny thing is, no one knows who built it. guess it's one of those mysteries in life you shouldn't look too deep into. like, what's in my hot cats. it's better not to know, you know what i mean? even _i_ don't know what's in 'em."

Sans now looks a little nervous. "don't tell paps about that, by the way. he already's on my case about my illegal 'dog stand."

_"Okay. I won't."_

"and, uh... you know i'm one of the two royal scientists, right? the position actually used to be held by just one person, i think. probably." Sans' finger bones tap out an unsteady beat for a moment. "anyway, the reason that we have two royal scientists is...well, there's a problem in the core. we don't really know what it is, but we've got a handle on it so far. it might not even be a big deal, but who knows?"

He pauses. "i work a lot trying to keep everything together. probably more than i should, actually. and that means i don't spend enough time at home with paps. i would cut my hours down, but when i do, he gets upset with me. thinks he thinks he's holding me back or something. i wish i knew a way to tell him he isn't."

Sans sighs deeply. "and... he's so proud of me, and...i don't want to let him down."

You're not really sure what to do with this information.

Sans must see that you look a bit upset, because he quickly hurries on. "but that's not why...i'm doing this all wrong." He runs a hand across his face with a sigh. "look, you've made my bro really happy. and that makes you alright, in my book. but..."

Sans turns away for a moment. "see, recently paps mentioned something about a new friend of his. won't talk about 'em that much, but i'm pretty sure they live in the ruins. least, that's what he said. usually after seeing that friend of his, he comes home pretty happy."

Sans' gaze turns distant again. "well...one day i came home and found he wasn't as cheerful as he usually is. he told me he'd been talking to his friend. said she made him promise something, and he was a bit torn up about it. took me a while for me to get him to say what it was."

_"MY FRIEND...SHE ASKED ME ABOUT WHAT I THOUGHT I ABOUT HUMANS. SHE ASKED ME WHY I WANTED TO BECOME A ROYAL GUARD. THEN, SHE ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHAT THE POSITION OF A ROYAL GUARD ENTAILED. WELL, I KNEW THE ANSWER TO THE LAST QUESTION! TO CAPTURE A HUMAN!"_

"but, uh...she clammed up and wouldn't really talk more about the royal guard. what she did do, was ask paps something. he told me...well that he'd made a promise to her. to watch over any human that came out of the ruins, and keep them safe. and...he asked me to keep an eye socket on the human as well. i told him "sure," because i didn't actually think...well, i didn't really think at all. all i knew was that this was the first real friend paps has ever had, and i figured it wasn't going to be a big deal." 

Sans taps his finger bones on the table. "but,uh...well, then you showed up. i was watching the security cams at the time, and i decided that i might as well head on over. and, well, the rest is history."

_"Were you the one who broke the branch?"_

Sans chuckles. "yep."

_"How did you do it?"_

"i threw a small bone at it. my magic's kind of weak, so the bone vanished by the time you turned around. guess i'm just a _lazybones_ , after all."

You can't help but giggle at the pun. 

But Sans' smile quickly fades.

(He looks serious.)

"look, even though i've never talked to my bro's friend, i figured i might as well trust her on this one. and throughout your journey, i've been keeping that promise. but...do you know what i would have done if papyrus hadn't made me promise that?"

You shake your head, wondering where this conversation is going.

The lights in Sans' eye sockets blink out.

"Buddy, you'd be dead where you stand."

...

Hands shaking you sign out a single word.

_"What?"_

The pinpricks of light return to Sans' eye sockets. 

He grins, but it looks a little more forced this time. "you look pretty nervous. don't worry, it was just a joke. besides, i've been keeping a good eye on you, wouldn't you say? i mean, you're still alive."

_"I..."_

"i gotta go," Sans says, sounding a bit nervous, himself. "metts will probably notice i'm gone. anyway, good luck, kiddo. i'm rooting for ya."

With that, he walks out of the restaurant. 

...

You decide to call Papyrus.


	81. even moar snails

**The Art of Heliciculture**

**by Gary Franklin**

The term heliciculture, or heliculture, is used to describe a special type of farming- snail farming, to be exact. To be honest, I'm not sure what type of seed they use to grow the snail, because I've never been able to find it in stores. 

I've tried burying seashells in the dirt to see if they'll start sprouting out snails, but my

Wait, hang on one second.

 

I've just been told by my editor that snail farming does not, in fact, involve planting snail seeds into the ground and waiting for them to sprout. In my defense, it is called snail  **farming.**

What else was I supposed to think?

I mean, the definition of farming is  **the activity or business of growing crops and...**

**and raising livestock.**

...

Now I get it.

 

Anyway, now that I've established that snail farming is actually about raising snails to be eaten later, I will tell you how to have your very own snail farm.

(Note: You do not have to eat the snails. In fact, I bet they'd be much happier alive. Maybe you could teach them each how to play a different musical instrument, and you could have a snail orchestra. Think about it. Sure, it's never been done before, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.)

The first step you will need to take is deciding what species of snails you want to have. If you are planning on eating the snails, make sure they are not poisonous. I recommend not just going into your backyard and picking up any old snail, because they may have eaten dangerous chemicals. Also, stay away from the cone snail. Not only are cone snails poisonous, they are also venomous, meaning that if you bite them, or if they bite you, you're going to have a bad time.

According to my extensive research on the first internet site I found, cone snails are brightly colored, so if you see a colorful snail, run like the wind. Because even though snails are supposed to be slow, maybe one day you'll come across a really fast one, and then you'll be deader than that ant I accidentally stepped on a few days ago.

Rest in Peace, George.

The next thing you will need to do after deciding the species of snail, is to build them a little farm that's large enough for them to graze freely in, just like a cow. Unlike a cow, though, snails are surprisingly good at escaping, so you might need to surround your tiny farm with barbed wires or an electric fence.

Do not overcrowd your snails. 

**pg 1**


	82. a tale of two brothers (papyrus is a love geru, apparently)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place not too long before Frisk falls Underground.

After another intense training session, in which Undyne's house actually survived their fiery passion of cooking (and with only a few scorch marks above the stove, as well!), the two of them sit down for a nice cup of golden flower tea. 

Strangely enough, Undyne is suspiciously quiet, staring down at her mug with a pensive expression.

She hasn't even taken a sip of her tea!

"UNDYNE?" Papyrus hesitantly asks, "ARE YOU...OKAY?"

"Huh?" Undyne startles, before quickly grinning. "Yeah, 'course I'm fine!"

"ALRIGHT THEN. BUT IF THERE'S ANYTHING TROUBLING YOU...I'LL BE HERE TO LISTEN."

Undyne shrugs. "Seriously, it's no big deal. I was just thinking about something, that's all."

"AH." 

Papyrus takes another sip of his tea, then places the mug gently back on the tablecloth.

"Actually," Undyne says with a contemplative expression, "maybe you'll be able to give me some advice. You see, I want to talk to someone, but I'm not exactly sure how to...start the conversation without sounding like an idiot."

She sighs in frustration. "I actually called her up on the phone and asked her how the weather was!"

"BUT, THERE'S NO WEATHER DOWN-"

"Exactly! What was I even thinking?" Undyne slams a fist against the table, tipping over her mug. Tea spills everywhere, but Undyne doesn't seem to notice or care.

"Argh! She probably thinks I'm a moron!"

_WAIT..._

"UNDYNE...BY ANY CHANCE, WERE YOU TALKING TO DOCTOR ALPHYS?"

"What? How did you know?! Are you some kind of spy?! Or a robot spy?!" 

"SANS TOLD ME. HE DIDN'T SAY IT WAS YOU, THOUGH. HE ALWAYS LEAVES OUT THE IMPORTANT DETAILS, SO I'M NOT SURPRISED."

Quickly standing up, Undyne grabs his shoulders and begins shaking him. "What did she say? How did she react?!"

"UNDYNE, PLEASE DON'T SHAKE THE SKELETON!" 

"I will, once you answer my questions!"

Papyrus shrugs, as much so as someone can while being shook around. "I WASN'T THERE AT THE TIME, BUT SANS DID MENTION THE DOCTOR SEEMED A BIT FLUSTERED."

Letting go of him, Undyne groans, sinking back into her chair. "I'm the captain of the royal guard...and yet I'm not even brave enough to talk to her about...important stuff."

Slowly, Papyrus places his gloved hand over hers. Undyne looks up, a bit surprised. "I THINK YOU'RE BRAVE. IN FACT, YOU'RE ONE OF THE BRAVEST MONSTERS I'VE EVER MET!"

Undyne snorts. "I'd like to think I am."

Squeezing Undyne's hand, Papyrus beams at her. "I KNOW YOU ARE!"

Something shifts behind her expression for a second, but before Papyrus can figure out what emotion it is, Undyne grins. 

"Fuhuhuhu! Course you're right! In fact, I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel!"

Undyne pauses, looking a bit unsure. "Although maybe I should...start things off slow?"

"WHAT IF YOU SEND HER A ROMANTIC LETTER? THAT WAY, IF SHE REJECTS YOU, IT WON'T HURT AS MUCH. I USED TO MAIL PEOPLE FRIENDSHIP LETTERS FOR THAT EXACT VERY SAME REASON!" 

Undyne pumps the air with a fist. "Perfect! Not only that," she says with a playful grin, "since you seem like an expert at this sort of thing, I'll even let you take charge!"

"REALLY?"

"Sure." Reaching over, Undyne playfully noogies him.

Papyrus pulls away with a squawk, flailing his arms in every direction. "UNDYNE! PLEASE DON'T NOOGIE THE SKELETON!"

Undyne chortles, letting him go with a wide grin, before clapping him playfully on the back. "So," she asks, "where do we begin?"

"WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO GO TO MY HOUSE FIRST. THEN, WE'LL BE ABLE TO START PHASE ONE!"

 

**Later...**

 

Once they're both comfortably seated on the slightly uncomfortable couch, Papyrus pulls out a small notepad and pen from...somewhere. "ALRIGHT, FIRST YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT ALL THE STUFF YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT THE ONE YOU HAVE FEELINGS OF GREAT AFFECTION FOR."

Undyne grins. "Got 'em." 

"VERY GOOD! NOW, THINK ABOUT ALL THE WAYS YOU'VE INTERACTED WITH HER. IN THE LETTER, YOU PROBABLY SHOULD MENTION ALL THE GOOD TIMES THAT YOU'VE HAD HANGING OUT TOGETHER, AND HOW YOU LIKE SPENDING YOUR TIME WITH HER, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS YOU'RE DOING."

Undyne's face is flushing a little. "Yeah, it's always fun hanging out with Alphys. She's the best."

"BUT DOES SHE KNOW THIS?"

"I try telling her, but...she doesn't seem to believe me. I wish there was a way to convince her."

"WELL...MAYBE IF YOU KEEP TELLING HER THIS...SHE'S REALIZE THAT YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH. THIS ACTUALLY TIES PERFECTLY INTO PHASE TWO: LETTER WRITING! TAKING THE TIME TO HAND WRITE A PERSONAL LETTER...IT'S ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO SHOW THAT YOU CARE. HERE!" Papyrus holds out the notepad and pen. "TRY PUTTING SOME IDEAS DOWN!" 

Undyne hesitantly takes the pen and pad. "Alright." 

Almost immediately, Undyne starts writing, pen practically flying off the pages.

In less than three minutes, she fills an entire two pages, before dropping the pen on the ground.

"Hand cramps," she explains with a grimace.

"WELL, WHAT DID YOU WRITE?" Papyrus asks, and Undyne flushes a dark shade of blue. 

"None of your business!" she snaps quickly, and Papyrus visibly deflates. 

"OH...I'M SORRY."

Seeing Papyrus's hurt expression, Undyne quickly backpedals. "Wait- I didn't mean it like that!"

Straightening up, Papyrus smiles. "IT'S OKAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED SUCH A PERSONAL QUESTION."

"Ugh!" Undyne groans. "Stop being so...so...passive! If someone upsets you, let them know!"

"...IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL."

"Papyrus," Undyne says in a quieter voice, "you're my friend. And friends don't hurt friends, got it?"

"...GOT IT."

Undyne claps him on the back. "You just got to keep reminding yourself that, alright?"

"ALRIGHT."


	83. the world at your fingertips

**Frisk Reacts to: People Reacting to Stuff**

**posted by FriskyBusiness**

[Scene: A shot of Frisk sitting at what looks like a kitchen table, an opened laptop in front of them. Frisk looks up at the camera with a faint smile on their face. When they begin signing, text captions appear below.]

Frisk (signing): _Hello, I'm Frisk. Today I will be reacting to someone reacting to someone playing a video game of someone playing miniature golf._

***Frisk presses a button on their computer, and looks down at the screen. A confused expression crosses their face.**

***Ten minutes pass by in total silence, Frisk looking more and more confused as the video progresses.**

***Eventually, they look back up at camera.**

Frisk (signing): _I don't get it._

***The video ends.**

 

**Comments:**

**CoolSkeleton95:** ANOTHER EXCELLENT VIDEO! 

        **FriskyBusiness:** ☺

 **snas:** nice

 **potatoboi89945:** a bit too short :(

 **Theories N' Stuff:** hey frisk, this is probably a bad place to contact you, but me and scout won't be able to go to the next 2 garden club meetings. 

 **Theories N' Stuff:** i'm getting my tonsils removed and scout needs to be there for moral support.

 **Yarrrr:** He wants me to film him after surgery so he can post it on his channel

 **snas:**  lol

 **Yarrrr:** Exam week is after that >:( 

 **sneksarecool76:** Warning! If you have started reading this then you can't stop, or else a grown adult male who is also a Brony will come out of your computer and stab you with a fork. Yuo need to pass this message along to a million other people or else you wil become dead!!!!!!!!! But if yu dew pass the message on you will get yur wishez come true.

       **snas:** good thing i don't know how to read

       **snas:** or write

       **CoolSkeleton95:** SANS! YOU CAN'T LIE ONLINE! THAT'S ILLEGAL I THINK!

       **snas:** whoops guess i'm a criminal now oh no

 **Grimwood:** cool video? didn't really get it, but the editing was good

 **Yarrrr:** Hey Roman! 

       **Grimwood:** hey Scout. how's life?

      **Yarrrr:** good, I guess. 

      **Grimwood:** i'll see you guys in a month or so

      **CoolSkeleton95:** SCOUT, DO YOU KNOW GRIMWOOD?

      **Yarrrrr:** yeah, he's my brother. we're twins, actually.

 **souperdooperlooper:** i hate mini golf.       


	84. a tale of two brothers (the start of a scheme)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason why Sans couldn't meet Frisk at his station in the Waterfall as he'd planned.

Sans leans against the counter of his station, idly waiting for the human to leave Snowdin.

Papyrus had just texted him a few minutes earlier, telling him about the date he'd had with Frisk. Apparently, it had gone well, though his bro was a little worried that he'd broken the kid's heart. 

He'd tried his best to reassure Papyrus, but he's not sure if the attempt worked. Sure, Papyrus had texted that he felt a lot better, but...

The phone in his front pocket buzzes. 

**science buddy: sans**

It's Alphys.

**science buddy: im sorry to bother you on your day off but can you come to the lab? right now?**

**science buddy: if you can't then nvm**

Tapping quickly, Sans responds back.

**you: nah no worries alphy**

**you: be there in a bit**

**science buddy: thank you!!!!!! i really need your help with something**

**science buddy: ill explain when you get here**


	85. we become what we behold [swapfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different kind of encounter happens at the outskirts of Snowdin.

**Battling Sans**

Sneaking through Snowdin had proved to be a hassle; even though no one seemed to know what a human looked like, you'd been on edge the entire time, certain at any moment you'd slip up and reveal your true identity. 

What a pain. 

It's not until you step out into the fog that you remember Papyrus' warning about his brother.

 _"m'lord likes his dramatic entrances,"_ he'd cryptically said, and you hadn't been sure what he meant by that until-

"HUMAN."

You flinch, freezing in place just like a dumb animal in the middle of the road who just stares blankly at the approaching headlights of a car and does absolutely nothing to get out of the way. 

Instead of staying silent like a smart person, you sarcastically say, "Sorry, you must be mistaken. I'm not a human. I'm a...dog. Yep. Totally."

There's a short pause.

"NONSENSE! I, THE GREAT AND MALEVOLENT SANS, CANNOT BE FOOLED THAT EASILY BY YOUR TRICKS!" 

"Sure, whatever."

The fog clears. 

"HUMAN!" Sans shouts once more, as if you're standing on the other side of a football field or something. 

You shove your hands into your pant pockets. "So, now what?" 

"...HUMAN. ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT...SOMETHING." Sans is twisting his gloved hands together. "...I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF, SO DO NOT INTERRUPT."

You decide to humor him. 

"MY BROTHER IS VERY WEAK. HE DOES NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE WORLD WORKS. PERHAPS, HUMAN, YOU HAVE WONDERED HOW HE'S MANAGED TO SURVIVE DOWN HERE FOR SO LONG, GIVEN HIS LAZY BEHAVIOR. AND THAT IS VERY UNDERSTANDABLE."

Sans scowls, crossing his arms across his armored chest plate. "WITHOUT ME, THAT MISERABLE SACK OF BONES WOULD HAVE BEEN DUSTED YEARS AGO. AND NOW...WITH THE LAST HUMAN SOUL, HE WON'T NEED TO PROTECT HIMSELF."

"You really care about him, don't you?" 

"...ENOUGH CHATTER! HUMAN, IT'S TIME FOR YOU...TO DIE!"

 

***Sans blocks the path!**

 

Once again, you're faced with the same three options. 

You press  **ACT**.

***CHECK  *TELL BAD PUN  *FLIRT**

 

Seeing as you need to know what you're up against, you decide to  **CHECK** him.

 

***Sans  32 ATK  24 DEF**

***Watch out.**

 

Sans summons some jagged, red bones, flinging them at you with deadly accuracy. You manage to dodge out of the way, but just barely.

You stub your toe against a stone, and swear loudly and colorfully.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT, HUMAN?" Sans asks, actually sounding a bit concerned. Before you can respond, however, he quickly blusters, "NOT THAT I CARE OR ANYTHING!"

***TELL BAD PUN**

"Well,  _weather_ or not you meant it, I'm alright, there's  _snow_ problem right now."

Sans groans theatrically. 

(In the back of your mind, you hear a faint giggle. Clearly, the passenger in your brain also has a bad sense of humor.)

"DON'T THINK YOUR CLEVER WORDPLAY IS GOING TO DISTRACT ME!" he shouts, flinging some more bones at you. 

One of them nicks your arm and you lose some of your **HP**.

For a third time, you press  **ACT**.

 _("You should flirt with him,"_ the voice whispers unhelpfully. You ignore them.)

 

***TELL BAD PUN**

 

"You know, you should really  _chill out_." You throw in a wink for good measure.

Sans' eye socket twitches.

"HUMAN, YOU HAVE FORCED MY HAND."

Concentrating, Sans waves his hand upwards, and several bones, even larger than the last form from thin air. Whirling around, they encircle you, trapping you in one place.

"I WILL LET YOU SAY SOME FINAL WORDS. MAKE THE MOST OF THEM, HUMAN."

"Chara."

"WHAT?" Sans looks a little bewildered. 

"My name's Chara. Not  _human_."

"I DON'T CARE. JUST DO SOMETHING." 

Sans looks frustrated, and a little...regretful?

You decide to keep pressing. "If you're going to kill me, at least have the courtesy to call me by my name."

"FINE. JUST STOP STRETCHING THIS OUT....CHARA. TAKE YOUR TURN. IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL ACTUALLY TRY ATTACKING."

Your hand hovers over the **ATTACK** option for a second. 

 

***SPARE**

 

The pinpricks of light vanish from Sans' eye sockets. "WHAT..." he croaks, "DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT, HUMAN?"

"Chara. And I'm not playing at anything." You look at him straight in the eye sockets. "I just don't want to kill anyone."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO TRICK ME?" Sans accuses, but there's something desperate about the way he says it. 

He doesn't want to believe you're telling the truth. 

"..."

"I don't think you want to hurt me, either."

"...DO NOT PRESUME ANYTHING ABOUT ME, HUMAN," Sans says with a scowl. "HOWEVER, SINCE THIS BATTLE HAS GONE ON FOR SO LONG, I MIGHT AS WELL END IT BY LETTING YOU GO. I AM A VERY BUSY SKELETON, AFTER ALL."

The  **Encounter** ends.

"DO NOT MISTAKE THIS GESTURE AS KINDNESS. IN FACT, BY NOT KILLING YOU, I AM ONLY PROLONGING YOUR SUFFERING."

Sans turns away from you. "JUST...JUST GO."

You leave him behind, but can't help but say, "Thank you," as you pass him by.

You make sure not to look back. 


	86. comedy corner (the sit-down comedian)

Sans has started leaving sticky notes everywhere he goes. 

Everywhere.

Most of them are puns and/or jokes. 

**why did the skeleton start a fight?**

**he had a bone to pick**

 

Occasionally, he'll write down a random quote.

 

**people say nothing is impossible, but i do nothing every day.**

- **a.a milne**  

He sticks them to the brick walls of buildings, to various rocks, and sometimes, even on the back of people's shirts while they're wearing them.

He leaves them on the ground, inside empty pots, and between the pages of books. 

**why are skeletons so calm?**

**because nothing gets under their skin.**

 

Once in a while, he'll put down something that makes zero sense, or some kind of random event that happened to him.

**a helicopter but for dogs only**

**humans eat some moldy food but not others, it makes no sense at all**

**is it weird to miss something and not know what you're missing?**

**kid asked me if skeletons fart today and i said yes but honestly idk**

**told paps that idk stands for international dog klub. he didn't believe me. my bro is catching on :(**

 

 

For the most part, though, he just writes jokes. 

When you ask him about his notes, he just ruffles your hair. "dunno."

And that's all there is to it.


	87. fill in the blanks (for what's left unsaid)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible to tell a story in six sentences or less?

Your hands are sticky with melted ice cream.

"here, wipe them off on my jacket."

You hesitantly look at him.

"don't worry, my jacket's been through worse."

You wipe your hands on his sweatshirt.

 

"SANS, WHY DID YOU EAT YOUR FOOD ON TOP OF THE RESTAURANT?"

"simple. they told me the meal was  _on the house._ "

"UGH."

 

You point at a patch of stars.

"that one's called pisces. it's the fish stick of the sky."

 

"Hey, punk! I heard you got a B+ on your English test!"

You grin, holding up the paper for Undyne to examine.

She beams back, ruffling your hair.

"I knew you could do it!"

 

Sans hands you the nearly empty bottle of soda, and you gratefully drink the rest.

When you try and give it back to him, he doesn't take it.

"no take-backs," Sans says with a wink. "why do you think i gave you the soda in the first place?"

You sigh, putting the empty bottle in your inventory for safe keeping.

 

"Watch this!" Monster Kid exclaims. "I'm going to do...a backflip! Ready...set...go!"

Monster Kid jumps up...only to fall promptly on his face.

Getting to his feet, Monster Kid beams. "Did I do it? Did you see me?"

You nod.  _"I saw you."_

 

"Darling," Mettaton says with a wink, "never underestimate the power of a stylish dress and a pair of high heels." 

You give an experimental twirl, liking the way your skirt swishes around your bare legs. 

"You're a natural!"

You pose, hand on one hip, the other reaching towards the sky.

Mettaton applauds. "Wonderful! You're already on the path to true stardom!"

 

Scout tries to give you a high five, but misses by several inches. 

Tapping her eye patch, she ruefully smiles. "Wanna try again?"

You nod.

(The next attempt ends up being successful.)

 

"hey, kiddo. i got you some pi," Sans says holding out a piece of paper with a strange symbol printed on it. 

You just look at him, confused.

_"Where's the pie?"_

"right here," Sans unhelpfully explains. "it's a math thing."

You shrug.  _"Okay?"_

Sans gently pats you on the head. "don't worry, you'll get it when you're older."

 

"I don't know if I can come back," Gabe tells you through the closed front door of his house. "Not yet, anyway."

There's a brief pause. "A-are you still there?"

You tap on the door three times.

"When I'm ready, I'll rejoin the club. Promise." 


	88. a tale of two brothers (a phone call with papyrus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an...interesting talk with Sans, you now have some questions for Papyrus.

You stare down at the phone in your hand, Sans' words echoing in your mind over and over again, thumb hovering over Papyrus' name in the contact list. 

When the taller skeleton had mentioned about his friend on the other side of the door leading to the RUINS, you had been pretty sure you knew who that mysterious person was. 

Now, you're one hundred percent certain that Papyrus' "door buddy," is **~~mom~~** Toriel. 

Before you can chicken out, you press Papyrus' name. 

The phone starts ringing. You nibble on the fingernails of your free hand, the one not holding the cell phone. 

(There's a small part of you that hopes he won't pick up.)

"HELLO HUMAN!" Papyrus says cheerily. "YOU KNOW...I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING! I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU "HUMAN" ALL THIS TIME, AND I NEVER EVEN...WELL, I NEVER EVER BOTHERED TO ASK IF YOU HAD A NAME. UMM....YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHARE IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO-"

You tell him that your name is Frisk.

"THAT'S A NICE NAME."

There's a short pause.

"ANYWAY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

You tell him that you're at the resort/hotel place. 

"WOWIE! THAT MUST BE EXCITING!"

You tell him that Sans had been waiting for you outside, and that he took you to a restaurant.

"REALLY?" Papyrus gasps. "HE ACTUALLY TOOK YOU OUT ON A....DATE?"

His voice drops a little. "FRISK, WHEN I TOLD YOU TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE...I HAD NO IDEA THAT MY BROTHER WOULD BE ON YOUR LIST! WELL, HE  _IS_ A SKELETON, AND YOU SEEM TO HAVE A THING FOR SKELETONS...JUST SO YOU KNOW, IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT WITH SANS, WE'RE THE ONLY TWO SKELETONS LIVING IN THE UNDERGROUND. PLUS, SANS HAS NEVER REALLY BEEN...NEVER MIND. "

(Papyrus sounds a bit concerned.)

You tell him it wasn't a date.

"OH."

Another pause. "WAIT, YOU MEAN SANS MANAGED TO ESCAPE METTATON?"

You tell him that Sans told you that Mettaton had let him have a union regulated break.

Papyrus sighs. "THAT MAKES SENSE. ANYWAY, HOW ARE YOU, FRISK?"

You tell him that you need to ask him a question.

"SURE! WHAT IS IT?"

You ask him if he ever made a promise to someone.

"...SOMETIMES?"

You ask him about his promise to the lady on the other side of the door.

There's a long pause.

You wait patiently.

"DID...DID SANS TELL YOU? WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY?"

You decide not to tell Papyrus about Sans' threat. 

"HE...SAID SOMETHING ELSE, DIDN'T HE."

Before you can think up a response, Papyrus continues. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT HE SAID OR ANYTHING. BUT...FRISK? EVEN IF MY DOOR BUDDY HADN'T ASKED ME TO MAKE THAT PROMISE, I STILL...I COULD HAVE NEVER...WELL...I GUESS I DID HURT YOU, IN THE END. BOTH LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY."

You tell him that you're fine.

You hear him sniffle on the other end. "R-REALLY? YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE..."

You tell him that you're not lying, and that you still want to be his friend. You just want to know the truth, that's all.

"I...I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT OVER THE PHONE. ONCE THIS IS ALL OVER, I PROMISE I'LL TELL YOU THE WHOLE STORY. JUST...NOT NOW."


	89. reading rainbow

***It's a magazine article.**

***Read it?**

***Yes  *No**

***Yes**

* * *

 

**EBOTT WEEKLY**

* * *

**SEARCHING FOR THE WRITER OF MONSTER AMBASSADOR'S FAVORITE BOOK: WHO IS ALLEN JONES?**

by Judy Holmes

Until two nights ago, the name Allen Jones probably wouldn't have meant anything to you. Then, on the Very Later Night Show, monster ambassador Papyrus happened to mention that one of his favorite book happened to be called _Peek-a-boo with Fluffy Bunny_. 

Papyrus was quoted saying that the book is "A REAL PAGE TURNER!" and that his brother reads it to him nightly. When asked to describe the plot, however, he refused to say anything further, insisting that he "DIDN'T WANT SPOIL THE ENDING."

After receiving many online messages, Papyrus posted a picture of the cover of the book, along with the name of the publishing company, which has been out of business for almost forty years. 

In less than a day, however, a few online users managed to track down a former editor of said company, ninety-seven year old retiree Billy Marsh.

Marsh, however, could only provide one piece of information, which was that he was pretty sure that the name "Allen Jones" was really a pseudonym. 

When asked if he knew what the author's real name was, he shook his head. "I don't remember working on a book like that. I'm pretty sure it was...uh...Potter. Yes, I think it was Potter."

Marsh could not provide a first name.


	90. a tale of two brothers (your first encounter with undyne)

You step off the floating platform onto a bridge coated in shadows.

Even though every instinct is screaming at you to run away, you keep walking ahead.

You are, however, going a little slower, keeping an eye on your feet, so you won't stumble over anything in the semi-darkness. 

It's quiet.

...

Too quiet.

You try calling Papyrus, but there's no response. 

...

......

....

You have a bad feel-

**SLAM!**

There's a spear sticking out of the bridge, just inches away from where you're standing. 

You freeze.

You hear the clanking of armor, and see a figure emerge from the shadows to your right. 

Without a word, they starts flinging more magic spears at you.

You book it as fast as you can, faster than you've ever run in your entire life. The spears keep flying with deadly precision, almost hitting you several times.

You run into a field of tall grass, collapsing on the ground.

You can't run anymore.

You curl into a ball, hoping that-

You hear someone walking through the grass, and to your horror, their footsteps are getting louder.

You hold your breath, clasping your hands above your mouth.

Silence.

Then, the footsteps retreat. 

You breathe.

_That must have been Undyne._

You make your way through the tall grass, quickly reaching the end. 

There are bits of grass stuck to your shoes and socks.

Behind you, the grass rustles. Out pops Monster Kid, grinning so wide that it makes your own jaw ache. 

"Did you see that?" he asks excitedly, dancing excitedly on one spot. "Undyne actually touched my face! I'm never going to wash it ever again!"

You nod.

Monster Kid sighs. "If you were just standing a  _little_ bit to the left...well, don't worry! I'm sure you'll be able to meet her sooner or later today!"

(You decide not to let him know that meeting Undyne is a situation you want to avoid at all costs.)

"Anyway," Monster Kid continues, "I'll see you later, yo!"


	91. a tale of two brothers (the old telescope)

After Monster Kid runs off, you follow at a much more sedate pace. 

In the next room, there's a small table with a piece of pink cheese on it. 

Wait-

You look at the cheese again, and realize that it's not really pink, it's just inside a pink rock.

***The cheese has been here so long, a magical crystal has grown around it.**

***It's stuck to the table...**

 You prod the crystal with a careful finger, and feel a smooth, warm surface, and can't help but wonder if magical crystals form differently than regular ones. Despite knowing that it won't do anything, you attempt to pry the crystal off the table.

As expected, the crystal remains firmly stuck. 

Looking down, you see a small mouse hole. 

***(Knowing that the mouse might one day extract the cheese from the mystical crystal...)**

***(It fills you with determination.)**

 Next to the mouse hole is an echo flower; when you place your ear next to the flower, you hear a tiny

                                                                                                                                                            _squeak!_

 In the next room, there's another old telescope, almost identical to the one you saw earlier. This one, however, has a yellow sticky note taped to the size. You peel it off.

**i used to take papyrus stargazing here. not as good as the real thing, apparently.**

**been so busy, lately i haven't had the chance to.**

**so i decided to write a book for him about space, let him know i haven't forgotten about our tradition.**

**if you have the time, could you deliver it to my bro?**

**check the box, it'll be there.**

**i guarantee no one's stolen it.**

Sure enough, there's a large, green, spiral-bound notepad in the box. Written on the front, in large letters, is the word 'space.'

Below that, in much smaller print, is Sans' name. 

You decide to check out at least the first page.

There's nothing written there. 

You flip to the next page.

Still blank.

In fact, there's not a single word written inside. Not even a stray ink mark.

Huh.

You put the book in your inventory for safe-keeping. 


	92. your pictures paint a thousand words

A close-up of a flower, with a stray white paw accidentally covering a quarter of the frame. 

A quickly snapped shot of Chara smiling at something off screen to the right of the camera, clearly not aware that they're being photographed.

Toriel, sitting in her favorite armchair, reading a book about snails. Her reading glasses are slipping a little off her nose. 

Asriel, fast asleep in bed, mouth open wide as he snores. 

A blurred shot of Chara trying to get out of the camera's line of sight. 

Asgore watering the flowers, a straw hat perched jauntily on his head. The angle is a bit tilted. 

A photo of Chara, actually looking at the camera, a slightly resigned expression on their face. 

An accidental shot of a small, furry hand. 

A yellow snail with the number five painted on its shell.

A blanket fort set up between two beds. 

Asriel and Chara, drawing on papers while lying stretched out of their bedroom floor. Crayons are scattered in between them. 

A family photograph. Everyone is smiling.


	93. your mother (and mine)

_**Ring....Ring....Ring** _

"Hello, this is Bronte Library, how can I help you?"

"Nana?"

"Julie! Thank god, I've been so worried about you! Where are you?"

"Ebott City."

"Julie, can you put Frisk on the phone?"

"You were right all along. I just...she never cared, did she? All those years, and she didn't even bother...I should have listened to you."

"Julie, where's Frisk?"

"I can't do this anymore. I told Frisk to wait, and I left to call you."

"...Julie, please tell me you didn't leave Frisk somewhere."

"You can take care of Frisk far better than I ever could."

"Julie! Where is Frisk?!"

"Ebott."

"Julie, tell me where Frisk is. Please."

**"Please deposit 25 cents."**

"Just come and get them. I can't...do this anymore. Tell Frisk I'm sorry. I guess I'm just as bad as mama, huh?"

"Julie!"

_**Click.** _


	94. a tale of two brothers (in which you fall into a garbage dump and meet an angry ghost)

You walk out onto another bridge, just as dark as the last one. Like before, you move slowly, not wanting to trip and fall into the abyss below. 

You're already on edge, and the sudden silence isn't helping much, either.

You shiver, wrapping your arms around yourself. 

Something isn't right. 

Then-

A circular blue light appears on the wooden planks of the bridge.

Another one pops up next to it. 

You take a step back as more and more of them start appearing. You turn around, only to find that you've been surrounded on all sides.

Dread pools in your stomach. 

The light looks strangely familiar...

_swoosh!_

A bunch of spears erupt from every single blue spot.

You freeze in place.

When the spears retreat, you see that there's a bridge underneath the one you're standing on...and standing right below is the terrifying armored figure that you recognize as Undyne. 

_**"Run!"** _

When you start running, you hear the clanking of armored feet underneath your bridge as more and more spears begin erupting all around you. 

_**"Look out!"** _

You skid to a halt, barely avoiding being skewered on a spear that had appeared suddenly in front of you.

**_"Keep_   _going!"_**

The bridge is a maze; you keep getting turned around at various dead ends, barely able to think clearly through your panic.

_**"I think this is the right way!"** _

Several times, you have to stop quickly as a spear shoots out in front of you.

_**"Almost there!"** _

Your exhaustion is making you sloppy, at times the spears are barely inches away from hitting you. 

Then-

_**"I can't hear her anymore. Maybe she got bored and left?"** _

(The voice doesn't sound convinced.)

Now the bridge is normal once again; you head forward, knowing there's no way you can get lost...

_**"Another dead end...This isn't good."** _

You can't just stay here and wait for Undyne to catch up, so you turn around and walk back the way you came. 

Maybe you'd taken a wrong turn?

_**"Frisk..."** _

_clank! clank clank!_

It's her.

Undyne's armored figure looms over you as she steps closer and closer, the metal rattling and clanking louder and louder as she draws near.

You're frozen in place, just like a deer in the headlights of an upcoming car, desperately praying that maybe Undyne will-

Undyne stops in her tracks, considering you for a moment. 

_swoosh!_

A blue blur slashes down in front of you.

_**"Did she actually miss? That's..."** _

The bridge shakes underneath you.

Then the bridges _separates_  right where the spears hit it. 

Even though you can't see Undyne's expression underneath the armor, you think she must look triumphant as you

**f**

**a**

**l**

**l**

 

**d**

**o**

**w**

**n**

 

_A familiar melody is starting to play..._

_You have a strange sensation of knowing that you should be in pain, but also knowing at the same time that you're not actually awake to feel anything at all._

_"It sounds like it came from over here...Oh! You've fallen down, haven't you...Are you okay? Here...I'll help you get up."_

_In the dream, you must have said ~~ **your**~~ someone's else's name, because the voice pauses, before continuing with, "Chara, huh? That's a nice name. _

_My name is..."_

_The voice grows fainter, as everything fades to white._

 

You wake to the sound of rushing water and a horrible smell that reminds you of garbage. 

You open one eye, then the other, before pulling yourself up. 

You were lying on a small bed of flowers that had grown atop a few wooden planks that are floating in the murky depths.

Looking ahead, you see the cause of the terrible smell, is, in fact garbage stacked up in surprisingly neat piles. 

Gross.

You take a step off the platform into the water, which turns out to be deep enough that everything below your waist is submerged.

Ignoring the awful smell, you press forward. 

 

A little while later, you come across a cooler with some freeze-dried space food bars, the kind that real astronauts eat! 

Remembering Papyrus mentioning Sans' love for outer space, you put a bar in your inventory to show him later, assuming you ever find your way out of this junkyard. 

You eat the other one, shuddering a little at the taste.

Now that your health bar is full, you _continue onward_ , a phrase that you heard on TV when you were watching a show about explorers. 

You find yourself humming a little as you pass by a training dummy. Briefly, you consider the idea of hitting it, but decide not to. 

Ahead of you is a patch of dry land, and a cave wall with a hole in it big enough for you to head inside. 

"Hey!" 

An unfamiliar voice shouts angrily from behind you. 

When you turn, you see that the training dummy...has changed color, and is, to your dismay, now sporting rather angry looking eyebrows. 

The training dummy rattles for a moment, before disappearing under the water without a sound. 

_splash!_

Turning back, you see the training dummy is now floating right in front of you, blocking your only chance at escape. 

"Hahaha..." the training dummy laughs in a mocking tone. "Too afraid to fight me, huh!? I am a ghost that lives inside a DUMMY. My cousin used to live inside a DUMMY, too. Until...you came along! When you talked to them, they thought they were in for a nice chat...but the things you said were horrible!"  

You frantically try to remember even having a conversation with a training dummy. The only one you can think of is...

"It spooked them right out of their dummy!"

The ghost inside the dummy sounds even angrier when they say, "Human! I'll scare your soul right out of your body!"

Before you can do or say anything, the ghost pulls you into an **Encounter**. 

 

...If it hadn't been for Naptsablock's convenient entrance, you probably would be dead right about now.  

None of your attempts at calming the angry ghost had any effect, and even if you had tried attacking, apparently they wouldn't have taken damage in the first place. 

So, you're very glad to be alive. 

If you're even luckier, Undyne will assume you've died in the fall...but you haven't been very lucky recently, so you just cross your fingers and hope for the best. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Changed Mad Dummy's pronouns.


	95. history takes time (history takes memory)

hOI!!!11!! my names is temmie!!! and i am in colledge to learns all about teh history of tems!!!! we have a very rich history, u kno!!!! 

tems are very long lived, so we has seen alot! lotz and lotz of stuffs! some stuff iz good but some stuff is bad!!!! we was evens there for the war!!!! 

but thats okay!!!!11!!! cause we are tems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

what is tem u ask?????

tems are tems, silly!!!!!

wut else did u think tems were?????

 

**hOI!!!! tems had 2 take a break cause writin is hard!!!! but noes worries! temmie is here and i has cheat cards!!!!**

**so teh tems lives are long so that means we knoes allllllllllllllllll about the world.**

**so much knowledge!!!!!! all does secretes!**

**i has all the secrets!!!**

**but theys are mine!**

**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**not urs!**

**but you can knows that teh war waz long!!!! so long!!! but tems have beens around since before teh universe was createted, so is not that long to tems. tems live furever u know. thats why tems r so smart!!!!! lieks me!!!!**

 

i is back! ignore temmie, they are nots college edumacated likes i is. they forgot to site there sources!!!1! that is bad!!!

alsos, i did not say tems could write in my paper!!!! >:(

tems stoled it from me!!!!!!1!

anywayz, tems have been around for a very longs time. but we was not always tems!!!! but then we became tems!!!! alsos, tems did not exist before universe begun. that is not science or fact!!!!

 

_hoi!!!! i is other tems. i is finding this on the ground!!! all dis stuff is wrong!!!_

_so wrong!!!!_

_tems have been around a long times, but we is not living forever._

_alsos, we waz not there for teh war! tems already lived underground!!! tems have always lives in temmie village!_

 

noes tems did not always lives in tem village 4ever! we lived on surface two!!!

dont u remembers?

whoever wrotes that last part is dumdum!!!!

 

**hOI!!!!! i back again! eheheheheheheh!!!!!!**

**( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**tems thought they cud hide dis from me.....they has no good hiding spot and they shud feel bad about that.**

**but other tems is right. we tems has always lived in temmie village!!!! i thought u was going to colledge to become smartical!!! not too becoms dumber!!!**

no we's haven't.

**yes we has.**

_we has._

 

hOI!!!! all teh tems were asked wut they thought. every1 agreees witf.... not me.

so i is wrong :(

bob agrees but bob is.....bob

bob has spesial needz. 

dun't tell bob i says that.

tems do not talk behind tems backs!!!!!!!

 

Hello. I'm Bob.

That's all I have to say about that.

                                     ~Bob 


	96. and it wasn't quite me (but it wasn't quite you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their last moments were not as Chara or Asriel; their new form had been more than just a combination of two souls in one body.

They open their eyes for the first(?) time and see their parents weeping. 

Both of them are no longer as tall as they used to be- no, that isn't right, it's just that both Asriel and Chara have memories of being much smaller than their parents.

Their mom reaches out, grabs their paw in her own, and they feel a foreign, yet familiar, sensation of fur against fur. 

"It's going to be okay," they say in the most reassuring voice they can muster. "We're going to set us all free."

Letting go of mom's hand, they gently scoop up ~~Chara's~~   ~~your~~   ~~their~~  former, still-warm, body from where it's lying on the bed. 

"It's going to be okay," they tell their parents. "I'm going to set us all free."

And when they step through the Barrier, they do so as both Chara-and-Asriel, but also _not_ as Chara-and-Asriel. 

They step through the Barrier as someone new.

 

In the end, though, they are more Asriel than Chara-this body belongs more to him, after all. 

So when the humans attack them, it's Asriel who doesn't fight back, despite Chara's frantic shouting and swearing at him to  _"do something, you idiot!"_

But Asriel doesn't fight back, even though the  _whole point_ of Chara dying was that they could collect seven souls and break the Barrier. 

It's the first real time that Asriel's actually stood up against Chara, and isn't it just like him to pick the worst possible time to actually grow a spine?

When they stumble back to the Underground, collapsing on the ground, they whisper out an apology. Was it from Asriel to Chara, for failing to complete the plan; was the apology from Chara to Asriel for forcing him into a admittedly half-baked scheme?

Was it from them to their parents, knowing that they're leaving them behind?

They don't know.

And they never would.


	97. let's talk about love (and a million other stuff as well) together

**office hours**

"I don't like telling people I'm sick," Dave confides to her as they're sitting on those uncomfortable chairs in the therapy waiting room. "They either look at me and say something along the lines of _'wow, you're so brave,'_ and sometimes they'll even apologize. I hate that. I mean, I get they're trying to be nice, but...does it make me a bad person if I just...don't care what they think?"

_"I'm sorry for your loss."_

_"My thoughts and prayers are with your family."_

He taps his foot on the carpeted floor in an uneven beat. "And I feel like...such a terrible person sometimes, because most people mean well. Does that make sense? Sorry, I know I'm rambling, and I guess that _talking_ about me being sick kind undermines the point I was making, but-"

Julie holds up her palm. "I...think I understand." Hurriedly, she adds, "Not in the same way or anything...but....yeah." She holds her breath, waiting for Dave to start asking about what she means by that, but he doesn't pry. Instead, he moves on to asking about how she felt about the latest movie that's just come out. 

Turns out, both of them agree that  _Sharks on a Plane_ has a dumb premise, but is actually alright once you suspend enough disbelief.

**doughnuts**

"Wait, you actually entered the doughnut eating contest?"

"I didn't just  _enter_ the contest, I  _won_ the contest!" Dave says proudly. "Fourteen doughnuts in nine minutes!"

Julie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure your future heart problems will be worth the $25 gift card to...." Julie pauses to pick up the gift card. "... _Hardware Mansion._ "

"Yep. Totally," Dave stubbornly insists. "Anyway, aren't you proud of me?" 

Julie just looks at him, before eventually sighing. "It is a  _little_  impressive but-"

Dave loudly whoops. "I knew you were proud of me!"

"That's not what I-"

"Who's the man? I'm the man!" Dave gloats, dancing in one spot while pumping the air with his fist.

Julie groans, but can't help but smile as well.

**little fish**

"You know, I was thinking about names for our little tadpole," Dave says, right ear flush against her small baby bump. "In fact," he says excitedly, "I just had a great idea! We could-"

"We're not naming them Tadpole."

**homework assignment**

"Jules, you got to listen to this one." Dave says excitedly, before clearing his throat a couple of times. " _Roggert Jameesman was arguably one of the main characters in the book-"_

Both of them snort.

" _'-so things got super serious when he died for the second time. His last words to his daughter on his deathbed were very moving indeed, as he whispered out, "Error: file not found."_

_A shocking revelation, indeed._

_These sort of plot twists make me_ ** _almost_ **_want to reread the book over again, but not enough for me to actually do it.'_ "

"Was that M's work?" Julie asks, already knowing the answer. 

"Yep. Honestly, I kind of want to give her an A."

**shave and a haircut**

"Looking back," Dave admits sheepishly as the two of them peruse their recently created family album, "I don't know what I was thinking when I decided it would be a good idea to grow a mustache."

**the promise rings**

"Do you think we should get married?" Julie asks as they get ready for bed late one Saturday night. From the adjacent bathroom, she hears the whirring of Dave's electronic toothbrush turn off, followed by the sound of him spitting into the sink. 

"Do you want to get married?" Dave questions, coming out of the bathroom wearing his warmest flannel pajamas and a sleepy smile. She just shrugs, because she doesn't actually know the answer. Dave shrugs back, looking a little bit sad.

"You aren't obligated or anything, Jules." 

Curling up next to her, his feet immediately migrate over to hers. "Your feet are like icicles," she complains, allowing him to cuddle nearer. 

One of the new medications that Dave's been taking sometimes makes him feel chilly and/or drowsy, and it's now a common sight to see him wrapped up like a burrito as he naps on the couch.

"I guess I just thought it was something we would do, eventually," Julie confesses, tangling his hand in hers. "Provided we actually managed to survive each other."

She pauses for a moment. "Bad choice of words, there."

Sleepily, Dave murmurs, "If you ever want to get married, then I'll propose. Or you can propose. Just make sure there's cake."

**love letters**

He writes poems for her on post it notes-and, on one memorable occasion, on the back of a fast food receipt- and leaves them around the apartment for her to find. It's very romantic, save for the time where he stuck one inside the toaster. Most of them are in plain sight, but some are hidden- take the whole toaster note, for example.

 

 

 

(There are some that he squirrels away that are so cleverly hidden, she never ends up finding them.)

**favorite things**

"I hope they don't get my teeth," Julie ruefully says, studying her expression in the bathroom mirror. "My teenage years were a _nightmare_."

"I hope they don't get my forehead."

"Me too."

"Hey, you're the one who married me in spite of that!"

"It grew on me."

"Like my mustache?"

"...Let's not go that far."

**memory**

She should get out of bed. Walk around, maybe even go outside for some fresh air. 

But...the idea of even moving an inch seems impossible. 

_We used to play pranks on everyone by pretending to be each other._

_When did we stop?_

David is at school, and since it's 11:30, he's probably teaching his seventh grade class, the one he has the most trouble dealing with.

_Julie and Jade_

_Jade and Julie_

_(Not a single person, save for their parents, could tell the two apart.)_

Time passes in a haze.

The baby stirs inside her. 

"It's going to be okay," she whispers, to herself, as well as the small life growing in her abdomen. "Everything's going to be alright."


	98. a tale of two brothers (the day before)

**you:**  hey doc? can you do me a favor?

 **sciencebuddy:** sure!

 **science buddy:** wait this isn't dangerous rite?

 **you:** dont worry this is perfectly safe

 **sciencebuddy:** sans ur making me nervous o_0

 **you:** i just need you to text paps in a little bit & tell him

tat i have a day off tmrrw 

 **you:** dont tell him i told you to say that

 **sciencebuddy:**???

 **sciencebuddy:** why not tell him urself? 

 **you:** cause if i tell him that, he'll think i'm

just doing that cause i feel bad for him

 **you:** i think he worries about taking my time or sumthin.

honeslty i dunno, but i can't convince him otherwise

 **you:** but if you tell him i have a day off, he wont be

stressed

 **sciencebuddy:** ok but you really should be more honest

 **you:** i guess. also, can you delete this convo from your phone?

 **sciencebuddy:** alright

 **you:** thanks, i owe you one                                                                   


	99. a tale of two brothers (reporting live: mettaton news)

The lights blink out completely, leaving you in total darkness.

Again.

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

You can't see who's calling you, but you answer it, anyway.

"H-hello? S-sorry about the silence...but I'm back!"

She pauses for a second, before saying, "Another dark room, huh?" in a concerned voice.

You tell her that you have a bad feeling about this place.

"Don't worry! I'll just hack into the computers, and turn on the lights! I bet you'll feel better then."

The lights turn back on. 

You're standing in much larger area, filled with a variety of objects.

And...is that...a dog?

You really want to pet the dog.

"GREETINGS, DEAR VIEWERS!"

"Oh no, not again!" Alphys groans. 

"THAT'S RIGHT, DARLINGS! THIS IS METTATON, REPORTING LIVE FROM MTT NEWS!"

You look around frantically, but you can't see Mettaton anywhere. 

"AN INTERESTING SITUATION HAS ARISEN IN EASTERN HOTLAND! FORTUNATELY OUR CORRESPONDENT IS OUT THERE, REPORTING LIVE!"

You're pretty sure he's talking about you. 

Almost certain.

Sure enough, Mettaton continues with, "BRAVE CORRESPONDENT! PLEASE FIND SOMETHING NEWSWORTHY TO REPORT! OUR TEN LOVELY VIEWERS ARE COUNTING ON YOU!"

Without hesitation, you head straight for the dog.

Once you're standing right next to them, you point at the dog, signing,  _"I found something to report!"_

"WHAT A SENSATIONAL OPPORTUNITY FOR A STORY!" Mettaton's metallic voice gushes. "I CAN SEE THE HEADLINE NOW: 'A DOG EXISTS SOMEWHERE.'"

You think that headline sounds a bit boring. 

"FRANKLY," Mettaton continues, "I'M BLOWN AWAY."

From your phone, you hear Alphys whisper, "D-don't g-get to-too near, I t-think there's something wrong wi-with that dog!"

You take a closer look at the dog. Now that she's mentioned it, this dog is standing eerily still.

"ATTENTION VIEWERS! OUR CORRESPONDENT HAS FOUND...A DOG!"

You wave, hoping you're facing in the right direction. 

"THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! IT'S THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE YEAR! LOOK AT ITS LITTLE EARS, TINY PAWS, FLUFFY TAIL..."

There's a short pause.

Something's wrong. 

"WAIT A MINUTE," Mettaton says in a faux dramatic tone, "THAT'S NOT A TAIL!"

You look down, and see-

"THAT'S...A FUSE! THAT'S RIGHT, THE DOG...IS A BOMB!"

You back up a few steps away from the dog-bomb. 

While you weren't looking, Mettaton must have made his entrance, because he's now using his (still really cool) jet pack to hover in the air.

He's now wearing a red shirt and a snazzy yellow tie.

"OH MY! IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM...IS A BOMB!" 

You look around frantically, and to your horror, you see that every object in the room now has a lit fuse. 

"T-this isn't good!" Alphys unhelpfully says. 

You think about signing something along the lines of,  _"Really? I didn't know?!"_

But you don't. 

Mostly because you don't think the sarcasm would translate well, but also because you know that Alphys is just trying to be helpful.

"BRAVE CORRESPONDENT!" Mettaton says, speaking more so to the audience than yourself, "IF YOU DON'T DEFUSE ALL THE BOMBS..."

Mettaton uses his jet pack to fly across the area, where there's a  _giant bomb_ waiting. What's worse, is that handcuffed to the side of said bomb, is _Sans._

"hey, kiddo," Sans says weakly. "normally, i'm all for a good time, but in this case, i hope things aren't a  _blast_." For the first time in this whole ordeal, he actually sounds worried.

"THIS BIG BOMB WILL BLOW YOU TO SMITHEREENS IN TWO MINUTES!"

"so, 1.2e+11 nanoseconds?"

"SANS, SANS, SANS," Mettaton says disapprovingly, screen flashing red. "EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T MIX LETTERS WITH MATH!"

"A-actually-"

"HOW TERRIBLE! HOW DISTURBING!" Mettaton continues, interrupting Alphys. "OUR NINE VIEWERS AT HOME ARE GOING TO LOVE WATCHING THIS!"

Wait, nine?

There were ten viewers just a second ago...

Maybe people don't like Mettaton as much as you thought they did?

"GOOD LUCK, DARLING!"

Then, with a burst of flames, Mettaton flies off somewhere, leaving you and Sans in a room filled with deadly bombs.

"D-don't worry! I installed a bomb defusing program on your phone! There's a 'defuse' option right there, do you see it?"

You see it.

You nod.

"W-well, when you get close enough, you'll be pulled into a-an **Encounter**. Press the defuse option when the bomb is in the green zone. N-now, go get 'em!"

_**Click.** _

You don't really like the idea of having to defuse bombs, but you have no other choice.

 

How.

Just _how_ does someone make a glass of water into a bomb???

According to the description, it's an "extremely agile" glass of water, a description you completely agree with. 

Miss.

Miss.

Miss.

The clock is ticking.

Miss.

Miss.

Twenty four seconds left!

Miss.

Miss.

Ten seconds left!

Miss.

Bomb defused!

All the bombs have been defused.

You did it!

You breathe a sigh of relief.

"good job, kiddo," Sans says, giving you a thumbs-up with his free hand. 

Before you can do anything, Mettaton flies back into view. "WELL DONE, DARLING!" he cheers, waving at what must be a hidden camera. "YOU DEACTIVATED ALL OF THE BOMBS! IF YOU HADN'T, THE  **BIG BOMB** WOULD HAVE GONE OFF IN **TWO MINUTES**! NOW IT WON'T GO OFF IN **TWO MINUTES**!"

Something about the way he said "two minutes'' bothers you. 

"INSTEAD," Mettaton continues in an even more dramatic voice, screen flashing yellow, then red, then yellow, "THE BOMB WILL EXPLODE IN **TWO SECONDS**!"

"what."

Your stomach drops.

"GOODBYE, DARLINGS!" Mettaton says cheerily, screen still flashing. 

...

Nothing happens.

In fact, Mettaton doesn't move at all.

"AH," Mettaton begins, sounding a bit awkward. "IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THE BOMB ISN'T GOING OFF."

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

"T-that's because!!! While you were monologuing...I...f..fixed...um...I changed..."

"OH NO. YOU DEACTIVATED THE BOMB WITH YOUR HACKING SKILLS." Mettaton intones.

"Yeah! That's what I did!" Alphys says triumphantly.

"so, i guess you could say that your plan _bombed_ , huh metts?" Sans says with a lazy grin.

"CURSES!" Mettaton wails, screen flashing once more, "IT SEEMS I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN! CURSE YOU HUMAN! CURSE YOU DOCTOR ALPHYS FOR HELPING OUT! CURSE YOU SANS!"

"hey, how come she gets to be called doctor but i don't?" Sans asks in a faux hurt tone.

"DO YOU EVEN HAVE A DEGREE?"

Sans shrugs. "depends on who you ask. "

"I DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO ASK. AND...WELL, I CURSE YOU FOR JUST BEING SANS! I DON'T, HOWEVER, CURSE MY EIGHT LOVELY VIEWERS FOR TUNING IN! UNTIL NEXT TIME, DARLING!"

Mettaton starts to leave, before he stops suddenly. "OH! I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT OUR PRISONER!"

Procuring a remote from...somewhere, Mettaton presses a button. 

It seems as though Sans and the bomb are on a platform, which quickly descends into the ground. When it rises back up, the platform is empty.

"D-don't worry about Sans, I-I'm pretty sure Mettaton w-won't hurt him," Alphys reassures you. "A-and even if he does, I'll be there for you both! And if it really came down to it, I would..."

You wait patiently for Alphys to finish her sentence.

"...Later!"

_**Click.** _

Huh.

Guess you better keep going, then.


	100. but maybe i'm not actually your friend (but i am)

You decide to take Flowey along to the next garden club meeting. Surprisingly, Flowey had seemed pretty excited about going, until you told him he wasn't allowed to bite anyone who got too close or asked any stupid questions.

"You're not the boss of me," he sulked, but when you asked him if he still wanted to go, he begrudgingly agreed. "Not like I have anything else to do today."

The two of you sit and watch cartoons for about an hour, which is when Papyrus will show up to take you to the club. It's not really that far of a walk, and even if it _were_ , you have an excellent sense of direction, so getting lost would be impossible, but it's become sort of a tradition by now. 

_knock knock knock_

"hey, kiddo? you in there?" Sans calls from outside the house. Flowey scowls, his expression sour enough to curdle milk.

"Don't answer the door," he hisses, face twisting into a menacing leer. You pat him on the top of his head(?) and smile.

_"It's going to be alright."_

"Frisk, don't you dare-"

Then, ignoring Flowey's griping, you go to the front door and open it as wide as you can. 

"knock knock," Sans says. He still wearing the usual blue hoodie and basketball shorts, but his fuzzy slippers are gone, replaced by a pair of lime green flip flops. 

_"Who's there?"_

"red."

_"Red who?"_

"red-y to go?" Sans asks, and you giggle a little. 

(In the background, you can hear Flowey fake gagging.)

_"Hang on, I'm going to get Flowey."_

Sans' voice goes a bit weird when he says, "oh. didn't expect he'd be interested."

You shrug, walking back to Flowey.

_"Can I pick your pot up?"_

"Not like I can do anything about it," Flowey says, which isn't true at all. 

(Flowey is many things, but defenseless is not one of them.)

You pick up the pot, carefully cradle it in your arms.

Head back to Sans.

Smile.

Try to ignore the tension in the air.

You can't sign while you're holding Flowey, so when Sans asks if you're ready to go (this time without any puns), you just nod.

 

"...and he actually sent me to the principal's office!"

"REALLY? BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WRITE YOUR HONEST OPINION?"

"Apparently not."

"THAT DOESN'T SEEM VERY FAIR." 

When the three of you arrive at dad's house, Scout and Papyrus are already having an animated discussion. When Papyrus sees you, he waves excitedly. "HELLO FRISK! HELLO SANS! AND...WOWIE, I DIDN'T EXPECT FLOWEY TO COME ALONG! IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

Flowey huffs. "I'm only here because I don't have anything better to do at the moment."

"THAT'S OKAY!" Papyrus says cheerfully. "WHATEVER THE REASON, IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO HANG OUT WITH MY COOL FRIENDS."

Scout and Flowey regard each other for a moment.

Scout smiles. "The name's Scout," she says, wiping the dirt off her hands onto her pants. "Nice to meet you."

"I don't care."

Scout shrugs. "You know, I think I get why Sans said you're a bit of a jerk. At least you're honest, though. I can't stand liars."

"That's stupid. You're stupid."

Before Scout can reply, Sans quickly says, "so, uh...what were you guys talking about?"

You go over the the porch and place Flowey down on one of the steps, so he can enjoy the afternoon sunshine. 

"I was telling Papyrus about my last book report," Scout explains. "We had to write an essay about this one book called,  _The Sound of Rain Without Music_ by an author named Janey Oscar. The teacher asked us to write basically what that book was about, and to analyze different parts and explain what we thought about them.

Well, I did that, but I wrote that I thought the book wasn't very good, and I detailed several passages that were made me dislike the novel as a whole."

"AND THE TEACHER GAVE HER A BAD GRADE, EVEN THOUGH THE TEACHER ASKED THE CLASS TO BE HONEST!"

"Yeah, apparently because the book's a _classic_ " Scout says, making apostrophe gestures when she says 'classic', "it's supposed to be good. Well, I thought it was okay and all, but not as amazing as she built it up to be."

You sit down next to Flowey, who doesn't seem too interested in the conversation.

The front door opens behind you. "Howdy everyone. I'm glad you all could make it here." 

"wouldn't miss it for the world, fluffybuns," Sans says with a lazy grin. "love seeing all my  _buds_."

Papyrus groans.

"MUST YOU, SANS?"

"yes. i must.  _lilac_ the ability to stop. can't seem to nip this habit in the  _bud._ "

This time,Papyrus' groan is even louder.

"Can I go now?" Flowey complains. 

"i don't think anyone would mind if you  _leaf_."

"SANS, DON'T BE SO RUDE! FLOWEY IS OUR FRIEND!"

"sorry 'bout that," Sans says, not sounding sorry at all. 

You stand up, then pick Flowey's pot up as well, before turning to face dad. 

"Hello there," dad says gently. "It's nice to meet you."

Flowey is a lot quieter when he says, "If you say so."

Dad doesn't seem offended at Flowey's unenthusiastic response. 

"You must be Flowey," he says with a soft and gentle goatdad™ smile. 

"..."

"GUESS WHAT WE'RE DOING TODAY, FRISK!"

You shrug.

"WELL...YOU WILL HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER!"

"Since it's getting colder," dad explains, "I figured it was a good idea to start re-potting some of the more delicate plants. Wouldn't want them to freeze, after all. Although," he says sheepishly, "it may be rude to do so in front of our new friend."

Flowey scowls. "Do whatever you want."

**How to Re-Pot Plants**

**You will need a:**

  * **New pot.**
  * **Trowel.**
  * **Porous material to cover the drainage hole in your pot. One material that works well are coffee filters.**
  * **Scissors/sharp knife.**
  * **Potting mix.**



**Step One: Cover the drainage hole in the pot with your coffee filter.**

"I had to buy some coffee filters," dad tells you as you place said filter in a pot, "which I had never heard of before. Luckily, some very nice people helped me out at the supermarket."

"You met nice people at the supermarket?" Scout says in an exaggerated surprised voice. "I've only met ass- I mean, jerks, there."

**Step Two: Layer the soil in your new pot.**

**Step Three: Water it thoroughly.**

**Step Four: Remove the plant from it's old pot.**

"It says here that we shouldn't pull the plant out," Scout says, looking up from the sheet of paper with instructions on it that Sans had provided.

"That's right," Asgore says approvingly, "you don't want to rip the roots. Instead, I'll need one of you to hold the pot upside down and rotate the pot a little. When it falls out, I'll catch it."

**Step Five: Prune and untangle the roots.**

**Step Six: Place the plant in the new pot, then add soil.**

**Step Seven: Water your plant to help settle the soil.**

 

The rest of the club meeting was spent re-potting dad's plants.

Flowey, unsurprisingly, had refused to participate at all, so Papyrus sat beside him on the front porch and talked with him.

Well, Papyrus was doing more of the talking, but Flowey seemed to be paying attention whenever you happened to glance over at him.

Surprisingly, Sans actually helped with the re-potting, though he seemed a little on edge the entire time. 

Still, you're proud of them both.


	101. of cloudless climes (and starry skies)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk's dad was an English teacher who thought himself to be a poet.

_dear Julie,_

_you make the world just a bit brighter, just a little less hopeless, all without even trying to change my mind about anything at all, i wish you could see yourself the way i see you because you deserve to be loved and i will always love you even though you drank all the milk and made fun of my mustache. you stand, unafraid of the world, i look up at you and wonder if i'll ever be half as brave as you._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie_

_i would do ~~almost~~ anything for you._

_do you know that?_

_because i would._

_i would fight for you, and i would probably lose in an actual fight but my point still stands that i would fight for you, fight with you- not the kind where we're fighting against each other, because that kind of undermines the point of what i'm trying to say- side by side together._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_today during lunch break at school i found an old letter you wrote to me about ten years ago when we were in college and i was complaining that i had never gotten a letter in my entire life. so you wrote me one, even though it was a waste of your time, and it meant the world to me._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_i don't know why i'm writing all of these letters in lowercase but i quite like the poetic effect it brings..._

_maybe because i like to pretend i'm as deep as an ocean, when really i'm about as deep as a kiddie pool._

_or maybe it's_

_because_

_i_

_never_

_learned_

_how_

_to_

_stop_

_being_

_d_

_r_

_a_

_m_

_a_

_t_

_i_

_c_

_i think_

_it comes_

_with_

_the_

_territory_

_of being an english teacher._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_these stopped being actually poems, but i don't know if they were poetry at all to begin with-i may be an english teacher but sometimes i wonder_

_if_

_i actually am creative enough to be one._

_probably_

_not._

_you probably aren't fooled by_

_all_

_these_

_spaces_

_in-between_

_words._

_you know me better than anyone, and sometimes that scares me because i want to be strong for you and i don't want you to worry so much about me. you have a heart big enough to hold the entire world, and i wish i could take your pain away, even just for a little while because you shoulder so much on a daily basis, yet you smile and say you're fine because you don't want me to worry, either._

_today i went for a walk by myself and i couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if you'd been with me. i think you would have found the man covered in pigeons funny. you would have asked to hold one, and maybe one would land on your arm, and i would try and keep away because even though i know pigeons can't spread rabies to humans i still have an irrational fear of pigeons in general._

_i've never told you that, have i?_

_but i would have confessed to you right then, and maybe you'd laugh for a while but i know you wouldn't be mean about it at all._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_there are things i can't tell you._

_and i know you know this, but i don't think you really know why i can't._

_i mean, i could tell you, but it's hard to really explain properly, and i don't like explaining stuff when i don't understand completely, either._

_you aren't going to get these letters for a while, hopefully._

_after five years, when i know for sure that i'm well, i'll burn the lot._

_for now, i hope you never have to read these._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_i realize that last letter_

_may have not made sense_

_but_

_i think the only true reason i'm writing these are in case i don't make it._

_kick the bucket and all that._

_i don't think i'm going to die_

_but_

_i have a higher chance_

_than most_

_these days._

_but that doesn't matter right now. every single moment i spend with you is enough._

_i would spend all my days with you, my love._

_i don't know how many days i have, but isn't that true for everyone? no one knows when they'll die, like maybe i could walk out the front door and get crushed by a falling piano or something like that._

_my hand is cramping up_

_all this grading_

_is catching_

_up_

_on me_

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dearest Julie,_

_today a woman came up to me and said that i was inspiring to everyone and i smiled and said thanks but i really wanted to tell her to shove her message up her-_

_because it makes me so angry that_

_i'm seen as brave_

_just because i happened_

_to_

_lose_

_the_

_genetic_

_lottery_

_of_

_life._

_and that's something people don't really want to hear, they don't want to know about what it's like to live day by day they just want me to be something i'm not._

_you don't see me that way, even knowing that i'm sick and i love you so much because you don't treat me like an example for humanity or a piece of shattered glass that could cut someone if they get too close to touch._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_my last letter/poem was a bit grim which i kind of regret but you've always liked it when i was honest, at least most of the time._

_it's not like i think about being sick all the time, mostly i just think about dumb stuff and the few times i don't think about dumb stuff is when i'm thinking about you._

_does that sound creepy?_

_like, i think of stuff other than you_

_i think i'm saying this all wrong_

_whoops._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Jules,_

_i believe in you._

_you just need to believe in yourself, too._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_Jules,_

_sometimes i hate everything and everyone in the world, in the universe._

_i could never hate you, though._

_not even if i tried my hardest to._

_which i wouldn't ever, but i just want to_

_emphasize_

_my_

_point_

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_today you told me you thought_

_my poems_

_were_

_a_

_bit_

_odd,_

_but_

_that_

_you_

_liked them anyway._

_i think you were just saying that to be nice, but maybe i'm wrong._

_i'd like to think that i'm wrong._

_i mean-_

_i'm an english teacher, so writing shouldn't be as difficult as it is right now._

_these words to you matter more than anything i've ever written, ~~except maybe that one paper i had to do about~~_

_never-mind_ _._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_you tell me i'm too stubborn for my own good, and sometimes i tell you that i know, but that always annoys you that i'm aware of this character flaw yet still am unwilling_

_to_

_change_

_it_

_even just a little._

_i know that may sound_

_like_

_i_

_think_

_you're_

_trying_

_to_

_change_

_me._

_but i don't think that at all._

_love,_

_dave_


	102. a beast with eyes of moonlight [swapfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chara meets the beloved pet of Sans and Papyrus.

There's a hyena sleeping next to Papyrus' station.

A  _hyena_. 

In the back of your mind, Frisk is just as startled as you are, but for all the wrong reasons.

They think it's _cute_. 

Easy for them to say when they're in no danger of being maimed. You, on the other hand...

"hey." Papyrus lazily waves at you. "i see m'lord let you by." The taller skeleton cheekily winks, adding, "he must have taken a liking to you."

You keep a close eye on the hyena when you reply. "I didn't think he was capable of liking people."

Papyrus chuckles, loud enough that the hyena wakes up with a wide yawn, showing off a mouthful of very very very very sharp teeth.

You have no clue why Frisk thinks the animal is cute.

It's actually kind of ugly looking, to be honest.

Papyrus gestures towards the hyena with a smile. "this is taco." Reaching down, he scratches the hyena between its ears, and the animal actually leans into his touch instead of biting the skeleton's hand off. 

You even think you can hear "Taco"  _purring._

"you wanna pet 'im?"

You look at Papyrus, then at Taco. "No, I'm good."

"okay."

"Well, I'm going to...go now."

"alright. see you later."

When you pass the station, you're startled by someone laughing. 

It's the hyena.

Figures.


	103. no one's going to know (whether you did it or not)

Patrol duty is a tedious job, and it's all because their platoon is situated outside a small village that's basically located in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing special about the place, and it's far enough from the rest of civilization that the odds of monsters attacking are slim to none.

So, patrolling the area is pretty much a complete waste of time, and everyone knows this. But they do it anyway, because the higher ups want them to, and aside from a few grumblings, no one really complains that much.

Well, _almost_ everybody. 

 

"Guys...." Birch whines in his most pitiful voice, "I'm hungry. Can we stop for food?"   

Even though they've been walking for a mere thirty minutes, Birch has been complaining pretty much non-stop about various ailments he's being afflicted with, how this is an entire waste of time, and how this menial task is so beneath him. 

 _It would be all too easy,_ Yarrow thinks to herself,  _to reach over and strangle that self centered moron._

"...and my feet hurt! Hey, is anyone listening to me?!"

_Deep breaths, Yarrow. Count backwards from ten._

And when he isn't complaining, Birch is bragging about himself with over-exaggerated tales of his various feats of heroism.

Yarrow knows for a fact that Birch never fought off ten monsters at once single handily, or saved an entire town from a raid while the rest of his squad just cowered in fear. Yarrow doubts he's ever been in a proper fight at all. 

"...with one hit with my massive blade, that foul Boss Monster dusted right before my eyes!" the eighteen year old crows.

Yarrow scowls at the back of his head. 

_He's only a year younger than I am, but he acts like a toddler._

Walking next to her is their patrol leader Eve. Stoic as always, she doesn't look at all bothered by Birch's complaining. In fact, it's like she can't even hear him.

Suddenly, Birch stops dead in his tracks, and Yarrow almost collides into him.

"What did you do that for?" she hisses out through gritted teeth. 

Birch's head is titled to the side, eyes closed, as though listening to something far off in the distance. After a few seconds, he straightens up. "There are monsters nearby. I can sense them."

All her annoyance is shoved aside and replaced with concern. Annoying as he is, Birch has an uncanny ability to sense magic from a great distance, a rare skill that most humans are unable to learn. If Birch says there are monsters nearby, he's telling the truth.

Eve nods. "Lead the way, then."

 

Birch leads them on a winding trail through the woods with seemingly no direction set in mind, occasionally doubling back or pausing for a good five minutes to "get his bearings."

"Are you sure we're not lost?" Yarrow eventually asks.

Eve puts a large hand on her shoulder, her expression serious. "Let him do his thing."

Eventually, Birch leads them out into a lawn of overgrown grass. Across said lawn, is a small farmhouse. The windows are all broken, the paint of the walls has been stripped away, and the door is barely hanging on its hinges. Clearly, no one has lived in this place for a very long time.

Birch nods towards the house. "They must be in there."

"Wait," Eve says, holding up a hand, "I hear something."

Then, a group of three people round the corner of the house, wearing the exact same uniform they are. Yarrow thinks she vaguely recognizes them as members of the army, but she can't quite remember their names.

"Hey!" a man with a rather impressive mustache calls to them with a bright smile, "it's nice to see another patrol! I didn't know that they were sending more people!"

The woman standing next to him scowls deeply. "They didn't." 

The third member of the group observes them all with a placid smile, placing a calming hand on the woman's shoulder. She shrugs it off. 

"Look, it's nice to see a friendly face and all that, but...if you're not supposed to be patrolling here, then why did you guys come?" the man says, quirking a single eyebrow.

Birch huffs, crossing his arms with a scowl. "Because there are monsters here, that's why! I sensed them."

The woman sneers. "No, there aren't. We've searched the house already. Your senses must be off." 

"My senses are perfect! There's no way I've made a mistake!"

The man shrugs. "Well, maybe we ought to check again?"

"Pierce," the woman groans, "we did a perimeter sweep. No one's inside or outside. But," she says, gesturing to Yarrow and her group, "if you want to waste your time, be my guest." 

 

Almost every piece of furniture in the house is in some stat of disrepair; there are deep gouges in the dining room table that look suspiciously like claw marks, in the living room, there's a sofa torn apart, its stuffing all over the ground like guts torn out of a dead body. Broken glass shards are scattered by the windows, as well as pretty much taking up the entirety of the kitchen floor. Most of the wallpaper is faded, peeling in many places.

"It stinks in here," Yarrow says at they make yet another loop around the inside of the house. "Look, I know you're a sensor and all that, but maybe you've made a mistake."

Eve sneezes four times in rapid succession. "Sorry, allergies."

Birch tilts his head to one side. "Wait, I think..." 

Heading back out into the hallway, he looks up. "There."

When the two follow him, they see what's he's looking at. 

There's a hatch in the ceiling, most likely leading to an attic. 

Eve, being the tallest, pulls down on a hanging string next to the hatch. It opens, and a ladder descends from it. With the ladder taking up half of the entrance, it looks like a tight squeeze to get in.

"So who's going to go up? Not me!" Birch quickly says with a shudder. "It's probably really dusty up there."

"You're the smallest, Birch," Eve says reasonably. 

"Besides," Yarrow slyly says, "you're the one who found it."

Scowling, Birch climbs up the ladder. Once he reached the top, he stuck his head in the entrance.

"You see anything?" Yarrow calls, but Birch doesn't answer.

"Birch?" Yarrow calls again, now a little bit concerned. 

"...Nobody's there," Birch eventually says, climbing back down the ladder. Eve pulls on the string once more, and the ladder goes back up with the trap door as it closes shut.

"That was a waste of time," he says with a haughty sniff. "If my allergies start acting up again, I'm going to be very cross with all of you for making me do this."

Yarrow rolls her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. A little dust won't kill you."

_But I might, if you don't **shut up.**_

"Whatever."

"Don't agrue," Eve says bluntly. "Let's get going."

Without waiting for a response, she walks away, heading outside.

Both of them follow.

"Looks like the other team bailed on us," Yarrow says with a shrug. "Probably because they knew we weren't going to find anything."

She grins, lightly nudging Birch's shoulder with her own. "Look, it's okay for you to be wrong about something."

But Birch doesn't look upset at all.

He looks...contemplative. 

_Maybe he isn't so immature after all._

"Time to get going," Eve tells them.

 

(The rest of the patrol is just as uneventful, and to everyone's relief, Birch doesn't make a single complaint for the rest of the trip.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.”  
> ― Oprah Winfrey


	104. ceci n'est pas une pipe

 

 

 

❄︎♒︎♏︎⍓︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ❍︎⍓︎ ⬧︎□︎■︎⬧︎

 

 

 

 


	105. a tale of two brothers (in which a plan is laid out)

"so, let me get this straight. you want frisk to like you."

"Y-yes."

"and you saw how paps made friends with the kid, and thought that maybe you could do something similar, except with more helping out on your part."

"I-I suppose so."

"you know, there are easier ways to make friends."

"I-I know. B-but I want to be...."

"it's okay, you don't need to explain it if you don't want to. just...you don't have to go through all of this charade to make the kid like you."

"..."

"not to get all mushy, but you're my friend. so even though i don't really get the whole point of this, i'll help out...as long as it isn't anything strenuous."

"D-don't worry, I j-just need you to be here when F-Frisk arrives." 

"so, moral support and all that jazz."

"I-I guess so. You don't have to-"

"don't worry about it. you can count on me to provide a minimal amount of moral support."

"T-thank you."

"no prob. but you do owe me."

"W-what do you w-want?"

"ehhh...another day off, but with you texting papyrus about it."

"Alright, deal."


	106. the boy who waited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lee has a light blue soul, and at first, that didn't make any sense to you.

**_knock knock knock_ **

When you open the door, Lee is standing on the porch. "Hiya Frisk!"

Lee is wearing a pair of orange overalls over a bright yellow t-shirt, both colors clashing with his dark green, curly hair. Over his shoulders are the straps of a backpack.

With careful hands, Lee then signs,  _"Hello!"_

You sign back.

_"Hi!"_

"Frisk! I want to show you something, but you gotta be _really_ quiet, okay?" 

You give Lee a dry look, and he flushes. "You know what I mean!"

_"I know, I'm just teasing."_

Lee sticks his tongue out at you with a goofy expression- cross-eyed, nose scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed- before shaking his head wildly.

"Anyway, follow me!"

When Lee offers you his hand, you take it.

His hand is still sticky from the Popsicle he'd probably just eaten before you came to visit- his fingers and mouth are stained purple, which tells you that the Popsicle was a grape one.

(You know Lee doesn't like the grape Popsicles as much as the other flavors, so they must have been the only ones left in the box.)

 

You allow Lee to lead you from your house, down the block in the opposite direction from the park. "Don't worry, it's not too far," Lee reassures you. 

At the end of the block, Lee stops, letting go of your hand. "Here we are," he says, gesturing towards the house in front of you both.

It looks like a regular house. 

"No one lives here anymore," Lee informs you, pushing a stray curl away from his left eye. 

_"So, why are we here?"_

"Because I want you to meet my friend! They're really shy, though, so it might take a while for her to come out."

Lee takes you around the house to the backyard, where the grass is overgrown. 

"Alright, now we wait," Lee says, shrugging off his backpack. Sitting down on the back porch steps, bag by his feet, he pats the spot next to him. 

You take a seat. 

Lee unzips his backpack, pulling out a can of tuna. He pops the tab open, before handing the can to you. He then reaches once more into his backpack, pulling out a paper plate and a fork. "Can you pass the can back? Thanks!" 

Using the fork, he dumps some tuna on the plate. 

Getting up, he walks ten feet away from you, and places the plate beside some bushes dividing the backyards of this house and the one next to it.

When he sits down next to you, Lee explains, "All we have to do now, is wait."

He reaches into the backpack again, and pulls out a small ziplock bag with a sandwich inside.

"It's peanut butter and jelly. Want it?"

_"Thank you!"_

As you eat your sandwich, Lee says, "I dunno how long it will take, but if it's longer than thirty minutes than we can leave if you wanna. Ummm...you can leave whenever you want."

You finish the sandwich, placing the crusts back in the ziplock bag, sealing it up. 

Lee puts it in his backpack.

_"What's the tuna for?"_

"For my friend!"

_"Is your friend an animal?"_

"Yep! She's a cat. I named her Socs."

Even though Lee sounds excited, the volume of his voice is lower than usual.  

_"Socks? Like the kind you wear on your feet?"_

Lee shakes his head. "Not _socks_ , socs! S-O-C-S. It's short for Socrates."

_"From the comic?"_

"Yep."

Recently, Lee has been really interested in a comic book series titled,  _"The Sword and the Shield."_

One of the main characters is a cyborg named Socrates, who thinks he's a robot instead of a modified human. He wants to wage war against humanity, not knowing that he is also a member of said species. 

The drawing style is pretty good, but there's a lot of talking involved, which means a lot of reading. And even though reading isn't as hard as it was before, large chunks of text can throw you off sometimes.

You like it when Lee reads it out loud to you, though.

He does all the voices, just like Sans.

 

About ten minutes pass before you hear the bushes shaking gently. Then, a tabby head pokes out of one of the shrubs, carefully looking back and forth. 

_"Is that her?"_

Lee nods.

The cat leaves the bushes and begins sniffing the tuna.

Carefully, Lee signs, _"She gets nervous around new people, so I put the food further away than I usually do."_

The cat starts daintily eating the tuna.

Once she's finished, the cat disappears into the bushes.

_"How long have you been feeding her?"_

Lee's brow furrows. "Wait, can you do that last sign again?"

You repeat the question.

Lee brightens. "About a month or so. Last week she actually got close enough to pet her! But, when I moved, she took off."

_"Does your mom know about her?"_

Lee looks guilty. "Um....not yet?"

You can't help but ask whether or not his mom has asked about the tuna.

He shrugs. "I told her that I like tuna fish sandwiches. 's not true, though. I hate tuna. But when she makes me one, I gotta eat it, because otherwise she wouldn't buy anymore."

_"That makes sense."_


	107. a tale of two brothers (undyne the undying, part one)

This is bad.

This is  _worse_ than bad.

It's...

It's...

She's here, and there's no one to protect you.

"Seven," Undyne says grimly from the top of the precipice, looming above you like an eagle that's ready to swoop down and devour a small mouse. "Seven human souls, and King Asgore will become a god. Do you know how many souls we have, human?"

Undyne doesn't wait for you to answer, which is good because you can barely breathe as is, and even the idea of talking seems impossible.

"Six. That's how many we have collected thus far. Understand?"

Again, Undyne continues before you can even nod. "Through your seventh and final soul, the world will be transformed. First, however," Undyne says voice turning more official, "it is customary for those who have made it this far...I will tell you the tragic tale of our people. It all started, long ago..." 

Undyne's voice trails off. 

You tense up even further.

"You know what? Screw it!" Undyne shouts angrily. "Why should I bother telling you that story when you're about to die?!?"

With a bellow, Undyne rips off her helmet, tossing it aside.

"You!" she roars, "You're standing in the way of everyone's hopes and dreams!"

When she sneers at you, she shows off all of her very very very sharp teeth. "Alphys' history books made me think humans were cool...with their giant robots and flowery swordsmen."

You gape at her.

_**"What...sort of history books has she been reading?!"** _

"But you?!" she roars, "you're just a coward! Hiding behind that kid so you could run away again! And let's not forget your wimpy goody-two-shoes-shtick!"

In a much a higher pitched voice, she mocking says, "Oooooh, I'm making such a difference by hugging strangers!"

Her expression of false cheerfulness returns to a familiar scowl. "You know what would be even more valuable to everyone?"

You're pretty sure this is a rhetorical question.

_**"You think?!"** _

"IF YOU WERE DEAD!!! That's right human! Your continued existence is a crime! Your life is all that stands between us and our freedom! Right now, I can feel everyone's hearts pounding together! Everyone's been waiting their whole lives for this moment! But we're not nervous at all. When everyone puts their hearts together, they can't lose!" 

Those last two sentences would have been inspiring under any other circumstance. 

"Now, human! Let's end this, right here, right now. I'll show you how determined monsters can be! Step forward when you're ready!"

You don't think you'll ever be ready.

But you're tired of running, both in a literal and metaphorical sense.

It's time to face your fears head-on.

_**"No! This isn't the time to face your fears!"** _

***The wind is howling. You're filled with DETERMINATION.**

You step forward with shaking legs.

In a quick motion, she 

**l**

**e**

**a**

**p**

**s**

 

**d**

**o**

**w**

**n**

And-

_She's right in front of you._

_She's right in front of you._

Her grin is wild, predatory.

You want to run.

Undyne tosses something at you, and you catch it without thinking.

It's a small shield.

_**"Throw it at her and run!"** _

"There!" she bellows, "now it's a fair fight!"

You gulp.

This doesn't seem like a fair fight at all.

_**"Of course it isn't! Run! Quick, before-"** _

Summoning a glowing spear, she slices straight through your soul, turning it green.

"En guarde!"

***Undyne attacks!**

You have a feeling that **SPARING** Undyne won't do much good. So, you choose to  **ACT** , instead. 

_"Please, I don't want to fight!"_

***Nothing happens.**

"Seriously?!" Undyne scoffs. "I let you have the first turn, and you just **wasted** it. Well, since I'm feeling nice, I'll give you one last piece of advice. As long as your soul is green, you can't escape! So don't even bother trying."

Undyne sneers, looking at you like a bug she's about to squash underneath her shoe. "Unless you learn to face danger head-on, you won't last a second against me!"

Summoning magical spears, she lets them fly. 

Luckily, they're slow enough that you can easily block them with your shield.

It's your turn.

_"I'm not going to fight you."_

Your second attempt goes just as well as the first one.

Undyne summons some more magical spears.

"You weren't so bad at dodging last time around. Time to kick things up a notch!"

The spears fly towards you, this time from different directions.

_**"Left! No, the other left!"** _

You manage to block all of them.

***Undyne thinks of her friends and pounds the ground with her fists.**

Third time's the charm.

Summoning all your courage, you manage to say, "I don't want to fight you," as loudly as you can.

Which isn't that loud, but you know Undyne heard you.

***Nothing happens.**

"For years," Undyne says as she hurls even more magic spears at you, "we've dreamed of a happy ending...and now, sunlight is within our reach!"

One of the spears clips your arm, and you hiss in pain.

***Spare**

Standing tall, Undyne proclaims, "I won't let you snatch it away from us!"The spears are a lot faster, and there's more of them coming from every direction.

Several of them graze you close enough to take away some HP. 

**_"Frisk!"_ **

***Smells like sushi.**

You take out your last space bar, and cram it into your mouth. Your HP goes up a little. 

You're now out of food.

"Nghaaaahhh!" Undyne bellows, "Enough warming up!"

_Warming...up?_

A flurry of spears fly at you. 

This time, almost all of them hit you.

You lose a large chunk of HP.

Every part of your body aches.

***Spare**

"Mercy! Ha!" Undyne says mockingly. "I can't believe YOU want to spare ME!"

Summoning a single spear, she turns your soul back to red.  

***Undyne bounces impatiently.**

"UNDYNE!" 

You hear loud footsteps running toward you both.

The  **Encounter** ends.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

Papyrus skids to a halt several feet away from you and Undyne.

"Paps, I'm kind of in the middle of something!" Undyne growls.

Papyrus puts both hands on his hips. "UNDYNE, I KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON, AND THAT YOU WANT TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE. BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO ATTACK FRISK!"

He gestures towards you when he says your name.

Undyne's expression is now a cross between angry and concerned. "They've brainwashed you into thinking that!" 

She marches over to Papyrus, brow furrowed, leaving the entrance unguarded. 

_**"Undyne doesn't seem to be paying attention to you. Run while you can!"** _

"UNDYNE...THEY DIDN'T BRAINWASH ME!"

"That's what a brainwashed person would say!"

You make a run for it. 


	108. something to look forward to (until then, let's all try and get along)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Genocide Run, but this time the only survivors are Sans.....and Jerry.

_bang!_

_bang!_

_bang!_

"Saaaaaaaaaans, it's cold outside," Jerry whines, "and I'm huuuuuuuuuuuuungry. Lemme in!"

i roll over on the couch until my face is firmly pressed against a cushion. 

"Saaaaaaaaaannnnnssss!"

_bang!_

_bang!_

_bang!_

finally, i take pity on him. lifting my head up for a moment, i call out, "door's unlocked."

"...Thanks!"

as jerry comes in, i pull myself up so that i'm sitting on the couch.

without asking, he plops himself in the space next to me.

"You got any snacks?" jerry asks, before belching loudly. 

"dunno. check the kitchen."

jerry frowns. "There's nothing but ketchup there."

"ketchup's a staple food."

jerry rolls his eyes. "Ketchup's not a staple food."

i raise a browbone. "really?"

"No, duh! I read the back of a ketchup bottle once, and it's basically just sugar and salt."

"you eat nothing but sugar and salt. i'm thinking there's an ulterior motive here."

"Fine," jerry says, easily caving. "I don't like ketchup. It confuses my mouth!"

"a lot of things seem to confuse your mouth."

"I have a very sensitive palate," jerry snootily says. "Anyway, I ate all the food at my house."

"that sounds like a you problem," i tell him with a sly grin and a wink.

jerry sighs dramatically. "I'm going to _starve_ to death and it'll be all your fault."

"look, i told you what i have, and you didn't want it. if you want better stuff, go to grillby's. or any other house around here."

jerry doesn't say anything for a while. i'm starting to doze off, when-

"...Can I have a bottle of ketchup?"

"sure, knock yourself out."

"Also," jerry says as he gets up from the couch, "can you fix the WiFi? It's _soooooooooo_ slow."

"lemme take a nap first."

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine."

 

i must have dozed off, because the next thing i know is-

"Saaaaaaaaannnns, I'm bored. And hungry. _And_ I'm sick of ketchup."

something pokes me on the arm.

no, not some _thing_ , some _one._

i press my face further into the couch cushions. 

"Saaaaaans!"

he pokes my arm again, this time a little harder.

"Sans. Sans. Sans. Sans. Sans. Sans. Sans. Sans. Sa-"

i roll onto my side. "you know, saying my name over and over again isn't going to get me off the couch."

"You haven't gotten off the couch at all," jerry says petulantly. 

i wink at him. "trying to beat the underground record of doing nothing for the longest amount of time. _sofa_ , i'm doing pretty good."

jerry pouts. "But I'm  _hungry_. And I don't want any ketchup!"

"like i said, if you don't like ketchup, you can eat somewhere else."

"But,Saaaaaaaaaanns, you're out of snacks. Let's go and get some more. I'll even pay."

"jerry, there's no point in paying for anything."

"Yeah, but it's it principality of the situation,  _Sans_."

"i think you mean principle."

"Yeah, that's what I said!"

"never mind."

then, jerry's voice turns pleading. "Please, I can't go by myself. I can't eat alone in a place where...in a place where..."

"...alright, i'm coming. but you owe me one."

 

even though the bar's been closed for at least four months, once i step inside, it's almost like nothing's changed.

almost.

the scent of grease and fries is a lot fainter now, and the place seems colder without the regulars around. 

especially without-

"Saaaaaannns, the WiFi isn't working!" jerry grumbles, tapping away on his phone. "I thought the signal would be better here." 

i shoot him the double finger-guns and say, "wow, you look pretty  _wired up_."

"Ugh."

jerry loudly belches.

"i give that one a five out of ten."

"Aw. I thought that was at least a seven," jerry complains, sitting down on a bar stool. "I've never been to Grillby's before," he admits with a small frown. "what do you recommend?"

i take a seat next to him.

"well, i can  _fry_ to make us a 'burg. won't be as good as the original, but it'll do. i also have a secret stash of ketchup hidden away in the back, but don't tell anyone i told you."

"But-"

"actually," i interrupt, "i think there's some leftovers i can heat up in the fridge. be right back."

i take a shortcut to the kitchen, and rummage around in the fridge. 

once i find what i was looking for, i take a shortcut back again to the same spot.

"here 'ya go. sorry that it's cold, turns out the grillbz didn't have a microwave to begin with."

"Ugh, it'll do."

i take a swig of ketchup as jerry devours his fries.

crumbs fly everywhere.

"This is sort of dumb, but I kind of miss people ditching me on purpose. At least they were alive to ditch me in the first place," jerry says through a mouthful of fries. "Does that make sense?" 

i shrug. "as much as anything does, nowadays."

 

 

 

 

 

when we leave, jerry digs out a pile of gold and places them on the counter-top, ~~and i try not to think too much about the fact that grillby died knowing i would never pay my tab.~~

next time, if i ever get something to eat there, i'll pay 'em back, even if it doesn't matter anymore.


	109. after these messages (we'll be right back)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to relax around someone when you don't know how much they know about you.

The stupid skeleton won't leave him alone. 

All Flowey wants to do is watch his movie in peace, but the smiley trashbag keeps making stupid comments at the screen.

"you know," Sans says cheerfully, "i would have thought humans had a better sense of self preservation."

"Stop. Talking." Flowey says through gritted teeth.  

"seriously, though. you think the creepy music would give them a hint or something. guess not."

Sans is curled sideways on the other side of the couch, using his arm as a pillow along with the armrest. If Flowey didn't know better, he would say that the smiley trashbag is in the perfect position for Flowey to attack. 

Experience, however, has taught Flowey that the idiot is a lot faster than he seems.

~~Not to mention, a lot stronger.~~

"Go away," he says grumpily.

"well...i could, but i'm comfy right now. i think i'll stay here."

"I hate you," Flowey mutters under his breath, and Sans snickers.

"well, the feeling's mutual."

For a short while, there's blissful silence, until Sans says, "so, what are we watching, anyway?"

" _Spooky Scary Mansion."_

"huh. it does look pretty spooky."

Flowey does his best to ignore the idiot; the only thing stopping him from reaching over and strangling that stupid trashbag with his vines is the knowledge that this is a one-time thing. 

 

It isn't a one-time thing.

The smiley trashbag seems to _always_ know when Flowey's watching something interesting. 

Always.

"Why do you keep showing up?!" Flowey demands over a commercial break for an old movie titled, _Dead and Deader: The Deadliest_. "You have a TV of your own!"

"pap gets annoyed when i tape over his shows," Sans tells him, contently munching on a handful of popcorn. 

Popcorn that he just took out of his jacket pocket.

_Gross._

"want some?" Sans asks, holding out another handful of popcorn with- 

"There's lint on them!"

 ** _Super_** _gross._

"it's extra fiber," Smiley says with a cheesy wink.

"No."

"your loss."

"You really  _are_ a smiley _trashbag_ ," Flowey says with a sneer. "Why would you keep popcorn in your left pocket?"

Sans winks. "because my right pocket's already full of ketchup." Reaching into said right pocket, he pulls out a handful of ketchup packets. 

Ripping one of the packets open, he squeezes some ketchup onto the lint-covered popcorn.

"you sure you don't want some?" 

Flowey shudders. "No way!"

Sans hushes him. "commercial ended. don't talk while the movie's on."

Crossing his leaves, Flowey sticks his tongue out at Sans.

_Stupid skeleton._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking over my older chapters, I realizing I've made quite a few spelling errors.   
> Oof.  
> I'm trying to fix them all, so if you see something weird, don't be afraid to let me know.


	110. when life begins (and love never ends)

***It's an old photograph of a man propped up in a hospital bed.**

***He's cradling a baby wrapped in a pink and blue blanket, and he's smiling down at the infant, clearly unaware that he's being photographed.**

***You flip the photo around.**

***On the back, written in neat handwriting, is a single sentence.**

***Dave and Frisk (one day old)**


	111. the nature of cats [underfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle with Underfell Papyrus goes awry.

Papyrus stands, no, he _looms,_ before you, armor gleaming, his tattered scarf blowing dramatically in the frigid breeze, all while impatiently tapping his foot against the ground. When he sees you, he scowls. "FINALLY! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN STANDING IN THIS EXACT POSITION FOR THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF DRAMATIC IMPACT?"

You shrug.

"DON'T JUST SHRUG AT ME! I AM A VERY BUSY SKELETON! HOWEVER...WHILE I WAS STANDING HERE, I BEGAN THINKING DEEP THOUGHTS."

Papyrus then proceeds to clear his throat for an unnecessary and uncomfortable amount of time.

"HUMAN! YOU MAY BE WEAK, BUT I SENSE GREAT STRENGTH IN YOU. I AM WILLING TO TAKE YOU ON AS..." 

Papyrus shakes his head furiously. "NO, THIS IS ALL WRONG! I CAN'T TRAIN YOU! I'LL LOSE ALL MY CREDIBILITY AS SECOND IN COMMAND!"

***Papyrus attacks!**

Without giving you time to collect your thoughts, Papyrus flings several bone attacks at you. 

You manage to avoid all of them. 

"WOWIE!" Papyrus gasps, before flushing bright red. "I MEAN, UM...YOU ARE A LITTLE MORE COMPETENT THEN I FIRST THOUGHT! WELL, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO ATTACK!"

You consider your options.

Pressing  **MERCY** probably won't do anything at this point, so you turn your attention to  **ACT** , instead.

***FLIRT   *CHECK   *INSULT**

You decide to  **CHECK** him first.

**PAPYRUS**

**50 ATK  35 DF**

***Really wants to say, "Nyeh heh heh!"**

"TAKE THIS!"

Blue bones, even larger than the first ones, shoot straight at you. 

You freeze in place, and they pass through harmlessly.

Before you can breathe a sigh of relief, however, your soul becomes extremely heavy.

"I'VE TURNED YOUR SOUL BLUE!" Papyrus crows. "TRY AVOIDING MY ATTACKS NEXT TIME!"

***FLIRT**

_"If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber!"_

Papyrus looks a bit flustered. "HUMAN! DON'T TRY AND USE YOUR CHARMS TO DISTRACT ME!"

***Papyrus takes a moment to pose dramatically. He looks rather fierce.**

More bone attacks are flung at you.

One of them clips your leg, and you lose some **HP**. 

***FLIRT**

_"Want a raisin?"_

"UMMM...NO?!"

_"Then, how about a date?"_

Papyrus groans. "HUMAN! I SAID, 'KNOCK IT OFF!' I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A SKELETON WITH VERY HIGH STANDARDS WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, AND I VERY MUCH DOUBT YOU CAN REACH THEM."

You think for a moment.

_"I can make spaghetti."_

"WHAT? HOW DID YOU-" 

***Papyrus impatiently stomps the snowy ground.**

"ENOUGH TALKING! TAKE...THIS!"

Papyrus holds out his arm, and concentrates for a second. 

Jagged red bones burst from the ground all around you, nearly skewering you in several places. 

"TRY AND ATTACK ME NOW, HUMAN!" 

***FLIRT   *CHECK   *INSULT**

You consider your options once more. 

***MERCY**

_"I'm not going to fight you."_

***Papyrus looks unimpressed.**

"WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE PLANNING, IT WON'T WORK! I AM A MASTER OF FORTITUDE, AFTER ALL!"

_"I'm not planning anything. I don't want to fight."_

A bone attack clips your arm.

You feel like your arm is burning.

Quickly, you chug down some of the Spider Cider, and the pain numbs a little.

***FLIRT   *CHECK   *INSULT**

Insulting Papyrus seems like a bad idea, so you try, once again, to flirt with him.

_"If you were words on a paper, you'd be fine print."_

"WH-WHAT?" Papyrus squawks, "STILL TRYING TO SEDUCE YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS? WELL, I ASSURE YOU, IT'S NOT WORKING!" 

Standing up straight, Papyrus' gaze is steely when he tells you, "HUMAN! ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE TRIED YOUR BEST, I CANNOT ALLOW YOU TO CONTINUE THIS BATTLE. WHICH MEANS...IT'S TIME FOR MY  **SPECIAL ATTACK**!"

_"mrrrow!"_

There's a large, fluffy white cat batting at Papyrus' boots, clearly trying to get his attention.

(You have no clue where the cat came from.)

The  **Encounter** ends, not a moment too soon. 

You breathe a sigh of relief.

The cat twines between Papyrus' legs, still meowing.

Papyrus groans. "DOOMFANGER!"

Doomfanger sits back on their haunches, looking vaguely offended in the way that cats do best. 

"DOOMFANGER, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING...AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK, I FED YOU THIS MORNING!"

Doomfanger paws at the ground with a pitiful meow.

"UGH. WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS GET IT THE WAY OF MY BATTLES?" Papyrus complains, reaching down and scooping the cat into his arms. "UNLESS...SANS...UGH. NOT AGAIN!"

Turning to you, he says, "HUMAN! DO NOT MOVE A SINGLE INCH FROM THAT SPOT! I WILL BE BACK SHORTLY, ONCE I HAVE FED DOOMFANGER, AS WELL AS YELLED AT MY BROTHER FOR EATING DOOMFANGER'S FOOD...AGAIN."


	112. my life is in a bottle (so send its message out to sea)

_dear Julie,_

_when i was little, i wanted to be a space pirate, and i took that ambition very seriously for a nine year old. (maybe i was seven? doesn't really matter.) anyway, so i wanted to be a space pirate, i think because i thought being a regular pirate was too boring._

_also, i was (and still am) afraid of the ocean, a fear that has only gotten worse now that i've seen all those deep-sea documentaries._

_giant squids and what-not._

_i don't remember when i started being afraid of the ocean, to be honest. maybe there's some deep rooted childhood trauma? do you think if i went to see a hypnotist they could unlock the origin of my fears?_

_love,_

_dave_

_ps: by the way, the fear of the ocean is called thalassophobia._

 

_dear Julie,_

_a student of mine came to me after class three months ago and asked me_

_if i was feeling alright._

_i said i was, and she just looked at me_

_like she could see_

_the lies stamped on my face._

_she's in third grade, but she already knows_

_far_

_too_

_much_

_about_

_loss._

_her mother died last year, you see._

_and my student said that her mom said the same thing i did, while lying in a hospital bed._

_she told me, "the next day, mommy was gone."_

_i still think about what she said that day._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_you may_

_have_

_noticed_

_that i_

_have_

_written_

_every word_

_in lowercase_

_except_

_for your name._

_i think that even in_

_pretentious poetry,_

_you deserve_

_a_

_capital letter._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_apparently, there's a fear of long words. in an ironic twist, it's called hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. you pronounce it like this:_

_hippopoto-monstro-sesuiquipedalio-phobia._

_luckily for them, there's another word to describe the phobia:_ _sesquipedalophobia._

_yeah, that's just as bad._

_anyway, the reason i'm telling you this is because i heard a colleague complain about their day to a second colleague. the second colleague said something along the lines of, "well, at least you're not sick like dave is." don't really remember what they actually said, but that was the gist of it._

_when they saw me they turned bright red._

_so i said, "well, i can't complain about being sick, since there's people out there who suffer from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, and they have it WAY worse than i do."  
_

_then i walked away._

_once i was out of earshot, i started laughing._

_their expressions were priceless- i wish i could have caught it on camera._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_remember last thanksgiving? that poor turkey died just so i could mangle it beyond recognition._

_so you ordered chinese, and we both said we were thankful for take-out over dinner._

_do you think turkeys go to heaven?_

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_they- and by "they", i mean, the doctors-call it CEBUMC- cellular erosion by an unknown magical cause. it's a pretty rare condition, and statistically, most people who get it don't live past their teens._

_but...here i am, twenty four years old, and still alive._

_take that, statistics._

_well, not really._

_anyway, in layman's terms, my soul and body are at odds with one another. kind of like roommates who don't get along and try and sabotage the apartment for each other, not realizing that they're ruining their own living space as well. my cells think that my magic is poison, so to speak, so it keeps attacking every part of my body that contains magic. and my magic is reacting to these attacks by fighting back, so basically my body is a battleground (or something.)_

_humans have traces of magic throughout our entire bodies, but...most of it is in our souls. as i'm writing, my soul is being bombarded._

_also, most of my internal organs._

_wow, this is depressing._

_i don't really like sharing this info with people, because it brings the whole mood down, you know? also, i hate platitudes._

_hate 'em._

_well, maybe not hate, but..._

_i don't know._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_the exams are coming up soon, and my students are stressing out. sometimes i worry that the world puts too much_

_p_

_r_

_e_

_s_

_s_

_u_

_r_

_e_

_on their small shoulders._

_their parents want the best for them, but..._

_a few of them act like getting anything lower than a B minus is_

_the_

_end_

_of_

_the_

_world._

_i wish i could do something, tell them that their child is trying_

_so_

_very_

_hard._

_it's not just about effort, you know? sometimes you can try hard and still get nowhere._

_i guess what i just wrote is the opposite of a motivational speech._

_oops._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_last night i had a dream that you were pregnant, but the baby was a holographic tree. and the holographic branches were poking out of your stomach, but since they were holographic it was like the tree was a ghost or something._

_weird, huh?_

_i think it's a side effect of the meds, to be honest._

_the dreams, i mean._

_well, dunno why i decided to share this with you, but...eh._

_why not?_

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_i think one of the saddest words in the english language is "almost," because it's an indicator that someone was so very close and yet not close enough for it to matter or make a difference. just not quite enough._

_i **almost** made it_

_she **almost** found them_

_they **almost** returned home_

_but maybe it can be a happy word as well, because it could indicate that something was close to happening, but it didn't, and everything turned out more than alright. like me and you, for instance. i almost never met you, because i didn't know if i would even go to college._

_i'm so glad i did._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_people ask me all the time if my name is short for david. it's not, but you already know that, because when you asked, i was_

_too_

_distracted_

_by_

_you_

_to_

_lie_

_properly._

_it's not that i hate my real name, there are worse names to be called instead of davey. i just think it's kind of childish._

_but when i think about you saying it, i find myself not minding at all._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Jules,_

_sometimes, silence can say more than a thousand words._

_other times, it's just two people waiting in awkward silence._

_(or both.)_

_with you, just being by your side is enough for me to be happy._

_love,_

_dave_

 

_dear Julie,_

_you're right, the mustache was a bad idea._

_love,_

_dave_


	113. hey, you with the pretty face (welcome to the human race)

The letter arrives, along with the morning paper, in a bright pink envelope covered in purple sequins.

You know, without having to look at the return address, who it's from.

When you open the envelope, a bunch of sparkly glitter spills out onto the hardwood floor and onto your bare feet. 

 

**_Darling Dearest Frisk,_ **

**_How are you? I'm simply marvelous, thank you!_ **

**_You simply must come to my next performance- I insist! After all, you wouldn't want to let down your favorite robotic celebrity, would you? I've even taken into account your early curfew hours!_ **

**_Besides, I can't wait to show you my latest beauty products- you mentioned wanting to learn how to put on makeup, and there's no one better to teach you than moi!_ **

**_Lots of love,_ **

**_Mettaton_ **

**_XXoXXo_ **

 

Mettaton has a giant vanity mirror with twinkling blue and pink fairy lights all around the edges. There's also three bulbs at the top that are really bright, so much so that sitting in front of the mirror with all the lights turned on makes you feel like your onstage. 

Except without an audience.

And without a stage.

...

(Maybe that isn't a good description, after all.)

Mettaton has a lot of mirrors in general, ranging from the small ones you find in compacts for makeup to those wall-size ones that reflect the entire room back at you.

"The best thing about this form, darling," Mettaton tells you as he applies another layer of lipstick, "aside from my fabulous legs, of course, is having a proper face that I can put make-up on."

Putting the lipstick down, he gestures towards you. "Take a seat, darling!"

You sit down on the chair in front of the vanity mirror.

You stick your tongue out at the mirror, and the Frisk inside imitates you. 

"Now," Mettaton says, now holding an armful of supplies, "it's time for me to create yet another masterpiece." He lets all of the various supplies down gently on the table in front of you. "All of these are MTT-Brands, still unreleased to the public! Consider this a...birthday present, whenever that is."

_"Masterpiece?"_

Mettaton beams at you. "Applying makeup is a form of art, darling. Now, hold still while I work my magic." He winks, and you wink back.

"Now, I'm going to start off by giving you a facial cleanse...."

**A little while later...**

"And, voila!" Mettaton says cheerily. "I think you look fabulous!" 

You look at yourself in the mirror. 

The person who looks back is you...but different. 

It's kind of nice.

You don't think you would wear makeup everyday, but it was fun getting it done with a friend. 

_"Thank you!"_

"You're absolutely welcome, darling."

_"Mettaton, can I ask you a question?"_

"Certainly! Is it about my newest book tour? Or perhaps the latest drama I'm staring in? Because, as much as I would love to share such juicy info with you, I'm afraid I-"

_"Was your name always Mettaton?"_

Mettaton pauses, and you quickly sign,  _"I'm sorry, I-"_

He holds up a hand. "No, no, it's alright. In fact...I used to have a very different name. It just didn't suit me, so..."

_"So you changed it?"_

Mettaton winks. "Exactly! Out with the old, in with the new! But..." Mettaton trails off. "I think since we're such close friends, now, I can entrust you with my former name! Normally, you'd need to sign a waiver for that sort of information, but I trust you not to go telling everyone."

_"I promise I won't."_

"Good! Because then I would have to sue for libel."

You just shrug, because you're not exactly sure what "libel" is.

"Anyway, my former name was..."

Mettaton whispers the name into your ear.

It's an okay name, but  _Mettaton_ suits him much better.

You tell him this, and he beams.

"Now!" he says, clapping his hands together, "It's showtime! Oh, and this may be a bit time to tell you this, but I promised my lovelies you'd be onstage with me. No pressure." 

_"Sounds like fun!"_


	114. different forms of communication [swapfell edition]

Snowdin was awful, but that doesn't mean Waterfall is any better. It's still cold as heck, and the snow that accumulated on your clothes is beginning to melt, leaving them damp.

Your shoes are wet, your socks are soaked, and there's a _hyena_ running around.

This is the worst.

At least in Snowdin, you hadn't known about the freaking _hyena_. 

_Taco was really cute! You should have pet them._

_**First of all, that thing wasn't cute. Secondly, I like having all of my fingers. And no, I'm not going back to pet the hyena.** _

In the back of your mind, you hear Frisk give a disappointed huff. 

 

_Ring...ring...._

An unfamiliar number is calling you. Ignoring all the warnings you've been given about stranger danger- honestly, at this point, it doesn't even matter- you answer it.

"Hello?"

"heya. it's me."

"Papyrus?"

"yep."

"That's nice," you say in the most deadpan tone you can manage. "What do you want?"

"well, actually, it's m'lord who wants to talk to you."

He must have handed the phone off to his brother, because the next voice you hear is Sans'.

"CHAR-I MEAN, HUMA-I MEAN, NEVER MIND!"

A thought occurs to you.

"Wait, how did you get my number?"

"SIMPLE. I HAD MUTT-I MEAN, PAPYRUS, DIAL EVERY NUMBER IN SEQUENCE UNTIL HE GOT YOURS!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

Alright...that's a little weird. And a lot creepy. You aren't sure if you're impressed at his determination, or just freaked out. 

(Maybe a bit of both.)

Another thought occurs to you.

"I don't care, but why do you call him "Mutt," anyway?"

"WHEN HE WAS A BABY BONES, HE WANTED TO, AND I QUOTE, "BECAME A DOG WHEN HE GREW UP." SO I DECIDED THAT I WOULD NEVER EVER LET HIM FORGET SAYING THAT!"

"Harsh."

"THANK YOU!"

"That wasn't a compliment."

"DOESN'T MATTER!"

"So, why are you calling me?"

"NO PARTICULAR REASON! NOPE, NONE AT ALL! WELL...I HAPPENED TO BE WONDERING, ARE YOU WEARING A DUSTY TUTU?"

"None of your business, but yes, I am."

"WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE HAPPENED TO ASK ME ABOUT...WELL, I HAPPENED TO MENTION...SO...UGH!"

***Sans hangs up.**

_Ring...ring_

"Yeah?"

"hey, it's me again. m'lord threw the phone across the room."

"Good for him."

"anyway, i actually wanted to tell you about his friend. she's captain of the royal guard, you see, and my bro reports to her. you get what i'm saying?"

"Uh...no?"

"well, just remember what i said earlier," Papyrus says cryptically.

(You're beginning to think this is a running theme with him.)

"About Sans being dramatic?"

"well, he _is_ dramatic. but, no, i mean the other thing."

"Sure, whatever."

"he does like you, you know. m'lord, i mean. and he takes care of the people he likes."

"Okay?"

"welp, i said my part. gotta go. oh, but before i leave, sans wanted me to tell you that if you wanted to come over...you can. well, he didn't exactly say it like that, but i know what he meant."

***Papyrus hangs up.**


	115. ideas shape the course of history

mundays teh fourth, year +38^^m@xx

h0i! it's me agains! temmie! and i am writing another paper. this 1 is not about temmie histroy, but instead about teh war!!!! teh war was very bad!

not good!

not at alls!

but tems are strong! so strong!

we fighted the good fight! (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

but even tems cud not beet the humens.

we is not that strong. ಥ_ಥ

 

**hOi! iz also tem. i heard temmie waz writting another paper, so i is finding it so i can do peer review. peer review iz very important. tem needz to site they're sources more. also, they need to stop sayings that teh tems fighted in teh war.**

**tems are nut fighters!!!!**

**alsos, last emote used by tems was inapropro! do not use that!!!! is bad!!!**

 

stops writing in my essaey! 

ples ignore tems, i wud erase but they wrotes it in perment markers. 

alsos, tems is not the boss of temmie! i cans use whatever emotes i is wants!!!1!!!1 ಠ‿↼

anyways, teh war was a long long time ago, and it was betweens humens and monsters!!!! 

**every1 knows that!**

i is establishing background infomation!

also stop takking my paper!

**noes way! u needz my help.**

fines. you cen write one thing. then ples leaves.

**okai!**

**wellz, a long long time ago, even longer than teh war, tem went to lives in tem village1! so we was not around for war. was big surprise when other monsters came down!**

**big shock!**

**lots and lots and lots!!!!**

**and then the king said they were bannished! and every1 was sad! so sad!**

**but nows everyone is happy!!1!!! so happy!!!1!!!1 (~˘▾˘)~**

**okaies, i is done....four now.**

**but i wills be checking ups just in cases.**

 

alrighties, now time to get back on tracks. the twain tracks of knowledge and smartness.

teh war was between humans and monsters but not always!!!! humans fought each ofther two!!! and so did teh monstres!!!

ಠ_ಠ

is true!

is not all balck n white!

noes!

histry has both sides!!!

sum peepol thinks that only one sides is rite, but they are wrong! so wrong!!!1!!11!!

that is why lerning is gewd! 

so gewd!!!!!

edjumacation is importent if u want two makes things rite.

sometimes their is complication answer, tho.

that is hard!!!

you hafta think a lot aboot who yoos want to be and dew teh bestest you cans. sometimes thats alls yoos canz do. 

**you are nots a good motivaticational speeaker.**

temmie!!!! i sayz go away!!!!

**but you needs me!!!!**

go awaes!1111

i dun need ur help!!!!!

 

_~~Hello, it's me, Bob. There seems to be some confusion on both sides regarding Tem history, and what role we played during the war. The truth is, that both of my friends are right. Turns out that~~ _

okaeys that is enuff bob! this is my paper!!!! nut yours!!!!

i cross u out!!!!

u even wirse than tem! at least they makes cents!

say ur sorry!!!!!

_I'm sorry_

gud

okaes, where was i?

...

i need a break.

my brain hurtes.

=(

 

_**ho1!!!1 i finds this on the ground!!! i almost wanted two eat it, but i am allergical to paper. i can write on it, but if i eats it, i get hives!!!!!** _

_**i also get hives around humens, but their are no humens so i is safe.** _

_**so safe!!!!** _

_**waits other tems is coming!!!!! runs!!!** _

 

i gives up. ill gust write another paper.

 


	116. electric light orchestra [underswap edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chara encounters a puzzle created by Papyrus.

Sans looks dubiously at Papyrus. "SO, YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S AN ELECTRIC MAZE HERE."

Papyrus nods. "yep."

"AND IT'S INVISIBLE."

"exactly," Papyrus replies, giving his brother a lazy thumbs-up.

 "...I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TRICKED."

Papyrus sighs. "i can't believe you have such little faith in your own brother. your very own flesh and blood. i'm devastated."

He doesn't look _or_ sound devastated. 

"PAPS, WE'RE SKELETONS. WE DON'T HAVE FLESH...OR BLOOD."

"...really?"

"REALLY."

"huh. anyway, this is an invisible electric maze." Pulling out a orb from one of his pockets, he continues, "if you run into one of the electric walls, this orb will zap you. it'll be quite a  _shocking_ experience."

Sans groans. "UGH, NOT AGAIN!"

"sound like fun?" Papyrus asks you. 

You scowl at him.

Papyrus shrugs. "to be fair, the amount of fun you'll probably have...is actually rather small, i think. whoops."

"BROTHER! PUZZLES ARE MEANT TO BE FUN FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED! STILL...I'M GLAD YOU PUT SOME EFFORT INTO MAKING THIS. I'M PROUD OF YOU, PAPS."

"thanks. oh, i almost forgot." 

Papyrus heads across the patch of snow in a very specific pattern, leaving an obvious track of sneaker prints in the snow. Once he reaches you, he hands you the orb. "here. you'll need this."

He then walks back to Sans.

"alright, you can start." 

Without saying a word, you follow the exact path Papyrus left in the snow. 

"Okay, I solved it. Now what?"

Sans looks vaguely disapproving. "I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID EARLIER," he grumbles. "PAPY, YOU BASICALLY GAVE AWAY THE ANSWER!"

"i did? how so?"

"YOU WALKED OVER- UGH, NEVER MIND." Sans pinches the area right above his nasal ridge in obvious frustration. "WELL, WHETHER OR NOT MY BROTHER HELPED YOU, YOU STILL SOLVED THE PUZZLE...WHICH MEANS THAT YOU CAN MOVE ONTO THE NEXT ONE!"

With that, Sans runs off.

When you look back at Papyrus, you see him gazing at the prints in the snow with a thoughtful stare. "so _that's_ you figured it out."


	117. a tale of two brothers (sans chills out)

**you:** uh...alphs? was this part of ur plan?

 **science buddy:** sans I'm so so so sorry! no, it wasn't psrt of the plan at all!

 **science buddy:** *part

 **science buddy:** i just wanted you to be there just in case i said something stupid in front of the human

i never thought mettaton would do that!!!!!! 

ugh i'm so mad at him rn ಠ_ಠ

and myself :(

 **you:** nah its cool

literally

 **science buddy:** wdym by literally?

 **you:** i'm still in the fridge. i think metts forgot about me for a sec

or maybe he's still mad that i ruined the whole cake surprise

actually you know the favor i asked u?

 **science buddy:** don't worry, i'll do it

just tell me when :D

 **you:** actually i've been thinking and i

 **you:** well, i think it's time for me to be honest with paps

i want him to know that he's more important to me than anything else and that he shouldn't feel like hes wasting my time

 **science buddy:** awww so sweet (~˘▾˘)~

but now i feel bad because youre doing this without me doing anything in return

 **you:** alphs, you're my friend. dun worri abut

 **science buddy:** sans? u okay?

 **you:** hes comin back

 **you:** ttyl


	118. a tale of two brothers (undyne the undying, part two)

Undyne is lying on the bridge in front of you, practically passed out from the heat. 

In the distance, you can see Papyrus running towards you both, flailing his arms in every direction. "UNDYNE! TINY HUMAN!"

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a water cooler. 

You make a beeline for it, filling the cup up with surprisingly cool water. 

**_"Whew!"_ **

You head back to Undyne.

**_"Uh...what are you doing?"_ **

You dump the water on Undyne's head, and she begins to stir, groaning slightly.

_**"FRISK!"** _

Papyrus, at the other end of the bridge, calls out, "UNDYNE?"

Undyne stands up, her expression...distant. When she looks at you, it's like she seeing someone else in your place. 

Abruptly, she turns around and walks back across the bridge towards Papyrus. Once she reaches him, she claps him on the back.

"Training's still on, by the way." Patting him on the shoulder, she leans in and whispers something in the general area of where Papyrus' ear might have been if he were human. 

"...REALLY?!" Papyrus says excitedly.

Undyne shrugs.

"See you around," Undyne says, and you're not quite sure if she's talking to you or Papyrus. 

Patting Papyrus on the back once more, she heads back the way she came. 

Soon, she disappears out of sight.

"HUMAN? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

You nod.

Papyrus nervously scratches the back of his skull. "I KNOW YOU AND UNDYNE STARTED OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, WITH THE WHOLE...MURDERY THING. BUT! I THINK SHE'S STARTING TO TURN AROUND!"

You shrug.

"JUST GIVE HER SOME TIME TO THINK, AND I'M SURE SHE'LL WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS. IN FACT, WHY DON'T WE ALL HANG OUT TOGETHER SOME TIME?"

**_"Frisk...no."_**

(They sound resigned.)

Ignoring Chara, you sign,  _"Okay."_

Papyrus beams. "GREAT! WELL, I'LL BE IN SNOWDIN, SO JUST COME SEE ME WHEN YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH UNDYNE."

_"Got it."_

"IN THE MEANTIME, WHY DON'T YOU GO SAY HI TO SANS? HE'S PROBABLY IN THE LAB RIGHT NOW."

_"Sounds good."_

Remembering the book, you scurry across the bridge, before hugging him tightly. 

After a second, Papyrus hugs you back.

(It's a nice hug.)

You offer the notebook to Papyrus. Once he takes it, you sign,  _"Sans wanted me to give you this."_

"WOWIE!"

 _"But there's nothing written inside,"_ you warn him. 

Papyrus shakes his head with a bright grin. "IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S BLANK, BUT MY BROTHER ACTUALLY WROTE EVERYTHING IN INVISIBLE INK! I WOULD SHOW IT TO YOU, BUT THE STUFF I USE TO MAKE IT NOT-INVISIBLE INK IS BACK AT THE HOUSE. ANYWAY, THANKS FOR GIVING THIS TO ME!"

_"You're welcome!"_


	119. the genetic influences of determination

***Looks like some old notes.**

***Read them?**

***Yes    *No**

***Yes**

 

_the hybrid theorem_

_assume that:_

_d=determination_

_h=human_

_m=monster_

_x=unknown percentage_

_if d < x, the soul produced will be monster_

_if d >x, the soul produced will be human_

***This is followed by a lot of complicated equations.**

***Keep reading?**

***Yes    *No**

***No**

***Good choice.**


	120. no one ever seizes power with the intent of relinquishing it [swapfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to become Captain of the Royal Guard, one must defeat (and kill) the previous Captain in battle.   
> Underhanded tactics are not preferred, but as long as the previous Captain is dead by the combatant's hand, no one really cares either way.

Here's an important fact about Alphys: she spent a total of three years studying the former captain, a vicious dragon monster named Andronika, before she even tried attacking him. She observed his battle strategies and tactics, and found their weaknesses. She trained specifically to fight Andronika's particular style of battling. When she finally challenged Andronika to battle, the other monster didn't even land a single hit on her.

Alphys didn't win the title because of brute strength alone- Andronika had a LV of seven, while Alphys, at that time, only had four. By all means, Alphys should have lost.

But having power isn't enough if you can't wield it properly, especially when your enemy knows your attacks and tells better than yourself. And in the Underground, everyone's a potential enemy. 

Everyone.

So she makes it her business to research and collect data of all the monsters in the Underground, categorizing their strengths and their weaknesses.

She studied speech patterns and body language, all sorts of hidden tells that give away a monster's true intentions. 

(There's a rumor going around that she can read minds, which is an excellent rumor, so she encourages at as much as she can. Of course, she can't actually read minds, but most monsters are so easy to read from their body language alone that even if she _could_ read minds, she wouldn't need to.)

All monsters are motivated by something or other, and once you find out what those motivations are, it's easy to keep them in line. 

Take Sans, for instance. 

She knows that Sans will do anything to protect Papyrus; Alphys is certain that the main reason he joined the guard was to keep his brother safe. 

As long as Sans doesn't challenge her position, she'll make sure Papyrus is safe while he's in her territory. 

And as long as Papyrus is kept safe, Sans can be counted on to help out whenever someone tries to challenge her position. 

Simple as that. 

Because, no matter how much Alphys likes Sans, he's still strong. If he decided to fight Alphys in a straight on battle, with none of the consequences attached, she's not sure who would win. 

But she knows Sans, and this knowledge keeps him loyal to her, at least for now.

 

There's only one monster in the Underground who she can't quite understand, who she keeps going back to time after time in hopes of figuring out what's drawing her to said monster in the first place.

Undyne, the Royal Scientist.

For all intents and purposes, Undyne is not a very imposing monster. She stumbles over her words, constantly second-guessing herself with almost every other sentence. Even though she's tall enough to be intimidating, she's always hunched over, as though trying to stay out of sight. 

Her interest in Undyne makes no sense, but maybe it's because _Undyne_ doesn't make sense, either. 

Undyne is...

Undyne is _determination_ and scientific _enthusiasm_ wrapped in a layer of deadly sharp wit- she's a force to be reckoned with, even without any formal training.

Undyne is...

Always questioning the way the world works; she looks at things sideways and upside-down at times, mind constantly whirling away at the speed of light.

Undyne is...Undyne is...

 _Inexplicable_.

And Alphys knows so many unimportant things about Undyne, enough to write an entire list. She knows how Undyne takes her tea (a splash of milk and a heaping dose of sugar), her utter fascination with humans and their history- "Alphys, y-you won't be-believe what I just found out about human weaponry!"- and how Undyne's smile makes her feel like she's staring at the sun (or the approximation of what it must feel like, anyway.)

Somehow, when Alphys wasn't looking, Undyne crept on her and became her weakness.


	121. metamorphosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monster Kid talks about himself some more, answering a very important question: why doesn't he have arms?  
> The answer* will be revealed.
> 
> *And by "answer", I mean "something I just made up right now."

Yo! It's me again!

Remember me?

Of course you do!!!!

It's Monster Kid!!!!!

**:D**

Oh, and Frisk is here to help with the punctuation and stuff. They add the exclamation points and all that stuff. Hey, Frisk, can you put in some more smiley faces?

**:D :D :D**

Oooh! Now do some angry faces!

**> :(  >:( >:(**

Man, Frisk is super cool.

Hey Frisk, put a smiley face for yourself down below.

**:D**

Thanks!

Can you do those other cool emotes?

**ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ**

**﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?**

**(^̮^)**

Thanks!

Anyway, today I'm gonna tell you guys a secret! 

Okay, it's not really a secret.

See, a lot of people ask me how come I don't have arms.

Actually, only one person asked me that, but still! That was the inspiration for me to talk about this! Wait, does that read like I'm upset or something?

Quick, add some more smiley faces!

**:D :D :D :D**

Whew. That was close. 

Man, that's why I don't like reading. It's so hard to tell how the other monster's feeling, ya know? 

Anyway, the reason why I don't have arms is easy- I haven't growed them yet!

Wait, it says growed isn't a word....

i dunno what the right one is, though. 

Hang on, I'm gonna ask my mom. 

Okay, my mom said the right word to use is grown, which is weird but whatever. 

What was I talking about?

Oh, right, my arms! 

In my family, everyone's born without arms or legs. It's pretty cool! 

Then when we get older, we grow our legs, and then our arms. The arms usually come in last, but not always.

Anyway, that's about it!

Bye!

Frisk, add one last smiley face!

**:D**

Thanks! You wanna leave a message, too? You don't have to say anything-wait, you wanna say something? Okay! You can bold it later so everyone knows it's you.

**H-hi.**

That's great! Wanna say something else?

...No? Alright!

Okay, that's all for now for reals.


	122. this is just to say

**_knock knock_ **

**_knock knock_ **

When Asgore opens the front door, he sees Gabriel standing on his porch. The teenager looks lost, as though showing up on his doorstep had been an unplanned decision.

The easy choice would be to simply close the door. After all, he  ~~thinks~~ knows why Gabriel is here.

But Asgore is tired of being a coward, so, instead, he smiles weakly. "Hello, Gabriel."

"Hey."

An uncomfortable amount of silence stretches between them, one that Asgore dares not to break. Gabe came to him for a reason, and so Asgore must listen. 

"I haven't told anyone. And I'm not going to," Gabriel eventually says, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

There are a million things Asgore could say in this moment, but he has no idea what the right ones are.

Gabriel looks at him straight in the eye. "I just...I want to hate you. I do. But I can't. I don't know why, but I can't. Anyway, I'll see you next week."

With that, Gabriel leaves.

~~Asgore doesn't close the door until Gabriel is out of sight.~~


	123. in little ways, everything stays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time ago, Asgore and Toriel had tea parties together as children.

_Dear Asgore,_

_Perhaps it would be alright if you joined myself and Frisk for an afternoon. There will be no need for you to bring anything-save yourself, of course. If you cannot come, for whatever reason, I'm sure Frisk and I will be able to have a good time regardless. However, I do feel that Frisk would be upset if you do not attend._

_If you would like, you may bring some of the members from your garden club, but please let me know ahead of time so that I may make enough sandwiches and treats for everyone to enjoy._

_Sincerely,_

_Toriel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter, but I wanted to at least post something.


	124. a tale of two brothers (mettaton's final form)

You should have known Mettaton wouldn't just let you go without another fight.

But you were so close. Just so close.

_Oh no..._

"OH, YES!" Mettaton says theatrically, as though he just read your mind or something.

You eye him suspiciously. 

Just to be safe, you try and mentally project a thought into his robotic brain.

_Mettaton smells like butt._

When said robot doesn't react, you know for sure that he can't read minds.

"LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO HAVE OUR FINAL SHOWDOWN!" Mettaton gleefully says, rolling a couple inches back and forth in what you figure is excitement. "BUT FIRST," he says, grandly gestures behind him, "WE MUSTN'T FORGET ABOUT-"

"uh...you know i'm not restricted or tied up in any way, right? i can just leave at any moment." 

Right by the door is Sans. Like he just said, he doesn't look like he's captured. 

You can't help wonder why he's still here, then. 

"WELL, YOU COULD, BUT THEN YOU'D MISS THE THRILLING CONCLUSION, AS WELL AS MY DRAMATIC REVEAL!"

"ummm...okay?" Meeting your gaze, Sans shrugs, clearly just in the dark as you are. 

"HUMAN...YOU'RE HERE TO STOP THE 'MALFUNCTIONING ROBOT'" Mettaton says, making air quotes as he says 'malfunctioning robot'. 

"uh...yeah? and free me, i guess, although i'm not in any danger right now so i guess it's mostly for the-"

Mettaton interrupts him. "MALFUNCTIONING? ME? GET REAL. THIS WAS ALL A RUSE! A BIG SHOW, ALL COOKED UP BY YOUR FRIEND, DOCTOR ALPHYS. TURNS OUT...SHE'S BEEN PLAYING YOU FOR A FOOL THIS ENTIRE TIME! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT SHE ROPED SANS INTO THIS AS WELL!"

The lights in Sans' eye sockets have gone out. 

He looks stunned.

"what-no, that's not right. alphys wouldn't-"

"OH, YES SHE WOULD! YOU SEE, AS SHE WATCHED YOU ON THE SCREEN, SHE GREW ATTACHED TO YOUR ADVENTURE. SO ATTACHED...THAT SHE DECIDED SHE'D BECOME A PART OF IT! SHE REACTIVATED PUZZLES. SHE DISABLED ELEVATORS. SHE ENLISTED ME TO TORMENT YOU."

With every sentence Mettaton says, your heart sinks lower and lower. 

"AND SHE DID ALL OF THIS SO THAT SHE COULD 'SAVE YOU' FROM DANGERS THAT DIDN'T EXIST. SHE PLANNED EVERYTHING OUT TO THE LAST DETAIL...WELL, EXCEPT FOR ME KIDNAPPING SANS. THAT ONE WAS MY IDEA. I'M A METHOD ACTOR, AFTER ALL."

"alphys? is this true?"

Sans doesn't sound angry. He sounds...resigned.

"AT THIS MOMENT," Mettaton informs you both, "DOCTOR ALPHYS IS WAITING JUST OUTSIDE THAT DOOR. DURING OUR 'BATTLE,' SHE WILL INTERRUPT, AND PRETEND TO 'DEACTIVATE' ME, SAVING YOU FOR THE FOURTH TIME. FINALLY, SHE'LL BE THE HEROINE OF YOUR ADVENTURE. I BET, THAT BEFORE THIS MOMENT, YOU'D REGARDED HER SO HIGHLY...THAT SHE COULD HAVE CONVINCED YOU NOT TO LEAVE, IF SHE SO WANTED."

_All this...was just a lie?_

"...OR NOT. YOU SEE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS PREDICTABLE CHARADE. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO HARM HUMANS. FAR FROM IT, ACTUALLY. MY ONLY DESIRE IS TO ENTERTAIN! AFTER ALL, THE AUDIENCE DESERVES A GOOD SHOW, DON'T YOU THINK? AND WHAT'S A GOOD SHOW...WITHOUT A PLOT TWIST?"

"metts, i'm not going to let you hurt the kid. in fact, me and the kid are going to go now." 

Sans attempts to lift one of his feet off the ground.

Nothing happens.

"uhhh..."

"I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF SUPER-GLUING THAT PORTION OF THE FLOOR," Mettaton explains. "I KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE YOUR...'SHORTCUTS' WHILE STANDING STILL. YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD THIS CERTAIN FACT TO ALPHYS, SHE TENDS TO BLAB WHEN SHE GETS EXCITED."

Sans groans. "this seems like a  _sticky_ situation."

**_Ring...ring...ring_ **

"H-hey! The d-door just locked itself!"

"SORRY, FOLKS! THE OLD PROGRAM'S BEEN CANCELED!!!"

Red spotlights shine down in circles around Mettaton.

You begin to hear dramatic music start to play. 

Mettaton raises an arm into the air. "DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT A SHOW THAT WILL DRIVE YOU WILD!!!" 

Suddenly, the ground starts shaking under your feet. 

"kiddo-"

At first, you think Sans is sinking into the ground, but you quickly realize you and Mettaton are rising into the air on a fast-moving platform. 

"REAL DRAMA!!! REAL ACTION!!! REAL BLOODSHED!!! ON OUR NEW SHOW...'ATTACK OF THE KILLER ROBOT!'"

***Mettaton Attacks!**

_Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no_

You have four options in front of you. 

You can't attack him, and you know that **SPARING** him probably won't do anything at all. 

**ACT**

***CHECK   *BURN**

_Burn?_ _Like...an insult?_

Hesitantly, you select it.

***This is probably what you'll do if things continue in this manner.**

_I just wasted a turn!_

"YES, I WAS THE ONE WHO RE-ARRANGED THE CORE!" Mettaton gloats. "NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO HIRED EVERYONE TO KILL YOU!"

_Why isn't he attacking?_

"HOWEVER," Mettaton says, his voice taking on a more thoughtful tone, "THAT WAS RATHER SHORT-SIGHTED OF ME. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A HUNDRED TIMES BETTER?"

You think you have an idea where he's going.

"KILLING YOU MYSELF!"

You don't want to really hurt him, but you know your yellow soul bullets caused Mettaton to flee earlier.

You fire off a few shots...

They bounce right off him.

Mettaton laughs. "THAT WORTHLESS LITTLE PEA-SHOOTER WON'T WORK ON ME, DARLING."

Despite his words, you try firing some more pellets.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT ACTING IS!?"

You know it won't do anything, but you select  **MERCY**. 

Mettaton waggles a finger at you. "LISTEN, DARLING, I'VE SEEN YOUR BATTLES. YOU'RE WEAK. IF YOU CONTINUE FORWARD, ASGORE WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE WILL DO WITH YOUR SOUL?"

You shake your head.

"WITH YOUR SOUL, ASGORE WILL DESTROY HUMANITY."

Suddenly a barrage of large blocks begin raining down from above. Somehow, you know that these blocks are more than just ordinary projectiles. 

You manage to shoot most of them and avoid the rest. 

***SPARE**

"BUT IF I GET YOUR SOUL, I CAN STOP ASGORE'S PLAN!I CAN SAVE HUMANITY FROM DESTRUCTION!"

Even more blocks rain down.

"THEN," Mettaton continues, "USING YOUR SOUL, I WILL CROSS THROUGH THE BARRIER...AND BECOME THE STAR I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING! HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS...NO! MILLIONS! MILLIONS OF HUMANS WILL WATCH ME!"

This time, you have to shoot at a yellow block in order to get the other blocks out of your way. And...is that a bomb? 

"GLITZ! GLAMOUR! I'LL FINALLY HAVE IT ALL! SO WHAT IF A FEW PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE! THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS, BABY!"

Something's off with what he just said. He sounds a little...regretful?

_**Ring...ring...ring** _

"U-uh...I can't see what's going on in t-there, but d-don't g-give up, okay? T-there's o-one last w-way to beat Mettaton...It's...um...it's...This is a work in-progress, so don't judge it too hard...But you know how M-Mettaton always faces f-forward? That's because h-he has a switch of his backside. S-so if you can turn him around...um...a-and press th-the s-switch, he'll be...he'll be...Vulnerable. Well, g-g-gotta go!"

_**Click** _

Okay, now you have a plan. For this to work, though, you'll need to talk. 

Somehow, your voice doesn't fail you when you say, "There's a mirror right behind you."

"OH???? A MIRROR???? RIGHT, I HAVE TO LOOK PERFECT FOR OUR GRAND FINALE!"

Mettaton turns around. 

You had not expected that trick to work. 

"HMMM...I DON'T SEE IT...WHERE IS IT...?"

Luckily for you, not only is the switch rather large, there's also a helpful arrow with the label "SWITCH."

You press the switch.

"DID YOU. JUST FLIP. MY SWITCH?"

Mettaton starts to shake. When he turns around, you can see that the lights on his screen are flashing erratically. 

The robot celebrity begins to shake faster and faster until-

A bright flash of white light overwhelms you. 

Then, everything goes dark.

For a moment, you think you've gone blind, but then two spotlights appear, shining over a thick cloud of white smoke. 

As the smoke begins to fade, you see what looks like the silhouette of a...person?

"Ohhhh my," purrs a very familiar voice. "If you flipped my switch, that can only mean one thing. You're desperate for the premiere of my new body!"

_Wait, what?_

"How rude," Mettaton says chidingly. "Lucky for you, I've been aching to show this off for a long time."

You don't feel particularly lucky. 

In fact, you feel the exact opposite of lucky.

"So...as thanks, I'll give you a handsome reward. I'll make your last living moments...ABSOLUTELY beautiful!"

With that, the fog completely clears, and you get your first look at the robotic superstar. 

He's...actually kind of pretty. 

This form has an actual face, and a more human-looking body. He even has hair.

This new Mettaton  _towers_ over you in his heeled boots, looking down at you with a pleased smirk. 

Some sort of chart appears next to Mettaton, with the title 'RATINGS'.

"Lights! Camera! Action!"

Mettaton covers his visible eye for a second, lifting a leg up in one of those fancy poses you've seen in movies. 

At once, more projectiles begin raining down from above.

Leg shaped projectiles. 

In order to stop them from hitting you, you have to shoot them out of the way. Near the end, there are two legs crossing over each other, and you can't avoid being hit.

This time, when you select  **ACT** , you suddenly have way more options. 

 **CHECK** ,  **BOAST** ,  **POSE** , and  **HEEL TURN**.

***POSE**

You decide to mimic Mettaton's earlier pose. 

You wobble a little, and have to put your foot down quickly in order not to tip over.

Mettaton looks thrilled, and the ratings spike up a little.

"Wonderful!"

You feel vaguely proud of yourself.

Even more projectiles rain down. Some are shaped like Mettaton, the others...are bombs.

You fire at the Mettaton shaped projectiles, trying to avoid hitting the bombs.

Meanwhile, the real Mettaton continues to pose in various ways. 

"I'd be the idol everyone craves!"

Then the magic legs begin falling down, this time along with those magical blocks.

By pure luck, you manage to avoid getting hit.

The ratings are now at 4882.

At this point, you feel you might as well  **BOAST**.

"I'm not going to get hit at  _all_."

***Ratings gradually increase during Mettaton's turn.**

_Is this a good thing?_

You're not entirely sure.

"Smile for the camera!"

The barrage of projectiles is even worse.

You just barely avoid being hit on the head, but your arms get clipped several times.

The ratings go down a little. 

***SPARE**

"Ooh! It's time for a pop quiz! This one's an essay question! Just take out your phone, and type in your answer. Now, what is your favorite thing about Mettaton?"

Quickly, you type: i leik your hair but i dun't like that your trying to kill me.

Finished, you give Mettaton a thumbs-up.

"Wonderful! I'll take a look once this episode ends."

***Mettaton is planning on saving your essay for future use.**

Then, a disco ball lowers down. 

You have a bad feeling about it.

Yep, it's shooting out blue and white lasers.

It takes you several hits by the white lasers before you realize that if you shoot the disco ball, the laser will change color. 

Now it's your turn.

You dig out a Glam Burger and devour it in three bites. 

It's not a very good burger-the buns are moist, the meat overcooked, and real rhinestones crunch unpleasantly against your teeth.

But it boosts your **HP** , and that's all that really matters.

Huh, looks like the ratings have increased by you eating a sponsored product.

"Time for our union-regulated break!" Mettaton announces.

You take the time to eat your second burger.

Somehow, this one actually tastes worse than the first did.

A few seconds pass.

"We've grown so distant, darling," Mettaton says mournfully. "How about another heart-to-heart?"

A white heart appears right in front of Mettaton's chest. Surrounded by a barrier of blocks, his heart-no, his SOUL- begins to shoot out little bolts of lightning. 

Thinking quickly, you dodge out of the way, aiming straight at the blocks around his soul. Eventually, one of them breaks through, and you hit his soul a few times. 

And then-

His arms fall off.

His.

Arms.

Fall.

Off.

Mettaton looks stunned, but that expression is quickly covered up with a winning smile. "A..arms? Who needs arms with legs like these? I'm still going to win!"

Before you can think twice, you blurt out, "Are you okay?"

Mettaton stops what you assume was his next attack, looking more than a little confused. "Darling, I'm flattered you care about my well-being, but..."

***SPARE**

A flurry of blocks and bombs rain down at you. You think you're doing okay, until all of the projectiles begin flying  _up_.

To your dismay, Mettaton says, "Alright, now it's time to take things seriously!"

_He was...just warming up?_

***SPARE**

"Lights...c-camera..." Mettaton begins, before cutting himself off. "Enough of this! Do you really want humanity to perish?!" 

He pauses. 

"...or do you  _really_ believe in yourself that much?"

You can't help but shrug, not really answering either question. 

The next attack proves to be utter chaos. Things are flying from every direction, lights are flashing, and all you can do is just dodge and shoot in random directions, hoping to hit something.

You must have hit his soul, because...

Mettaton's legs fall off.

He's now just an upper torso and a head. 

Not only that, but he doesn't look too good. 

Puffs of smoke are now leaking out from various joints, and you can hear some strange grinding and whirring noises. 

Despite this, Mettaton looks pleased. "OOH! LOOK AT THESE RATINGS!"

You look at the ratings, which are now over ten thousand. 

"THIS IS THE MOST VIEWERS I'VE EVER HAD! IN FACT, WE'VE REACHED THE VIEWER CALL-IN MILESTONE! ONE LUCKY VIEWER WILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO TALK TO ME...BEFORE I LEAVE THE UNDERGROUND FOREVER!! LET'S SEE WHO CALLS IN FIRST..."

_**Ring...ring** _

"HI!" Mettaton says, greeting the caller with a wide grin. "YOU'RE ON TV! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY, ON THIS, OUR LAST SHOW???" 

The music dies down to let the audience hear whoever's on the other end. 

"...oh...hi mettaton..."

You recognize that voice.

Apparently, so does Mettaton.

The wide smile has dropped from his face, and for the first time, you feel like he isn't acting at all.

"i really liked watching your show..." Napstablook continues morosely, "...my life is pretty boring....but...seeing you on the screen...brought excitement to my life...vicariously. i can't tell, but...i guess this is the last episode...? i'll miss you...mettaton........oh...i didn't mean to talk so long...oh........."

"NO, WAIT!" Mettaton says frantically. "WAIT, BL...H...THEY ALREADY HUNG UP."

Mettaton's smile seems a bit strained with he continues with, "I'LL TAKE ANOTHER CALLER!"

More and more calls come in, all of them saying how much they love Mettaton and his shows. How much they'll miss him.

If Mettaton could, you'd think he would be crying by now. His smile turns soft around the edges. "Everyone, thank you so much. Darling...perhaps it would be better if I stay here for a while. Humans already have stars and idols, but monsters...they only have me. If I left, the Underground would lose its spark. I'd leave an aching void that can never be filled. So...I think I'll have to delay my big debut. Besides, you've proven to be strong...strong in the real way."

The whirring and grinding of gears is only getting louder.

Mettaton chuckles. "Perhaps...this is for the best, anyway. The truth is...this form's energy consumption is...inefficient. In a few minutes, my battery will run out of power, and...well, I'll be alright. Knock 'em dead, darling, and remember to stay fabulous."

With a blinding smile and a wink, Mettaton says, "AND EVERYONE...THANK YOU. YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE!"

The **Encounter** ends.

Color rushes into the world once more.

And...

Mettaton is still there, but he also  _isn't_ there. Not really.

His body's just a shell, now. 

_But he'll come back, right? He just needs more power._

The platform lowers back down, and you see Sans isn't trapped in one place anymore- he just took off his shoes.

His slippers, however, are still stuck to the ground.  

Behind you, the door opens.

"I...I managed to open the lock! Are you three...Mettaton!"

Alphys rushes past you, reaching out a shaking hand as though trying to find a heartbeat or something equivalent to that. 

"Mettaton," Alphys whispers, before breathing a sigh of relief. "Thank god, he's okay. It was just the batteries." Turning back, she gives you a wobbly smile. "I-I m-mean, h-hey, it's no problem, you know? He's just a robot, if you messed it up, I could always-"

"al."

Sans' voice is flat. "just... please. you've lied so much to the kid already." 

Leaving his shoes behind, Sans walks across the room towards you and Alphys. 

"Sans..."

"then again, i'm not any better, am i? i've told a ton a lies. a  _skele_ ton of them. but i'm getting tired of lying. i'm  _bone_ tired. so...if you don't tell frisk the truth about metts...then i will."

Sans pats you on the head. "welp, i've said my piece. i'm going home. after all, i don't want paps' spaghetti to get cold."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the whole thing about Sans not being able to teleport when he's standing still...I just made that one up.


	125. a little pocket (full of stardust)

**top ten types of lint:**

**by sans**

10.) dryer lint.

9.) pocket lint

8.) belly button lint.

that's all the types of lint i could find. i guess it's really a top three list, then. doesn't really sound as right, though.

 

**top ten best brothers in the world:**

**by sans**

10.) papyrus.

9.) papyrus.

8.) papyrus.

7.) papyrus.

6.) papyrus.

5.) papyrus.

4.) papyrus.

3.) papyrus.

2.) larry

1.) papyrus.

**top ten weirdest types of fears:**

**by sans**

10.) arachibutyrophobia (the fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth.)

9.) linonophobia (the fear of string.)

8.) globophobia (fear of balloons and the sound of balloons popping.)

7.) pogonophobia (being afraid of beards.)

6.) chorophobia (fear of dancing.)

5.) hexakosioihexekkontahexaph (fear of the number 666.)

4.) plutophobia (the fear of money.)

3.) omphalophobia (being afraid of belly buttons.)

2.) phobophobi (fear of phobias.)

1.) anatidaephobia (the fear that, somewhere in the world, a duck or goose is watching them.)

 

i had a weird dream last night. me and the kiddo were in a hot dog eating contest along with some other people i didn't recognize. it was weird, because i swear i could taste the ketchup. and papyrus was there, but he was in this giant pickle jar. then frisk started feeling sick, so they asked another kid to help out. and that other kid ate about twenty 'dogs. everyone had their own name badge on, but i couldn't read any of them. 

and then it was me and that other kid, but we were in a fishing boat, but the boat was in some kinda parking lot instead of in the water. 

they gave me this glass jar filled with sand, said i could keep it. said that they'd broken their hourglass or something like that. 

and because i was in a dream, i didn't question it.

and then i woke up.


	126. for she would dare to disturb the universe [underswap edition]

If Undyne had to pick her favorite thing in the entire world, she'd pick...her entire collection of manga. And the super cool weapons Alphys occasionally brings her. And all her human history books and videos. And-

Okay, maybe she can't narrow it down to just one thing, and it's not like anyone's going to ask her that very specific question, but maybe it'll be good to have an answer just in case someone attacks her and says that they only way they'll spare her is if Undyne tells them the one thing that matters the most to her.

Sure, the odds of said event happen are extremely unlikely, but Undyne likes being prepared for any and all situations.

Undyne's not a fighter. She's more of a...runner, to be honest. And maybe that's a little bit cowardly, but it's better to know your strengths and weaknesses and whatnot. And Undyne is very good at running away. 

She's even better at....SCIENCE! 

SCIENCE is one of those words that need to be in CAPITAL LETTERS AT ALL TIMES. 

Being the Royal Scientist is a tough job, and it can get a bit...messy. But it's the best job in the entire Underground, because SCIENCE is awesome and cool like that. 

There are just many mysteries put there, and Undyne wants to discover ALL of them, wants to leave behind a legacy that no one will _ever_ forget. 

Maybe one day she'll get a statue?

A statue sounds pretty cool.

With lasers!

She can't imagine ever asking for a statue, though.

She finds it hard to ask for anything, actually.

Mostly because the things she really wants are pretty much impossible.

Like...getting her other eye back. 

It's not like she's the only monster with one eye. Some monsters don't have eyes at all! But they were born that way, and Undyne...wasn't. She has a cool eye patch, but it sometimes sucks not to have proper depth perception. It's super lame, especially when she walks into a door or misses grabbing a falling wrench right in front of her. She doesn't really like going out much because of this- the idea of doing something embarrassing like that in public is _terrifying._

Especially in front of...Alphys. 

When Alphys talks to her, all of her brain gears grind to a sudden halt, and her noodle limbs become even more uncooperative than usual. Undyne wants to be cool, calm, and collected around Alphys. No matter how hard she tries, though, Undyne always manages to stumble over her words and knock various objects off of shelves. 

The power of SCIENCE is awesome, but...it doesn't help much in terms of socializing. 

Chemistry is all about actions and reactions, and Undyne wonders how Alphys would react if Undyne kissed her, and whether or not the other monster would kiss her back.

Undyne's never actually kissed anyone, but she has had lots of practice on pillows. But pillows don't really count, probably, as actual experience. Sure, Undyne's got down the whole kissing a pillow part down, but not really the whole lead up to said kissing. Or how it feels like to be kissed back. Plus, inanimate objects can't tell you what you need to do in order to improve said kissing game.

The only thing Undyne has on her side is human history!

Human beings are _fascinating,_ and their history is  _incredibly cool_. 

Giant swords!

Magical adventures!

Drama!

Amazing technology!

And...romance!

(The romance part is important, because that's where 99% of all her information on dating and stuff comes from.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter what universe, anime will always be real to Undyne.


	127. because of them (i stand tall)

When Asriel isn't looking, Chara will sometimes draw on his pictures. Add a smiley face in red crayon over a yellow flower, a stick figure with a sword and shield fighting off the watermelon that Asriel had just finished coloring in. 

Chara leaves little notes in strange places around the room, like underneath his mattress or in a sweater pocket. Sometimes the notes have creative insults on the back, but mostly they have little doodles of themselves doing impossible activities, like bench-pressing sharks. 

Occasionally, Asriel will find messages meant to encourage him in some way. 

_Don't worry- you don't smell **really** bad. _

_You might get taller. Not as tall as me, though._

_I don't think you're that much of a crybaby. Just a little._

_You'll be a good king, as long as you have me around to help. Good thing I'm here, isn't it?_

_I'm not sorry I punched the kid who called you a crybaby and a wimp. I'd do it again and again, just watch._

_You're too nice, sometimes. But I'll be around in case someone tries to hurt you._

He knows, without having to be told, that he shouldn't mention these notes to Chara.

So he doesn't.


	128. your biggest fan

It's been four months, one week, and six days since the monsters broke through the Barrier, and already it's going way better than Sans had ever expected. Sure, there still seems to be some wariness between the two species, but most of the human reactions of them is curiosity mixed with various levels of confusion, but above all, generally positive. Sure, there's been some negative backlash, but they seem to be in the minority so far.

Frisk is proving to be a wonderful Ambassador, but since they  _are_  still a child, Papyrus has also taken it upon himself to help as well with the Ambassadorial duties, which is something he has taken to with zeal and enthusiasm (as per usual.)

Most of the people who meet him are quick to like him, which isn't a surprise, his brother is truly the coolest, and it's great that more people get to know this.

 

Late one sunny afternoon, there's a knock on their front door. Sans, napping on the couch, reluctantly gets up and shuffles there, yawning into one palm. 

"hey vivian."

Vivian smiles at him with her usual crooked grin, left arm clutching a brown package. "This was sent through the embassy. Took a while because we had to make sure it wasn't a threat or anything. Is your brother home? Apparently this is for him. Don't worry, we checked it to make sure there wasn't anything that would...well, we checked it anyway. I know it's kind of illegal to look through someone else's mail, but right now we're in a grey area."

"guess you can say...we're  _boxed_ in?"

"That was a stretch, even for you." 

He grins back. "yep. Anyway, paps should be home in about thirty minutes."

She passes the package over to him. It's pretty light. "Oh, and this letter comes with it. Rifling through her mail bag, she pulls out a white envelope and hands it over, he takes it with his free hand. 

The handwriting is in fancy cursive, written in what must have been a old-fashioned ink pen. "do you know what's inside?"

"Yes. But I'm not going to tell you. It'll ruin the surprise. Anyway, I have to go." Waving, she gets back on the bike she'd parked on the edge of the sidewalk. "See you later!"

Sans goes back into the house, using a slippered foot to close the door. Setting the box and the envelope on the couch, he considers it carefully. Vivian did say they'd look through it carefully, and even seemed to think Papyrus would enjoy receiving this.

Picking up the envelope, he holds it to the light, and sees the outline of a folded piece of paper. There's a return address, but the name,  _Maurice Potter_ , is unfamiliar to him (not that it's surprising.) Maybe Paps knows him from somewhere?

Deciding there's nothing he can do but wait, Sans settles down for another nap. 

 

The enthusiastic crashing of the front door wakes him up quickly. "BROTHER! I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE MEETING WITH FRISK AND THE OTHER HUMANS!"

With that, he rushes into the living room, striking a familiar heroic pose. "great work paps." Sans tells him, and Papyrus lights up.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Papyrus says back, wrapping Sans in a comforting hug. "WOWIE! DID YOU RECEIVE FAN MAIL WHILE I WAS GONE?"

"actually, it's for you, bro!" Sans grins. "they finished processing it, so it probably got sent about a month ago."

"FOR ME? REALLY?" Papyrus' eyes sparkle with unbridled joy, and Sans smiles. 

"it's from someone named maurice potter. do you know anyone named that, bro?"

Papyrus shakes his head. "I HAVE NOT HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING ANYONE BY THE NAME OF MAURICE POTTER." He's practically vibrating with excitement.

"why don't you check out the letter first?"

"SANS...CAN YOU READ IT TO ME?"

"sure, no prob."

Papyrus carefully opens the envelope and promptly hands it over.

"alright...lemme see..."

 _Dear Mr. Papyrus_  ("WOWIE! HE CALLED ME MISTER!")

 _My granddaughter is very fond of watching you and your brother on TV. Whenever she hears one of you will be interviewed, she immediately wants to see it. Last night she was especially excited upon hearing that your favorite book was Peek-a-boo with Fluffy Bunnt, which is also a favorite of hers as well._ ("SHE HAS EXCELLENT TASTE!")

  _She begged me to write to you, and I thought it would be a splendid idea myself. You see, forty or so years ago, I used to be an author myself. Mostly I wrote nonfiction, but eventually I decided to do something a little different._ ("NYEH?")

_And with that, I ended up writing the first story which would later end up in the book I ended up calling Peek-a-boo with Fluffy Bunny_ _, under the pseudonym of Allen Jones._

_The book ended up not doing that well, and I ended up forgetting about it for a while. I never in my life imagined that someone outside my own family would end up reading a book that I, for all accounts, deemed as a failure._

_But after watching you speak on television (not just about my book), I've come to realize something important. Everything you do impacts other people, and even if you never see the results, it doesn't mean you haven't changed someone's life for the better, even if it's in a small way._

_In the case of my granddaughter, she is now a lot more confident after hearing your encouraging words, and I myself, find that listening to you (as well as all the other monsters on television) makes me want to be a more generous, loving person. For that, I thank you, for you've given me the greatest gift that I cannot hope to ever replicate._

_While I was cleaning out my attic I discovered some of my old drawings that never made it into the book, as well as some sketches that I planned for a possible sequel that never ended up on the shelves. I can think of no better being to give them to than you._

_Sincerely,_

_Maurice Potter_

_PS: My granddaughter Ellie says hi as well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you recognize this chapter...it's because I already posted this as a stand-alone story. And it may be weird to place it in here, but it's been in the back of my mind for a while now.  
> So....this may be considered a bit lazy, but I wanted to put this here to affirm that I will be going somewhere with this idea.  
> The whole idea of Papyrus getting a letter/meeting the person who wrote his favorite book had always interested me- I think this was the first thing I thought of when I imagined writing an Undertale fanfic.  
> Anyway, the whole point of this is that...  
> Actually, there's no real point, but I'm going to keep this here, anyway.


	129. someone's standing in your place [crossover time!]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when things are finally starting to settle down, another Papyrus is thrown into the mix. A Papyrus who trades puns, wears dirty sneakers in the house, and is far too much like himself.

"SANS! SANS!" edgy papyrus shouts, pounding on my bedroom door. "THERE WAS ANOTHER FAKE ME DOWNSTAIRS! I TRIED ATTACKING HIM, BUT HE JUST VANISHED!"

"wuh? what time is it?" i ask, pushing my face off the mattress with a exaggerated yawn. "and where's paps?"

"WITH FAKE UNDYNE! ALSO, IT'S TWO PM! GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY BUFFOON! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS TO LIE MOTIONLESS IN A DARK ROOM FOR THAT LONG?!"

groaning, i pull myself out of bed.

then, what edgy papyrus just said hits me. "wait, you're saying you saw another papyrus? are you sure you weren't looking in a mirror?"

"SANS, THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKING! THERE IS AN UNKNOWN MONSTER LURKING IN THIS HOUSE! I  _TOLD_ YOU THAT ALL THOSE WEAPONS WEREN'T UNNECESSARY!"

when i open the door, i see edgy paps is wearing his full armor, brandishing a piece of paper. 

"FINALLY! NOW, I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF DRAWING A ROUGH SKETCH OF THE PERPETRATOR!" 

i take the piece of paper, study it carefully. it's pretty good, for a rough sketch. edgy even took the time to color it in. 

"well, let's get looking for this new papyrus."

 

"I FIRST SAW HIM IN THE LIVING ROOM," edgy says, leading me downstairs. "HE JUST...APPEARED!"

standing in the doorway, i take a look around.

the room is in shambles. not only is the couch on the wrong side of the room, but it's upside down. the tv's on the ground, with the screen's cracked in several places. books and papers are strewn everywhere. 

"bro, it looks like there was a hurricane or something. are you sure you didn't go overboard?"

when i step into the living room, i hear a _crunch!_

yep, that's the remains of the vase.

edgy pushes past me. "OF COURSE NOT! HE COULD HAVE BEEN ARMED!" 

"i am, actually," drawls a lazy voice from behind the overturned couch. "i've got two of them right here."

the person behind the couch stands up, holding his arms in the air.

sure enough, it's papyrus.

but...

something about him just seems  _off_. it's not the fact that he's wearing an orange hoodie, or that he's slouching slightly. it's not because of his smile, slightly strained around the edges. it's not the fact that his voice doesn't sound quite right. 

it's all of those things combined.

"hey," the other papyrus says, "it's nice to meet you two, i guess."

he sounds a little nervous, probably because edgy looks like he's just one step away from skewering the poor guy on the spot. 

"nice to meet you, too."

edgy sniffs, turning his back against the other skeleton. "WHATEVER." 

by now i know edgy enough that i know that he's trying to show the other papyrus that he isn't afraid of him, that he feels confident enough that he doesn't even need to look at said skeleton. but he  _is_ afraid, because i can see his hands shaking slightly. i would pat him on the back, but he doesn't seem in the mood. 

"can i come out now?" the other paps casually asks, placing his hands into his hoodie pockets. something about that motion seems eerily familiar.

"NO!"

"yeah, sure, why not?"

"thanks."

the other paps steps out from behind the couch, raising a brow-bone at edgy. "hey, don't you know how to greet a new pal? turn around and shake my hand."

...wait, what?

the words echo in my mind over and over.

 _"hey, human. don't you know how to greet a new pal? turn around and shake my hand."_  

_"...turn around and shake my hand."_

_"...shake my hand."_

it has to be a coincidence, right?

right?

with a groan, edgy turns around, glancing at me quickly. i give him a thumbs-up.

"FINE, I'LL SHAKE YOUR HAND."

edgy reaches out to take the other papyrus' hand.

**_pbbbbfffffft._ **

edgy quickly snatches his hand back, flinching like he'd just touched a rattlesnake. 

i can't help but laugh, and the other papyrus snickers along with me.

"sorry," he says, sounding only a little bit apologetic, "it's just that no one that knows me will shake my hand anymore. which is such a shame, because the whoopie cushion's always funny. such a classic form of humor. anyway, well, i'm papyrus. papyrus the skeleton."

"...YOU'RE A _TERRIBLE_ CLONE!" edgy complains. "YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE ME! HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF PAPYRUS?! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! ARE YOU? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE!"

other papyrus looks really confused. "uh..."

time to intervene. "look, why don't we all calm down a little. we can, uh...have a cup of tea or something."

"I AM CALM! I'M ALWAYS CALM!" edgy shouts, stomping his foot on the ground. i hear the sound of glass shattering underneath his steel-toed boots.

"...i'll make us some tea."

 

once we all get our cups of tea, we settle in around the table in the kitchen to listen to other papyrus' story.

"well, i was at home by myself, just watching tv. sans was off at his baking club. he'd invited me along, but i didn't feel like getting off the couch. and then i was here."

edgy scoffs. "HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOU, SANS. LAZY AND UNHELPFUL."

"ouch," i say, placing a hand right over my chest, "you're breaking my heart."

"YOU DON'T _HAVE_ A HEART! NONE OF US DO!"

"i know," i say, winking at the other papyrus. 

"it's really weird, actually, seeing the both of you. neither of you really act like my bro at all. you're from the same dimension, right? i'm assuming this is some kind of alternate dimension or parallel universe."

"THIS SANS IS, I'M NOT. THE OTHER FAKE PAPYRUS IS OUT ON A-"

the front door slams open.

"BROTHERS! I'M HOME! AND I BROUGHT FRISK!"

edgy papyrus scoots his chair back. standing up, he shouts, "FAKE PAPYRUS! THERE'S ANOTHER FAKE PAPYRUS HERE, ONLY THIS ONE IS A REALLY TERRIBLE CLONE! HE'S NOTHING LIKE ME OR YOU AT ALL!"

"REALLY? HOW IS HE- OH MY ASGORE, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIVING ROOM?!"

other papyrus snorts. "collateral damage. couldn't be helped. by the way," he adds, who's frisk?"

the three of us head into the living room, where my bro is already starting to straighten things up. the kiddo's still standing in the doorway- papyrus must have stopped 'em from coming in so they wouldn't step on any broken glass. 

"OH, HELLO!" paps says, picking up the couch with one hand, "SO, YOU MUST BE THE OTHER PAPYRUS!" turning, he places the couch, right-side up, back in its original place in front on the tv stand.

edgy scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. "HE'S A POOR EXCUSE FOR A PAPYRUS," he scoffs. 

other papyrus waves at my bro, then at frisk. "heya. nice to meet you and...frisk, was it?"

the kiddo nods. they seem utterly fascinated by the new guy. 

scowling, edgy walks over to frisk, scooping them up. "STAY AWAY FROM MY HUMAN, EVEN FAKER PAPYRUS. THEY'RE MINE!" 

settling the kid on his shoulders, edgy stomps out of the room. 

the other papyrus looks even more confused. "uh.....okay?" 

"DON'T WORRY!" paps says cheerfully, "EDGY ME IS JUST NERVOUS AROUND STRANGERS. I'M SURE THAT ONCE HE GETS TO KNOW YOU BETTER, YOU'LL BECOME CLOSE FRIENDS!"

"i guess," he replies, not sounding particularly convinced.

"SO," my bro says, quickly changing the topic, "WHO WANTS SOME SPAGHETTI?"

 

now that there's three of them, things have gotten a bit more confusing. for one thing, now we actually have to think up nicknames for each of them. also, we still have to figure out a place for the new guys to sleep. for now, he's crashing on the couch, but that means that when i get up in the middle of the night for a snack, i can't just lie on the couch instead of having to walk all the way back upstairs. 

we ordered a bed-frame and a mattress, both of which should arrive in a couple days. all we need to do is figure out where to put it. aside from that, though, the issue is almost pretty much taken care of. 

as for the whole naming thing? that's...still a work in progress. 


	130. a sunday afternoon in the park with friends

**Snails and slugs also behave differently, but this is mostly in part due to the fact that snails have shells, while slugs do not. Without a shell, or even any bones, slugs can maneuver their bodies into places a snail would be unable to reach. Like underneath stone slabs and logs on the ground, or loose bark on trees, or even**

"Good book?"

Toriel looks up from her page to see that, while she was reading, another woman had sat down on the park bench beside her- not uncomfortably close, but also not far enough away to indicate discomfort at sitting next to a monster. 

The first thing Toriel notices about the woman is her oddly familiar smile, which is odd, because her long, dark green hair kept in a single braid down her back should have been the first. Although there are dyes to color people's hair, Toriel is certain that this is the natural shading of her hair. 

"My name's Alana," the woman offers cheerfully. "Sorry if I'm bothering you, but I thought I might as well say hi. You're Frisk's mom, right?" 

"Yes, I am," Toriel says, studying Alana carefully. "I don't mean to overstep, but are you Lee's mother?"

"Yeah, I am." Alana grins sheepishly. "I bet it was the hair that gave it away, right? I get that all the time."

"Actually, it was your smile. You both smile the same way."

There's a faint dusting of pink over her cheeks when Alana responds with a quiet, "Huh. Never had anyone tell me that before."

"Oh, I didn't mean to overstep!" Toriel hurriedly says, feeling a bit flustered.

Before Toriel can apologize or say anything else, Alana interrupts with a lazy hand wave and a smile. "No, no, I'm not offended. Actually, I'm kind of impressed."

Suddenly, Toriel remembers Alana's earlier question. "You were curious about my book?" she asks, turning the cover so that Alana can read it.

"I think I recognize the author," Alana says thoughtfully. "I think he wrote a kid's book called  _The Great Snail Race_." 

"What sort of books do you enjoy reading?" Toriel asks politely.

"Historical fiction and romance novels. Sometimes a combination of the two."

Alana pulls out a paperback from a purse sitting by her feet. 

The cover of the book is dark purple, with a large illustration of a sandwich in the center. Over the sandwich, in fancy cursive, is the title of the book: _Love and Sandwiches: A Tale of Fancy Bread._

"That looks quite interesting," Toriel says. "What's it about?"

"Well, I don't want to spoil anything, but it's about a woman who owns a food truck. One day she meets a man obsessed with sandwiches, and then there's this whole conspiracy about- well, it's actually kind of complicated now that I try to explain it out loud. But there's a talking dog involved, and a lot of interesting poetry. I think it's a really good story. Totally recommend it."

"Mom!" Lee shouts, rushing over. "I caught a worm! Can I keep it? Please? I promise to take it on walks and everything! Oh, hi Ms. Frisk's mom! I caught a worm. See?"

The boy opens his cupped hands to reveal a worm sitting in his palms. 

"What a lovely worm," Toriel says, and the boy's grin stretches even wider. "Also, you may call me Toriel if you wish to."

"Hi Ms. Toriel! This is Mr. Squiggles!"

Alana ruffles Lee's hair. "Kiddo, I think the worm-"

"Mr. Squiggles!"

"I think Mr. Squiggles will be a lot happier in his natural habitat. Remember what your teacher said about preserving the balance of nature?"

"Take only pictures, leave only footprints!" Lee shouts, bouncing up and down. 

"Well, sort of. Anyway, I bet Mr. Squiggles is missing his friends and family a whole lot."

"Oh, I didn't even think about that! C'mon, Mr. Squiggles, let's get you back home."

With that, Lee runs off toward a clump of trees. 

"That was a close one," Alana says, breathing a sigh of relief. "Lee's very stubborn about certain things, but if he gets a good enough explanation, he usually listens. I'll have to keep an eye on him, though, just in case he tries to smuggle the worm in the house when I'm not paying attention." 

"Children are often like that," Toriel replies with a smile, watching Frisk play in the park's sand pit. "Still, it's nice to see that he respects nature."

"Lee loves being outside," Alana agrees. "I just wish he would stop trying to bring random wild animals into the house. You know what he asked for his birthday? A two-toed sloth."

Toriel can't help but giggle at the idea.

That's the kind of request that...

She pushes the thought aside.

"Are you okay?"  Alana asks, brows furrowed in concern. 

"I'm alright, I'm just...remembering something. Nothing to worry about." 

"You know," Alana abruptly says, "us moms ought to stick together. I know this is sudden and all, and I know this is kind of putting you on the spot, but how would you like to join my book club? It's a low-key thing, just me and a couple other moms I know in the neighborhood."

Toriel considers the offer. Part of her wants to refuse. 

The other part...

"That sounds lovely."

"Great! Here, let me write down the details." Pulling out a small notebook from her purse, Alana quickly jots something down. Tearing the page off, she hands it to Toriel. "Here's my cell number. Call or text whenever you want. Oh! By the way, both you and Frisk are welcome at my home anytime."


	131. time spent with cats (is never wasted) [underfell edition]

**_Previously..._ **

**_A battle with Papyrus was interrupted by his hungry cat, Doomfanger, begging for food and attention. Calling the battle to a halt, Papyrus then asked you to remain in the exact same spot once he'd fed Doomfanger...and yelled at Sans for eating Doomfanger's food._ **

 

Even though it's probably not a good idea, you decide to wait for Papyrus to come back. 

_**"You're right, this is a terrible idea."** _

You must have been standing there for about ten minutes or so, when you hear a  _"meow!"_   as well as a jingling bell. When you look up from your shoes, you see an even fluffier cat approaching you, their tail held high. 

They look almost exactly like Doomfanger, but even bigger, with cream-colored fur, dark ears, and wide blue eyes. Around its neck is a blue collar with a bell.

The cat stops right at your feet, looking up expectantly at you. 

You pet the cat, marveling at their soft fur and their deep, rumbling purr. 

Ten minutes pass by. 

You're starting to get bored, and your legs feel stuff from standing for so long. 

You'd sit on the ground, but then your pants would get wet from snow. 

But you don't want to hurt Papyrus' feelings, so you decide to head back to the skeleton brothers' house, where you'll be able to sit on the porch steps.

**_"Who cares about hurting his feelings?! He just tried to kill you!"_ **

You scratch the cat behind the ears a final time, then head back the way you came. 

_"meow!"_

Then, the bell on the cat's neck starts jingling louder as they follow you back into Snowdin. 

Once you get to their house, you sit on the first step.

The cat curls up on the porch step next to you, and the two of you wait. 

You keep petting the cat.

**_"Frisk!"_ **

 

"SANS! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" Papyrus shouts from outside Grillby's. "IF YOU DON'T COME OUT RIGHT THIS MOMENT, THEN I'LL-I'LL-"

"then you'll do what?" Sans says from behind him.

Papyrus, of course, as a hardened warrior, does not squeak in surprise and whirl around in shock. Instead, he...simply uses his excellent reflexes to remind Sans that he is not one to be messed with. 

To his annoyance, Sans grins, showing off that stupid gold tooth of his. "how's it going, boss?"

Papyrus stomps his steel toed boot several times against the snow to show his dominance over nature itself.

"TERRIBLE. AS PER USUAL, YOU MANAGED TO MESS UP EVERYTHING, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND!"

Sans scratches his cheekbone in confusion. "uh, boss? i...have no clue what you're talking about."

"YOU DON'T? WELL, THANKS TO YOUR TERRIBLE EATING HABITS, YOU FORCED ME TO PAUSE THE BATTLE BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE HUMAN- A BATTLE WHICH I WAS WINNING!-TO FEED DOOMFANGER. ALL BECAUSE YOU KEEP EATING THEIR FOOD."

Now Sans looks slightly irritated. "boss, that was just _one_ time. and it was on a dare."

"DON'T LIE TO ME, SANS. BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS, AN INNOCENT CAT WENT HUNGRY. DOOMFANGER COULD HAVE STARVED TO DEATH, YOU HEARTLESS....HUMAN!"

Sans winces. "ouch."

Suddenly a look of realization crosses the shorter skeleton's face. "so...you left the human in the middle of a battle? did you remember to trap them first?"

"...OF COURSE I DID!" Papyrus blusters.

"...alright."

The two of them stand in silence for a second, before Papyrus bolts off, screaming his (non-existent) lungs out.

 

A shrieking sound jolts you into awareness. It sounds like-

"HUMAN! HUMAN!"

Papyrus almost runs straight past you, but manages to skid to a halt just a few feet from where you're sitting. 

He looks surprised to see you, but also a little...happy?

It's hard to tell. 

"AHEM. HUMAN, I SEE THAT YOU'VE LISTENED TO MY INSTRUCTIONS! THAT IS AN EXCELLENT TRAIT TO HAVE IN A TRAINEE! BUT, I'M AFRAID I CANNOT MENTOR YOU IN THE WAYS OF BEING A WARRIOR! MY REPUTATION WOULD GO DOWN! AND YET...YOU HAVE ALREADY SHOWN SO MUCH POTENTIAL..."

Papyrus looks hesitant.

_"If you can't train me, then can we go on a date, instead?"_

Papyrus' cheekbones flush bright red.

"WELL...UM....ERR...WELL..."

The tall skeleton shrugs helplessly. "IT SEEMS LIKE WE HAVE REACHED AN IMPASSE, SMALL HUMAN! I SUPPOSE...THAT MEANS WE CAN GO ON A DATE. BUT! I HAVE VERY HIGH STANDARDS, SO IT WILL BE MOST LIKELY BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH THEM ALL."

The cat curled up next to you meows. 

Papyrus startles. "OH! I DIDN'T NOTICE YOU THERE!" he says to the cat. "THAT'S CLAWSLASHER. HE'S...A WORK IN PROGRESS WHEN IT COMES TO BEING DEADLY. IN FACT, HE'S ACTUALLY PRETTY LAZY. KIND OF LIKE SANS. BUT UNLIKE SANS, CLAWSLASHER HAS MUCH MORE POTENTIAL!"

Papyrus reaches down and scoops the cat up, cradling Clawslasher in one arm. You can hear the rumbling purr of Clawslasher grow even louder. 

"I FOUND HIM FLOATING ON SOME GARBAGE IN THE RIVER!" Papyrus informs you. "ALTHOUGH HE WAS SMALL AND FRAGILE, I KNEW HE HAD THE HEART AND SOUL OF A WARRIOR! AND I WAS RIGHT! EVERYONE THOUGHT HE WASN'T GOING TO MAKE IT, BUT CLAWSLASHER PROVED THEM ALL WRONG. WHICH IS WHY WHEN I SAW YOU...I KNEW THAT THOUGH YOU MAY BE TINY, YOU CAN STILL BE A MIGHTY WARRIOR."

Papyrus unnecessarily clears his throat. "ANYWAY, I SUPPOSE I WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO A VERY IMPORTANT PLACE. SOMEWHERE I SPEND THE MOST TIME IN. FOLLOW ME!"

Papyrus leads you halfway across the town before he doubles back.

He stops at the house, gesturing grandly with his free arm. "WELCOME, TINY HUMAN!"

Bounding up the stairs, Papyrus flings the door open. 

"AFTER YOU, TINY HUMAN!"

You head inside. 

_**"Maybe Papyrus will give you something to eat that isn't frozen lasagna."** _

Chara doesn't sound very convinced.

The first thing you notice is the TV. Not just because it's really old looking, but because there's a giant hole on the side of the screen, with cracks spider-webbing around it. Across from the TV is a saggy looking red couch. Scratch marks litter the cushions.

Probably from the cats.

You think you've seen a couch like this one, but you aren't entirely sure.

_**"Frisk, forget about the couch. You need to focus."** _

"-AND OVER THERE'S THE KITCHEN! UPSTAIRS IS MY ROOM...AND THE ONE NEXT TO IT IS SANS'. SANS, ARE YOU UP THERE?" 

You hear the sound of a door creaking open. "nope."

The door slams shut.

"UGH. YOU'RE NOT FUNNY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE, SANS!" Papyrus fumes, stomping his foot on the shag carpet.

You hear Sans' door open once more.

"yes i am," he calls down, sounding very smug.

Papyrus puts down Clawslasher; the cat makes a beeline for the couch, proceeding to stretch out and take up pretty much every inch of space.

"CLAWSLASHER IS VERY GOOD AT ESTABLISHING DOMINANCE," Papyrus tells you, clearly proud of his cat. "BUT I AM THE ALPHA SKELETON! THEREFORE, IT IS MY RIGHT TO ESTABLISH GREATER DOMINANCE!"

Even as he says those last words, he looks a bit hesitant. "STILL, I MIGHT AS WELL LET CLAWSLASHER HAVE HIS LITTLE VICTORIES IN LIFE."

You point to a small table with a rock sitting on it.

_"What's that?"_

"THAT'S SANS' PET ROCK. HE'S A _TERRIBLE_ PET OWNER, THOUGH. KEEPS FORGETTING TO FEED THE POOR THING. IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME, ROCKY WOULD HAVE STARVED TO DEATH. OR RAN AWAY LIKE THE PREVIOUS ROCKY DID."

Clawslasher begins kneading at the cushions with his claws. 

"BAD CLAWSLASHER," Papyrus scolds halfheartedly. "DON'T DO THAT."

"you know, he's not going to listen if you talk to him like that." 

You look up, and see that Sans is leaning on the railing above you.

Papyrus scoffs. "YOU'RE ONE TO TALK! YOU STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOUR ROCK POTTY-TRAINED! HE KEEPS PEEING IN MY BED!"

"boss, i'm pretty rocky isn't the one peeing in your bed. in fact, i think i know who-"

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!" Papyrus shouts, sounding disgusted. "SANS, HOW COULD YOU?!"

"uh..."

"SO IT WAS  _YOU_ WHO KEEPS PEEING IN MY BED!" Papyrus accuses. "MY OWN BROTHER..."

"boss? you know skeletons don't pee. we don't have-"

"DON'T TRY AND WIGGLE OUT OF THIS ONE! I KNOW YOU DID IT! YOU'VE THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD HAVE DONE IT!"

"boss..."

"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN-"

"boss..."

"STOOPING SO LOW-"

"boss."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD-"

"boss!"

Papyrus stops short. "DID YOU...JUST USE AN EXCLAMATION POINT?! YOU NEVER USE EXCLAMATION POINTS!"

You are very confused right now. 

And hungry.

"boss, look." Sans points at the couch. 

Clawslasher is no longer there, but there's a large damp spot marking the spot where he once was.

"see? wasn't me."

Rushing over to the couch, Papyrus examines the stain. 

"...OH."

"see?"

"WELL, DON'T DO IT AGAIN!"

"...i won't?"

"GOOD."

"...well,  i'm going to grillby's. you want anything, boss?"

"NO!"

"suit yourself."

Instead of heading downstairs, Sans walks back to his room, closing the door behind him with a loud _THUD_.

"STOP SLAMMING THE DOOR!"

No response.

"AND...HE'S GONE. TYPICAL. HE'S JUST SO...LAZY! TAKING THOSE 'SHORTCUTS' ALL THE TIME INSTEAD OF WALKING LIKE A NORMAL MONSTER!"

Papyrus looks forlornly at the couch. "AND I FORGOT TO ORDER SANS TO CLEAN THE COUCH! THIS MIGHT JUST BE THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" 

You reach out and pat him on the arm.

Papyrus startles, looking down at you with a strange expression. "OH! YOU'RE STILL...HERE? I DIDN'T THINK-I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU DECIDED TO STAY!"

You nod.

Papyrus taps the tips of his gloved fingers together. "SO...I SUPPOSE WE CAN GO ON OUR DATE. OF COURSE, ONCE THE DATE IS OVER, I'LL HAVE TO CAPTURE YOU, SO...WELL...ANYWAY! LET'S GET THIS THING OVER WITH, I GUESS. IT'S...IT'S NOT LIKE I'M EXCITED TO HANG OUT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT!"

_"I am!"_

For a brief moment, Papyrus' cheekbones flush bright red. "WELL! OF COURSE! THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED! AFTER ALL...WELL! LET'S GET STARTED! FOLLOW ME!"

Papyrus leads you upstairs. It's very easy to tell which room belong's to Papyrus, even with both the doors closed. Probably because one of them is painted black, with barbed wire on the top frame. 

And the fact that there's a yellow florescent sign saying:

**PAPYRUS' ROOM!**

**NO BOYS ALLOWED!!!**

**NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!!**

**NO ONE BUT PAPYRUS (AND CATS)!!!**

**ANY WHO ENTER SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS!!!!**

While making the sign, he must have run out of space, because the letters on the second 'Papyrus' are much smaller and squeezed into the corner.

"WELL, HERE WE ARE!" Papyrus says, gesturing to the door in front of him. "NOW, LET ME JUST UNLOCK ALL OF THESE LOCKS...."

_Click!_

_Click!_

_Click!_

_Click!_

_Click!_

_Click!_

The door swings open.

"I'LL GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO BE IN HERE, BUT ONLY THIS ONCE, OKAY?"

You nod.

_"Okay."_

 

Papyrus' room is pretty cool. The walls are painted black, and the carpet is bright red. On the wall next to the window is a desk, with an old looking computer sitting on it, along with various action figures. Next to a bookshelf filled with books, is a closet covered in stickers shaped like skulls. 

The only piece of furniture that doesn't match with the decor is the bed.

It's very...beige. 

_**"Kind of looks like it came straight out of someone's guest room or something, but the person never had any guests over, but they still want to keep it neat just in case someone does come over, but no one ever will, so they keep everything all neat and way too tidy for no good reason."** _

You're a little confused by Chara's train of thought.

You're also a little bit hungry.

"WELL," Papyrus says, hands on his hips, "WE MIGHT AS WELL START THE DATE. READY?"

You nod.

"OKAY, THEN LET'S GET STARTED!"

With that, the  **Encounter** begins.

**DATING START!**

"HERE WE ARE!" Papyrus says, gesturing to the dark void around you. "I BET YOU'RE ALREADY IMPRESSED!"

He looks a little bit nervous, now. "BUT, I MUST CONFESS SOMETHING. ALTHOUGH I AM EXCELLENT IN ALMOST EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING...I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE WITH THIS SORT OF THING. BUT! HAVE NO FEAR, FOR YOU ARE IN THE HANDS OF THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS! AND YOU CAN'T SPELLED 'PREPARED' WITHOUT USING SEVERAL LETTERS FROM MY NAME!"

He pauses.

"FOR AN UNRELATED REASON, I BROUGHT THIS BOOK WITH DATING TIPS! UNFORTUNATELY, THAT BOOK IS, WELL...A LITTLE DAMAGED." 

Papyrus holds up what looks like the tattered remains of what might have been a book. "THE MANY PERILS OF LIVING WITH CATS. LUCKILY, I THINK I REMEMBER MOST OF WHAT IT SAID, SO JUST GO ALONG WITH WHAT I TELL YOU TOO, ALRIGHT?"

You nod.

"EXCELLENT!"

Papyrus leafs through the ruined pages. "ALRIGHT, I THINK IT SAYS, 'PRESS' SOMETHING? I THINK IT SAYS 'PRESS **[C]** ON'...SOMETHING. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO PRESS **[C]** WITH?

You think for a moment, before pressing the button  **[C]** on your phone. 

Immediately, a bunch of charts and graphs appear around Papyrus. Most of them seem to be complete nonsense.

"WOWIE!" Papyrus gasps, before quickly adding, "I MEAN, I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!" 

_"It's really cool!"_

Papyrus' cheekbones flush red for a second time. He scratches the back of his skull in what you think is nervousness. "OKAY! TIME FOR THE SECOND STEP!"

He flips to the next page. "...THIS PAGE IS COMPLETELY RUINED, SO LET'S SKIP THIS ONE. PROBABLY WASN'T A VERY IMPORTANT STEP TO BEGIN WITH."

Papyrus flips to the third page. "AH! HERE WE GO! 'STEP THREE: PUT ON [BLANK] CLOTHES TO SHOW YOU CARE!'" 

After reading this, Papyrus looks you up and down. "WAIT, JUST PUTTING ON CLOTHES IS ENOUGH TO SHOW A PERSON THEY CARE..." 

Papyrus looks a little stunned. "HUMAN, YOU'VE BEEN WEARING THAT BANDANNA SINCE WE'VE FIRST MET...AM I TO ASSUME YOU'RE WEARING IT TO IMPRESS ME?"

_"Yes!"_

Papyrus' jaw drops. "DID YOU...DID YOU PLAN THIS FROM THE START?"

Quickly recovering, he points a gloved finger at you. "W-WELL, YOU MAY HAVE TRIPPED ME UP A LITTLE, BUT I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, NEVER LOSES AT ANYTHING!"

Pointing to his clothes, Papyrus informs you smugly, "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WEARING CLOTHES! IN FACT, I ALWAYS WEAR MY SPECIAL CLOTHES UNDERNEATH MY REGULAR ONES! NORMALLY, I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER  _EVER_ TAKE MY ARMOR OFF IN FRONT OF...ANYONE, BUT IF I AM TO WIN THIS DATING CHALLENGE, I MUST DO IT! IN FACT, THESE CLOTHES ARE SO COOL, THAT THEY CANNOT BE SEEN IN MERE BLACK AND WHITE!"

The  **Encounter** ends. With that, Papyrus begins taking apart his armor, carelessly dropping each piece onto the ground. Underneath the armor is...another suit of armor. 

This one, however, looks a lot different. Less...deadly. The chest plate is white, and looks like it's made out of some kind of fabric instead of metal. It's also shorter, revealing part of his spine. When he takes off his steel-toed boots, you see that he's wearing a second pair of boots underneath, but these ones are a cheerful red. He's still wearing his tattered scarf, but now it seems more like a cape, fluttering in a (nonexistent) breeze.

"HERE IT IS! THIS WAS THE FIRST BATTLE BODY I EVER HAD. UM...THIS IS EMBARRASSING, BUT I SORT OF WEAR THIS ALL THE TIME UNDERNEATH MY REAL ARMOR. SANS DOESN'T KNOW THIS- HE HAS NO IDEA THAT I EVEN KEPT IT. SO...DON'T TELL HIM, OR ELSE! ACTUALLY, IF YOU TELL ANYONE AT ALL..."

_"I won't."_

"...THEN I'LL HAVE TO- WAIT, YOU ALREADY PROMISED WITHOUT ME HAVING TO THREATEN YOU? HUH."

Papyrus looks like he isn't sure what to do next. 

You decide to help him out. 

_"Is that the last step?"_

Papyrus puffs his chest out. "OF COURSE NOT! YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY SO EASILY? WELL, I THINK NOT! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD ME WHAT YOU THINK OF-"

_"I like it."_

"RE-REALLY? I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU DO! BUT DON'T TAKE THAT AS A VICTORY, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SPECIAL THIS OUTFIT IS. THEREFORE, WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS INVALID!"

You think for a moment.

_"You're still wearing your scarf, is that the thing that's important to you?"_

"CLOSE! BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH. YOU SEE, THE SPECIAL THING ABOUT THIS OUTFIT ISN'T THE CLOTHES THEMSELVES, BUT RATHER THE CLOTHES I'M WEARING UNDERNEATH!"

Papyrus takes off the second layer of armor. Underneath that is a white crop-shirt with ripped up sleeves . The front of the shirt has the phrase, "COOLEST DUDE" scribbled on the front in black marker. Right below his shirt, is a pair of black shorts.

You can't help but wonder how he fits all those clothes underneath his armor.

It probably has something to do with magic.

_"That's a really cool outfit."_

"STOP COMPLIMENTING ME!" Papyrus shouts, stamping his foot several times. "HUMAN...I THINK YOU MAY BE BETTER THAN ME AT THIS WHOLE DATING THING. I MAY BE GREAT AT...EVERYTHING ELSE, BUT...NOT WHEN IT COMES TO COMPLIMENTING PEOPLE. SO, I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU WIN. STILL! I CAN'T ACTUALLY GO OUT WITH YOU. THAT WOULD BE...WEIRD, CONSIDERING I'M ABOUT TO CAPTURE YOU AND ALL THAT.."

You shrug.  _"Can we be friends, at least?"_

"YOU...STILL WANT TO BE FRIENDS? EVEN AFTER I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO CAPTURE YOU AND DELIVER YOU TO KING ASGORE, WHERE HE'LL PROBABLY RIP OUT YOUR SOUL?"

You nod furiously.

"OH. UM. I DIDN'T..." 

Papyrus looks nervously from side to side, pulling his armor back on.

"HUMAN, I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN BE FRIENDS. BUT...I'M GOING NOW. I WON'T BE NEAR THE EXIT, EITHER. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THAT INFORMATION."

Suited up, Papyrus quickly leaves the room.

Downstairs, you hear the front door slamming shut.

Huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this Papyrus wears a full suit of regular armor over his battle body which is over his set of regular clothes. That's...a lot of layers. But he's a skeleton, so he doesn't get overheated.


	132. a tale of two brothers (when your world turns upside down, i will be there for you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything goes Terribly Wrong, Alphys calls Sans for help. 

**Ring...Ring...**

when i see alphys' name pop on the caller id, i immediately know something's wrong.

alphys _hates_ talking on the phone. 

"hey, science buddy. what's up?"

there's a sniffle on the other end, along with something that sounds like a suppressed sob. 

"al? are you okay?" 

when i say this, i almost want to hit myself, because  _of course_ she's not alright.

another sniffle. 

"look, are you at the lab? i'll come over right now. if you want, i'll even bring something to eat. my treat."

"N-no! I-I'm f-f-fine! I s-shouldn't have c-called you, I w-was j-just being s-stupid."

major red flag. 

"you're not stupid, al. look, i'm coming over. i  _want_ to come over. you're not bothering me at all."

"I-It's not t-that. I-I did something  _horrible._ I-If I t-tell y-you, you're going to _hate me_."

"alphys, nothing you can do will make me hate you."

"I-I've got to go."

"wait, al-"

**Alphys hangs up.**

 

She shouldn't have called him. Why did she have to be so  _stupid?_

Sans doesn't deserve to be pulled into this mess. 

It's all her fault.

She messed up, and now she's doing nothing but cry underneath her desk because she is so very _weak_ and disgustingly _helpless_.

"al?"

Oh no oh no oh no. 

She'd locked the door to keep everyone out, but she'd forgotten that Sans _never_ enters through the front door. He always 'shortcuts' his way in.

"al, are you in here? i brought you those noodles that you like."

Alphys holds her breath, hoping Sans won't hear her.

"al?"

She can hear the soft pad of his slippers walking closer and closer to her desk. "al? you left the lights on."

Her traitorous body lets out a hiccuping sob. Clamping her hands over her mouth, she prays fruitlessly that Sans didn't hear her. 

"al?" 

Sans is crouching next to the desk now. He looks a little nervous. "hey. you wanna come out?"

"N-no."

"that's okay," Sans reassures her, acting like she isn't being totally ridiculous. "actually, it looks pretty cozy down there. lots of space. dunno why i haven't thought abut napping under my  _own_ desk."

Sans winks at her. "actually, do you think that desk has room for two?"

Alphys curls up tighter into a ball. "I-I guess so. B-but I d-don't w-want y-you to f-feel like you  _have_ t-to do this."

"you kidding me? i love any excuse to be lazy." Sans pauses for a second. "i'm coming in, alright? lemme know if you want me to leave."

Sans scotches underneath the desk, leaning his back against the wall, his legs extended outwards. Alphys' back is against him, so she sits up a little so that she can look at him. 

Sans lazily smiles at her, holding out a bowl of Instant Noodles. "got you some grub. even heated it up and all that." 

Alphys sits up properly next to him, and takes the bowl.

Like Sans said, it's warm to the touch. "T-thank y-y-y-you."

"no prob. after all, what kind of science buddy would i be if i let you starve?"

"N-no, I mean...for everything."

"like i said before, it's no _skin off my nose_ ," Sans says with an exaggerated wink.

Alphys can't help but giggle. "Y-you don't h-have a-any s-skin."

Another wink. "see? what did i tell you?" 

The noodles taste pretty good.

"listen, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. but i'm always ready to listen. you're my science buddy, i could never hate you."

Placing the bowl back on the ground, Alphys turns away from him. "Y-you w-wouldn't be s-s-saying that if you k-knew the truth. Sans, I d-did something _horrible_."

Sans pats her on the shoulder. "don't be so hard on yourself. whatever it is, i'm sure we can figure out to fix it. we'll do it together, yeah?"

All the floodgates open, and Alphys finally bursts into tears.

 

when alphys starts crying, i try using the same tactics i do with my bro whenever he's upset. i draw her into a hug-making sure she can pull away at any time if she wants to. 

instead of pulling away, she clings closer, sobs growing louder. 

"i'm here for you," i say over and over again. "i'm here for you." 

After a little while, her sobs die down.

"S-Sans, p-please d-don't hate me," she sniffs, her words muffled into my shoulder. "I-I s-should have l-listened t-to you! Y-you w-were right, it w-was a t-terrible idea!"

i keep gently patting her on the back. "al? you're not making a lot of sense right now."

she pulls away, crawling back from under the desk. "T-the project."

I crawl out from under the desk as well, placing my hand her shoulder. "you mean, the upgrade for metts?"

"N-no. I-I wish it were."

her expression crumbles. "T-the s-secret project I-I was working on, t-the one I t-told you was g-going w-well, a-and that I w-would show you when I finished it."

Turning away from me, she whispers, "I didn't want to tell y-you because...I w-was...tryingtobringbackfallingmonstersbyusingDetermination."

"al..."

"I-I t-thought that if I c-could s-show you the b-benefits of Determination, y-you w-would ch-change y-your mind. I-I wanted t-to prove y-you w-were wrong, a-and t-that it wasn't as d-dangerous as y-you t-thought it w-would be. I w-wanted to _save_ these monsters, but all I did was prolong their _suffering_. A-and their families keep c-calling a-and w-writing and _I don't know what to do anymore._ "

dread starts to pool in my non-existent stomach. "al," i say carefully, "i'm not mad at you, but i am feeling a bit  _rattled._ "

no reaction.

"i'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it out to be," i lie. 

Alphys shakes her head. "I-it's worse. I-I c-can't...I c-can't...t-tell you anymore. N-not now."

"al."

"T-tomorrow. P-please? I-I just c-can't h-handle t-thinking a-about this a-anymore."

"alright."

i think to myself for a moment. 

"hey, wanna watch some mew mew kissy kissy cutie?"

alphys sniffles, turning to face me with a watery smiles. "I t-thought you d-didn't l-like that s-show."

i reach over and give her a side hug. "that was past sans talking. c'mon, we can go over to my place. paps can finally make that popcorn spaghetti recipe that he's been dying to try out."


	133. the prince and the fallen human [swapfell edition]

Long ago, our king and queen had a child who they named Asriel. The young prince had a habit of getting into mischief and all sorts of trouble, without any regards to the possible consequences of his actions. 

One afternoon, while exploring the **RUINS** , Prince Asriel fell into one of the many pitfall traps, injuring his foot quite badly.

Unable to even stand up, the prince called for help.

But the other monsters in the  **RUINS** , fearful that his pleas were some sort of trick, ignored his cries.

Hours passed, and the prince's voice grew hoarse, and his hopes of being rescued dwindled. For you see, he had told no one of his trip, confident in his ability to stand up to any monster living in the  **RUINS**.

Just when he thought all hope was lost, he heard the footsteps of someone above him. Once again, he cried for help. 

And help did arrive, but in the form of a human child.

Without a thought, they bandaged his injury (well, they put a single band aid on said wound, but that was all they had, so it was the thought that counted more than anything else.) 

The human could not speak, and Asriel could not understand their signs. Still, he could see the kindness in their eyes. 

So when the human helped him to his feet, Asriel swore to the human that as long as he was alive, they would be under his protection. And he kept his promise- as the child helped him back home, Asriel's presence alone was enough to deter monsters from trying to attack the human.

And when the pair returned, Asriel stood (as much as he was able to) in front of the human, and told his parents that if they wanted to hurt the human, they would have to get through him first.

Though the king and queen hated humanity, they loved their son very much, and could not bring themselves to harm the human who had saved their son. 

Out of obligation alone, they took the child in. It wasn't very long, however, until the child had become one of the family, loved just as equally as their own son. 

And as the years passed, most monsters forgot that they were a human at all.

...

.........

..............................

........................................

................................................................................

........................................

..............................

.........

...

But you already know how this story ends, don't you? 

You knew it from the very beginning. 

Even if different worlds, these tales remain mostly the same, just give or take a few details.

There are still:

Two dead children.

Two grieving parents.

And any sort of meager hope...lost.


	134. blueberries

There's a picture of you-somewhere out there-as a very little kid, with your mouth and hands stained blue from eating bunch of frozen blueberries for a snack.

If you think really hard, you can kind of remember that moment, the sweetness and slight chill on your tongue, the way they felt when you squished a blueberry between two fingers.

The blueberries were inside a red bowl, along with some frozen raspberries, but you think you'd only eaten one or two of them (the raspberries, that is) because they tasted a little sour. 

You'd eaten them outside with your Nana, sitting on the her porch steps in the warm sunshine. 

....

..................

....

Except it hadn't been you. 

These memories, they don't belong to you.

They belong to Frisk. 

You're just borrowing them for a little while.

(It's not that you didn't live an alright life, it's just that it's nice to be someone else for a change.)

 

The funny thing about living in Frisk's head is that you can see memories that have been long forgotten.

Like the blueberries, for instance.

Frisk doesn't remember that. 

But you do. 

....

.......................

....


	135. few things last (that's all i know)

the house paps and i moved into is old. at least, that's what the realtor said. and before we came here, the house had been empty for a while. almost thirty years, i think.

in our first month living here, we've found a bunch of cool stuff left behind by the previous owners.

paps' favorite find is the stuffed turtle that had been wedged between some boxes in the attic. 

yep, we have an attic now. 

right now, we're in the process of cleaning up the attic and stuff. 

sweeping up all the dust, which looks nothing like monster dust, thankfully, out of corners, cleaning the floors, wiping the windows...all that good stuff. 

paps seems really happy that i'm helping him out.

 

there are a lot of books in the attic. a lot of them. most of them are textbooks. but then i run across a children's book.

**The Waffle Prince**

**by Wendy Marsh**

heh.

sounds like something paps might like. 

i flip through the book. halfway through, a photo falls out onto the ground. 

so i pick it up, turn it around to see what the image is.

it's a photograph of a kid.

on first glance, the kid in photo is frisk. but when i look again, i see some differences between our kiddo and the kid in the photo. for one thing, frisk doesn't have green eyes. there are several other differences, too- the other kid's hair is just a bit curlier, and there's a small scar over their left eyebrow. if i didn't know better, though, i would swear this kid is a sibling or something.

but they can't be. for one thing, frisk is (according to them) an only child.

secondly, there's a date scribbled on the back of said photo, and it was taken at least twenty-five years before frisk was born. 

below the date is a name-

_Davey_

written in the same handwriting. 

 

the next morning, paps comes down holding the stuffed turtle. "SANS, I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM! I WAS IN A HALLWAY, AND THERE WAS A HUMAN THERE! HE LOOKED LIKE FRISK! AND HE TALKED WITH ME A WHILE BEFORE I WOKE UP. I CAN'T REMEMBER _EXACTLY_ WHAT WE SAID, BUT HE TOLD ME TO GIVE THIS TO FRISK. SO, THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO!"


	136. the world wide web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerry make a blog about himself.  
> That's it.

**Monday 14th**

**6:03** **PM**

Today I hung out with some friends. It was kind of fun, even if they kept forgetting I was there. At least, that's what I assume they do when they leave me when I'm not looking.

Man, some monsters just have terrible memories.

I thought about going to Grillby's, but by the time I decided to go, the bar was already closed for the night. I was a little disappointed, but not that much. I don't like trying new foods, so maybe it was for the best.

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**Tuesday 15th**

**7:14 AM**

I hate living in Snowdin, but all the other areas of the Underground are way worse. The Underground sucks. 

I hung around Snowdin Road today, hoping to bump into someone and hang out with them.

No luck.

Maybe I should join some kind of social networking site?

It seems kind of desperate, though. I don't want to resort to making fake friends.

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**Thursday 17th**

**6:56 PM**

The WiFi wasn't working, so I stayed indoors and stared at the ceiling for a couple of hours. It's kind of relaxing, if a bit boring. Maybe I should start a club for people who just want to lie on the ground all day and do nothing.

I think it would be nice to do it with a group of friends, because then we could all hang out without them ditching me. 

Last night I dreamed that I swallowed a bug, and then the Royal Guard arrested me for some reason.

Man, dreams are strange.

I wish I had better ones. 

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**Friday 18th**

**12:34 PM**

Mettaton is stupid, and his shows are dumb. I don't why other monsters like him. Sure, Alphys created a soul out of nothing, but did she have to make him so...annoying? 

I bet she didn't create his soul, and that he's just some kind of ghost possessing a robot body. But no one sticks around long enough to listen to my theories. I'm pretty sure it's because they can't handle the truth.

Most monsters can't handle the truth. I bet that's why they don't stick around- their brains aren't ready or willing to comprehend my genius.

Or something.

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**Sunday 20th**

**4:00 AM**

I saw a human today. They looked kind of weird. And ugly. Kind of like a blob of flesh. But they were wearing stripes, so I didn't make fun of them.

I'm pretty sure it's against the law to be mean to children or the elderly. 

The human didn't look _anything_ like the ones in my comics. It was kind of a let-down, actually. They didn't have colorful hair, or a giant sword...they didn't even have a cool outfit.

Man, out of all the humans to fall Underground, this one has to be the most boring.

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**(1 Comment) - Post a new comment**

**_(Anonymous)_**

**3:34 PM**

ho1! i is tems. u needz to stopz living in denel. okeys? comes dwn 2 tem village and i teaches u how 2 be cool.

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**Tuesday 22nd**

**5:00 PM**

I got my first comment two days ago, but I'm not really sure what it meant. Something about teaching me how to be cool?

Ew, no thanks. 

I'm already _way_ too cool as is, if I get any cooler, all the other monsters will probably feel bad about themselves.

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**(1 Comment) - Post a new comment**

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                     _ **(b173gdhsidfh809)**_

**Time: Unknown**

**👌︎□︎⧫︎♒︎ ⬧︎◆︎♌︎🙰♏︎♍︎⧫︎⬧︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ◻︎❒︎□︎♑︎❒︎♏︎⬧︎⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♋︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♏︎⌧︎◻︎♏︎♍︎⧫︎♏︎♎︎ ❒︎♋︎⧫︎♏︎📬︎ ❄︎♒︎♏︎⍓︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ♑︎❒︎□︎⬥︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♌︎♓︎♑︎♑︎♏︎❒︎ ♏︎❖︎♏︎❒︎⍓︎ ♎︎♋︎⍓︎📪︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♓︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎🙵 ⧫︎♒︎♏︎⍓︎ ⬥︎♓︎●︎●︎ ⬧︎□︎□︎■︎ ♌︎♏︎ □︎●︎♎︎ ♏︎■︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎ ⧫︎□︎ ❒︎♏︎♍︎♏︎♓︎❖︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎♓︎❒︎ ◻︎●︎♋︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📬︎**  
📬︎📬︎📬︎✋︎ ♎︎□︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ⬥︎♓︎⬧︎♒︎ ⧫︎□︎ ♒︎♋︎❒︎❍︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎❍︎📪︎ ♌︎◆︎⧫︎ ♓︎ ❍︎◆︎⬧︎⧫︎📬︎  
 ♓︎⧫︎ ♓︎⬧︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♑︎❒︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ♑︎□︎□︎♎︎📬︎ 


	137. stalagmites and stalactites

_About a year or so after the monsters were sealed Underground, someone came up with an idea. The plan was simple: all the monsters need to do was to dig their way out. This would involve digging at least sixty feet down, and then whoever knows how many feet to the right or left._

_The plan hit some major snags._

_The first problem was that, after a few feet down, the soil turns to rock. And rock is way harder to dig through without equipment. After two years, the builders can only succeeded in digging a total of four and a half feet._

_In that time, public interest waned, funding got cut, and the project was put on indefinite hold._

_Now that we're on the Surface, we know that the plan would have failed either way- the builders had assumed that the Barrier had been domed shaped. Turns out, the Barrier had surrounded not just the Surface around the mountain, but underneath it as well. In fact, calling it a barrier is a bit of a misnomer; the Barrier was, in fact, more of a bubble._

_...A really hard bubble made from human magic._

_-Anonymous_


	138. a tale of two brothers (bedtime stories)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans can't always be there to tell Papyrus a bedtime story, so he writes Papyrus his very own stories, instead. And, because Papyrus is the most important person in the world to him, Sans makes sure to always use capital letters when needed.

**Peek-a-Boo With Fluffy Bunny: Playtime on the Moon**

**by Sans**

One afternoon, Fluffy Bunny was enjoying a nice meal of his best friend's spaghetti. "Thank you, The Great Papyrus," Fluffy Bunny said, "I really ~~like~~ LOVE your spaghetti!"

"I'M GLAD YOU LOVE MY PASTA!" said the coolest skeleton in the world. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE?"

But before Fluffy Bunny could ask for another plate of Papyrus' famous spaghetti, a letter fell from the ~~sky~~ ~~ceiling~~ sky.

The Great Papyrus, with his fast reflexes, caught the paper easily. "IT'S FOR YOU!"

Fluffy Bunny opened the letter.

_Dear Fluffy Bunny,_

_It's me, the mayor of the ~~city~~ small town on the moon called moonville. We need your help. Not one of us can fall asleep, and everyone's really grumpy now._

_Sincerely, Mayor Whatshisface_

"That sounds tricky," Fluffy Bunny said sadly. "I don't know if I can handle it by myself!"

Luckily, the greatest skeleton in the universe was there. "DON'T WORRY, I CAN HELP! AND I ALREADY KNOW JUST HOW TO DO IT!"

"Really?" Fluffy Bunny asked.

"REALLY! FIRST, WE NEED A ROCKET SHIP, BUT I ALREADY HAVE ONE IN MY ATTIC. I BUILT IT MYSELF!" 

 

When they got to the moon, the mayor of the town came up to them. "Woah, are you the Great Papyrus? I didn't know you were friends with Fluffy Bunny!"

"He's my bestest friend in the entire world," Fluffy Bunny boasted, "and he's super cool and talented."

And because The Great Papyrus ~~was~~ is very great, he already knew this! But he was very happy to hear the compliment, anyway.

"All the scientists are trying to figure out why no one can sleep anymore, but they can't seem to figure it out!"

Papyrus nodded to himself. "I THINK I UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM! THEY NEED TO HEAR A BEDTIME STORY!"

"Hmmm..." the mayor said thoughtfully, "that sounds like a good idea. But what kind of story?"

"Well, it has to be the best story ever, but..."

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Papyrus. "I KNOW! WE CAN WRITE OUR OWN STORY! THAT WAY, IT'LL BE VERY SPECIAL."

And the other two thought it was a ~~good~~ GREAT idea!"

SO...they wrote their own bedtime story, and then Papyrus read it to everyone and they were so relaxed they were able to fall asleep. When the town woke up, Papyrus made them all victory spaghetti and won a trophy for being the greatest chef in the world and also for saving the town.

**The End.**

 

 **Detective** **Papyrus: The Case of the Disappearing Ketchup**

**by Sans**

It all started when ~~my~~ Sans' ketchup disappeared from their bottles. Sans was in so much shock, that he had to take another nap. Only this time, he was too weak/lazy to get up.

So The Great Papyrus decided he would help out his brother. 

He went on an epic quest, searching far and wide. Turns out, everyone else in the Underground also had the same problem.

"IT'S SUCH A MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY" Papyrus said to his friend on the other side of the door. "ALL THE KETCHUP...GONE!"

Then, a thought occurred to him. "HANG ON..."

With that, Papyrus ran home, where he saw Sans still lying on the couch.

"SANS, DID YOU EAT ALL THE KETCHUP?"

"yes."

And Papyrus was really annoyed that Sans had lied to him this whole time, so I'm telling you now so you won't get annoyed with me later on.

**The End**


	139. the first thanksgiving

***It's a VHS tape labeled 'First Thanksgiving with Frisk!'**

***Watch it?**

***Yes     *No**

***Yes**

_The camera is pointed at a stove with a large, stainless steel pot on top. Next to the stove, on one of the counter-tops, is a raw turkey. "Okay," Julie says in a determined voice, "Dave's done this hundreds of times."_

_The camera shakes for a moment as Julie turns the camera around to face herself. She winks. "Okay, this is going to be video evidence that I can, in fact, make a thanksgiving dinner that won't end up giving anyone food poisoning."_

_The camera shakes as she turns the camera back to the stove. "I've got a recipe book somewhere, but I can't find it, so I'm just going to wing it."_

_There's a pause, then Julie snorts. "Can't believe I just said that."_

_From off-screen you hear a infant babbling._

_"at!"_

_A stuffed platypus hits the oven door. Julie laughs as she turns around to face-_

***It's you.**

***You don't know how old you are in the footage, but you must be pretty young, because you don't remember any of this.**

***Probably about a year old, then.**

_Baby Frisk is sitting in a high-chair, wearing green footie pajamas with cartoon dinosaurs. Baby Frisk is gnawing on their knuckles with a thoughtful expression, a thin line of slobber dripping onto the tray table below._

_"Plus, I've got my very own cheerleader! Say hi to the camera, Frisk!"_

_Baby Frisk looks at the camera, no longer gumming their knuckles. They tilt their head to the left._

_A few seconds pass._

_"My silent supporter," Julie says fondly._

_She turns the camera back to herself. "Well, I'm going to get started. I'll be back once the turkey's done."_

_The camera cuts for a moment-_

_"Okay," Julie says, sounding a bit frazzled. The camera is pointed at her feet. "This was a bit harder than I thought it would be. Don't worry kiddo, I've got it all under control!"_

_Baby Frisk babbles something incoherent from off-screen._

_There's the faint sound of a door opening, followed by Dave's voice. "Jules? I'm ready to start thawing the turkey!"_

_The camera points at Julie. Her hair is sticking up every which way, and her eyes are wide underneath her narrow glasses. "Okay, now it's time to panic."_

_"Jules?" Dave's voice is a lot closer. "Why do I smell burned-"_

_The camera turns off._

_Then-_

_A dinning room table, laden with boxes of Chinese take-out. Baby Frisk's high chair is now at the table, with a plate of what looks like mashed potatoes in front of them._

_Baby Frisk seems more interested in playing with their food rather than eating it._

_Next to Baby Frisk is Dave, who's cracking open a fortune cookie. "Alright, this fortune's for you, kiddo." Dave looks down at the tiny slip of paper._

_"Huh...it says, 'Do what you believe is right.' That's a pretty good one."_

_Julie, who must be holding the camera, giggles. "Better than the one I just got! It says that I'll buy a pair on pants sometime in the next year!"_

***The footage suddenly ends here.**

***Watch it again?**

***Yes   *No   *Maybe later**

***Maybe later**


	140. in little ways, everything stays [crossover time!]

it's been seven months, and edgy papyrus is still bunking in our only bathroom. which, you know, isn't a big deal for me and my bro, seeing as we, well, don't use the bathroom the way humans do. 

(honestly, human bodily functions are both hilarious...and gross. i swear, papyrus almost fainted when he found out what humans do with their toilets.)

anyway, back to my original point, which is that edgy papyrus won't let anyone in the bathroom. 

he  _is_ , however, spending more time outside of the bathroom.

and now that i see him more often, i'm starting to get to know the guy a bit better. 

it's around midnight, and paps is fast asleep. time for a snack.

yawning, i shuffle into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge with a lazy grunt. 

let's see...there's leftover spaghetti, leftover spaghetti, leftover...lasagna? 

"YOU CAN HAVE SOME LASAGNA IF YOU WANT."

i startle, and barely stop myself from slipping and falling on my tailbone. 

i look up, and see edgy papyrus sitting atop the fridge. our ceiling is pretty low, so his head's basically resting on his knees.

"sheesh, edgy. you really  _rattled_ me."

"SHUT UP," edgy says, but i know by now that he doesn't really mean it.

"WELL?" he snaps after a few seconds. "ARE YOU GOING TO ACCEPT MY ONE TIME OFFER OR NOT?"

i shrug. "sounds pretty good." as i take out the container, i ask, "hey, do you want to join me?"

"...I SUPPOSE I CAN."

edgy slides down the fridge. since he isn't wearing his steel-toed boots (he has on a pair of bunny slippers), or his armor (he has on an old shirt and a pair of sweatpants), edgy lands on the tiled floor almost soundlessly. 

"I'LL HEAT THE FOOD UP FIRST," edgy says, placing the plastic container in the microwave.

"wait a sec, that's made of plastic," i warn him. "it'll melt."

"REALLY?"

"yep."

edgy looks doubtfully at me. "IF YOU INSIST. WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH IT?"

i pull out a bowl. "here."

edgy dumps the lasagna into the small bowl.

"NOW, IF THERE WILL BE NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS-"

"hey, is this a pajama party? can i join?"

both edgy and i startle. 

it's the other papyrus. he waves from the doorway. "i'm just wearing my regular clothes, but i sleep in them all the time. does that count?"

"NO!" edgy snaps. "ALSO, YOU CAN'T JOIN!"

at the same time, i tell the other papyrus, "sure, why not?"

Edgy's scowl grows even deeper. "YOU JUST WANT TO WEASEL YOUR WAY IN. WELL, YOU CAN'T HANG OUT WITH ME, OR WITH SANS."

i pat edge on the arm. "it's fine. hey, i'll heat up the lasagna. you guys can go watch tv."


	141. the tin soldier

Even though Birch is annoying most of the time, he's alright to hang out with whenever they're on break. He complains a little bit less, and brags a lot more, but with his boasting comes really interesting stories. It doesn't matter that most of them aren't true, he's still a pretty funny guy when he isn't whining about trivial problems.

Who would have thought?

He's in the middle of telling her about the time when he and his brother got lost in the woods when they were little, and how Birch saved his brother from a deadly swamp creature-not a monster, he insisted, but a  _creature_ \- when a familiar voice interrupts him.

"Birch, Yarrow. Good to see you. Meet my cousin. She's going to be staying with us for awhile."

Yarrow looks up from her notebook, which she had been doodling in, to see Eve standing by the tent's entrance. She must have come in while Birch was talking. 

Sitting on Eve's shoulders is a small child, holding a stuffed bunny in her right hand. With the other hand, she waves at them. "Hi! I'm Finn!"

Birch, lying prone in his cot, sits up abruptly. "Really? You brought a _kid_ here?"

Said kid looks like she's between five or six years old, give or take, with curly, dark-blonde hair and wide green eyes. 

"Can I come down now?" Finn asks, and Eve lifts her off her shoulders and onto the ground. Now that she's standing next to Eve, the kid looks even tinier. 

Finn's wearing the same dark grey and brown uniform they're wearing, only smaller. Also, she has no shoes on. Both of these things are weird.

"And why's she wearing a uniform?" Birch asks, as blunt as always. 

Finn smiles at him. "I don't want to get in trouble for not wearing it. Regulation and all that."

"Indeed," Eve says, patting her cousin on his shoulders, "Finn will be joining our unit as our fourth member, which means she must follow the same rules."

Now it's Yarrow who bursts out, "Eve, I don't mean to be rude, but- you're joking, right?" Even while saying this, she knows this isn't true- Eve rarely, if ever tells jokes, especially about something as serious as this.

Eve raises an eyebrow. "I'm serious."

Said child bounces on her toes. "Don't worry! I can take care of myself!" 

Birch rolls his eyes. "Sure, whatever."

Finn skips, yes,  _skips_ , back to Eve. "I'm tired now. Can we go get cake?"

"There's cake?" Birch asks excitedly. "I need cake right now. Gimme it or I will drop dead."

Eve shakes her head. "We ran out of cake."

Birch groans. 

Finn skips over to Birch and pats him on the head. "If I get some cake, I'll share it with you. Okay?"

Birch looks only a little bit mollified. "Okay."

 

It's another gray day, and the two of of them are hanging out at the Mess Tent. 

"...and he told me he lost his left butt cheek in the war, but he wouldn't tell me _which_ war, so I think he was trying to mess with me."

"I dunno," Yarrow says in her most serious sounding voice, "it sounds pretty legit. My great-uncle got his butt blown clear off in a hunting accident. Had to get an iron one to replace it."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Hi!" Finn says, clambering up onto the bench next to Yarrow. "I brought cake!" Sure enough, the kid's holding a small tray filled with cupcakes in one hand. The other hand is clutching her toy rabbit. 

Birch immediately brightens up. "Cake? Really? Gimme gimme," he pleads, making grabbing motions with his hands. When Finn pushes the tray over, Birch immediately stuffs one in his mouth, not even bothering to take it out of the cupcake lining.

Yarrow wrinkles her nose as he eats the entire thing, paper and all.

 Swinging their feet, Finn turns to Yarrow. "You can have some too! There's chocolate and vanilla and-"

"That's okay, I don't really like sweets."

Finn looks a bit gobsmacked. "Really? How come?"

Yarrow shrugs. "I just don't."

(Meanwhile, Birch is already on his third cupcake.)

Eve wanders over to them, also with a tray in her hands. She must have caught the last part of their conversation, because she mildly says, "Not everyone has a sweet tooth."

 

Finn's hiding under Birch's cot. "Don't tell anyone I'm here," she whispers, making a shushing gesture. "Eve said I'm not allowed to have any cake before training."

Grabbing a handful of cake, she shoves the whole thing into her mouth, devouring the entire piece in less than three bites. 

"You're going to eat the entire cake by yourself?" Yarrow asks, eyeing the cake. 

Finn puffs up her cheeks out in indignation. "Of course not! Rabbit's having some, too! Also, I'm leaving a slice for Birch. That's why I'm under his bed."

Looking closer at the stuffed animal, she sees there are some frosting stains around the bunny's stitched mouth. "It's carrot cake," Finn tells her. "It's not as good as chocolate cake, but it's still really good. Did you know that regular rabbits can't eat too many carrots? That's because carrots naturally have a lot of sugar in them, which doesn't make sense, because carrots don't taste sweet at all."

"Finn?" Eve calls from outside the tent. Finn goes silent, grabbing another handful of cake and jamming it into her mouth. "Finn, I know you're in there." 

Finn looks wildly from side to side, her cheeks bulging with cake. Swallowing quickly, she pushes the cake closer to the tent wall, as if trying to hide it from view. Since she's hiding under a cot with no bottom, however, the cake is still as visible as it was before. 

Wiping her hands on one of Birch's blankets, Finn calls back, "I just had to get something, I'll be right out!"

Scrambling from underneath the cot, she quickly wipes her sleeve across her mouth; instead of getting the icing off her face, she only succeeds in smearing the orange frosting all over.

When she stumbles out of the tent, Eve sighs. "Finn, that cake is for  _after_ training. You'll get sick, otherwise."

"No, I won't!"

"Finn..."

The girl groans. "I'm not a kid, Eve."

"...Which means you have to live with the consequences of your actions," Eve says in mock seriousness. "C'mon, let's get going."


	142. a tale of two brothers (the promise he made)

Papyrus knocks on the door to the Ruins, rocking back and forth on his heels excitedly.

"Hello?"

"YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!" Papyrus says, forgoing the usual greeting. "UNDYNE ACTUALLY TOOK ME SERIOUSLY! SHE SAID...I COULD JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD...WELL, ONLY AFTER I TRAINED FOR A LITTLE BIT. BUT DO KNOW WHAT ELSE SHE SAID?"

"No, what did she say?"

"SHE SAID SHE WOULD BE TRAINING ME! ME!!! ONE ON ONE AND EVERYTHING!!!! THIS IS THE SECOND GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE, AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU!"

"Papyrus, while I may have made some suggestions, you're the one who should take credit. After all, you were the one who went to Undyne, weren't you?"

"YES, BUT... I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT I WOULD ACTUALLY DO IT. TALK TO HER, I MEAN. I WAS SO WORRIED...THAT SHE WOULD JUST LAUGH AT ME. BUT SHE DIDN'T! EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T EVEN CAUGHT A HUMAN!"

"Papyrus...what would you do, hypothetically speaking, that is, if you ever found a human?"

"NYEH? I WOULD CAPTURE THEM, OF COURSE! WELL, FIRST I WOULD LEAD THEM THROUGH MY ELABORATE PUZZLES THAT YOU UNFORTUNATELY CAN'T SEE SINCE YOU'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR."

"...I see."

"THEN, I WOULD BATTLE THEM! AND THEN...I GUESS I WOULD TAKE THEM TO UNDYNE? THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. UNDYNE WILL SEE ME AND THE HUMAN...AND SHE WILL BE SO PROUD! SHE MIGHT EVEN...THINK I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD?"

"Papyrus, do you know what happens after you take them to Undyne?"

"UNDYNE WILL TAKE THE HUMAN TO THE CAPITAL, AND THEN- THEN! UMMMM... I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. BUT I'M SURE KING ASGORE WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE THEM! AND THE HUMAN WILL BE HAPPY TOO, BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES ASGORE!"

"That is...true."

"ARE YOU OKAY? YOU SOUND UPSET!"

"I'm alright. I was just remembering something I'd rather not talk about."

"OH. UMMM...DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THE FULL STORY OF MY CONVERSATION WITH UNDYNE?"

"I must admit, I am quite interested."

"WELL, I WENT TO UNDYNE'S HOUSE LIKE I'D PLANNED, AND KNOCKED ON THE DOOR JUST LIKE I'D PRACTICED ABOUT 1,004 TIMES. WHEN SHE ANSWERED IT, I REALIZED...I'D FORGOTTEN MY SCRIPT! I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY, SO I JUST BLURTED OUT, "UNDYNE, CAN I PLEASE JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD?" AND SHE SAID...TO SHUT UP AND LEAVE HER ALONE. WELL, SHE DIDN'T SAY IT EXACTLY LIKE THAT, BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS. "

"She told you to go away? But I thought you said she-"

"WELL, IT WAS THREE A.M AT THE TIME. IN HINDSIGHT, I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE COME LATER...BUT I DON'T TAKE THAT MANY NAPS SO I FORGOT THAT THERE'S THIS POPULAR TREND OF LYING IN A DARK ROOM MOTIONLESS FOR EIGHT HOURS AT A TIME. PERSONALLY, I DON'T GET THE APPEAL."

"So, what did you do next?"

"WELL, AFTER SHE YELLED AT ME TO STOP BOTHERING HER, SHE SLAMMED THE DOOR SHUT. I ALMOST LEFT AT THAT POINT, BUT I KNEW THEN AND THERE THAT IF I DID, I PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO COME BACK. SO I WAITED OUTSIDE."

"You did? How long did you wait?"

"I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE, BUT I THINK IT WAS SEVERAL HOURS. AND THEN SHE OPENED THE DOOR, AND SHE SAW I WAS STILL THERE! AND, FROM THE LOOK ON HER FACE, SHE WAS PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH MY FORTITUDE!"

"And that was when she offered to train you?"

"PRETTY MUCH."

"That sounds quite exciting."

"IT WAS!"

"Your brother must be very proud."

"WELL, I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET. HE'S STILL AT WORK. YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE TOLD THIS TO!"

"Really? I must say, I'm honored." 

"I JUST KNEW YOU'D BE THE PERFECT PERSON TO TELL THIS! THIS IS PERHAPS THE SECOND GREATEST DAY OF MY YOUNG LIFE!"

His friend sounds amused when she asks, "Would officially becoming a member of the Royal Guard be the greatest day of your life?"

"EXACTLY!"

Door Buddy sighs.

"DOOR BUDDY? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU?"

"...Papyrus, do you trust me?"

"ABSOLUTELY!"

"I need you to help me with something...no, I need you to promise me something."

"I'LL DO IT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably shouldn't promise anything without asking first, Papyrus.


	143. walk with me into the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took the power of seven mages to create the Barrier.  
> That power came at a cost.  
> But it was worth it, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kindness (eighty nine years old)  
> Justice (forty seven years old)  
> Patience (twenty eight years old)  
> Bravery (ten years old)  
> Integrity (nineteen years old)  
> Determination (sixty four years old)

**Monday**

Bravery skips stones across the slow moving river, occasionally throwing in a large rock just to watch the giant  _splash_ as it sinks below the surface. He climbs trees fearlessly, and only falls out of some of them. Wherever he goes, he's always followed by his best friend- a rather fluffy ragdoll cat named Pickles.

 

Justice reads the newspaper, and attempts to solve the crossword puzzle on page C4. 

 

Kindness sits outside and knits sweaters for her grandchildren.  Right now, the weather's still warm, but they'll need them eventually this coming winter.

 

Patience writes letters to her family back home in careful penmanship. With that same steady hand, she draws and sketches the other mages.

 

Determination sharpens and polishes his swords in the afternoon. 

 

Integrity reads historical novels underneath an old maple tree.

 

**Tuesday**

Bravery sneaks into the kitchen and eats an entire chocolate cake, and when caught, tries to pin the whole blame on Pickles. Of course, no one believes him, but everyone agrees that the awful stomachache he now has is a good enough punishment.

 

Justice drinks two cups of coffee to get through training.

 

Kindness goes for a short jog with Determination.

 

Patience hums under their breath as they make another cake, thinking of a better place to hide this one.

 

Integrity checks up on bedridden Bravery several times over the entire day, feeling a little bit guilty for daring him to eat the entire cake as a joke.

 

**Wednesday**

The seven of them practice casting spells together in the early morning. Bravery is half-asleep the entire time, and to wake him up, Determination throws him into the pond.

Bravery comes up spluttering, before swimming away in defiance.

 

Justice dyes her hair bright red in the bathroom sink. 

 

Kindness teaches Integrity how to knit. 

 

Patience practices her tai chi.

 

Determination thinks about the war, and wonders if his friends back home are alive and well. 

 

All of them sit on the porch steps to watch the sun set for the last time.

 

**Thursday**

At dawn, the seven mages climb to the top of Mount Ebott.

They cast the spell to create the Barrier.

None of them return.


	144. a tale of two brothers (the judgement hall)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost the end of your journey.  
> Time to meet the Royal Judge.

You're standing in a rather long, very grand, hallway.

There are columns holding up the roof, and the tiles underneath your feet are super shiny.

The walls are painted sunshine-yellow, and there are actual windows on the walls with light streaming from them. 

These windows are the fancy kind, with stained glass and the royal emblem on the very top. 

As you walk through the hall, your feet _clack_ loudly against the tile ground, the sound echoing and echoing and echoing against the walls. You try and make your feet quieter, but it doesn't help- your shoes are just naturally very noisy. 

It's kind of fun, though, hearing your feet making the _clack clack clack_ sound on the tiled floor. 

_clack clack clack_

You're so focused on your feet, however, that you only notice the shadowy figure when they're just ten feet away from you.

When you look up, you see that the monster standing in front of you, although still cloaked in shadows, is easily recognizable as a very familiar skeleton.

"So you finally made it. The end of your journey is at hand. In a few moments, you will meet the king. Together...you will determine the future of the world. That's then. Now...you will be judged. You will be judged for your every action. You will be judged for every EXP you've earned. What's EXP? It's an acronym."

He pauses, expression turning very serious. "It stands for 'Execution Points'. A way of quantifying the pain you have inflicted on others. When you kill someone, your EXP increases. When you have enough EXP, your LOVE increases. LOVE, too, is an acronym. It stands for 'Level of Violence'. A way of measuring someone's capacity to hurt. The more you kill, the easier it becomes to distance yourself."

You feel as though the air has been taken out of your lungs. 

All this time...you'd just assumed...

"The more you distance yourself," he continues, "the less you will hurt. The more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others."

With that, he steps forward, and out into the light.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE DRAMATIC STANDING IN SHADOWS THING," Papyrus apologizes, "BUT IT'S KIND OF A REQUIREMENT WITH THIS JOB. WELL...IT'S NOT REALLY A JOB, SINCE I DON'T GET PAID...AND I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE THIS BEFORE."

You just shrug, not sure what to say or do.

"ANYWAY, THAT'S THE SCRIPT I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY EACH TIME. I THINK IT SOUNDS PRETTY COOL, BUT...I DON'T AGREE WITH ALL OF IT. I JUST..."

Papyrus taps a gloved finger against his chin, clearly trying to think of the right words to say. "EVERYONE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE A GOOD PERSON. EVEN IF THEY HAVE HIGH EXP, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN'T TURN THEIR LIFE AROUND. I KNOW THAT MIGHT SEEM A LITTLE SILLY, SEEING AS I'M SUPPOSED TO JUDGE PEOPLE, BUT..."

Shaking his head, Papyrus beams at you. "WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW, SINCE YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM! YOU HAVEN'T GAINED ANY LV AT ALL! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU DIDN'T HURT ANYONE, AND EVEN WHEN YOU RAN AWAY, YOU DID IT WITH A SMILE!"

Papyrus kneels so that he's face to face with you.

"FRISK...YOU'RE ABOUT TO FACE THE GREATEST CHALLENGE OF YOUR JOURNEY. NOT TO PUT ANY PRESSURE ON YOU OR ANYTHING, BUT, WELL...I'M NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY THAT YOUR ACTIONS HERE WILL DETERMINE THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD."

_"What should I do?"_

"...I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE. JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE HAPPY WITH WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO. AND...IF YOU EVER NEED ME, I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU. I PROMISE."

Reaching out, Papyrus hugs you tightly. "FRISK...NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I'LL ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOU."


	145. a message from beyond (letter one)

_Dear Frisk,_

_Has your mom ever told about what happened on our first date?_

_It's kind of a funny story in hindsight. I'd been working up the courage to talk to her for weeks, only to have her march over and ask me out instead. Well, she suggested we go to this nice bar, and I was all for it- until I remembered that alcohol sometimes reacts badly with my meds. And, like an idiot, I didn't tell her this._

_So, we sit down at the bar together and have our first drink together. We start talking about various subjects, nothing too deep. And when she ordered another glass, she ordered me one too, and said the drink was on her this time._

_So, there I was, backed into a corner. I didn't want her to think I was ungrateful, so I drank it._

_Bad idea._

_Here's where it starts to get a bit gross._

_I started to feel a bit nauseous, so I stood up to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Well, I didn't even get that first word out before I threw up on her shoes. And there I was panicking because she'd said earlier that these were her favorite pair, and she's freaking out too- not because her shoes were ruined, but because I didn't just throw up vomit, I also threw up some blood._

_The bartender called an ambulance, and after I got sorted out in the hospital, she came to see me. She told me that the next time we went out, I was not allowed to ignore my health just because I didn't want her to get upset._

_Long story short, I did something stupid on our first date and had to go to the hospital as a result._

_Coincidentally_ _, I'm at the hospital right now. Not because of stupidity, this time. Well, I mean, having this disease sure feels kind of stupid. Sometimes people ask me how I got it, and I can tell they want to convince themselves that they'll never get it because I did something to cause getting it._

_Truth is, it can happen to anyone._

_(Don't worry, we had you tested before you were born- you don't have it.)_

_Looking back on this letter, I can see I've mostly been writing about me being sick. Sorry for being such a downer, kiddo. But I feel like I need to explain myself somehow, so you know why I'm not around._

_And that's why I'm going to be writing to you a bunch of letters._

_This is the first one!_

_Love,_

_Dad_


	146. a tale of two brothers (a date with undyne)

Undyne's house looks like a fish sticking its head out of the water.

The windows of the house are shaped in a way to make them look like angry eyes, and the door is painted to look like a mouth filled with fangs. 

The overall look is cool, but also intimidating as well.

Papyrus gloved hand is warm in your own. "DON'T WORRY, IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. NOW, STAND BEHIND ME." 

Letting go of his hand, you walk behind Papyrus, who then slips you a small, carefully wrapped, present. "MAKE SURE TO GIVE THIS TO HER. SHE LOVES THESE!"

It kind of feels like a really thin book.

Papyrus reaches out, and politely taps on the door two times.

You feel a knot begin to form in your stomach.

You hear the sound of a door opening. 

"Hi, Papyrus!" Undyne says, sounding completely different from when she'd been threatening to stab you a bunch of times. "Read for your extra-private, one-on-one training?"

"YOU BET I AM!" Papyrus cheers. "ALTHOUGH...I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO BRING A FRIEND? THEY WANTED TO MEET YOU, BUT WERE TOO SHY TO COME BY THEMSELVES...IS THAT OKAY?" 

"Sure, why not?"

With that, Papyrus steps aside, revealing you to Undyne.

She's not wearing her armor, which makes sense, seeing as she's not working. Seeing her in more casual clothes makes her a little less scary...but not by much. 

"Hi, it's nice to-" Undyne automatically begins, only to stop short when she looks at you properly.

She stares at you with an unreadable expression, before gritting out through clenched teeth, "Why don't. You two. Come in?"

Papyrus offers his hand with a smile, and the two of you walk into the house together. 

The front area looks like a combination of a kitchen, dining room, and living room all put together into one space; the first thing your eyes are drawn to is a baby grand piano, followed by a giant _sword_ leaning up against a wall.

Once you're both inside, Papyrus releases your hand with a wink. "HERE, UNDYNE! MY FRIEND BROUGHT A GIFT FOR YOU, ON THEIR OWN!" 

He nudges you on the shoulder, and you offer the present to Undyne.

Eyeing you suspiciously, she takes the gift, unwrapping it very carefully.

It's a small, homemade, book made out of tape and loose leaf paper. 

Undyne raises an eyebrow, looking at Papyrus skeptically. "Your friend decided to make me the next part of 'Papyrus and Undyne Go On Epic Adventures Together' series?"

"YEP!" Papyrus lies unconvincingly.

"...I'll put it away with the others," Undyne eventually says, walking over to a small treasure chest. When she opens it, you catch a glimpse of other, similar looking, books. 

Closing the chest, Undyne walks back to her original position. "So," she says to Papyrus, "are we ready to start?"

Papyrus shuffles a little from one foot to the other. "OH NO!" he gasps, "I FORGOT THAT THE OLYMPICS WAS HAPPENING AND ALSO THAT I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND THAT MY CAR BROKE DOWN AND SANS NEEDS MONEY FOR GAS! YOU TWO HAVE FUN!"

Running to the closed window, Papyrus dives through it with a loud  _CRASH!_

There are now shards of glass all around the window. 

_**"You probably should avoid standing around there."** _

Undyne scowls at you. "...So why are YOU here? To rub your victory in my face? To humiliate me even further? IS THAT IT?"

You quickly shake your head. 

_"No!"_

Undyne scoffs, clearly unconvinced. "Then why are you here?"

A look of realization dawns on her face. "Wait, I get it," she jeers. "You think I'm gonna be friends with you, huh? RIGHT???"

Giving her your best smile, you nod. 

"Really? How delightful!" Undyne says, her voice suddenly syrupy sweet, a faux smile on her face. "Well, I accept! Let's all frolic in the fields of friendship!"

The smile quickly turns back into a scowl. "Not! Why would I EVER be friends with YOU?!"

Rolling her eyes, Undyne scoffs, "If you weren't my houseguest, I'd beat you up right now! You're the enemy of everyone's hopes and dreams! I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FRIEND. Now get out of my house!"

You're about to leave, when you suddenly hear Papyrus' voice coming from right outside the shattered window. "DANG! WHAT A SHAME..." he says in a sly tone, "I THOUGHT UNDYNE COULD BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. BUT I GUESS...I OVERESTIMATED HER. SHE'S JUST NOT UP TO THE CHALLENGE."

"Challenge?! What?!" Undyne shouts through the broken window. "Papyrus! Wait a second...!"

There's now a steely glint in her eyes. "Darnit! He thinks I can't be friends with YOU?" 

Undyne bursts out laughing. "Fuhuhu! What a joke! I could make friends with a wimpy loser like you any day! I'll show him! Listen up, human. We're not just going to be friends. We're going to be...BESTIES. I'll make you like me so much...you won't be able to think of anyone else!!!"

Undyne laughs again. "Fuhuhuhu! It's the perfect revenge!"

...In all honesty, you have no idea what to do now. 

"Why don't you have a seat?" Undyne asks, immediately solving your sort-of dilemma. "You can also take a look around the place if you want, I guess."

You walk over to the piano, and experimentally press one of the white keys.

"That's a C note," Undyne tells you. "Anyway, one time, Alphys'...uh, friend??? Came over here." 

She pulls a face. "But all he did was lie seductively on the piano...and fed himself grapes. I don't really like that guy...but I admire his lifestyle."

Careful not to step on any broken glass, you walk over to the window. Undyne snorts. "I can't believe he leapt through the window like that. Normally he NAILS the landing. Guess everyone has their off days."

You explore the rest of the room.

In the sink, you find a single tea cup shaped like a fish, a silverware drawer filled with tiny weapons as well as regular cutlery, and an ordinary looking fridge which apparently heats up food instead of cooling it. 

You don't really get the point of a 'Hot Fridge', but you're not going to question it.

You take a moment to admire the large sword leaning against the wall, and when Undyne asks you about humans wielding swords ten times their size, you lie and say that it's true, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

Besides, maybe it _was_ true at some point in time.

 

You sit down on the single stool in front of the large table. 

"Comfortable?" Undyne asks.

You nod.

"I'll get you something to drink."

Heading over to the fridge, Undyne pulls out several drink options, setting them on the counter, leaving a medium sized space between each one.

"All set! What would you like?"

You're about to get up, when Undyne suddenly throws a magic spear at the table, cracking it down the middle. 

 _SLAM!_  

"HEY!!" Undyne shouts. "DON'T GET UP!!! YOU'RE THE GUEST!! SIT DOWN AND ENJOY YOURSELF!!!"

She pauses for a second, clearly thinking things through. "Um, why not just point to what you want? You can use the spear!"

You carefully reach out and touch the spear.

To your relief, your HP doesn't drop at all.

Whew.

There are three options to chose from- soda, hot chocolate, and tea.

While the soda kind of looks...sickly, you think it will cause the least inconvenience to Undyne.

You point the spear at the soda.

"Oh, soda?" Undyne asks, raising an eyebrow. "You don't seem all that happy with your choice. Heh, that's fine! I think soda's gross, too! It rots your teeth...it rots your mind...IT ROTS YOUR FIGHTING SPIRIT!...Huh? Why do I have it?"

You wait for a bit, but Undyne doesn't seem interested in answering the question.

You point the spear at the hot chocolate. 

"Oh, you want some hot chocolate? Sure, I'll get you- wait, wait, i just remembered...that container's empty. I stopped getting it because it was always a hassle...Asgore kept getting marshmallows stuck in his beard!"

You point the spear at the packets of tea.

Undyne grins. "...Tea, huh? Coming right up!"

After filling a teapot with water, Undyne places it on the stove-top. "It'll take a moment for the water to boil," she says.

You nod, and the two of you wait in silence for a minute or two.

After pouring the tea, Undyne brings it over, setting the mug right in front of you.

"Here we are. Careful, it's hot."

Undyne goes and sits on the other side of the table. 

A few seconds pass.

Undyne scoffs. "It's not THAT hot!! Just drink it already!"

You take a sip of the tea. It's burning hot, but it's also pretty good tasting at the same time. 

"It's pretty good, right? Nothing but the best for my ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS FRIEND!!"

You take another sip of tea.

"You know...it's kind of strange you chose THAT tea. Golden flower tea...that's Asgore's favorite kind. Actually, now that I think about it...you kind of remind me of him."

A wicked grin crosses Undyne's face. "You're both TOTAL weenies!!!"

Her expression turns thoughtful. "...sort of. Y'know, I was a pretty hot-headed kid. Once, to prove I was the strongest, I tried to fight Asgore."

Undyne snickers. "Emphasis on TRIED. I couldn't land a single blow on him! And worse, the whole time, he refused to fight back! I was so humiliated. Afterwards, though, he apologized and said something goofy...'Excuse me, do you want to know how to beat me?' I said yes, and from then on, he trained me. One day, during practice, I finally knocked him down. I felt...bad. But he was beaming! I had never seen someone so proud to get their butt kicked! Anyway, long story short, he kept training me...and now I'm the head of the Royal Guard!"

You applaud.

Undyne looks pleased at your reaction. 

"That means," Undyne says with a grin, "that I'm the one who gets to train dorks to fight! Like...um, Papyrus."

She lets out a deep sigh. "But, um, to be honest...I don't know if...I can ever let him into the Royal Guard. Don't tell him I said that! He's just, well...I mean, it's not that he's weak. Far from it. He's actually pretty freaking tough! It's just that he's...he's...too innocent and nice! I mean, he was SUPPOSED to capture you...and he ended up being FRIENDS with you instead! I could NEVER send him into battle! He'd get ripped into little smiling shreds."

You take another sip of tea, fully draining the cup.

"That's part of why...I started teaching how to cook, you know? So, um, maybe he can do something else with his life."

Taking a glance at your mug, Undyne startles. "Oh, sorry, I was talking for so long...you're out of tea, aren't you? I'll get you some more."

Heading toward the tea bags, she suddenly stops still. "Wait a second...Papyrus...his cooking lesson...HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW!!!"

Undyne pumps both fists into the air, grinning manically. "And if HE'S not here to have it...YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE IT FOR HIM!!!"

Leaping on the counter, Undyne knocks everything off of it with a single kick. "That's right!!!" she shouts, still standing on the counter, "NOTHING has brought Papyrus and I closer than cooking! Which means if I give you his lesson...WE'LL BECOME CLOSER THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!"

The fierce glint in her single eye is making you feel a little uneasy. 

"Fuhuhuhu!" Undyne cackles. "Afraid?! We're going to be best friends!!!"


	147. bits and bytes

**Discussion Forum**

**Topic: Monsters**

* * *

**How do you guys feel about the whole monsters now existing thing?**

posted by **noodleboy89**

_1000 comment(s)_

**potat0:** i can't believe people are still talking about this hoax. seriously, it was fun while it lasted, but now it's just become stale. 

 **judethedude:** Seriously? How can you possibly say stuff like that when there's literally a MONSTER AMBASSADOR. Not only that, but there's countless footage on tv, as well as videos or pictures on social media with people interacting with monsters?

 **judethedude:** Also, I happen to remember the post you created about a month ago telling everyone how lizard people are controlling the government. 

 **treehugger24:** we need to focus on giving monsters equal rights! 

 **potat0:** for one thing, it's not lizard people. i made it very clear that it's _snake_ people who are controlling the government. 

 **snas:** as an extremely real member of the government, i can confirm that potat0 is telling the truth lol

 **potat0:** don't patronize me, snas!!!!!

 **snas:** sorry bout that ;)

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** what if the monsters want revenge for what happened in the war? i can't sleep at night now bc i'm scared that they're going to kill us all

 **iyamwhatiyam:** honestly, i still have no clue what their endgame plan is. i want to think the best, but...we probably should have a backup plan just in case

 **potat0:** i _knew_ i should have bought a house with an underground bunker instead of just a regular basement

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** do monsters eat human flesh???

 **snas:** i mean, there's probably one monster somewhere who does

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **judethedude:** snas, you are _not_ helping.

 **snas:** whoops my bad

 **judethedude:** I can't help but consider what effect this will have on our society as a whole. The integration of magic into our culture is definitely going to change our way of living. 

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** change scares me :(

 **treehugger24:** change is important if we want our society to evolve, William! besides, why is everyone assuming that monsters are out to get us?

 **judethedude:** I'm fascinated by monster history and culture, and as soon as I save up enough money, I plan on moving to Ebott.

 **snas:** nice. try not to get eaten

 **treehugger24:** Guys, monsters don't eat humans. Stop spreading these kind of rumors.

 **judethedude:** It wouldn't make logical sense for monsters to eat humans in the first place, giving their population size and the fact that only about half a dozen people were reported missing on Mount Ebott. It's unlikely that a single human could sustain them all. 

 **treehugger24:** jude, that's not the important issue! 

 **judethedude:** I respectfully disagree with your opinion.

 **potat0: ^** no real person would respectively disagree with someone online 

 **potat0:** anyway, since no one wants to hear the truth imma go now and never come back

 **potat0:** peace out

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** i just wish everything would go back to normal

 **treehugger24:** even though that may be easier for us humans, sending monsters back underground would be immoral and wrong

 **judethedude:** Not only that, but it's doubtful that anyone alive today would be able to cast the spell required to seal monsters away

_Show more comments_

* * *

**Is it weird that I'm only afraid of some monsters?**

posted by **QueenBean**

_500 comments_

**fluffypuffmarshmallows:** you shouldb't be afraid of some monsters, you should be afraid of all monsters!

 **fluffypuffmarshmallows:** *shouldn't

 **treehugger24:** i'm sick and tired of these acts of speciesism going around

 **treehugger24:** this is the year 20XX we're living in!

 **snas:** honesty fluffy, you should be afraid of everything

 **treehugger24:** ugh

 **treehugger24:** OP, are you afraid of monsters who have "creepy" appearances? 

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** im afraid that the spider lady will come get me bc of all the spiders i've squished :o

 **treehugger24:** i doubt that'll happen

 **snas:** 'sides, monster spiders and regular spiders aren't the same

 **WilliamSnorkle103:** really?

 **snas:** yep

 **treehugger24:** thank you snas for not being...

 **treehugger24:** nvm

 **QueenBean:** i know it's stupid to be afraid of the monsters who've killed people since it was y'know during a war and stuff, but i just feel uneasy around 

 **QueenBean:** you know when you look at some1 and see inside them or something?

 **snas:** uh...can you explain more?

 **QueenBean:** you know, when you look at someone and just know stuff about them

 **QueenBean:** like if they've killed people before

 **QueenBean:** or their health or whatever

 **snas:** uh...would it be okay if i pm u? 

 **QueenBean:** sure why not

_Show more comments_


	148. a tale of two brothers (phone calls with papyrus: snowdin road)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How this Papyrus would respond to Frisk's phone calls.

**By the entrance to the ruins:**

**First call**

"THAT'S WHERE MY FRIEND LIVES! YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHO LIVES BEHIND A DOOR? WELL, THAT'S THE DOOR! SHE'S USUALLY NOT AROUND AT THIS TIME OF DAY, BUT WHEN SHE IS, I'LL INTRODUCE THE TWO OF YOU! I'M SURE SHE'LL WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!"

**Any calls after that**

"MY DOOR-BUDDY LIKES TO TELL HORRIBLE PUNS, JUST LIKE SANS DOES! BECAUSE THE IDEA OF TWO PUNNY PEOPLE MEETING SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE, I HAVE MADE IT MY SOLEMN DUTY STOP THAT FROM EVER HAPPENING!"

 

**By the station with the lamp:**

**First call**

"SANS HAS A LAMP JUST LIKE THIS AT THE LAB! THE ONE AT THE LAB ACTUALLY HAS A LIGHT BULB, THOUGH. AND IT'S PLUGGED INTO THE WALL, WHICH MEANS IT ACTUALLY LIGHTS UP WHEN YOU FLICK THE SWITCH. PERSONALLY...I LIKE THE ONE IN SNOWDIN BETTER!"

**Any calls after that**

"YOU KNOW, I BET YOU COULD HIDE BEHIND THAT LAMP WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU. IT'S JUST SO...CONVENIENTLY SHAPED!"

 

**At the diverging paths:**

**First call**

"ARE YOU LOST? HMM...MAYBE YOU CAN CALL SOMEONE FOR HELP..."

**Any calls after that**

"HUH? SORRY, I CAN'T HELP YOU IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT DIRECTION YOU'RE FACING. YOUR BEST BET IS TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD- IF YOU REACH A DEAD END, GO BACK AND TRY THE OTHER PATH!"

 

**By the river with the fishing pole:**

**First call**

"IT'S TOO COLD TO SWIM IN THE RIVER, UNLESS YOU WORE A WATERPROOF SWEATER!"

**Any calls after that**

"NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT THE LOGISTICS OF A WATERPROOF SWEATER...IT ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA. SURE, YOUR UPPER BODY **WILL** STAY WARM, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEAD AND LOWER TORSO? I GUESS IT'S BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD, THEN."

 

**By Papyrus' station:**

**First call**

"THAT'S MY SENTRY STATION! ARE YOU IMPRESSED?...REALLY? WOWIE!"

**Any calls after that**

"SANS FOUND THE CARDBOARD FOR ME, AND WE BUILT IT TOGETHER!"

 

**By the snowman:**

**First call**

"THE SNOWMAN THAT LIVES HERE IS ALWAYS INTERESTING TO TALK TO! THEY ONCE TOLD ME THAT THEY WANTED TO TRAVEL THE WORLD... I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY TO FULFILL THEIR DREAM..."

**Any calls after that**

"HONESTLY, I'M NOT SURE HOW THIS SNOWMAN IS ALIVE WHILE OTHER ONES AREN'T. MAYBE THAT PARTICULAR PATCH OF SNOW IS MAGIC?"

 

**By the invisible electric maze:**

**First call**

"OH HO! THIS WAS A FUN PUZZLE...DON'T WORRY, THOUGH, I TURNED OFF THE ELECTRICITY." 

**Any calls after that**

"I NEVER THOUGHT GETTING SHOCKED WOULD HURT AS MUCH AS I DID...I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T GET ZAPPED!"

 

**By the snowball game:**

**First call**

"EVERYONE IN SNOWDIN LOVES THIS GAME! IT'S PRETTY EASY TO PLAY- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET THE SNOWBALL IN THE HOLE. FASTER COMPLETION GIVES DIFFERENT PRIZES! WHERE DOES THE MONEY COME FROM? THE SNOWBALL TAX, OF COURSE!"

**Any calls after that**

"ONE TIME, SANS GOT THE SNOWBALL INTO THE HOLE IN LESS THAN ZERO SECONDS. INSTEAD OF GETTING A MONETARY PRIZE, HE RECEIVED A HEAVY FINE FOR CHEATING, AS WELL AS A MEDAL FOR SOMEHOW BEATING THE SYSTEM."

 

**By the spaghetti trap:**

**First call**

"AH, THE SPAGHETTI TRAP ROOM...ONE OF MY MOST SUCCESSFUL PUZZLE TRAPS! I CONSTANTLY NEED TO REPLACE THE SPAGHETTI BECAUSE AN UNKNOWN MONSTER KEEPS EATING IT! I'M GLAD THEY LIKE MY SPAGHETTI...BUT I WISH THEY WOULD LEAVE SOME FOR ME."

**Any calls after that**

"I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHO KEEPS EATING THE SPAGHETTI. WHOEVER THIS MONSTER IS, THEY'RE PRETTY SNEAKY."

 

**By the colored block puzzle:**

**First call**

"THIS IS THE PUZZLE THAT DR. ALPHYS AND SANS MADE! I KNOW HE SAID HE JUST WROTE HIS NAME ON THE BACK, BUT I KNOW HE ACTUALLY DID HALF OF THE BUILDING HIMSELF."

** Any calls after that **

"SANS' CURRENT PROJECT IS FIXING THE TIME MACHINE WE HAVE IN OUR BASEMENT. WHENEVER HE'S WORKING DOWN THERE, I WORRY ABOUT HIM GETTING SUCKED INSIDE INTO AN ENDLESS VOID, CAUSING ALL OF US TO FORGET ABOUT HIS EXISTENCE...HUH. NOW THAT I SAY MY FEAR OUT LOUD, I REALIZE HOW SILLY OF AN IDEA THAT IS."

 

 **By Lesser Dog's** **station**

**First call**

"THE STATION OF LESSER DOG. I'M NOT SURE WHY HE'S CALLED LESSER DOG, BUT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND THE NAME. LESSER DOG LOVES BEING PET. ACTUALLY, ALL THE DOGS AROUND HERE LIKE BEING PET. I WOULD SAY THAT LIKING TO GET PET IS A REQUIREMENT FOR JOINING THE ROYAL GUARD...BUT I LIKE GETTING PET AND I'M NOT IN THE ROYAL GUARD, SO THAT THEORY'S BUSTED."

** Any calls after that **

"SIGH...MAYBE IT'S ALL JUST A POPULARITY CONTEST. IN THAT CASE, AS LONG AS I KEEP BECOMING MORE AND MORE POPULAR, EVENTUALLY I'LL GET IN! ALL I NEED TO DO IS FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE POPULAR..."

 

**By Greater Dog's** **station**

**First call**

"THIS IS GREATER DOG'S STATION. HE LOOKS A LIT LIKE AD...HUH? WHO'S AD? ANNOYING DOG! ANYWAY, EVEN THOUGH HE LOOKS LIKE AD, GREATER DOG DOESN'T COLLECT ANYTHING. HE'S JUST A KLEPTOMANIAC FOR LOVE AND AFFECTION!"

** Any calls after that **

"SO FAR, GREATER DOG HAS AMASSED A LARGE COLLECTION OF HUGS AND PETS. ISN'T THAT ADORABLE?"


	149. 1nt3rlud3

**☹︎□︎■︎♑︎ ♋︎♑︎□︎📪︎ ⧫︎⬥︎□︎ ❒︎♋︎♍︎♏︎⬧︎ ❒︎◆︎●︎♏︎♎︎ □︎❖︎♏︎❒︎ ♏︎♋︎❒︎⧫︎♒︎🖳︎ ♒︎◆︎❍︎♋︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ❍︎□︎■︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎📬︎**   
**□︎■︎♏︎ ♎︎♋︎⍓︎📪︎ ⬥︎♋︎❒︎ ♌︎❒︎□︎🙵♏︎ □︎◆︎⧫︎ ♌︎♏︎⧫︎⬥︎♏︎♏︎■︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⧫︎⬥︎□︎ ❒︎♋︎♍︎♏︎⬧︎📬︎**

**💣︎□︎■︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♏︎❒︎♏︎ ⧫︎□︎□︎ ⬥︎♏︎♋︎🙵 ⧫︎□︎ ◻︎◆︎⧫︎ ◆︎◻︎ ♋︎ ♐︎♓︎♑︎♒︎⧫︎🖴︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎●︎ □︎♐︎ ■︎♏︎♋︎❒︎●︎⍓︎ ♏︎❖︎♏︎❒︎⍓︎ ❍︎□︎■︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ♍︎□︎❍︎♌︎♓︎■︎♏︎♎︎ ♓︎⬧︎ □︎■︎●︎⍓︎ 🙰◆︎⬧︎⧫︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ⬧︎⧫︎❒︎□︎■︎♑︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ◻︎□︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ □︎■︎♏︎ ♒︎◆︎❍︎♋︎■︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎●︎📬︎**

**👍︎□︎◆︎■︎⧫︎●︎♏︎⬧︎⬧︎ ❍︎□︎■︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♏︎❒︎♏︎ ❍︎♋︎⬧︎⬧︎♋︎♍︎❒︎♏︎♎︎📪︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎□︎◆︎⧫︎ ♋︎ ⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎●︎♏︎ ♒︎◆︎❍︎♋︎■︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎●︎ ⧫︎♋︎🙵♏︎■︎📬︎**

**☞︎♏︎⬥︎ ❍︎□︎■︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎ ⬧︎◆︎❒︎❖︎♓︎❖︎♏︎♎︎📬︎**

**✌︎■︎♎︎ ⍓︎♏︎⧫︎📬︎📬︎📬︎✋︎ ⬧︎◆︎❒︎❖︎♓︎❖︎♏︎♎︎📬︎**

✋︎ ♋︎❍︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ●︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎ □︎♐︎ ❍︎⍓︎ 🙵♓︎■︎♎︎📬︎


	150. language lessons

**dictionary**

**dic·tion·ar·y**

_noun_

  * a book or electronic resource that lists the words of a language (typically in alphabetical order) and gives their meaning, or gives the equivalent words in a different language, often also providing information about pronunciation, origin, and usage.



You wouldn't exactly call reading the dictionary fun, but sometimes when your thoughts get too crowded, it's nice to either go find a dictionary, or just look up stuff online. 

And focusing on something one word at a time makes the world seem less chaotic. 

**uncouth**

**un·couth**

_adjective_

  * (of a person or their appearance or behavior) lacking good manners, refinement, or grace."he is unwashed, uncouth, and drunk most of the time



One time a lady on the bus called you 'uncouth' because you happened to be picking at a scab on your knee. You weren't going to rip it off or anything, but you'd been so bored and there hadn't been anything else to do besides pick at your scab and think about what you'd rather be doing instead. 

Anyway, when you'd gotten home, you'd looked up the definition of the word 'uncouth' on the internet.

The really strange thing about being uncouth is that it's impossible to be just plain couth, because couth is not a real word. Which doesn't make any sense at all.

The opposite of unkind is kind.

The opposite of unfeeling is feeling.

The opposite of dishonest is honest.

So why isn't the opposite of uncouth called couth?

**love**

**/ləv/**

_noun_

  * an intense feeling of deep affection.
  * a great interest and pleasure in something.
  * an acronym, short for Level of ViolencE



The word makes you feel...mixed up inside. 

Every time you hear it, you remember Sans telling you about the acronym, and the pooling of dread in your stomach. You'd assumed...well, you hadn't really considered what it stood for, and since it hadn't done anything your entire journey, you'd mostly forgotten that it existed at all.

Occasionally, you can't help but wonder what Sans would have done if you had been filled with LV instead of love. 

...You try not to think about that too much.


	151. the process of becoming someone new

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!_

When you answer the door, you see Lee standing on the other side, wearing a bright red bow tie over a pale blue t-shirt. "Hey Frisk!" Lee puffs and pants, looking and sounding like he ran all the way from his house. "I'm having a club meeting! It's in fifteen minutes, okay?"

You nod.

_"I'll be there."_

"Great! I told MK, and they said they'd be there as well."

Lee has a tree-house-without-a-tree in his backyard. Apparently it used to be just a regular tree house, but Lee kept falling out of the tree-house, so his mom moved the tree house to the ground. Then the tree got sick, so they had to chop it down. 

So it's more of a clubhouse than a tree house, but Lee still calls it a tree house. 

Lee takes your hand, his cheeks flushing pale pink.

"Come on, let's go!"

 

MK's waiting patiently outside the clubhouse, practically jumping in excitement. "Frisk! Lee! I brought cookies!"

Sure enough, he's using his tail to hold onto a small, brown paper-bag. 

"Awesome!" Lee cheers, letting go of your hand. "Okay, we can eat while we have our important club meeting, okay?"

"What are we doing?" MK asks.

"You'll find out!"

Lee's clubhouse is made of plastic and wood, with enough space for five humans or five human-sized monsters to fit inside. There are three small chairs, a toy chest, and a chalkboard on one of the walls, along with three differently colored chalks. 

Monster Kid, already munching on a cookie of his own, passes over the bag.

Turns out they're chocolate chip, which is your third favorite kind of cookie. 

Lee takes his own cookie with a grin. "Thanks, MK!"

The three of you enjoy your cookies together in a comfortable silence. 

"Okay, I called you guys here for an important reason," Lee eventually says. "My mom says she might consider letting Socs in the house, but only if I start doing more responsible stuff around the house."

(Socs, short for Socrates, is a stray cat that Lee feeds and plays with. She's really shy, and only lets Lee pet her.)

"Anyway," Lee continues, "I've been making my bed and stuff like that, but I dunno if it's enough. That's why I need your help to become more...more...what's the word for becoming an adult?"

"Adultery!"

Carefully, Lee writes the word 'ADULTERY' in yellow chalk. 

_"Is that why you're wearing a bow tie?"_

Lee nods. 

"You could wear a regular tie," Monster Kid suggests. "Then you'd become even better at doing adultery!"

Underneath the word, 'ADULTERY', Lee writes, in smaller letters, 'regular tie'.

"I feel more mature already," Lee grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole adultery joke is something I "borrowed" from a really funny youtuber Thomas Sanders. Check him out, and I'll feel less guilty or something.


	152. trying to ketchup

hey. 

it's me.

sans.

sans the skeleton.

and i'm here to talk to you about an activity i really like doing.

and no, it's not sleeping.

i do like taking naps. 

but i like other stuff, too. 

like eating.

and watching tv.

but there's something i like doing more than any of those things.

my favorite thing to do...is hang out with my super cool brother.

papyrus is the best. 

...without him, i wouldn't have a reason to live.

wow.

that got dark really fast.

uh...i also like ketchup. 

drinking ketchup is perfectly normal thing to do, because tomatoes are a fruit, so ketchup is basically a fruit smoothie. 

oddly enough, i don't like tomatoes.

paps says it doesn't make any sense.

heh.

 welp, i guess that's all i have to say right now.


	153. the secret ingredient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe and Papyrus make lasagna.

"ALRIGHT," Papyrus says, glancing down at the list of ingredients. "LET'S CHECK TO MAKE SURE WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED."

Studying the counter with the plethora of items, Papyrus carefully checks each one, making sure he hasn't forgotten anything. "NOODLES...PARSLEY...MARINARA...CHOCOLATE CHIPS...EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE HERE! GABE, ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN?"

Gabe, standing right by the kitchen counter, gives Papyrus a thumbs-up. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"GREAT!" Papyrus cheers. "LET'S GET STARTED!"

"Alright, so what do we need to do first?" 

"THE OVEN'S ALREADY SET AT 375 DEGREES, SO WE CAN START BY FILLING THE POT WITH SALTED WARM WATER," Papyrus says, gesturing towards the large pot on the stove.

Gabe nods. 

"WE'LL GET SOME GLASSES OF WATER AND FILL UP THE POT, AND THEN WE CAN ADD SALT." 

With the two of them working together, the pot is quickly filled with water.

"SO, THE ORIGINAL RECIPE SAID THAT WE NEEDED KOSHER SALT. UNFORTUNATELY, I COULD NOT FIND ANY KOSHER SALT AT THE STORE. I COULDN'T EVEN FIND _REGULAR_ SALT. SO I DID GOT NEXT, OR RATHER, NEXT- _NEXT_ BEST THING. VOILA!"

With a dramatic flourish, Papyrus pulls out a large bag of salt and vinegar chips. 

Gabe eyes the bag dubiously. "Are you sure that will be an okay replacement?"

Papyrus shrugs. "IT HAS 'SALT' IN THE NAME, SO HOPEFULLY THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH!"

"I guess," Gabe says with a small shrug. 

Placing the bag on another counter, Papyrus begins smashing it with his fists. "I'M MAKING IT INTO SMALLER PIECES," he cheerfully explains. 

Once the chips are crushed enough, Papyrus tears the bag open, dumping the contents into the pot of water. "DO YOU MIND STIRRING IT WHILE THE WATER BOILS?" Papyrus asks. "I NEED TO MIX SOME STUFF TOGETHER."

"Sure," Gabe agrees, taking the spoon. "Should I add the pasta noodles now?"

"OH, RIGHT, I ALMOST FORGOT! HERE'S THE NOODLES!"

Papyrus tosses the noodles over to Gabe, who catches it easily.

"LET'S SEE...IT SAYS I NEED A LARGE MIXING BOWL, WHICH I HAVE! TIME TO ADD THE INGREDIENTS. BUT FIRST...TIME TO CHOP THEM UP!"

First, Papyrus grabs an egg, and smashes it onto the counter, leaving a mess of egg yolk and egg shells. Quickly scooping said egg up, Papyrus tosses it into the bowl. 

He then repeats this with the Parmesan, parsley, and the remaining pieces of the crushed salt and vinegar chips.

"NOW I'LL MIX THEM UP!"

Just as Papyrus starts mashing the ingredients with his fists, Gabe asks, "Hey, how long should I mix this?"

"UM...I CAN'T REMEMBER, ACTUALLY. I THINK I WROTE IT DOWN, THOUGH. WHY DON'T YOU CHECK THE RECIPE LIST? IT'S RIGHT BY THE OVEN."

"I know, it's just...I can't read anything you wrote."

"IS IT MY HANDWRITING?"

"No...it kind of looks like it's in a different language. Here, take a look."

Gabe holds out the paper for Papyrus to read.

👍︎●︎♋︎⬧︎⬧︎♓︎♍︎ ●︎♋︎⬧︎♋︎♑︎■︎♋︎

🏱︎❒︎♏︎♒︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ □︎❖︎♏︎■︎ ⧫︎□︎ 🗏︎🖮︎🗄︎🕓︎📬︎ ✋︎■︎ ♋︎ ●︎♋︎❒︎♑︎♏︎ ◻︎□︎⧫︎ □︎♐︎ ⬧︎♋︎●︎⧫︎♏︎♎︎ ♌︎□︎♓︎●︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ⬥︎♋︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎📪︎ ♍︎□︎□︎🙵 ◻︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♋︎ ♋︎♍︎♍︎□︎❒︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ⧫︎□︎ ◻︎♋︎♍︎🙵♋︎♑︎♏︎ ♎︎♓︎❒︎♏︎♍︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ◆︎■︎⧫︎♓︎●︎ ♋︎●︎ ♎︎♏︎■︎⧫︎♏︎📪︎ ●︎♏︎⬧︎⬧︎ 📄︎ ❍︎♓︎■︎◆︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📬︎ 👎︎❒︎♋︎♓︎■︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♎︎❒︎♓︎⌘︎⌘︎●︎♏︎ ♋︎ ♌︎♓︎⧫︎ □︎♐︎ □︎●︎♓︎❖︎♏︎ □︎♓︎●︎ ⧫︎□︎ ◻︎❒︎♏︎❖︎♏︎■︎⧫︎ ■︎□︎□︎♎︎●︎♏︎⬧︎ ♐︎❒︎□︎❍︎ ⬧︎⧫︎♓︎♍︎🙵♓︎■︎♑︎ ⧫︎□︎♑︎♏︎⧫︎♒︎♏︎❒︎📬︎  
 ❍︎♏︎♋︎■︎⬥︎♒︎♓︎●︎♏︎📪︎ ♓︎■︎ ♋︎ ●︎♋︎❒︎♑︎♏︎ ◻︎□︎⧫︎ □︎❖︎♏︎❒︎ ❍︎♏︎♎︎♓︎◆︎❍︎📫︎♒︎♓︎♑︎♒︎ ♒︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎📪︎ ♒︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ □︎♓︎●︎📬︎ 👍︎□︎□︎🙵 ♑︎❒︎□︎◆︎■︎♎︎ ♌︎♏︎♏︎♐︎ ◆︎■︎⧫︎♓︎●︎ ■︎□︎ ●︎□︎■︎♑︎♏︎❒︎ ◻︎♓︎■︎🙵📪︎ ♌︎❒︎♏︎♋︎🙵♓︎■︎♑︎ ◆︎◻︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ♋︎ ⬥︎□︎□︎♎︎♏︎■︎ ⬧︎◻︎□︎□︎■︎📬︎ ☼︎♏︎❍︎□︎❖︎♏︎ ♐︎❒︎□︎❍︎ ♒︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♎︎❒︎♋︎♓︎■︎ ♐︎♋︎⧫︎📬︎ ☼︎♏︎⧫︎◆︎❒︎■︎ ♌︎♏︎♏︎♐︎ ⧫︎□︎ ⬧︎🙵♓︎●︎●︎♏︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♋︎♎︎♎︎ ♑︎♋︎❒︎●︎♓︎♍︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ □︎❒︎♏︎♑︎♋︎■︎□︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♍︎□︎□︎🙵📪︎ ⬧︎⧫︎♓︎❒︎❒︎♓︎■︎♑︎📪︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ 📂︎ ❍︎♓︎■︎◆︎⧫︎♏︎📬︎ 💧︎♏︎♋︎⬧︎□︎■︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ⬧︎♋︎●︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ◻︎♏︎◻︎◻︎♏︎❒︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎■︎ ♋︎♎︎♎︎ ❍︎♋︎❒︎♓︎■︎♋︎❒︎♋︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⬧︎⧫︎♓︎❒︎ ◆︎■︎⧫︎♓︎●︎ ⬥︎♋︎❒︎❍︎♏︎♎︎ ⧫︎♒︎❒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎📬︎   
 ♍︎□︎❍︎♌︎♓︎■︎♏︎ ❒︎♓︎♍︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎♋︎📪︎ 📂︎📭︎🗐︎ ♍︎◆︎◻︎ ◻︎♋︎❒︎❍︎♏︎⬧︎♋︎■︎📪︎ ◻︎♋︎❒︎⬧︎●︎♏︎⍓︎📪︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♏︎♑︎♑︎ ♓︎■︎ ♋︎ ●︎♋︎❒︎♑︎♏︎ ❍︎♓︎⌧︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♌︎□︎⬥︎●︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⬧︎♏︎♋︎⬧︎□︎■︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ⬧︎♋︎●︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ◻︎♏︎◻︎◻︎♏︎❒︎📬︎ 💧︎♏︎⧫︎ ♋︎⬧︎♓︎♎︎♏︎📬︎  
 ♓︎■︎ ♋︎ ●︎♋︎❒︎♑︎♏︎ ♍︎♋︎⬧︎⬧︎♏︎❒︎□︎●︎♏︎ ♎︎♓︎⬧︎♒︎📪︎ ♏︎❖︎♏︎■︎●︎⍓︎ ⬧︎◻︎❒︎♏︎♋︎♎︎ ♋︎ ❑︎◆︎♋︎❒︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ❍︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ ⬧︎♋︎◆︎♍︎♏︎ ♋︎♍︎❒︎□︎⬧︎⬧︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♌︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎□︎❍︎ □︎♐︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♎︎♓︎⬧︎♒︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎■︎ ⧫︎□︎◻︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ♋︎ ⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎●︎♏︎ ●︎♋︎⍓︎♏︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ ●︎♋︎⬧︎♋︎♑︎■︎♋︎ ■︎□︎□︎♎︎●︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ♋︎ ●︎♋︎⍓︎♏︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ ❒︎♓︎♍︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎♋︎ ❍︎♓︎⌧︎⧫︎◆︎❒︎♏︎📪︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♋︎ ⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎●︎♏︎ ●︎♋︎⍓︎♏︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ ❍︎□︎⌘︎⌘︎♋︎❒︎♏︎●︎●︎♋︎📬︎ ☼︎♏︎◻︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ ●︎♋︎⍓︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎📪︎ ⧫︎□︎◻︎◻︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ●︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎ ●︎♋︎⍓︎♏︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ ■︎□︎□︎♎︎●︎♏︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ❍︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ ⬧︎♋︎◆︎♍︎♏︎📪︎ ◻︎♋︎❒︎❍︎♏︎⬧︎♋︎■︎📪︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ❍︎□︎⌘︎⌘︎♋︎❒︎♏︎●︎●︎♋︎📬︎  
 ♍︎□︎❖︎♏︎❒︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ♐︎□︎♓︎●︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♌︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ 📂︎🗄︎ ❍︎♓︎■︎◆︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎■︎ ♓︎■︎♍︎❒︎♏︎♋︎⬧︎♏︎ ⧫︎♏︎❍︎◻︎♏︎❒︎♋︎⧫︎◆︎❒︎♏︎ ⧫︎□︎ 🗐︎📁︎📁︎🕓︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♌︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ◆︎■︎♍︎□︎❖︎♏︎❒︎♏︎♎︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ 📂︎🖰︎ ⧫︎□︎ 📄︎📁︎ ❍︎♓︎■︎◆︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📬︎  
 ♑︎♋︎❒︎■︎♓︎⬧︎♒︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ◻︎♋︎❒︎⬧︎●︎♏︎⍓︎ ♌︎♏︎♐︎□︎❒︎♏︎ ⬧︎♏︎❒︎❖︎♓︎■︎♑︎📬︎ 

 

"THAT'S ODD. I DON'T REMEMBER...I DON'T REMEMBER..."

"Papyrus, are you okay?"

"...I THINK SO? FOR SOME REASON, JUST LOOKING AT THIS MAKES ME FEEL UNEASY."

"Do you want me to pull up a recipe on my phone?"

"...THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA."


	154. undernet adventures

**TOP FIFTEEN TIPS TO STAY TOTALLY BUFF AND FIT AND ALWAYS POPULAR WITH THE LADIES!!!!! ;)**

**By FLEXMASTER9000 ;)**

15.) Drink TONS of water. Why? Cause you'll be able to sweat more, duh! Ladies love it when guys have sweaty muscles ;)

14.) Make sure to practice posing in the mirror for at least an hour. You gotta flex every muscle if you wanna make the girls go wild ;)

13.) Bro, thirteen's an unlucky number, so I'm skipping this one ;)

12.) Get in the habit of bench-pressing random objects through the day. You never know if a lady might be watching ;) 

11.) Don't eat unhealthy food, bros. A balanced diet is important, which is why you should only eat things that are stacked. Pancakes are very easy to stack, so they're a good go-to ;)

10.) Avoid all haters. And if you happen to hate yourself...just grin at your reflection and make cheesy pickup lines to yourself until all that self doubt temporarily fades away, dudes! ;)

9.) Use lots of cool slang. If you don't know any cool slang, make some up yourself!!!! ;) Just tell people that it comes from some tv show that only popular people know about ;)

8.) Flex it up, baby! You can never flex too much!!! ;) The more you flex, the bigger the pecs!!! ;)

7.) Try to avoid wearing a shirt- how will the ladies enjoy your fabulous muscles if you cover them up?  ;)

6.) Make sure that while you're exercising, you always look cool while doing so ;) Try some of those action movie stunts if you really want to make the ladies go wild ;)

5.) Popular dudes don't have any real worries!!!!! Imagine that your brain is full of tiny boxes, and find the ones with fear and doubt and CRUSH THEM like the manly man you are! It ALWAYS works, bro ;) 

4.) Find something about yourself that makes you unique, then exaggerate the heck out of it! ;)

3.) When bragging about yourself in front of others, DO NOT state directly how cool/awesome/funny/nice you are. Only desperate monsters do that. You gotta indirectly say how cool/awesome/funny/nice you are by mentioning various things you've done.

This is good: "Dude, I just flexed for like, two hours non-stop."

This is bad: "Dude, I'm totally cool."

If you gotta tell everyone that you're cool/awesome/funny/nice, then you're just a faker, bro ;)

2.) PROTEIN SHAKES!!!!! ;)

1.) No matter what happens, all your problems can be solved by flexing your pecs and pretending there's nothing wrong at all. Also, PROTEIN SHAKES!!!! HECK YEAH PROTEIN SHAKES!!!! ;)

* * *

**haiuku corner wif tems**

 

** temtem **

**by tems**

tem is tem is tem.

i am tems you guys is tems.

tem tem tem tem tem!!!!!!!

 

**egg**

**by tem**

proud parent hatches egg!

watch it grow and grow and grow!!

i will watch it hatch!!!

 

**The Written Word**

**by Bob**

Twenty-six letters,

Arranged in various ways.

Create a whole new world.

 

**human beans**

**by temms**

they haves no magics!!

none! they are made of waters,

f1esh and blood and b0ne.

 

**potate**

**by temmies**

it grows it the ground

tastes like dirt! ewwwww, me no likes!

ples keeps it away!!!!!

 

* * *

**Madjick's Guild**

***Only True Magicians May Enter!**

***Type the Secret Phrase to Gain Access**

 

**M-A-G-I-C**

**I see you must be a fellow magician!**

**Welcome to the Guild.**

 

**Spell of the Day: Confusion**

Et hoc carmine flagitat maximam animi curam in crebris magnarum ad trahendum off. Vos postulo intellego te et infirmitatibus meis. Scientia sit potentia. 

Item, est arcanum incantatores.

Reliqua instar ex te ipso.

* * *

**Underground Random Chat!**

**Be matched with a RANDOM monster to talk with!**

 

 **squeaky_clean** has been matched with  **snas**

 **squeaky_clean:** Hello! I am Woshua! Make sure to wosh your soul daily!

 **snas:** hey, wosh. wanna hear a joke? don't worry, it's good clean fun

 **snas:** what has four wheels and flies?

 **squeaky_clean:** I don't know, what?

 **snas** : a garbage truck lol

 **squeaky_clean:** GROSS!!! You liar!!!

 **squeaky_clean** has left the chat

 **snas:** welp, that was a bust. guess i'll have to try somewhere else.

 **snas** has left the chat

 **9w7hError &402: **👎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ●︎□︎□︎🙵 ♌︎♏︎♒︎♓︎■︎♎︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎📬︎ 💧︎□︎❍︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎♑︎⬧︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ♌︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎ ●︎♏︎♐︎⧫︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎♑︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎■︎📬︎

**9w7hError &402: ✡︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ 🙵■︎□︎⬥︎ ⬥︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎🕯︎❖︎♏︎ ♌︎♏︎♏︎■︎ ⧫︎♒︎❒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎📬︎**

* * *

**Jerry's Super Cool Extreme Totally Epic Blog**

**January 14th**

Yesterday I went for a walk in the woods, and it was just as terrible as it usually is. The internet signal is soooooooooooooo slow, and it's way too cold. I know I live in a place called Snowdin, but sheesh! There should be, like, emergency hot chocolate stands everywhere or something. 

I didn't run into anyone, which was a bummer. Most monsters can't handle my presence for too long, because I'm so cool they feel bad about themselves in comparison.

I feel bad for those monsters.

Today I made a grilled cheese sandwich and sat around inside thinking about the Surface. They have a more variety in weather, unlike down here, where you can either be too cold, too damp, or too hot. 

Ugh.

I'm bored of writing now. 

 

**January 19th**

**5:45 pm**

Even though the Waterfall sucks, there's a lot of cool stuff to be found at the dump. What sucks is that there are always monsters stealing said cool stuff before I can get to them.

Today, though, I was lucky. I managed to snag a box with four VHS tapes! Read this and weep, Bratty and Catty! I got these stuff for FREE. 

I haven't watched the tapes yet, but I'll start on one tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be some kind of anime. 

 

**January 20th**

**7:01 am**

Ugh.

Guys, it's not an anime. When I started it up, there was this older guy who started singing some kind of lame song, so I turned it off super fast.

This sucks.

I might watch it later, but only if I get really desperate for something to do. 

 

**11:27 am**

I was wrong. That show is awesome. It's just...so nice. I'm pretty sure that this guy doesn't exist, though. No human can be this good and kind. I thought his sweater was super lame at first, but it's starting to grow on me. Maybe _I_ should wear a sweater. 

I hope he's real.

It'd be nice living next door to this guy. I bet he'd be interesting to talk to.

Maybe if we ever get out of the Underground, I could find this dude and we could hang out together or something.

I bet he could handle my awesomeness. 


	155. fly me to the moon [swapfell edition]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus tells Chara about a family tradition he and Sans once had.

_"I'VE BEEN THINKING FOR A WHILE, AND I'VE DECIDED WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO NEXT. WE'RE GOING TO LOOK FOR...SPACE ROCKS! THEY LOOK LIKE ORDINARY ROCKS, BUT THEY CAME FROM OUTER SPACE!"_

_"but how can you tell if they're space rocks?"_

_"SIMPLE! I USE THIS DEVICE, WHICH TELLS ME THE, UM...COMPOSITION OF THE ROCK. IF IT'S FROM SPACE, THE LIGHT WILL FLASH."_

_"woah."_

_"BUT THE DEVICE ONLY WORKS FOR ME, BECAUSE IT'S, UM, CONNECTED! WITH MY MAGIC! I POWER THE DEVICE WITH MY MAGIC. IT ONLY WORKS WITH MY MAGIC."_

_"so, we find space rocks, and then what?"_

_"WE SELL THEM, OF COURSE!"_

 

Papyrus pulls out a black rock from his hoodie pocket. "check this out."

You look at the rock. "It's...nice?"

Papyrus doesn't look disappointed at your lackluster response. In fact, he seems  _thrilled_.

"this isn't just a rock," Papyrus says with a grin, "it's a piece of a meteor. you know, from outer space."

You examine the rock once more. Now, you know nothing about space _or_ rocks, but you're pretty sure this didn't come from space. Still, you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Alright, that's pretty cool. Where'd you find it, anyway?"

"oh, i didn't find it. sans did. he gave it to me when we were little as a present."

"He gave you a rock for a present?"

"a  _space_ rock. we were going to sell it with the others, but sans held the best one back as a surprise for me."

"Are you telling me that you guys sell rocks? That's...kind of stupid."

"nah, we don't sell them anymore. sans' device- he had a little doo-dad gadget thing that identified normal rocks from space rocks- the thing broke not long after he joined the royal guard. it didn't really matter, because we had enough money by then to get a house in snowdin." "

Something about this story is starting to bother you.

"Where did you live before?"

"we camped out in waterfall. those were fun times. course, we were both kids back then. nowadays, i can't imagine living without a roof over my head. guess that comes with getting older."

"Hey, just curious, but when did Sans become a Royal Guard?"

"hmmmm....i actually don't remember. want me to ask him for you?"

"Nah, I don't really care that much. It's just kind of weird, that's all."

"he was probably fifteen at the time. that's the recruiting age. anyone young enough to wear striped shirts is forbidden from joining the royal guard. it's one of the few laws that everyone follows."

Papyrus looks off into the distance. "to be honest, my memory from around that time can be a bit spotty. i was sick a lot as a babybones, you see."

You take a second look at the rock. 

"It doesn't really look like a space rock," you comment.

Papyrus shrugs.

"Well, I'm going now."

"see ya around, kiddo."


	156. the care and feeding of schrodinger's cat

✋︎⬧︎ ⬧︎□︎❍︎♏︎□︎■︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎❒︎♏︎✍︎ ♓︎ ⧫︎♒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎⧫︎📬︎📬︎📬︎

🕈︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎♏︎✍︎

📬︎📬︎📬︎✡︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ◆︎■︎♎︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎⧫︎♋︎■︎♎︎ ❍︎♏︎📪︎ ♎︎□︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎✍︎

✋︎ ⬧︎◆︎◻︎◻︎□︎⬧︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎🕯︎⬧︎ ⧫︎□︎ ♌︎♏︎ ♏︎⌧︎◻︎♏︎♍︎⧫︎♏︎♎︎📬︎

🏱︎●︎♏︎♋︎⬧︎♏︎ ⬧︎⧫︎□︎◻︎ ◻︎□︎🙵♓︎■︎♑︎ ❍︎♏︎📬︎

🕈︎♏︎●︎●︎📪︎ ♓︎ ⬧︎◆︎◻︎◻︎□︎⬧︎♏︎ ♓︎ ❍︎♓︎♑︎♒︎⧫︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♏︎●︎●︎ ♓︎■︎⧫︎❒︎□︎♎︎◆︎♍︎♏︎ ❍︎⍓︎⬧︎♏︎●︎♐︎📪︎ ♏︎❖︎♏︎■︎ ⧫︎♒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♍︎♋︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ◆︎■︎♎︎♏︎❒︎⬧︎⧫︎♋︎■︎♎︎ ❍︎♏︎📬︎

💣︎⍓︎ ■︎♋︎❍︎♏︎ ♓︎⬧︎

⚐︎♒︎📪︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎🕯︎❒︎♏︎ ♑︎□︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♐︎♓︎❒︎⬧︎⧫︎📬︎ 

👌︎❒︎♓︎♋︎■︎ ♒︎♋︎❒︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎✍︎

✞︎♏︎❒︎⍓︎ ⬥︎♏︎●︎●︎📬︎


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